Captains All and Others

“Men like you, they’d swear anything for a pot o’ beer,” ses Henery. “But I’m not going to waste time talking to you, Bob Pretty. I’m going straight off to tell Mr. Sutton.”

“I shouldn’t do that if I was you, Henery,” ses Bob.

“I dessay,” ses Henery Walker; “but then you see I am.”

“I thought you’d gorn mad, Henery,” ses Bob, taking a drink o’ beer that somebody ‘ad left on the table by mistake, “and now I’m sure of it. Why, if you tell Mr. Sutton that it wasn’t his friends that shot them pore fellers he won’t pay them anything. ‘Tain’t likely ‘e would, is it?”

Henery Walker, wot ‘ad been standing up looking fierce at ‘im, sat down agin, struck all of a heap.

“And he might want your ten pounds back, Henery,” said Bob in a soft voice. “And seeing as ‘ow you was kind enough to give five to me, and spent most of the other, it ‘ud come ‘ard on you, wouldn’t it? Always think afore you speak, Henery. I always do.”

Henery Walker got up and tried to speak, but ‘e couldn’t, and he didn’t get ‘is breath back till Bob said it was plain to see that he ‘adn’t got a word to say for ‘imself. Then he shook ‘is fist at Bob and called ‘im a low, thieving, poaching murderer.

“You’re not yourself, Henery,” ses Bob. “When you come round you’ll be sorry for trying to take away the character of a pore labourin’ man with a ailing wife and a large family. But if you take my advice you won’t say anything more about your wicked ideas; if you do, these pore fellers won’t get a farthing. And you’d better keep quiet about the club mates for their sakes. Other people might get the same crazy ideas in their silly ‘eads as Henery. Keepers especially.”

That was on’y common sense; but, as John Biggs said, it did seem ‘ard to think as ‘ow Bob Pretty should be allowed to get off scot-free, and with Henery Walker’s five pounds too. “There’s one thing,” he ses to Bob; “you won’t ‘ave any of these other pore chaps money; and, if they’re men, they ought to make it up to Henery Walker for the money he ‘as saved ‘em by finding you out.”

“They’ve got to pay me fust,” ses Bob. “I’m a pore man, but I’ll stick up for my rights. As for me shooting ‘em, they’d ha’ been ‘urt a good deal more if I’d done it—especially Mr. Henery Walker. Why, they’re hardly ‘urt at all.”

“Don’t answer ‘im, Henery,” ses John Biggs. “You save your breath to go and tell Sam Jones and the others about it. It’ll cheer ‘em up.”

“And tell ‘em about my arf, in case they get too cheerful and go overdoing it,” ses Bob Pretty, stopping at the door. “Good-night all.”

Nobody answered ‘im; and arter waiting a little bit Henery Walker set off to see Sam Jones and the others. John Biggs was quite right about its making ‘em cheerful, but they see as plain as Bob ‘imself that it ‘ad got to be kept quiet. “Till we’ve spent the money, at any rate,” ses Walter Bell; “then p’r’aps Mr. Sutton might get Bob locked up for it.”

Mr. Sutton went down to see ‘em all a day or two afterwards. The shooting-party was broken up and gone ‘ome, but they left some money behind ‘em. Ten pounds each they was to ‘ave, same as the others, but Mr. Sutton said that he ‘ad heard ‘ow the other money was wasted at the Cauliflower, and ‘e was going to give it out to ‘em ten shillings a week until the money was gorn. He ‘ad to say it over and over agin afore they understood ‘im, and Walter Bell ‘ad to stuff the bedclo’es in ‘is mouth to keep civil.

Peter Gubbins, with ‘is arm tied up in a sling, was the fust one to turn up at the Cauliflower, and he was that down-’arted about it we couldn’t do nothing with ‘im. He ‘ad expected to be able to pull out ten golden sovereigns, and the disapp’intment was too much for ‘im.

“I wonder ‘ow they heard about it,” ses Dicky Weed.

“I can tell you,” ses Bob Pretty, wot ‘ad been sitting up in a corner by himself, nodding and smiling at Peter, wot wouldn’t look at ‘im. “A friend o’ mine at Wickham wrote to him about it. He was so disgusted at the way Bill Chambers and Henery Walker come up ‘ere wasting their ‘ard-earned money, that he sent ‘im a letter, signed ‘A Friend of the Working Man,’ telling ‘im about it and advising ‘im what to do.”

“A friend o’ yours?” ses John Biggs, staring at ‘im. “What for?”

“I don’t know,” ses Bob; “he’s a wunnerful good scholard, and he likes writin’ letters. He’s going to write another to-morrer, unless I go over and stop ‘im.”

“Another?” ses Peter, who ‘ad been tellin’ everybody that ‘e wouldn’t speak to ‘im agin as long as he lived. “Wot about?”

“About the idea that I shot you all,” ses Bob. “I want my character cleared. O’ course, they can’t prove anything against me—I’ve got my witnesses. But, taking one thing with another, I see now that it does look suspicious, and I don’t suppose any of you’ll get any more of your money. Mr. Sutton is so sick o’ being laughed at, he’ll jump at anything.”

“You dursn’t do it, Bob,” ses Peter, all of a tremble.

“It ain’t me, Peter, old pal,” ses Bob, “it’s my friend. But I don’t mind stopping ‘im for the sake of old times if I get my arf. He’d listen to me, I feel sure.”

At fust Peter said he wouldn’t get a farthing out of ‘im if his friend wrote letters till Dooms-day; but by-and-by he thought better of it, and asked Bob to stay there while he went down to see Sam and Walter about it. When ‘e came back he’d got the fust week’s money for Bob Pretty; but he said he left Walter Bell carrying on like a madman, and, as for Sam Jones, he was that upset ‘e didn’t believe he’d last out the night.

THE TEMPTATION OF SAMUEL BURGE

Mr. Higgs, jeweller, sat in the small parlour behind his shop, gazing hungrily at a supper-table which had been laid some time before. It was a quarter to ten by the small town clock on the mantelpiece, and the jeweller rubbing his hands over the fire tried in vain to remember what etiquette had to say about starting a meal before the arrival of an expected guest.

“He must be coming by the last train after all, sir,” said the housekeeper entering the room and glancing at the clock. “I suppose these London gentlemen keep such late hours they don’t understand us country folk wanting to get to bed in decent time. You must be wanting your supper, sir.”

Mr. Higgs sighed. “I shall be glad of my supper,” he said slowly, “but I dare say our friend is hungrier still. Travelling is hungry work.”

“Perhaps he is thinking over his words for the seventh day,” said the housekeeper solemnly. “Forgetting hunger and thirst and all our poor earthly feelings in the blessedness of his work.”

“Perhaps so,” assented the other, whose own earthly feelings were particularly strong just at that moment.

“Brother Simpson used to forget all about meal-times when he stayed here,” said the housekeeper, clasping her hands. “He used to sit by the window with his eyes half-closed and shake his head at the smell from the kitchen and call it flesh-pots of Egypt. He said that if it wasn’t for keeping up his strength for the work, luscious bread and fair water was all he wanted. I expect Brother Burge will be a similar sort of man.”

“Brother Clark wrote and told me that he only lives for the work,” said the jeweller, with another glance at the clock. “The chapel at Clerkenwell is crowded to hear him. It’s a blessed favour and privilege to have such a selected instrument staying in the house. I’m curious to see him; from what Brother Clark said I rather fancy that he was a little bit wild in his younger days.”

“Hallelujah!” exclaimed the housekeeper with fervour. “I mean to think as he’s seen the error of his ways,” she added sharply, as her master looked up.

“There he is,” said the latter, as the bell rang.

The housekeeper went to the side-door, and drawing back the bolt admitted the gentleman whose preaching had done so much for the small but select sect known as the Seventh Day Primitive Apostles. She came back into the room followed by a tall stout man, whose upper lip and short stubby beard streaked with grey seemed a poor match for the beady eyes which lurked behind a pair of clumsy spectacles.

“Brother Samuel Burge?” inquired the jeweller, rising.

The visitor nodded, and regarding him with a smile charged with fraternal love, took his hand in a huge grip and shook it fervently.

“I am glad to see you, Brother Higgs,” he said, regarding him fondly. “Oh, ‘ow my eyes have yearned to be set upon you! Oh, ‘ow my ears ‘ave longed to hearken unto the words of your voice!”

He breathed thickly, and taking a seat sat with his hands upon his knees, looking at a fine piece of cold beef which the housekeeper had just placed upon the table.

“Is Brother Clark well?” inquired the jeweller, placing a chair for him at the table and taking up his carving-knife.

“Dear Brother Clark is in excellent ‘ealth, I thank you,” said the other, taking the proffered chair. “Oh! what a man he is; what a instrument for good. Always stretching out them blessed hands of ‘is to make one of the fallen a Seventh Day Primitive.”

“And success attends his efforts?” said the jeweller.

“Success, Brother!” repeated Mr. Burge, eating rapidly and gesticulating with his knife. “Success ain’t no name for it. Why, since this day last week he has saved three pick-pockets, two Salvationists, one bigamist and a Roman Catholic.”

Brother Higgs murmured his admiration. “You are also a power for good,” he said wistfully. “Brother Clark tells me in his letter that your exhortations have been abundantly blessed.”

Mr. Burge shook his head. “A lot of it falls by the wayside,” he said modestly, “but some of it is an eye-opener to them as don’t entirely shut their ears. Only the day before yesterday I ‘ad two jemmies and a dark lantern sent me with a letter saying as ‘ow the owner had no further use for ‘em.”

The jeweller’s eyes glistened with admiration not quite untinged with envy. “Have you expounded the Word for long?” he inquired.

“Six months,” replied the other. “It come to me quite natural—I was on the penitent bench on the Saturday, and the Wednesday afterwards I preached as good a sermon as ever I’ve preached in my life. Brother Clark said it took ‘is breath away.”

“And he’s a judge too,” said the admiring jeweller.

“Now,” continued Brother Burge, helping himself plentifully to pickled walnuts. “Now there ain’t standing room in our Bethel when I’m expounding. People come to hear me from all parts—old and young—rich and poor—and the Apostles that don’t come early ‘ave to stand outside and catch the crumbs I throw ‘em through the winders.”

“It is enough,” sighed Brother Higgs, whose own audience was frequently content to be on the wrong side of the window, “it is enough to make a man vain.”