Bachelor Father

“Zeke, please don’t...don’t leave me here and go for help.”

He glanced at her in astonishment. “It never occurred to me.”

Relief shone in her eyes. “Maybe I’m being silly. If I didn’t have Amanda I wouldn’t mind, but—”

“I wouldn’t leave you.” His pulse raced as he gazed into her eyes and saw the fulfillment she drew from nursing her child. No woman had ever looked so beautiful to him, so desirable, as Katherine did now. Motherhood had given her a glow that he found almost irresistible. But he would have to resist.

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

For a moment he wondered if she was asking about the flat tire or if she wanted a solution to their much bigger problem. He didn’t have one for it. But she probably was talking about the tire. “We’ll drive on it,” he said. “I have a cabin out here. It’s not far. From there we can call a tow truck.”

“You live out here?” She sounded quite interested.

“Yeah, when I’m not on duty at the park. It beats renting an apartment somewhere.”

She nodded. “I can’t picture you in an apartment. I imagine you clearing the land and building something out of logs, like Daniel Boone or Davy Crockett.”

That made him smile. “Which is exactly what I did.”

She gazed at him, her expression wistful. “That’s the first time you’ve smiled since we met at the lodge.”

“Yeah, well, this experience hasn’t been a laugh a minute.”

“I hate that it’s so painful for you. She’s a beautiful little girl, and I wish you could share some of the joy I feel.”

“You’re really happy about this?” All along he’d thought she was being a good sport for the baby’s sake.

“How could I help being happy? Maybe I was a bit shocked when the doctor told me I was pregnant, but in about five minutes the shock wore off and I started feeling excited. A new life was growing inside me. That’s a miraculous thing, Zeke.”

He wondered if he’d have reacted that positively if she’d called to tell him right away. Maybe not, but he’d never know. Well-meaning though she might have been, she’d cheated him out of that sense of anticipation. “But what about your career? Isn’t this messing things up for you?”

“It could, if I had a different boss, but Naomi gave me all the time off I needed to make sure this baby had a chance to survive. Now that she’s here, I’m able to take her to the office with me, and when she’s a toddler she can stay in Cachet’s in-house nursery while I work.” She paused. “My only regret is whatever trouble I’m causing you.”

“You haven’t caused me any yet.” She’d caused him a fair share of heartache, but she’d protected him from any inconvenience so far. He wasn’t sure he thanked her for that.

“We wouldn’t be stuck out on this road if it weren’t for me.”

“We wouldn’t, but I would be. This tire would have blown on the way back home whether you were riding with me or not. And I probably would have decided to drive on it instead of hiking through the rain to the cabin.”

“That makes me feel a little bit better.” She glanced down at Amanda. “I think she’s about finished. If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll burp her and put her back in her carrier so we can get going.”

“Sure.” He understood the message. He was supposed to stop looking at her and focus on something outside the cab so she could get herself together again. With some regret he did that, staring across a meadow to the misty forest beyond. Normally he could see the Tetons from here, but the clouds had moved in and completely covered them.

For once the landscape he’d grown to love didn’t interest him. He tried to ignore the rustle of clothing as Katherine buttoned her blouse, but it was pretty tough to ignore the happy little sounds she made as she talked softly to Amanda in the process.

He wondered if his mother had ever talked to him that way, with a singsong lilt to her voice. All he remembered were the frowns and the switches made of willow, and even those memories were hazy now. He’d only been three when she’d driven him to the entrance of Lost Springs and ordered him out of the car, but he still remembered everything about that moment—the clothes he’d had on, the smell of the dirt under his feet, the hawk circling overhead in a huge, cloudless sky.

“I’ll burp her, change her diaper, and we’re done,” Katherine said.

Zeke took that as his cue that it was safe to look at her again. Sure enough, she was properly dressed now, with Amanda propped over her shoulder as she patted the baby’s back. He’d probably never have the chance to watch her nurse Amanda again. Maybe that was best.

Amanda made a sound like a bullfrog. The magnitude of it startled Zeke. “Does that hurt her?”

“Nope.” Katherine smiled. “It would hurt her if I let that gas stay in her tummy. Then she’d really scream. Listen, would you mind getting me the diaper bag from the back? This will just take a second.”

He leaned over the back seat and hauled the multicolored bag up front. He placed it between them where she could reach it. “Want me to look away again?”

Katherine laughed as she placed Amanda on a pad on her lap and popped the snaps on the baby’s pink jumpsuit. “Not on Amanda’s account. She’s a free spirit who doesn’t mind in the least who sees her naked.”

“Unlike her mother.” After he’d led her back to his camp last summer, she’d made him hang a blanket between two trees so she could hide behind it when she took off her soaked clothes.

Her cheeks turned pink and she concentrated on untaping Amanda’s disposable diaper. “I barely knew you then.”

“You barely know me now.”

She didn’t look at him. “That’s true, I guess.”

“So why not make a clean break before this gets any more complicated? It’s what you decided to do last summer, isn’t it?”

Her movements stilled. “I thought that’s what we both decided.”

“Yeah, I guess we did.” Wild horses wouldn’t drag the truth from him.

She glanced up, her hazel eyes troubled. “But now there’s Amanda.”

“Look, I’ll be glad to send you a check every month if that’s—”

“No. I don’t want money. I thought I made that clear.”

“Then what do you want?” He watched the confusion in her eyes and believed that she didn’t really know. “We can’t make this turn out like a storybook,” he said. “You can’t wave a magic wand and turn me into the daddy who goes off to the office with a briefcase every day and then comes home to play patty-cake with his daughter.”

“I know that.” She popped open a plastic container and ripped out a moist towelette with an angry motion.

“So given that I’m staying here and you’re going back to New York with Amanda, what kind of a real father could I be?”

“I don’t have all the answers, Zeke.”

“But you don’t want me to sign away my parental rights to this baby.”

She glanced up. “No, I don’t. But you still have that option. If you decide that’s the best thing for you, then by all means do it.”

“I do think it’s for the best,” he said quietly.

“All right.” She swallowed and leaned down to finish diapering Amanda. “Then I guess I’d better stop trying to change your mind.” She snapped the baby’s jumpsuit together again. “Hold her for a minute while I get organized to put her back in her seat.”

He took the baby from her, and Amanda’s tiny body felt a little less foreign to him this time. She stared up at him with the same concentration as before. Then she began waving her arms and kicking with her legs.

“Hold still now,” he said, trying to keep his voice gentle. He didn’t want her to start crying because he was too gruff with her.