Cause to Hide

“A chance for what?” Ramirez said.

He’s going to make me come out and say it, she said. And I kind of deserve this treatment.

The evening was unraveling into dusk and there were only a scant few people out along the sidewalks and trails that wound around the river. It was a picturesque scene, like something out of one of those movies she usually hated to watch.

“A chance for us,” Avery said.

Ramirez stopped walking but kept her hand in his. He looked to her with his dark brown eyes and held her gaze. “It can’t be a chance,” he said. “It has to be a real thing. A surefire thing. I can’t keep having you push and push, always keeping me guessing.”

“I know.”

“So if you can let me know what you mean by us, then I’ll consider it.”

She couldn’t tell if he was being serious or just trying to give her a hard time. She broke their eye contact and gave his hands a squeeze.

“Damn,” she said. “You’re going to make this hard on me, aren’t you?”

“Well, I think I – ”

She interrupted him by pulling him to her and kissing him. In the past, their kisses had been brief, awkward, and filled with her usual hesitancy. But now she lost herself to it. She drew him as close as their bodies would allow and kissed him with the most passion she’d put into any sort of physical contact since the last happy year of marriage with Jack.

Ramirez didn’t bother trying to fight it. She knew he had been wanting this for a while now and she could feel the eagerness running through him.

They kissed like love-struck teenagers by the side of the Charles River. It was a soft yet heated kiss that thrummed with the sexual frustration that had been blooming between them for several months.

When their tongues met, Avery felt a surge of energy pass through her – energy that she knew she wanted to use up in a very certain way.

She broke the kiss and leaned her forehead into his. They looked to one another for several seconds in that posture, enjoying the silence and the weight of what they had just done. A line had been crossed. And in the tense silence, they both sensed that there were still many more to cross.

“You’re sure about this?” Ramirez asked.

“I am. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

He drew her close and hugged her. She felt something like relief in his body, like a huge weight had been lifted from him.

“I’d like to give it a try,” Ramirez said.

He broke the hug and kissed her again, softly, on the side of the mouth.

“I think we need to celebrate the occasion. You want to get dinner?”

She sighed and gave a shaky smile. She had already broken through an emotional barrier by confessing her feelings to him. What harm could it do to continue being blatantly honest with him now?

“I do think we need to celebrate,” she said. “But right now, at this very moment, I’m not too interested in dinner.”

“So what do you want to do?” he asked.

His obliviousness was beyond charming. She leaned in and whispered into his ear, enjoying the feel of him against her and the smell of his skin.

“Let’s go to your place.”

He pulled away and looked at her with the same seriousness as before, but now there was something else there, too. It was something she had seen in his eyes from time to time – something that looked very much like excitement and was born out of a physical need.

“Yeah?” he said uncertainly.

“Yeah,” she said.

As they hurried across the grass, toward the parking lot where they had both parked their cars, they were giggling like children. It was fitting, as Avery could not recall the last time she had felt so liberated, excited, and free.

***

The passion they had experienced while along the river was still there as Ramirez unlocked his apartment door. There was a part of Avery that wanted to jump him right there and then, before he even had time to shut the door behind him. They’d lightly pawed at one another the whole ride to his place and now that they were there, Avery felt like they were on the precipice of something monumental.

When Ramirez closed the door and locked it, Avery was surprised when he didn’t come to her right away. Instead, he walked through the living room and into his modest kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of water.

“Water?” he asked.

“No thanks,” she said.

He drank from his glass and looked out the kitchen window. Night had fallen and the city lights sparkled through the glass.

Avery joined him in the kitchen and playfully took the glass of water from him. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I don’t want to say,” he said.

“Do you…well, have you changed your mind about me?” she asked. “Did all the waiting make you stop wanting me?”

“God no,” he said. He put his arms around her waist and she could see him trying to form the right words.

“We can wait,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t take her up on it.

“No,” he said, a little urgently. “It’s just…shit, I don’t know.”

This was a surprise to Avery. With all of his masterful flirtation and seductive talk over the last few months, she was sure he would have been a little aggressive when and if the time ever came. But right now, he seemed unsure of himself – almost nervous.

She leaned in and kissed the corner of his jaw. He sighed and leaned in against her.

“What is it?” she asked, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke.

“It’s just that this is real now, you know? This isn’t just some one-night stand. This is for real. I care about you a lot, Avery. I really do. And I don’t want to rush things.”

“We’ve been dancing around this for the last four months,” she said. “I don’t think that’s rushing.”

“Good point,” he said. He kissed her on the cheek, then on the little bit of shoulder her T-shirt was showing. His lips then found her neck and when he kissed her there, she thought she might collapse to the floor right on the spot, pulling him down with her.

“Ramirez?” she said, still playfully refusing to use his first name.

“Yeah?” he asked, his face still brushing against her neck and applying kisses.