Take A Look At Me Now

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CHAPTER ONE

The day that changed my life

When the thing that was going to change my life arrived, it didn’t look anything like I’d expected.

Had you asked me before – say, for instance, when I was wedged into the unfamiliar armpit of a fellow commuter on the bus into work that morning, trying my hardest not to retch at his unique aroma of onions soaked in B.O., and wishing for something in my life to change – I’d have predicted it to look like a priceless object. And I would have expected it to arrive with a Hallelujah chorus and a dramatic, edge-of-your-seat voiceover by that bloke from X Factor:

‘Nell Sullivan has been waiting for something to change her life. And NOW. This. Is. IT …’

What I didn’t expect was for it to be a three-line message scribbled on a lime-green sticky note, stuck to the screen of my computer at work. Especially not from Aidan Matthews – my line manager in Islington Council’s Planning Department and, perhaps more importantly, the man who had been the on-off love interest (and nearest thing to a steady relationship) in my life for the best part of five years.

Hi Nell

Any chance you could find an excuse to pop into my office this morning? Things I need to tell you. A x

As soon as I saw it, I knew my wish from the B.O. bus seat that morning was about to bear fruit. Aidan wanted me back. Until now I hadn’t realised quite how much I wanted to resolve things with him. When we had broken up last time it had been a mutual decision – both of us tired of navigating the problems we’d never been able to solve. But as my finger traced his familiar handwriting on the note, my heart began to race. Maybe we’d both known this would happen: it always had done before. We were destined for each other; it was evident in the chemistry that still sparked between us even when we weren’t together. It had been building for a while: with the lime-green message I now held his intentions were obvious.

Avoiding the suspicious stare of Connie Bagley, the sour-faced secretary who perched like a bitter owl at the desk next to mine (and would happily run to management with the merest whiff of accusation against me), I sauntered nonchalantly across the grey carpet to see Vicky Grocutt, Assistant Planning Officer – and my best friend.

‘Morning, Vicky,’ I said, making a point of raising my voice enough for Cranky Connie to hear. ‘Do you mind if we go over the applications for Domestic Works?’

I saw her eyes light up at the promise of potentially salacious gossip.

‘No problem, Nell. I’m afraid there’s quite a few to get through.’ She gave a knowing smile and stood, grabbing a large armful of files. ‘Perhaps we’d better take this into the meeting room?’

‘Excellent idea.’

Smiling innocently at the repressed rage of our colleague, Vicky and I barely managed to keep our giggles at bay until we were safely behind the closed meeting room door.

‘I’ve got to hand it to you, Nell,’ Vicky laughed, tossing the files on the oval beech meeting table and flopping into a leather office chair, ‘you certainly know how to wind that woman up.’

‘She’s her own worst enemy. If she didn’t take so much pleasure in ratting on everyone it wouldn’t be as much fun to annoy her.’ I filled two mugs from the coffee machine, which was permanently on duty to satisfy the caffeine needs of the department.

‘And you do it so well.’

I grinned as I joined her at the table. ‘Thank you.’

Vicky sipped her coffee and shuddered as the thud of caffeine hit her. ‘My life, who’s on percolator duty this morning?’

‘Terry, I think.’

‘Oh well, that explains it. He’s trying to give up smoking. Again. Must need caffeine to fill the gap.’ She pushed her mug aside and squared herself at me. ‘So come on, what’s the real reason for our meeting?’

‘This.’ I enjoyed the shiver of anticipation as I pulled Aidan’s note from my suit jacket pocket and handed it to her. ‘It was waiting on my screen this morning.’

Vicky picked it up and screwed up her eyes to scrutinise it. I smiled to myself. Even though everyone around her insists she needs glasses, Vicky Grocutt remains a defiant squinter, the thought of visiting an optician’s just too horrific to consider after being brought up in a family of them.

When she realised who the note was from, she blinked at me.

‘Nell …’ she breathed. ‘Do you think …?’

I shrugged and it was all I could do not to squeal out loud. ‘I’m not sure. But what else could it be?’

She appeared to be as excited as I was, having become an expert in my love life by living it vicariously over the years. ‘I knew it! I told you he was giving you the eye yesterday in the briefing meeting. I knew I hadn’t imagined it!’

Yesterday afternoon I hadn’t wanted to believe it, especially as things had been decidedly cool between Aidan and I over the last couple of months. But then I’d caught him glancing in my direction as our superiors droned on about planning objections and schedules, his stunning blue eyes causing the same army of butterflies to lay siege to my stomach as always. Gorgeous Aidan Matthews, with his closely cropped fair hair, square jaw and body to die for …

Aidan’s ability to melt my resolve with one look had long been my undoing since the first day I met him in the office kitchen, six years ago. I lost all power of rational thought when he was around. Over the years the effect he had on me had covered a multitude of disappointments, broken promises and bad timings, leading me to reach the conclusion that we were probably destined to end up together. I believed that our other failed attempts had simply been a case of both of us not being ready: sometimes he’d backed away, sometimes I had. But we always ended up in each other’s arms, and that had to mean something, surely?

‘I don’t know what else it could be,’ I replied. ‘I think he wants us back together. And I think this could be it for us. We’re both tired of this stop-start thing going on. This could be where we get serious.’

‘And not before time,’ Vicky grinned. ‘Greg and I had met, moved in and were expecting Ruby by the time you guys were on your third round of “will-they-won’t-they”. You both need to stop being so feisty and settle down, in my opinion. But how do you feel about it?’

‘Good,’ I said, my mind still abuzz with the revelation. ‘I mean, it’s unexpected, for sure, but now I’ve had time to think about it, I think it could work.’ I could feel tears prick the corners of my eyes. ‘Oh who am I kidding? I love him, Vix!’

My best friend scooped me into a hug, knowing exactly what this development meant for me.

‘Oh babe, I know you do. I want you two to get back together, have lots of hot sex and babies!’

Since becoming a mother, just over two years ago, Vicky had decided that everybody’s life was more interesting, sexy and exciting than hers. While I knew she loved her partner Greg and adored their daughter Ruby, it seemed that she still mourned for the excitement of her single days when she was the terror of bachelors across London and the Home Counties.

She let me go. ‘So, when are you going to see him?’

I took a deep breath. ‘Now.’

When I’d wished for something to change on the bus that morning, the prospect of rekindling my relationship with Aidan had been the furthest thing from my mind. It wasn’t going to change my life – not in the way I expected – but it was a start. A more settled relationship might set me up to make the changes I really wanted to make, changes that might take a few years to bring them into being. For unbeknown to anyone – even my best friend – I had been cradling a dream for years. I dreamed of running my own business. It had begun as an idea for a restaurant but when Vicky and I visited New York for a Christmas shopping trip two years ago my dream had changed. Instead of a café or restaurant, which were ten-a-penny in the capital, I began to dream about establishing a truly authentic American diner, serving pancakes, waffles and French toast for brunch and all manner of burgers, calzone, pizza and BBQ cuts for dinner. Everything prepared fresh, everything made to order. I dreamed about it when stuck in boring Council meetings, sketching doodles of interior layouts and signs on my work memo pad. In my mind it was so clear: baking fresh bread, scone-like biscuits and cinnamon rolls every morning, and crafting banana cream pies, deep-dish apple pies and batch upon batch of pancake batter every day. All of my daydreams were a world away from the never-changing schedule of procedures, plans and paperwork that my current job entailed. When Aidan and I rekindled our relationship, maybe this time I would share it with him. Besides, Aidan was lovely and whenever we had been together, we’d always been happy. Our version of happy, anyway …

Vicky left the meeting room first, making an expert job of engaging Connie in conversation. Seeing the coast was clear, I ducked out and sprinted through the main office to Aidan’s door at the other end. Outside, I paused, checking my reflection in the darkened window of the empty office next door. Not bad, Sullivan, I told myself. My dark-blonde hair was neatly back from my face, making the most of my cheekbones and deep green eyes, and the suit I’d thrown on in a hurry after sleeping through two snoozes of my alarm that morning didn’t look too creased. Aidan wanted to see me, I reminded myself, not my choice of outfit. Straightening the hem of my jacket, I knocked.

‘Yes?’

I pushed the handle and peered around the door. ‘Hi. You wanted to see me?’ Play the game, Nell. Enjoy the chase …

Aidan’s blue eyes sparkled and he rose from his chair. ‘Yes. Yes, I did. You look … great, Nell.’