Gentle First Year: The Essential Guide to Mother and Baby Wellbeing in the First Twelve Months

It’s natural that you might feel apprehensive at the thought of your baby going under water, but you’ll be surprised at how much she loves the feeling of weightlessness – it’s the only time her little body is fluid and synchronized! She may well come up with her eyes wide and smiling, as babies don’t shut their eyes underwater.

BATHTIME BONDING

On a smaller, more intimate scale, water bonding in the bath can play a part in your daily routine. My grandmother in India always said babies should be bathed before midday, not at night, as this closes off the chakras (the seven energy centres on the midline of the body) and inhibits vital growth and repair during sleep. If you can bathe your baby in the morning or at lunchtime, so much the better. However, I appreciate that this is not convenient for the Western lifestyle, where bathtime is often delayed until early evening when working mothers or fathers get home. The bonding opportunities bathtime presents are of course far more precious and must be respected. Equally, you may have another child who is already in an evening bathtime routine or is at school during the day and so can only bathe in the evening. If this is the case, a good compromise is to try and finish bathing before 6pm.

One to two drops of pure lavender essential oil mixed in with milk (so that it doesn’t sit as a film on top of the water) and then added to the running water makes a lovely aromatic bath and will induce a gentle sleepiness just before bedtime.

a water bonding tip

A wonderful mother–baby bonding exercise is floating your baby on her back whilst maintaining eye contact. You can do this in the bath or in a pool (but if the pool has cool water, invest in a neoprene baby wetsuit – see Resources for details).

Touch Bonding

Of all the bonding methods, this has to be my favourite. Regular baby massage soothes the soul of every mother and child, and really forges a powerful empathy and trust between the two. I advocate daily baby massage and think the ideal time is immediately after the bath. No fancy oils are needed, just a good quality base oil such as extra virgin olive oil or sweet almond oil. Apart from the immunological and muscular benefits of the massage, these oils will really nourish and hydrate the baby’s skin, which can look dry and flaky in the first few weeks after birth.

important note

When using sweet almond oil, be sure to rule out any history of nut allergy. There has been a report that almond oil should be avoided if there is a history of epilepsy in the family.

If you would like to harness the benefits of aromatherapy for your baby, add just two drops of lavender essential oil to 50ml of your base massage oil. Lavender calms the central nervous system and is also a muscle relaxant.

I have devised these specific massage routines for you to use after bathtime. If you have followed my gentle birth method, some of the massage techniques will be familiar to you.

CREATIVE HEALING BABY MASSAGE

My method of baby massage is based on my knowledge of the creative healing lines of energy flow within the body. Creative healing was formulated and taught over half a century ago by Joseph B. Stephenson, a healer who devised a method of massage strokes that restored the energy flow within the body. Creative healing is now used widely in the United States and is beginning to filter over to Europe.

Some of the creative healing treatments are of special benefit for babies, such as the treatments for constipation and chest infections.

I appreciate that the creative healing method is more complicated than traditional baby massage, and I have produced a DVD (see Resources) which shows very clearly the baby massage routine. But in spite of my preference for this method, there really doesn’t have to be a set formula when massaging your baby. The most important thing is loving, soothing, healing touch. Touch your baby with any of these intents and you will be amazed at the effect.

In the beginning, it may be hard to massage the limbs fully, as the baby will instinctively want to remain curled up into a little ball. But as you caress and stretch out those little arms and legs, you will be setting the baby on her first steps to standing tall and stretching high. And I defy anyone not to fall irrevocably in love with those peachy thighs, chubby arms and silky tender tummies! Your baby will delight in your spontaneous kisses whilst you massage her, and there will be a terrific endorphin rush for both of you.

basic instructions for creative healing massage

The limbs: Massaged in a downwards movement.

The abdomen: Massaged only in an upwards movement.

The back:

The upper back is massaged upwards.

The middle back is massaged sloping downwards.

The lower back (sacrum) is massaged only in an upwards direction. The sacral nerves flow downwards like the roots of a tree, and it is physiologically sound to lift and reposition the nerve roots equally on both sides of the sacrum. This is done by massaging the sacrum lightly in an upwards direction only with the thumbs.

While on the sacrum, performing very small arc-like movements with your thumbs over the little dimples for a few minutes a day can regulate your baby’s bowels! If your baby is constipated, apply this very light massage for seven minutes. Make sure that your touch is very light so that you do not leave red patches on your baby’s bottom!

The chest: The front of the baby’s chest is massaged from the outer edges of the ribs converging inwards towards the breastbone (sternum). This movement also gets rid of congestion in the lungs, especially following a cough. Indeed, this movement prevents chest infections if the lungs are kept drained on a regular basis.

Routine: The first week just involves learning about your baby’s body rather than initiating a formal routine. The guidelines above indicate the optimal directions for stroking different areas of the body – according to creative healing wisdom – but at this stage you just want the baby to respond positively to your touch and learn to find comfort in it. So touch your baby gently but confidently, and revel in the joy of touching your very own pristine, beloved baby.

You’ll also find that getting to know your baby’s body will empower you for when the baby becomes ill. It’s easy to feel intimidated by the apparent fragility of those little bodies. With daily massage, however, you will know how yielding your baby’s tummy is to regular touch and be able to identify when it is hard, distended or tender. Equally, you will instinctively learn the skin’s natural colour and tone whilst you massage it, and therefore become more alert to rashes.

how massage increases baby’s immunity

The constitutional benefits of touch are pre-programmed by Mother Nature. Every time you touch your baby, you create a virtuous circle whereby you pick up the bacteria living on your child’s skin and pass it into your own system. Your adult system can easily develop antibodies against these bacteria that then pass into your breast milk, protecting your baby and boosting her own natural immune system.

Many of my mothers like to sing songs, rhymes and lullabies whilst they’re massaging the babies, which is a lovely form of sound therapy. The classic songs ‘You are my sunshine/My only sunshine’ and Summertime are favourites, but I know some mums who swear by Don McLean’s Wonderful Baby, not only because of the joyous baby-oriented lyrics, but also because of the many verses!

Best of all, maintain eye contact while you massage. Before you know it, your little butterball will be wriggling off to play some more and you’ll consider yourself lucky to get her nappy on. So treasure these little rituals while you can and you’ll have the memories to cherish forever.

tips from mothers

I receive a lot of correspondence from mothers who follow the gentle birth method – either through my clinic or the book – and many of them stay in contact throughout the first year. Over the years, the tips I have received from these mothers have formed a massive store of information, some of which I will scatter throughout this book. Here is a collection of tips from Sonia Revelli, mother of four children.

Baby stretches to prevent colic. Sonia has found these to be invaluable and they can be done at every nappy change. However, avoid doing these immediately after a feed, as the baby may regurgitate.

Method

Stretch the legs out first, then flex them at the knees and push the little thighs and legs back to the abdomen. Stretch and flex about four or five times.

Then bring the little legs straight up and down by flexing both legs and extending onto the baby’s tummy as much as possible. Repeat five to six times.

Then cross the baby’s ankles, left over right, and flex both thighs onto the tummy. Repeat by crossing the ankles, this time right over left.

This becomes a lovely routine to do at all nappy changes.

Try not to breastfeed your baby lying down. Sonia feels that this predisposes the baby to getting glue ear, due to milk tracking up the Eustachian tube, which joins the ear to the throat.

If the baby has a cold, you might find the ‘Mouche-Bébé’ nose-blow device very useful. A French invention, it is a suction device with a reservoir which you can use to suction the nasal passages to aid breathing, and help the baby to sleep (see Resources for details).

If your baby has a chest infection, try using Moxa sticks. Cover the baby’s legs with a cotton cloth so the skin isn’t heated directly. Gently warm the outsides of the baby’s legs with heated Moxa sticks, held at a safe distance from the baby’s skin. Move the sticks up and down. This is amazing at clearing the nasal passages and lungs. [Moxa sticks are used in Chinese medicine and have excellent success rates. I use them a lot on pregnant mothers with breech babies. They have a 77 per cent success rate in turning the baby.]

TOUCH BONDING FOR PREMATURE BABIES

Touch bonding is never more important than with premature babies. How much you can lay on hands is, of course, determined by how early the baby came. But even if your child is in an incubator, there is still so much you can do to communicate and build a bond. For some parents, their child is so tiny the mother’s little finger dwarfs the baby’s hand, but no matter how small the baby, her instinct will still be to hold on to that finger as tightly as she can. In fact, it is months before babies develop the ability to actually let go, so you can maintain physical contact – albeit limited – for as long as you both want to.

Another comforting touch is placing the flat of your hand on the baby’s tummy, avoiding the umbilical stump. Your warmth and the weight of your hand will be registered by the baby’s body, and there’s even evidence that suggests the baby will recognize the hand as yours – doctors have found that unborn babies kick more vigorously when their father’s hand is placed on the mother’s bump, as opposed to, say, the doctor’s, so there’ll be even more recognition with direct skin-to-skin contact.

Stroking the ‘Third Eye’

Try very gently stroking the area between the eyebrows in a downwards direction – stroking downwards is very sedating. This space relates to the ‘third eye’, and stroking it can invoke deep mental relaxation. In Ayurveda, there is a renowned massage which involves pouring warm oil onto the third eye for up to an hour. It is noted for bringing about a profound sense of peace, and I have found this to be true for the modified stroking variation I use to settle fractious babies and to calm anxious pregnant mothers.

Stroking the Aura

You could also gently mould your hand in a cup shape around your baby’s head and stroke her hair with your thumb. Then move your hand up to an inch away from the baby’s head and make a series of long strokes, starting from the nose and sweeping to the back of the head or as far as you can go. This method, where you do not need to actually touch the baby’s head, makes it ideal to calm premature babies. This is known as ‘stroking the aura’.