Family Of Convenience

But, she would figure it out. She always figured it out. Millie just needed to gather as much information as possible. She would ask questions. Pay attention to what everyone else was doing. Take notes. And then, she could make her plan.

Millie sat up straighter as Adam turned the wagon off the worn trail of dirt that she assumed counted as a main road out here. The new path they had turned onto barely looked like a path at all. Instead of a solid width of light brown dirt, the way was designated by yet more grass. The grass was just shorter than the golden-green ocean surrounding them.

There was also a parting of the waves, so to speak. The moving grass gave way to rectangles of what had to be crops. Millie didn’t know what was growing, but she saw the neat rows of dark earth and the green plants seemingly shooting up out of the ground. She also saw cattle and horses.

Millie couldn’t contain her excitement. Though the large animals frightened her, they also thrilled her. She had never seen such creatures up close before. Sure, there were horses in the city, not to mention plenty of them at the Keller ranch, but these horses looked bigger. Rougher. More fitting to the wild frontier she’d been told existed once a person traveled past Saint Louis. She could hear them. And, though it was strange and perhaps unpleasant, she could smell them—a stronger odor than she’d noted at the Kellers’ home, where she’d rarely been outside. Instead of being a picture through a frame, they were very much real.

“This is our land. We’re only about ten minutes from the house.”

Our land. He’d done that earlier today, too. Millie wondered at how Adam seemed to have no problem moving from being a widower to being completely married. He acted as though he was pleased to share everything he had worked for with her.

Or else, he was very good at pretending. Millie had known more than one man who could put on a grand show of being generous and kind in public while being secretly stingy or cruel behind closed doors.

You’re too cynical, Millie. There are good people in this world, who genuinely want to help others without any strings attached. You need to have a little faith.

Mrs. Thompson’s words echoed through Millie’s head. It wasn’t the first time they had made an appearance. It seemed as though they had done nothing but ricochet around since the pastor’s wife had said them.

“Well, what do you think?”

Millie realized that she could see buildings now. A small house. A barn. A couple of other structures whose function she couldn’t place. The house looked sturdy. There was a porch and couple of windows out front. Millie saw two rocking chairs, and the whole scene reminded her of a picture she had seen in a book about life on the prairie. Seeing essentially the same picture now, in living color, with sunshine and a breeze on her face, and the ambient noise of animals was nicer.

She had a place to live. Food. Her baby would not be born fatherless and on the streets. No. He or she would have a home and a family and would never know the experiences that plagued Millie’s own youth. That was what she had wanted. What she had planned for. And what she had accomplished. For uneducated street trash, Millie had done just fine for herself.

“Millie?”

Again, Adam touched her arm. Again, it struck her as shockingly gentle and overly familiar. Again, Millie found that she really liked it. A lot. That touch was dangerously appealing, making her head spin when she needed to be calm and rational.

“It looks nice. Really nice.”

“It’s bigger than it looks.”

Did he think she found his home to be too small?

“It looks like the perfect size. I don’t know what some of those buildings are.” Millie hated her ignorance. It seemed she had spent the entirety of her life in situations where she did not know what she needed to know. What she should have been taught as a child.

“That’s okay. I know it’s a change from the city.” Adam did not sound concerned that he had married a woman unfit to survive out here.

“I mean, I recognize the house. And the barn. But what are the others?”

“The long one behind the barn is the bunkhouse. It’s where the hired hands live. I only have a couple right now, but I built it big enough to house ten or so. I’ll need them someday.”

He sounded so confident. It soothed the edge of the fear Millie had been shoving down into her belly for the past few months. If he planned on hiring several hands, then he planned on paying them. And, if he planned on paying them, that meant he had money. And if he had money, then he had security.

“What about the others? The smaller ones?”

“One is a root cellar, for storing food. The other is a meat house.”

“I do know what those are, so don’t be too scared. I’ve been told I’m an excellent cook.” She had tried to play up her assets in her letter to him, but it never hurt to reiterate them. Besides, that part was the absolute truth.

“I’ll give you a tour once we say hello to the children.”

“Where are they?”

“Probably inside. Napping I’d guess, based on the time. Edith, a neighbor, is watching them for me. You’ll be a bit of a change, so we wanted to leave everything else as familiar as possible.”

“Are they going to be upset?” Millie had not really worried too much about that. They were so young, and she had every intention of being a good change. Millie might not know about men like Adam Beale, but she knew about children. She had never met a child that she couldn’t eventually win over. In fact, more than one matron in The Home had put her in charge of the younger kids because of her way with them.

“I told them where I was going, so they know that I am getting married and bringing home a wife. A mother.”

“A mother.” Millie’s voice was soft as reverence washed across her heart. She knew she would be a mother, but it had always felt like some future event. Even with the life growing in her womb, the reality of actually being a mother had always been in the category of someday.

Someday had come. She was a mother now. Right now.

Help me, Lord. Help.

She still felt silly talking in her head to God, but it was becoming increasingly instinctual. Millie’s faith was getting stronger every single day, no matter how much she tried to reason herself out of it. It had already saved her. Literally.

Millie had walked into a church a year ago out of some kind of curiosity she couldn’t contain. After making her list and determining it couldn’t do any harm to just see what the church looked like on the inside, she’d forced her legs to go up those steps and walk through the doorway. Mrs. Thompson had been inside. That action had put into motion a chain of events that had led to Millie being in Kansas about to face her new children for the first time. The Lord sure had a way of doing things.

“This is still what you want, isn’t it? It will be much harder to change your mind once you meet the children. I—”

“No, Adam. Don’t.” It was hard to speak past the panic that put spots in her vision. He thought she had changed her mind? He was going to take her back. But, back to what? She was so close to having a steady, stable home, and now it was all going to disappear. Like the mirages she had read about.

This time it was Millie who reached out and initiated touch. “I’m sorry, Adam. I don’t know what I said wrong, but I haven’t changed my mind. Please, don’t make me go back. Please.”

She was begging. Millie had gone from awe at the thought of being a mother to sheer, humiliating desperation in the span of a heartbeat. She had to fix this.

Adam immediately pulled on the reins and stopped the wagon. Was he getting ready to turn around and take her back?

* * *

How had this gone wrong so fast? He had been enjoying the day, enjoying watching Millie take in her new home. Then, he opened his mouth and ruined it all. Like always. Apparently, he hadn’t learned a single thing from his first wife leaving him.

Adam dropped the reins and turned to Millie. What would he have done with Sarah? He would have tried to hold her. Comfort her. Yeah. He needed to do the opposite of that. His instincts had proven to be disastrously wrong. He needed to change his course or he’d end up in the same place.

“Millie. Calm down.” Adam infused his voice with as much authority as he could manage. It seemed to work, because she stopped begging him to let her stay. She seemed to stop everything. The new Mrs. Beale seemed to have frozen. Her eyes were still wide with panic, but she was no longer gasping for breath. Instead, her breathing had become too shallow. Too still.

“Millie, breathe. Please. Just calm down. I have not changed my mind at all. Not even a little bit. I did not marry you on some whim. I knew what I was doing, and I’m standing by that decision.”

Statue Millie did not so much as blink. His instincts were wrong and apparently the opposite of his instincts were not much better. Maybe Adam was never meant to be in a successful relationship with a woman. Lots of men went through life single. It seemed as though Adam should have taken that path.

But, he hadn’t. And he had two incredible children as a result. Children he needed to provide for. Meant to be a family man or not, Adam had a family. He had a responsibility to those children to give them a real home—including a loving mother. And he would. If he could just figure out how.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re sure. I know you’re sure. If I thought you might change your mind, I never would have married you. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

She started breathing again. Finally. Finally, finally.

“Please. I didn’t mean to upset you.”