The Punster's Pocket-book

"In Newton's brain has fix'd his station!"
"True," Dick replies, "you've rightly said,
I know his name, – 'tis demon-stration."

TO CERTAIN FAIR MARRIED LIBERTINES

Ladies! the stags (as wise men say)
Change horns but once a-year:
Whereas your stags change ev'ry day,
As plainly does appear.

ON GRIEVES'S BRUSH

Some men brush on, and some brush off,
And some brush out of sight!
While Grieves's[25 - The eminent talents of this distinguished artist have been for a series of years displayed in the beautiful scenery produced at Covent Garden Theatre.] brush makes thousands rush
To see it every night.

ON THE HYDE PARK ACHILLES

If on this pedestal we see
Our great Achilles and Protector,
Why then the inference must be,
He whom he vanquished was a Hector.

EPIGRAMS BY W. R. V

On reading that Madame Fodor had endangered her life by drinking vinegar to reduce her shape

Against Fodor's existence, it may truly be said,
That custom has raised an unnatural strife;
For if she gets fat– she loses her bread;
And if she gets thin– she loses her life.

On seeing Mrs. Siddons at Covent-Garden Theatre, on the first night of the appearance of Miss Dance

Piozzi, when eighty, at a dance led the first,
But she was mirth's votary through life's pleasant trance,
And though fame knows not age, yet our wonder is just,
Where Melpomene's self comes to welcome the Dance.

On seeing Miss Foote in the part of Ariel, so exquisitely played by Miss Tree

Where's Ariel? that is, where is Tree?
Whose voice and form so truly suit in't;
Surely the public must agree,
The Manager has put his Foot in't.

On the Commons passing the Catholic Bill one day, and on the next throwing out a Toll for passing Blackfriars Bridge

England's friendly to all, let folks say what they will,
From Gentile, or Jew, she ne'er was a rover;
Her Commons first passed the Catholic Bill,
And the very next day vote for the Pass over.

On reading that Captain Parry embarked on board the "Fury" Discovery Ship early in Passion Week

Parry's rage for discovery exceeds all, no doubt,
For both captain and crew in a Fury set out;
But still some excuse will appear for this freak,
When we learn the affair took place in Passion week.

On reading in the Paper a supposition that Shakspeare was lame

That Shakspeare was lame, from his sonnets you'd gain,
But halt ere such men with weakness you're branding;
An abler hand never guided a pen,
And his works plainly show he'd a strong understanding.

ON THE NEW CROWN-PIECE;

The Sovereign's name being cut George IIII. and not as heretofore George IV. with a laurel wreath

Pistrucci, in thine art divine,
Thou never wast more clever;
Long may the laurel mark our Sovereign's line,
But may the I.V. never!

IMPROMPTU

On Captain Fitz-Clarence's life being preserved by the interposition of Serjeant Legge, at the capture of the Conspirators in Cato Street

When war destruction on the soldier deals,
Some seek from death a refuge in their heels;
E'en brave Fitz-Clarence, in the deadly strife,
We find indebted to his Legge for life!

MATTHEWS'S APOLOGY FOR A BAD COAT

Jack from his box surveys the house around,
Views in the pit a friend with glass erect,
Whose rusty coat with many a gaping wound
First draws the cut oblique, and then the cut direct.

"How now," cries Will! (whilst all around him heard),
"Cut an old friend! why, Jack, what are you after?
Oh, oh, the coat! 'pon honor that's absurd;
Charles is so droll, I've cracked my sides with laughter."

TO A PEDANT WHO WORE A PIGTAIL