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The Punster's Pocket-book
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Morning Paper.
Adam was made of borrow'd dust;
So says the Bible; and, 'tis plain,
Macadam, to discharge the trust,
To dust turns all the ways of men.
THE INQUEST, BY E. KNIGHT, COMEDIAN
A hint to clever men employed on such occasions
"Poor Peter Pike is drown'd, and neighbours say
The jury mean to sit on him to day."
"Know'st thou for what?" said Tom. – Quoth Ned, "no doubt
'Tis merely done to squeeze the water out."
BY HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE DUKE OF SUSSEX
Royal Pun-Dit
Come, lament, all ye Rogers, of punning renown,
Whose praises are sung by the[24 - Puss, a domestic animal – allegorically a mature spinster —a tabby. – Johnson.] Puss sex,
For the pun of all puns that enraptures the town
Is the last by his big Grace of Sus-sex.
In dispensing last week the Dispensary toasts,
And telling the names of its Patrons,
He stumbled on two, of whom Watling Street boasts,
No matter if spinsters or matrons.
First came Mrs. Church, and then came Mrs. Bliss:
Said his Grace "Were such joys ever given!
We enter the first – for the way we can't miss:
We enter the second – 'tis Heaven!"
TO HOWARD PAYNE, THE COMPILER OF "BRUTUS."
Your prose and verse alike are bad,
Methinks you both transpose;
Your prose e'en like your verse runs mad,
And all your verse is prose.
DR. WALCOT TO SHIELD THE COMPOSER
The following was sent to Shield, the ingenious Composer, for his Ivory Ticket of admission to a Concert, by his friend Peter Pindar
Son of the string, (I do not mean Jack Ketch,
Though Jack, like thee, produceth dying tones,)
Oh! yield thy pity to a starving wretch,
And for to-morrow's treat, pray send thy bones!
BY LORD BYRON,
On Southey's house being on fire
Pierios vatis Theodori flamma Penates,
Abstulit: hoc Musis, hoc tibi, Phœbe, placet?
O scelus, ô magnum facinus, crimenque deorum,
Non arsit pariter quod domus et dominus.
Martial, Lib. xi. Epig. 94.
The Laureate's house hath been on fire! the Nine
All smiling saw that pleasant bonfire shine:
But, cruel fate! Oh damnable disaster!
The house – the house is burnt, and not the master!
GEORGE TIERNEY, M.P
The Inclosure Bill
If 'tis a crime in man or woman,
A goose to pilfer from a common;
What can a parliament excuse,
To steal a common from a goose?
ON THE MARRIAGE OF MISS LITTLE,
A lady remarkably short in stature
Thrice happy Tom – I think him so;
For mark the poet's song, —
"Man wants but little here below,
Nor wants that little long."
ON SIGNOR B. OF THE KING'S THEATRE, WHO RAN AWAY FROM HIS CREDITORS
His time was quick, his touch was fleet,
Our gold he nimbly finger'd;
Alike alert with hands and feet,
His movements have not linger'd.
Where lies the wonder of the case?
A moment's thought detects it;
His practice has been thorough-bass,
A chord will be his exit.
SHERIDAN AND HIS SON TOM
A father and son much addicted to drink,
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