Family Of Convenience

“Why do you do it? Farm? Why not just have the ranch? I don’t understand why you would spend so much time and energy on such a risky endeavor.”

Understanding flashed across his face. “I do it because I’m a farmer. I enjoy the cattle and horses, but I’m meant to be a farmer. I’ve always known it. Planting. Tending. Harvesting. It all feels so right, Millie. I’m a farmer.” Adam took his hat off his head and brushed it against his thigh. He was looking in the distance, but his voice was still steady. Almost imploring. “You’re a farmer’s wife.”

Millie had no response to that. She certainly wasn’t in a position to order him around. To change anything about their circumstances.

Adam stood up. “I’m sorry I upset you. I didn’t mean to. And we can talk about this in more detail, if you want. But, later. Jonas came to ask for my help with fixing and loading some things as he packs up his belongings. That’s why I came home. I need to get my tools and head out to his place. He’s waiting for me.”

Millie stood up, too. “It’s fine, Adam. We’re fine. Will you be home for supper?”

“For that stew I smell? Absolutely.”

Millie nodded and straightened her apron. No way out but forward.

Adam said goodbye to the children, gathered his tools and left.

Millie decided to finish the section of her garden that she’d started. That was the next task. That was all she needed to focus on right now. But, this time when Millie looked at her vegetable patch, she didn’t see the promise of a bounty to come. No. She saw her future. So fragile and capable of being destroyed by a single whim of man or nature.

Not just her future. Her child’s future. And that of the two children she was quickly growing to love and claim as her own.

* * *

It was dark by the time Adam returned home that evening. Jonas had needed more help than he’d expected, but Adam hadn’t wanted to leave the man to finish on his own. Adam opened the front door and walked inside, uncertain of what his reception might be.

In the month since he had been married, life had been quite good. They had fallen into an easy routine, and his children were thriving. Today’s discussion was the first bump since their conversation about her meeting the children.

His new wife was very reserved and Adam did not understand everything that Millie kept hidden from him, but he knew she was afraid of the future. That was immensely logical to Adam’s mind. What little he knew about Millie’s past combined with the nature of being a woman in this world spoke volumes about her fear. She had been homeless. Penniless. Alone. She was afraid of being that again.

Adam looked around the room, hoping to see Millie and the kids waiting for him. But it was empty. Disappointment warred with frustration. Adam didn’t want tension anywhere in his home or marriage.

A glance in the kitchen showed the stew still being kept warm. That was something. He checked in on the kids, satisfied to see them tucked in and sleeping. Then, he walked to Millie’s closed bedroom door. Should he knock, see if she wanted to continue their conversation from earlier? She had been upset. Worried about drought and the future. And he had had to leave before he could soothe her fears. Adam felt bad for that, but she needed to learn that these things were part of life on a farm. And, she had married a farmer.

Adam moved his ear closer to the door when he heard a noise from inside. He didn’t want to intrude on Millie’s privacy or force a conversation if she wasn’t ready, but something about that sound set his nerves on edge. He heard the noise again.

Millie was getting sick.

Adam rapped on the door. “Millie, it’s Adam. I’m coming inside.” He probably should have waited until she gave him permission. But, Adam heard the sound of Millie retching again and refused to stand by and simply listen.

He opened the door and strode inside. Millie was sitting in the rocking chair, still wearing her dress and apron from earlier. Her hair was coming out of its bun as she bent over a chamber pot held on her lap. He walked over and crouched down beside her.

“Adam, you should go. You don’t—” Millie stopped speaking as she got sick again.

Adam couldn’t be here and not touch her. Not try to comfort her. He reached out and rested a hand on her back, rubbing up and down in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “Shh. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, and you don’t need to worry about anything. Just let it pass.”

They stayed like that for a few more minutes. Millie hunched over her bowl and Adam just being there, with a hand on her back. Had she been ill all day? Or for longer? Adam hadn’t noticed anything earlier, but they also hadn’t exactly been spending a lot of time together.

Adam moved his hand from her back to stroke her hair away from her face. He incorporated wiping a palm across her forehead into the motion. She didn’t feel feverish.

“I don’t have a fever.” Millie’s voice was hoarse, and she wasn’t looking up at him.

“Did you eat something spoiled?” He and the children were just fine, so that was unlikely.

“I’m fine. Please, just leave me alone.”

Adam winced at the hoarseness in her voice. She was not fine.

“It will take me a while to go get the doctor. I’ll leave just as soon as I think you’ll be okay alone.”

“I’m all right alone. I’m always alone and always all right.”

Adam flinched back at the force of her words. He put his hand back, trying to figure out how to get her to calm down. So far, he was only riling her up more.

“Okay. It’s okay. Just try to calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. I told you I’m not sick.” Millie had moved from despair to flat-out grumpy. Her mood swings were giving Adam a headache. He decided the best course of action was to keep quiet and just be here.

A few minutes later, Millie sat up all the way. She set the bowl down on the floor on the opposite side of where Adam was crouching. Then, she hunched back over and rested her face in her hands.

Adam saw a pitcher of water and a toweling cloth on top of the chest. He stood up and walked over to it. After wetting the cloth, he came back down to her side. When she looked up, Adam took the cloth and wiped her face, trying to both refresh and comfort her. She reached up and put her hands over his. Took the towel out of his hands.

“I’m sorry. I was rude to you.”

“It’s okay.”

“You say that a lot.”

“Say what?”

“That it’s okay. You’re always telling me that it’s okay.”

She had a point, but he wasn’t sorry. “That’s because I think everything will be okay.”

Millie just gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. Then, she took the cloth and wiped her face again, much rougher than Adam had. She started to stand, and Adam reached out and placed his hands over hers.

“You should rest a few minutes longer.”

“Well, to use your favorite words, I’m okay, Adam.”

“Millie. People who are okay do not get sick like that.”

“They do if they’re pregnant.”

Oh. Of course. Adam had been through this before. Twice. He should have known.

“You look surprised. Didn’t Sarah ever get sick while carrying?”

“She did. Just never this late into her pregnancy.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect it to last this long either.”