The Other Side of Midnight

‘Is Saturday a bad day for you?’

‘I’m not ready for the abortion yet, Israel. I just wanted to know that I could count on you to help me.’

Madame Rose noticed the change in Noelle, not merely a physical change, but something that went much deeper, a radiance, an inner glow that seemed to fill her. Noelle walked around with a constant smile, as though hugging some wonderful secret.

‘You have found a lover,’ Madame Rose said. ‘It shows in your eyes.’

Noelle nodded. ‘Yes, Madame.’

‘He is good for you. Hold onto him.’

‘I will,’ Noelle promised. ‘As long as I can.’

Three weeks later Israel Katz telephoned her. ‘I haven’t heard from you,’ he said. ‘I was wondering if you had forgotten?’

‘No,’ Noelle said. ‘I think of it all the time.’

‘How do you feel?’

‘Wonderful.’

‘I’ve been looking at the calendar. I think that we had better go to work.’

‘I’m not ready yet,’ Noelle said.

Three weeks passed before Israel Katz telephoned her again.

‘How about having dinner with me?’ he asked.

‘All right.’

They arranged to meet at a cheap café on the rue de Chat Qui Peche. Noelle had started to suggest a better restaurant when she remembered what Israel had said about interns not having much money.

He was waiting for her when she arrived. They chatted aimlessly through dinner and it was not until the coffee arrived that Israel discussed what was on his mind.

‘Do you still want to have the abortion?’ he asked.

Noelle looked at him in surprise. ‘Of course.’

‘Then you must have it right away. You’re more than two months pregnant.’

She shook her head. ‘No, not yet, Israel.’

‘Is this your first pregnancy?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then let me tell you something, Noelle. Up until three months, an abortion is usually an easy matter. The embryo has not been fully formed and all you need is a simple curettage, but after three months’ – he hesitated – ‘it’s another kind of operation, and it becomes dangerous. The longer you wait, the more dangerous it becomes. I want you to have the operation now.’

Noelle leaned forwards. ‘What’s the baby like?’

‘Now?’ He shrugged. ‘Just a lot of cells. Of course, all the nuclei are there to form a complete human being.’

‘And after three months?’

‘The embryo starts to become a person.’

‘Can it feel things?’

‘It responds to blows and loud noises.’

She sat there, her eyes locked onto his. ‘Can it feel pain?’

‘I suppose so. But it is protected with an amniotic sac.’ He suddenly felt an uneasy stirring. ‘It would be pretty hard for anything to hurt it.’

Noelle lowered her eyes and sat staring at the table, silent and thoughtful.

Israel Katz studied her a moment and then said shyly, ‘Noelle, if you want to keep this baby and are afraid to because it will have no father … well, I would be willing to marry you and give the baby a name.’

She looked up in surprise. ‘I have already told you. I don’t want this baby. I want to have an abortion.’

‘Then, for Christ’s sake, have it!’ Israel shouted. He lowered his voice as he realized that other patrons were staring at him. ‘If you wait much longer, there isn’t a doctor in France who will do it. Don’t you understand? If you wait too long, you could die!’

‘I understand,’ Noelle said quietly. ‘If I were going to have this baby, what kind of diet would you put me on?’

He ran his fingers through his hair, bewildered. ‘Lots of milk and fruit, lean meat.’

That night on her way home Noelle stopped at the corner market near her apartment and bought two quarts of milk and a large box of fresh fruit.

Ten days later Noelle went into Madame Rose’s office and told her that she was pregnant and asked for a leave of absence.

‘For how long?’ Madame Rose asked, eyeing Noelle’s figure.

‘Six or seven weeks.’

Madame Rose sighed. ‘Are you sure what you are doing is the best thing?’

‘I’m sure,’ Noelle replied.

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Very well. Come back to me as soon as you can. I will ask the cashier to give you an advance on your salary.’

‘Thank you, Madame.’

For the next four weeks Noelle never left her apartment, except to buy groceries. She felt no hunger and ate very little for herself, but she drank enormous quantities of milk for the baby and crammed her body with fruit. She was not alone in the apartment. The baby was with her and she talked to him constantly. She knew it was a boy just as she had known she was pregnant. She had named him Larry.