Bound By Their Babies: Bound by Their Babies

Enough. He needed to sleep. He turned out the light and rolled onto his side, bashing his pillow into submission, but it didn’t help. Nothing helped, and his mind was still churning, struggling with the concept of a job share with Em.

Could they do it? Would it work? Or would it put such an unreasonable strain on their relationship that it would destroy it? Because it wouldn’t just mean sharing the job. He’d be sharing his home, his child, his entire life with Emily. Could they honestly make it work?

He didn’t know, but sleep evaded him and he lay awake for hours turning it over and over in his mind without coming up with anything better—or anything else at all.

He knew they could live together, they were already doing it, and they were coping, even if he did spend hours every day slamming the door on his lust. They’d squabble about stuff and she’d complain about his untidiness, but there was no malice in it. But was it fair on Emily to ask her to leave the home she’d shared with Pete?

No, but then the whole situation was unfair. It wasn’t fair that Pete had died and left Emily widowed and Zach without a father. It wasn’t fair that Jo had walked out first on him and then on Matilda, and almost bled him dry in the process.

None of it was fair and they had no choice but to deal with the hand life had dealt them, but the children weren’t coping, and that was the root of the problem. Matilda didn’t really know Emily. How was she feeling being left with her every day? Not great, if today was anything to go by, but would Zach fare any better when it was the other way round? And how would he feel, looking after Zach? Looking after his own daughter, come to that?

He’d never anticipated being a full-time father, but it was just an extension of what he’d already been doing, with Zach chucked into the mix for good measure.

Could they manage to make it work, juggling the childcare between them? It was an awesome responsibility. Was he up to it? Was Emily?

He had no idea, but short of finding a nanny in the next few days he was out of options. It had to work, they had to make it work, and the first thing he was going to do tomorrow was run the idea past Ben Walker, and see what he thought of it.

He wasn’t even going to consider what he’d do if Ben said no.

CHAPTER THREE (#u41ba6c35-1f6e-5acb-8cfd-76d30ce6e05d)

BEN DIDN’T SAY NO—well, not a flat-out no, at any rate, and maybe even tending towards a yes.

He was on call that weekend and already at the hospital when Jake sent him a text at six-thirty saying he needed to talk. He rang straight back, and didn’t turn a hair when Jake suggested they meet on the benches outside the Park Café before eight on a dewy April morning. He didn’t even mind that Matilda was with him, sitting on the damp bench between them eating a little muffin from the café for her breakfast. He listened carefully without interrupting until Jake ground to a halt, then pulled a sort of ‘maybe’ face and nodded slowly.

‘Would you consider taking on a bit more? Because we could really do with a female consultant, but we also need more consultant time in general and getting someone for just one or two days a week is impossible. If you could manage another two or three sessions between you and a share of weekend and night cover, the Trust might look on it very favourably, especially if I lean on them,’ he added with a grin. ‘You’d end up overlapping for a day, but you’d probably want to anyway for continuity. The only real difficulty I can see is the night cover when you’re on call. How will you deal with that?’

‘No problem. We’ll be living together, which makes us much more flexible.’

Ben frowned, his face concerned. ‘When you say living together...?’

‘Not like that, we’re just friends,’ he said hastily.

Ben’s eyebrow quirked sceptically. ‘You’d have to be very good friends to make that work. Are you sure you know each other well enough? It’s a lot to take on, Jake, and if this job share relies on your domestic situation and it breaks down—’

‘It won’t break down,’ he said firmly. ‘We’ve house-shared before. I’ve known her for over twenty years and I can’t think of anyone else I’d contemplate doing it with. Let’s face it, we both have a very strong vested interest in making it work. And if it really got on our nerves, we could divide the house into two flats. Heaven knows it’s big enough.’

‘Well, that’s true,’ Ben said with a wry smile. ‘And how long are you thinking this would last? A year? Two? Ten? Because there are implications for your future, for your pension, for your career progression. It’s not trivial.’

‘I know. I realise that, so does Emily, but to be frank, Ben, we’d don’t have a lot of options and this is far and away the best idea we’ve come up with for either of us. Can I talk to her about the extra sessions and come back to you?’

‘Of course. What sort of start date were you thinking of?’

‘As soon as possible. I can’t mess about like this for ever, it’s not fair on you or Matilda or my patients, and Em needs an answer, too, because she’s coming to the end of her mat leave and she needs to get a job sorted soon.’

Ben gave a wry smile. ‘Good, because juggling the rota is frying my brains. Look, go and talk to her and let me know what she thinks. Obviously you’ll have to jump through all the official hoops, but nobody’s in the business of making this any more complicated than it has to be and if you want to go ahead I’ll do everything I can.’

He nodded. ‘And until then? Because yesterday was a really tough day for Emily and the kids, but I’m so conscious of letting you down if I take more time off and I’m just torn in two.’

‘Of course you are,’ Ben said quietly. ‘Anyone would be, and I do understand, but don’t worry about it. We all need this sorted out one way or another very quickly, but I’m sure it can be done, subject of course to interview and your joint proposal ticking all the necessary boxes. We’d need to be sure it would work before we could agree to it.’

He closed his eyes briefly, felt some of the tension leak away and gave a quiet laugh. ‘Of course. And thanks for being so reasonable. I’m really sorry about this.’

‘Don’t be. Stuff happens, Jake, it’s all part of life’s rich pattern. The trick is to learn to roll with the punches. Go on, take Matilda home, talk to Emily and get back to me.’

* * *

Her phone rang while she was swiping porridge from every accessible part of Zach’s high chair.

Jake. Of course.

‘You have a gift for calling me when I’m covered in gloop,’ she said drily. ‘How did it go?’

‘Well, I think. He’s going to talk to the Trust. We’re just on our way home. I’ll tell you more then.’

So it could be happening. She put the phone down and carried on wet-wiping, a funny little hitch in her chest. And not in a good way.

Ridiculous, because she had to work, she wanted to work, and this whole thing had been her idea, so from that point of view it was good, but he’d been right about her house. She already missed it, missed having her familiar things around her like a security blanket, even if she’d denied it yesterday. It wasn’t for ever, though, just until the children were a little older so they could go into full-time childcare without being irreparably damaged.

And that time would come. She couldn’t imagine Jake wanting to work part time for ever. He was too much of a career doctor to want to take a back seat, and then she could go back to her own house, or sell it and move on. There was no hurry now, though. She could let the house in the meantime and see how it went. She didn’t have to sell it and burn all her boats.

Not yet.

* * *

They took the children to the park and pushed them side by side in the baby swings while she listened to what Ben had said.

‘There’s a lot of official stuff. We’ll have to submit a joint application for the job share, outlining how we’d split the workload, and we’d both have to be interviewed so they can be sure we’ve thought it through, but in the meantime Ben’s going to run it by them because it’s an opportunity to gain a few more sessions of consultant cover each week, so actually he’s really on board with it, especially as you’re a woman. And it means we’d both earn more if we did the extra hours. Would you be up for that?’

‘Yes, I don’t see why not. It all sounds really positive,’ she said. ‘And in the meantime I can look after the children so you can get back to work at least most of the time, and we’ll just have to rub along somehow. It’ll give them time to settle into a routine, and you’ll know Tilly’s safe even if she’s not overjoyed with the situation.’

‘And if the Trust says no?’

She shrugged. ‘Then I’ll have to look for another job or go back to my old one, and you’ll have to put Tilly into childcare, but let’s just hope it doesn’t happen.’

There was a long silence, punctuated by the creak of the swings, and then he said, ‘Are you absolutely sure you want to do this, Em? Because I don’t want to set this all up and then you change your mind because it’s too big a commitment or you want your own space back—or even your old job, because it’ll be gone, so it has massive implications, especially for you. If we can do this, it’ll be great, but I want you to be absolutely sure before it goes any further because there’s no way back to where we are now, for either of us.’

She met his eyes, read the conflicting emotions of hope and concern, and shut the lid on her doubts.

‘I am sure,’ she said, to convince herself as much as him. She owed Jake so much, and if she could do this for him and make it work, it would go at least some way towards repaying him. She wouldn’t even think about failing, because it wasn’t an option. It couldn’t be.

His eyes held hers. ‘Honestly?’

‘Honestly,’ she said, her voice firmer now. ‘If the Trust says yes, I’ll move in with you properly and let my house, but in the meantime Zach will have a chance to get used to you before I need to leave him. Don’t worry, Jake. We’ll get there.’

‘We could split the house, if you’d rather. It’s easy with the bathrooms, I’ll just use the shower room, but if you want your own floor, or a separate sitting room—’

‘I don’t. If you do, just say the word and we can sort it out, but as I’ve told you, I like the company.’ She smiled at him. ‘And sure, you’ve got a few irritating habits, but I’ll just have to turn a blind eye to those.’