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The Punster's Pocket-book
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Sat each quaffing his grog with high glee;
Said the parent, "Why, Tom, thou dost drink mighty deep,
Though you'll say that you take after me."
"No, father," cried Tom, "I will never say so,
Nor do so, I hope, by St. Paul;
For, 'tis certain, that if I did take after you,
I should drink scarcely any at all!"
BY LORD HARBOROUGH
If Love's a flame, as ancient poets prove,
Ah, me! how cold's the fire of my Love.
ON A PAINTED FAIR
Ye ladies who paint, may most safely declare,
With Horace, that dust and a shadow ye are.
CURRAN'S DEFINITION OF AN EPIGRAM
An epigram, what is it, honey?
A little poem, short and funny;
About four lines in length, – not more:
Then this is one, for here are four.
ON A MISER NAMED MORE
Iron was his chest,
Iron was his door;
His hand was iron,
And his heart was More.
ON THE LATE JOHN KEMBLE
Written during the O.P. contest
Actor and Architect, he tries
To please the critics, one and all;
This bids the private tiers to rise,
And that the public tears to fall.
MAIDS AND BACHELORS
Old maids, in hell, 'tis said, lead apes;
It may be true – but, tarry —
They're bachelors that fill those shapes
Because they did not marry.
ON SEEING A SWAGGERING VICAR AND PHYSICIAN ARM IN ARM
How D.D. swaggers, M.D. rolls!
I dub them both a race of noddies:
Old D.D. has the cure of souls,
And M.D. has the care of bodies.
Between them both, what treatment rare
Our souls and bodies must endure!
One has the cure without the care,
And one the care without the cure.
ONE LAWYER MORE
"Pray does one More, a lawyer, live hard by?"
"I do not know of one," was the reply;
"But if one less were living, I am sure,
Mankind his absence safely might endure."
PERCY BYSHE SHELLEY TO A SCOTCH CRITIC
In critics this country is rich;
In friendship and love who can match 'em:
When writers are plagued with the itch,
They hasten most kindly to scratch 'em.
DAVID DOUBLE'S PETITION TO ONE OF THE INNS OF COURT
The Society of Clement's Inn having had iron
bars put up at the entrance to prevent porters,
cattle, or other nuisances from coming in, – it
called forth the following lines from a "fat
single gentleman" to the principal and ancients.
Ye principal and ancient men, attend
To one of your unfortunate fat lodgers,
Whose studies make him lusty; – oh! befriend!
Or I shall surely call you ancient codgers.
'Tis true I came here, looking to the bar,
And hop'd to have a call some day unto it;
But at your entrance now there many are,
Indeed so many, that I can't get thro' it.
"I can't get out," as Sterne's poor starling said,
Unless I ask the porter to unlock it;
This must be alter'd, as I'm so well fed,
Or 'gainst my corpus you must strike a docket.
This may reduce me to a decent size,
And let me pass your cursed bars of iron;
Said the parent, "Why, Tom, thou dost drink mighty deep,
Though you'll say that you take after me."
"No, father," cried Tom, "I will never say so,
Nor do so, I hope, by St. Paul;
For, 'tis certain, that if I did take after you,
I should drink scarcely any at all!"
BY LORD HARBOROUGH
If Love's a flame, as ancient poets prove,
Ah, me! how cold's the fire of my Love.
ON A PAINTED FAIR
Ye ladies who paint, may most safely declare,
With Horace, that dust and a shadow ye are.
CURRAN'S DEFINITION OF AN EPIGRAM
An epigram, what is it, honey?
A little poem, short and funny;
About four lines in length, – not more:
Then this is one, for here are four.
ON A MISER NAMED MORE
Iron was his chest,
Iron was his door;
His hand was iron,
And his heart was More.
ON THE LATE JOHN KEMBLE
Written during the O.P. contest
Actor and Architect, he tries
To please the critics, one and all;
This bids the private tiers to rise,
And that the public tears to fall.
MAIDS AND BACHELORS
Old maids, in hell, 'tis said, lead apes;
It may be true – but, tarry —
They're bachelors that fill those shapes
Because they did not marry.
ON SEEING A SWAGGERING VICAR AND PHYSICIAN ARM IN ARM
How D.D. swaggers, M.D. rolls!
I dub them both a race of noddies:
Old D.D. has the cure of souls,
And M.D. has the care of bodies.
Between them both, what treatment rare
Our souls and bodies must endure!
One has the cure without the care,
And one the care without the cure.
ONE LAWYER MORE
"Pray does one More, a lawyer, live hard by?"
"I do not know of one," was the reply;
"But if one less were living, I am sure,
Mankind his absence safely might endure."
PERCY BYSHE SHELLEY TO A SCOTCH CRITIC
In critics this country is rich;
In friendship and love who can match 'em:
When writers are plagued with the itch,
They hasten most kindly to scratch 'em.
DAVID DOUBLE'S PETITION TO ONE OF THE INNS OF COURT
The Society of Clement's Inn having had iron
bars put up at the entrance to prevent porters,
cattle, or other nuisances from coming in, – it
called forth the following lines from a "fat
single gentleman" to the principal and ancients.
Ye principal and ancient men, attend
To one of your unfortunate fat lodgers,
Whose studies make him lusty; – oh! befriend!
Or I shall surely call you ancient codgers.
'Tis true I came here, looking to the bar,
And hop'd to have a call some day unto it;
But at your entrance now there many are,
Indeed so many, that I can't get thro' it.
"I can't get out," as Sterne's poor starling said,
Unless I ask the porter to unlock it;
This must be alter'd, as I'm so well fed,
Or 'gainst my corpus you must strike a docket.
This may reduce me to a decent size,
And let me pass your cursed bars of iron;
Последний отзыв
Это скорее приключение, чем история. Но читать приятно.