Family Of Convenience

Adam clenched his jaw to stop his smile. Millie sounded decidedly put out. It was kind of cute. “How long have you been getting sick?”

“Oh, about every day for forever.”

Yep. She was definitely not feeling any kind of glow. “Why didn’t you say anything? I could have helped out more if I had known.”

Millie stood up, brushed her hands down her apron. “It wasn’t worth mentioning. It’s just part of life. I am perfectly capable of handling anything this baby throws my way.” She moved over and picked up the chamber pot. “If you’ll excuse me, I want to clean this up and then go to bed. I’m tired.”

Millie started to hurry out of the room. She stopped, turned and looked at him. “Thank you for being concerned. I left the stew on for you.”

“Thanks. I’m famished.”

Left alone in her room, Adam breathed out a long sigh. He opened her window, hoping she would appreciate the fresh air when she returned. Feeling foolish standing there and waiting for some unknown something, he headed to the kitchen and dished up a bowl of Millie’s stew. Millie came back in the front door with a cleaned-out chamber pot. She gave Adam a small smile and went inside her room, closing her door behind her.

Adam ate the delicious stew with a slice of thick bread Millie must have made earlier in the day. He found himself thinking about that life inside Millie’s womb with a smile. His regrets about his first wife seemed to be endless, but his children were nowhere on the list. He cherished every moment his children had been in his life, including his wife’s pregnancies.

And now, he was going to be a father again. He’d been so focused on keeping his distance from Millie and being a good father to his children that he’d missed something so very obvious. He couldn’t do both. He could not be distant from Millie and love his children because one of his children was currently inside of Millie. And, Millie was the mother of his children.

He had sought out a mother for them, had brought her here. She was not an unrelated person he could keep on the sidelines. She was integral to his family.

He needed her.

He thought of Millie as being a person who needed safety and reassurance, but Adam was the exact same. He wanted more than a mother for his children. He wanted a partner. Out there. On his farm. But he was afraid Millie would see his need and refuse to stay by his side. That she would feel stifled or trapped. That she would be Sarah. Again.

Yes, Adam needed Millie to have the life he wanted. The companionship he was craving. That meant he needed to start doing his part. But how could he connect with his wife and build the foundation for a strong partnership without risking his heart again?

Chapter Four (#ulink_85df2000-8085-50ca-a3a7-6f523d66d300)

To Do:

Learn about drought

Find time to knit more—figure out how to sell the items

Come up with a way to hide part of my knitting proceeds without Adam noticing

Check crops—see if they look dry

Check cattle—see if they look thirsty

Learn what not dry crops look like

Learn what not thirsty cattle look like

Talk to Edith? Is she worried?

Find out if Adam has savings

“What are you working on?”

Millie quickly put down her pencil and closed her notebook. Too late she realized that was acting like someone guilty of, well, something. Great. Adam was going to think she was plotting his demise if she didn’t figure out how to be less secretive.

But, she couldn’t help it. Her notebook was hers. Her lists were hers. They had always been the one thing that had belonged entirely to her. The matron and other kids at The Home had often taken her belongings. One of the first rules of surviving in that place was to not get too closely attached to things. Various items were there for her to use, but they were temporary. They were not hers.

Except for her notebook and lists. No one had ever been interested in taking them away from her. Honestly, most children tried to avoid things related to writing. To school. So, her notebook had been safe.

And now Adam was asking her about it and she was acting like a lunatic.

“It’s just a notebook.” Despite her best effort, the note of defensiveness was obvious in her tone.

“What do you write in it?”

If Adam was accusing her of something, he was hiding it well. He sounded curious. Just curious. Millie didn’t know what to make of that. They had been married for a month, and had seemed to settle into a nice routine where he left her alone as much as possible and she did the same. They spoke as needed to ensure the smooth running of the household. And they put on a good show of friendliness for the children.

Except, it wasn’t really a show. Their companionship was real. It was just distant. A kind of separated friendship that suited Millie perfectly.

So, why was Adam suddenly asking her about her notebook?

It was early evening. Supper had been eaten. The kitchen cleaned. Caty with her dolls and Genie with his blocks were happily playing in front of the fire. Adam was sitting in a rocking chair, watching the children and joining in with their chatter.

And Millie was at the table with her notebook. Looking at what she had accomplished today and planning for tomorrow.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I was just wondering. You spend every night sitting over there writing, and it made me curious.”

Adam’s voice was not accusatory, but the way he said “over there” caught Millie’s attention. It was like she was in the next county. She wasn’t even in the next room, for pity’s sake. She was right there. In the same room.

Was he unhappy with her behavior? Did he want something else?

“It’s not a secret. I just make lists in here.”

“Lists?”

“Yes. Lists. You know. I write down things I want to do so I don’t forget.”

Adam was looking at her like she was a crazy person. Great.

“I know it’s weird, but I like to write down my to-do list and then cross the things off.”

Adam looked at the kids. Genie was still banging his blocks, making growly noises and giggling at his own antics. Caty had a doll and brush in her hands, but she wasn’t playing anymore. Instead, she was watching them with worried eyes. She had probably picked up on the same undercurrent that Millie noticed.

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. I can’t tell you how many times I wish I had written something down.” Adam began rocking again and the tension left the room. Caty started brushing her doll’s hair again.

Millie looked down at her closed notebook. Every part of her body wanted to open it back up and start writing again. Review what she had already written. But she forced her hands to stay where they were.

Millie couldn’t stay at the table with her notebook and not review what was inside. That was just asking too much. She stood and walked to where Genie was playing on the ground with his blocks. He grinned at her, all teeth and mischief. He held a block up to her, and Millie took it and sat down next to him.

She ran her thumb over the smooth wood, wondering how something so simple could be so absolutely entertaining to a little boy. Genie reached out and stilled her hand, positioning it so she was holding the block in just the right position. Then he picked up a block with his own hand and proceeded to bang his block into her block. He giggled like this was the most fun he had ever had in his life.

Millie held her block still and played along, resisting the urge to hug this child with every bit of her strength. Wherever he was, whatever he had, this little boy found a way to be happy. Millie had never been like that, not even as a child. She swallowed hard, trying to ease the tension in her throat and the regrets in her mind. Then, she just played with the little boy God had brought into her life.