The Shopkeeper Turned Gentleman

The MUFTI begins a third invocation. The DERVISHES support him under the arms with great respect, after which the TURKS, singing and dancing round the MUFTI, retire with him, and lead off MR. JOURDAIN.

ACT V

SCENE I.

– MRS. JOURDAIN, MR. JOURDAIN.

MRS. JOUR. Goodness gracious me! Lord, have mercy on us! What can this be? What a figure! Is it a momon [Footnote: Apparently there is no English equivalent to momon in this sense.] you have in hand, and is this carnival time? Do speak! What does all this mean? Who trussed you up in this manner?

MR. JOUR. Just see the impertinent woman, to speak after such a manner to a mamamouchi.

MRS. JOUR. What do you say?

MR. JOUR. Yes, you must show me respect now; I have just been made a mamamouchi.

MRS. JOUR. What can you possibly mean with your mamamouchi?

MR. JOUR. Mamamouchi, I tell you; I am a mamamouchi.

MRS. JOUR. What kind of a beast is that?

MR. JOUR. Mamamouchi; which in our language means paladin.

MRS. JOUR. Ballet in? Are you of an age to be dancing ballets?

MR. JOUR. What an ignorant woman you are! I say "paladin," which is a dignity which has just been conferred upon me with all due ceremony.

MRS. JOUR. What ceremony?

MR. JOUR. Mahameta per Jordina.

MRS. JOUR. What does that mean?

MR. JOUR. Jordina, that is to say Jourdain.

MRS. JOUR. Well? What, Jourdain?

MR. JOUR. Voler far un paladina de Jordina.

MRS. JOUR. What?

MR. JOUR. Dar turbanta con galera.

MRS. JOUR. What does that mean?

MR. JOUR. Per deffender Palestina.

MRS. JOUR. Tell me what you mean then.

MR. JOUR. Dara, dara bastonnara.

MRS. JOUR. What is all this jargon?

MR. JOUR. Non tener honta, questa star l'ultima affronta.

MRS. JOUR. Whatever is all this?

MR. JOUR. (singing and dancing). Hou la ba, ba la chow, ba la ba, ba la da. (Falls to the ground.)

MRS. JOUR. Alas, alas! my husband is gone out of his mind.

MR. JOUR. (getting up and walking off). Peace! Show respect to the mamamouchi.

MRS. JOUR. (alone). Where can he have lost his senses? I must run after him and prevent him from going out! (Seeing DORIMÈNE and DORANTE.) Oh dear! Oh dear! Here's the last straw! I see nothing but trouble and disgrace everywhere!

SCENE II.

– DORANTE, DORIMÈNE.

DOR. Yes, Madam, it is the most amusing thing that you ever saw, and I do not think that there is in the whole world a man as, crazy as this one. Moreover, we must try to help Cléonte and back up his masquerade. He is a most excellent fellow, and one who deserves all your interest.

DORI. I have the greatest esteem for him, and he is worthy of all success.

DOR. We also have here, Madam, a ballet due to us. We must not miss it, for I should be glad to see if my idea succeeds.

DORI. I saw magnificent preparations yonder; and this is a state of things, Dorante, with which I can bear no longer. Yes, I must put an end to your profusion; and in order to cut short all the expenses I see you run into for me, I have decided upon marrying you as soon as possible. This is the real secret of my decision; all these things, as you know, end ever in matrimony.

DOR. Ah, Madam, is it possible that you should have come to such a kind determination in my favour?

DORI. It is only to prevent you from ruining yourself, for, if I am not quick, I clearly see that before long you will not have a penny left.

DOR. What thanks I owe you for your anxiety about my fortune! That and my heart are entirely yours, and you can dispose of both as shall seem good to you.

DORI. I will make a right use of both. But here is our man coming.

What an admirable figure!

SCENE III.

– MR. JOURDAIN, DORIMÈNE, DORANTE.

DOR. Sir, we have both come to do homage to your new dignity, and to rejoice with you over the marriage of your daughter with the son of the Grand Turk.

MR. JOUR. (after bowing in the Turkish manner). Sir, I wish you the strength of the serpent, and the wisdom of the lion.

DORI. I am very glad to be one of the first, Sir, to come and congratulate you on the high degree of glory to which you are raised.

MR. JOUR. Madam, may your rose-tree bloom all the year round. I am infinitely obliged to you for interesting yourself in the honour just bestowed upon me; and I am greatly rejoiced to see you back here, so that I may tender to you my most humble apologies for the extraordinary conduct of my wife.