The Punster's Pocket-book

No pleasant "Recollection" – I am done.

DEAN SWIFT'S BARBER

Dean Swift's barber one day told him that he had taken a public house. "And what's your sign?" said the Dean. "Oh, the pole and bason; and if your worship would just write me a few lines to put upon it, by way of motto, I have no doubt but it would draw me plenty of customers." The Dean took out his pencil, and wrote the following couplet, which long graced the barber's sign:

Rove not from pole to pole, but step in here,
Where nought excels the shaving but the beer."

G. COLMAN TO MISS M. TREE,

Impromptu, on Miss M. Tree's intended marriage andretirement from the stage

You bloom and charm us! – still the bosom grieves,
When Trees of your description take their leaves.

TO CAPTAIN PARRY, THE POLAR NAVIGATOR,

On his giving a Fete on board the Hecla

Dear Captain Parry, you are right
To give the belles a levee;
God grant your dancing may be light,
For oh! your book is heavy.

SAM ROGERS TO CHARLES LAMB

Elia's Pen

Says Elia, "Zounds, this pen is hard!"
Quoth Samuel Rogers, "Do not huff;
But write away, my honey bard,
You soon can make it soft enough."

FRI v. DAY

Good Friday rain'd, Sam Rogers dined
On soles, for fish were all the go;
And Sam allowed the Fri was good,
Although the day was but so so.

TO THE LATE MR. COUTTS

Written at Holly Lodge, Highgate, by the Duke of Gordon, and presented in the Drawing-room by the Marquis of Huntley

An apple, we know, caused old Adam's disgrace,
Who from Paradise quickly was driven;
But yours, my dear Tom, is a happier case,
For a Melon transports you to heaven.

TO MRS. COUTTS, THE GAY WIDOW

Her mourning is all make-believe;
'Tis plain there's nothing in it;
With weepers she has tipp'd her sleeve,
The while she's laughing in it.

IMPROMPTU, BY LORD ERSKINE TO LADY PAYNE,ON BEING TAKEN ILL AT HER HOUSE

'Tis true I am ill, but I need not complain;
For he never knew pleasure who never knew Payne.

TO C.J. FOX, ON HIS MARRIAGE

God's noblest work's an honest man,
Says Pope's instructive line;
To make an honest woman, then,
Most surely is divine.

TO JOSEPH HUME, ON HIS ORATORY

You move the people, when you speak,
For one by one, away they sneak.

COWPER'S HOMER

Any-mad-versions when like this I see,
Animadversions they will draw from me.

TO LORD NELSON. BY PETER PINDAR

With his Lordship's night-cap, that caught fire on the Poet's head, as he was reading in bed at Merton

Take your night-cap again, my good lord, I desire,
For I wish not to keep it a minute;
What belongs to a Nelson, where'er there is fire,
Is sure to be instantly in it.

ON THE COUNTESS OF B – , WHO WAS RUINED AT THE GAMING TABLE

Card-table epitaph

Clarinda reign'd the queen of hearts,
Like sparkling diamonds were her eyes;
Till by the knave of clubs' false arts,
Here bedded by a spade she lies.

ADAM AND MACADAM

"The Macadamized streets are extremely dusty." —