Cause to Hide

At some point, though, didn’t she have to trust her daughter’s instincts? Hadn’t she just complimented Rose on how well she had turned out despite her upbringing?

“Just be careful,” Avery said.

Rose was clearly embarrassed. She rolled her eyes and started unpacking DVDs in the small living room that joined the kitchen.

“What about you?” Rose asked. “Don’t you ever get tired of being alone? You know…Dad’s still alone, too.”

“I’m aware of that,” Avery said. “But that’s none of my business.”

“He’s your ex-husband,” Rose pointed out. “And he’s my father. So yeah, he sort of is your business. It might do you some good to see him.”

“That wouldn’t be good for either of us,” Avery replied. “If you’d ask him, I’m sure he’d tell you the same thing.”

Avery knew this was true. While they had never talked about getting back together, there was an unspoken agreement between them – something they’d felt in the air ever since she’d lost her job as an attorney and had basically ruined her life in the weeks that followed. They would tolerate one another for Rose. Although there were mutual feelings of love and respect there, they both knew there would be no getting back together. Jack was only worried about the same thing she was worried about. He wanted Avery spending more time with Rose. And it was up to her to figure out how to do that. She’d spent time coming up with a plan over the last few weeks and although it would require sacrifice on her part, she was ready to try.

Sensing that the touchy topic of Jack was already passing over like a storm cloud, Avery tried broaching the topic of that sacrifice. There was no way to subtly get to it, so she just came out and said it.

“I was thinking about maybe asking for a lighter workload for the next few months. I figured you and I should really give things a real chance.”

Rose paused for a minute. She looked taken aback, genuinely surprised. She gave a little nod of acknowledgment and went back to unpacking. She made a little hmmph sound.

“What?” Avery asked.

“But you love your work.”

“I do,” Avery agreed. “But I’ve been thinking of transferring out of Homicide. If I did that, my schedule would be freed up a bit.”

Rose now stopped unpacking completely. A range of expressions crossed her face in the space of a second. Avery was pleased to see that one looked very much like hope.

“Mom, you don’t have to do that.” Her voice was soft and unguarded, almost like the little girl Avery could easily remember. “That’s like uprooting your life.”

“No it’s not. I’m getting older and realizing that I missed out on a lot of family stuff. It’s what I need to do to move on…to get better.”

Rose sat down on the couch, littered with boxes and stray clothes. She looked up to Avery, that gleam of hope still on her face.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Also,” Rose said, “I see where I get my awesome ability to swerve subjects. You hopped off of being alone all the time pretty quickly.”

“You noticed that, did you?”

“I did. And to be honest, I think Dad has, too.”

“Rose – ”

Rose turned to her.

“He misses you, Mom.”

Avery slouched. She stood there, quiet for a moment, unable to respond.

“I miss him sometimes, too,” Avery admitted. “Just not enough to call him up and dredge up the past.”

He misses you, Mom.

Avery let that sink in. She rarely thought of Jack in any real sort of romantic sense. She had told the truth, though: She did miss him. She missed Jack’s weird sense of humor, the way his body always seemed just a little too cold in the mornings, how his need for sex was almost comically predictable. More than anything, though, she missed watching him be an excellent father. But that was all gone now, part of a life that Avery was trying very hard to put behind her.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what might have been, realizing that she’d had the chance for a great life. A life with picket fences, school fundraisers, lazy Sunday afternoons in the backyard.

But the chance for that was gone. Rose had missed out on that perfect picture and Avery still blamed herself.

“Mom?”

“Sorry, Rose. I just don’t see your dad and I mending things, you know? Besides,” she added, and took a deep breath, bracing herself for Rose’s reaction, “maybe you aren’t the only one that’s met someone.”

Rose turned to her, and Avery was relieved to see her smile. She looked to her mother with the sort of devilish grin girlfriends might share over cocktails while talking about men. It warmed Avery’s heart in a way she was not prepared for, nor could she explain.

“What?” Rose asked, feigning shock. “You? Details, please.”

“There are no details yet.”

“Well, who is it?”

Avery chuckled, realizing how silly it would seem. She almost didn’t say it. Hell, she had barely even told the guy how she felt. To voice it in front of her daughter would be a bit surreal.

Still, she and Rose were making progress. No sense in stifling it because of her own embarrassment of having feelings for a man that was not Rose’s father.

“It’s a man I work with. Ramirez.”

“Have you guys hooked up?”

“Rose!”

Rose shrugged. “Hey…you wanted an open and honest relationship with your daughter, right?”

“Yes, I suppose I do,” she said with a smile. “And no…we have not hooked up. But I’m sort of falling for him. He’s nice. Funny, sexy, and has this sort of charm to him that used to annoy me but now…it’s sort of appealing.”

“Does he feel the same?” Rose asked.

“He does. Or…he did. I think I blew it. He’s been patient but I think his patience ran out.” What she kept to herself was that she had made the decision to tell Ramirez how she felt but had not yet summoned up the nerve to do so.

“Did you push him away?” Rose asked.

Avery smiled.

“Damn, you’re observant.”