Bachelor Father

Naomi Rutledge had made it clear, however, that her check wouldn’t be issued until after this weekend.

Zeke had never pretended to understand the thinking process of people who lived back East, but the whole deal was weird, even for New Yorkers. Painful though it had been, Zeke had combed through every moment of the night he’d spent with Katherine, searching for a clue as to what this could be about.

From the beginning, he’d tried to control his growing sexual awareness of her, which had been tough as their conversation grew more personal. He found out she’d broken up with her boyfriend, and to get her head on straight she’d decided to spend some time alone in the wilderness. She’d admitted that notion had been naive and overly dramatic.

Plucky, honest women appealed to him, and this one seemed to be available. Eventually his desire felt natural and right, something to be seriously considered even though they’d just met. But while he was debating the issue, she’d made the first move. It had only been a light touch on his arm, yet he’d felt his world shift. Then he’d turned to look into her hazel eyes. That moment when he knew that she wanted him as ferociously as he wanted her would be with him forever. A moment like that could make a man feel like a god.

This moment, however, when he was about to confront her after nearly a year of silence, when he’d been summoned to this meeting by her boss and kept in the dark about the reason, made him feel like a toadstool.

He sang another chorus of the drinking song as he pulled his beat-up truck in among the out-of-state cars and tour buses parked at Jackson Lake Lodge. But he didn’t have the nerve to keep singing as he walked into the lounge where they were supposed to meet, so the jitters he’d postponed with the song struck with a vengeance. He’d always loved this high-ceilinged room with tall windows facing Jackson Lake and the jagged Tetons beyond. He hoped this meeting wouldn’t ruin the place for him.

Heart pounding, he scanned the room. He didn’t see her. Damn it, after all this, maybe she’d stood him up. Of course, that would be a good thing. He didn’t want to see her, anyway. Except that he’d gotten himself all worked up about the prospect, and at least if he saw her, he’d find out the answer to the mystery.

“Zeke?”

He wouldn’t have bet that he’d recognize Katherine’s voice, but he didn’t have to turn around to know she’d spoken his name. A flood of desire took him completely by surprise as his body replayed the sensation of being deep inside her. He turned to face her slowly, giving him time to regain his cool. He knew she wouldn’t be wearing rumpled khakis this time, and he prepared himself for her city look.

But as he gazed at her, his brain stalled. When he finally admitted what he was seeing, his knees almost gave way.

She looked more polished than she had a year ago, but he barely noticed as his attention fastened on the canvas carrier snuggled intimately against her chest. She supported the weight of the carrier with one arm. With her free hand she cradled the head of a baby. A baby with very black hair.

While his mind shouted denials, his gut reacted with a primitive tug of certainty. His. He relived the dizzy ecstasy of being inside Katherine, of her warmth and a connection unlike any he’d known. When he’d finally poured himself into her, he’d experienced a sense of purpose he’d never felt with any woman. Maybe he’d known then, no matter what she’d said about birth-control pills. Maybe he’d known all along that this could be the only logical explanation for their meeting today.

“Her...her name is Amanda.” Katherine sounded out of breath. “Zeke, I didn’t mean for this to happen. Apparently the stress of nearly drowning short-circuited my system.”

A girl. He noticed the baby’s terry outfit was pink. He began to shake. A baby girl. Somehow knowing that she was a girl terrified him even more. She was asleep, her dark lashes creating a fringe above each cheek. She pursed her tiny mouth, then relaxed it again. Petrified though he was of this little bundle, he couldn’t seem to look away.

“I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I realize this comes as something of a surprise.” She paused. “Zeke, I wish you would say something.”

With great effort he lifted his gaze and looked at Katherine. A frown creased her high forehead. How he’d enjoyed touching the smooth planes of her face as they’d lain side by side in his small tent, his battery lantern on low so he could see her while they made love. Her golden eyes had reminded him of a mountain streambed, the kind that he could stare into for hours. He might have even told her that. He knew he’d said things to her that he’d never said to anyone before, risked more than he’d meant to risk.

Her eyes brought him no joy today. All he could see was a woman who’d taken the best he had to give, then acted as if she could hardly wait to get away from him the next morning. Admittedly he wasn’t good at expressing his feelings, but that morning he’d been trying to think how he could tell her what the night had meant to him. Before he had it figured out, she’d announced she’d better leave. He’d been half expecting her rejection. In his experience, caring too much almost guaranteed being discarded like an empty fast-food sack.

And now obligation was all that had brought her here to let him know they had a baby. He wanted to call Amanda an accident, but he knew she wasn’t. At the time she was conceived, he thought he’d found his mate. That belief alone might have cancelled Katherine’s birth-control pills. He’d seen people will their own death, so maybe you could will life into existence, too. Maybe he’d unconsciously done that.

He cleared his throat. “I think we should find a more private spot to talk about this.”

“You’re right, we probably should. But just let me say this. I’m not here to ask for anything—not child support or even for you to give Amanda your name. I take full responsibility for this baby. I understand how you want to live your life, and a child doesn’t fit in very well. Now that you’ve seen her, if you’d like to relinquish all rights and never see either of us again, that’s fine.”

He stared at her, hurt tearing at his insides. She knew nothing about the way he wanted to live his life, but she’d use his loner status to justify closing him away from the baby because that suited her best. Anger and self-protection followed close on the heels of his pain as he threw up the walls that had sheltered his bruised heart all his life. He kept his voice low. “Is that what you came for? To have me sign off on this kid?”

“No!”

The baby’s eyes opened and she started to whimper.

Katherine rocked her gently. “I mean, yes, if that’s what you want, but if—”

“You could have hired a lawyer to put that in a letter and saved us both a lot of time.” He took satisfaction from the distress in her eyes.

“I thought you deserved to see her.”

“How considerate.” He lowered his voice even more, conscious of others in the lounge starting to listen in. “You haven’t seen fit to contact me in all these months, not even when you knew you were pregnant. Now you drop out of the sky, present this baby and suggest I give up my rights. That’s a great idea, but I don’t need three days in a plush lodge to work that out with you. Mail me the papers.” He brushed past her and walked out of the lounge, refusing to allow the baby’s wail to penetrate the thickness of the wall around him.

* * *

KATHERINE STOOD in the middle of the lounge in a state of shock, automatically comforting Amanda while she tried to assimilate what had taken place. Unless she’d misunderstood, Zeke had just agreed to the very thing that Naomi wanted, and for all intents and purposes, the visit had already accomplished its goal. She should feel jubilant, ready to celebrate before catching a flight back to New York.

Instead she wanted to cry. This was wrong, all wrong. Back in New York, she’d thought such a plan would be best for everyone, but after seeing Zeke again, she knew she didn’t want him to sign some papers and disappear from Amanda’s life.

When she’d walked into the lounge and caught sight of him there, his broad back to her, she’d felt an unexpected rush of delight. And awe. She’d forgotten just how big a man he was. His silky black hair seemed a little longer—it touched his collar in back now. But his stance was disturbingly familiar, and the faded jeans and blue flannel shirt could have been the same ones he’d worn that night. She suspected he had lots of similar clothes.

And he certainly fit the surrounding country with his massive frame and bronzed good looks. The rugged Tetons outside the window provided the perfect backdrop for a man in flannel and denim.

In spite of the anxiety she’d felt at presenting Amanda to him, she’d looked forward to the moment he would turn around, the moment she would once again be able to admire his warrior’s face with those intense dark eyes. Until now she hadn’t acknowledged to herself how much she’d missed him.

And now he was gone.

But maybe she could still catch him.

Grabbing up the diaper bag she’d set down, she clutched Amanda tight and hurried out of the lodge. She made it into the parking lot just as Zeke started to climb into an old gray truck. Calling his name, she started toward him as a light rain began falling.

He turned, but there was no charity in his glance. The forbidding look in his dark eyes almost made her give up and go back inside, but Amanda’s warm weight against her body was all the motivation she needed.

“Please don’t leave.”

His expression was totally closed. “It’s raining. Take her back inside.”

“Come inside with me. We’ll get some coffee. We’ll talk.” She was begging, but she didn’t care. “I don’t want you to leave like this. Surely you’ll want to see her once in a while, and we need to—”

“Why?”

“Because she’s your daughter!”

His laugh was harsh. “You say that as if it makes a difference. I happen to know being somebody’s biological kid doesn’t mean a thing.”

So he’d been abandoned by his parents, she thought. He hadn’t admitted that when they’d talked about neither of them having any family left. She took a deep breath. “You’re right, it doesn’t mean a thing to some people. I had you pegged differently.”

His eyes hardened even more. “Up until ten minutes ago I didn’t even know this baby existed. I wish you’d done us both a favor and kept it that way, but since you haven’t, I’m going to leave here and pretend I never laid eyes on her.”

“Zeke, please don’t.”

“It’s the best thing all around. Now take her back in. It’s raining harder.” He climbed into his truck, started the engine and backed out of the parking space.

Katherine bowed her head over Amanda to shelter her from the rain and to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Naomi would be thrilled, she told herself, sniffing. A clean break. No strings. Lots of little girls grew up without fathers.

Amanda gurgled and waved her hand, bumping her fist against Katherine’s damp cheek.

“Forgive me, sweetheart,” Katherine murmured, not sure who she wanted to forgive her—Amanda or Zeke.