Diaries of Court Ladies of Old Japan

To-night I will drag from its bed the root of ayame.[198 - The meaning of the poem is vague. Ayame may mean Iris sibirica – rain-stop, darkness– these are homonyms in Japanese. The fifth day of the fifth month was a festival day, and people adorned their houses with iris sibirica, so the last line might mean that she wanted to prepare for the festival. If we take the word ayame in the meaning of rain-stop, then we can understand the poem as follows: "It is the wet season now, and it is raining within my heart. To-night I am going to the temple to pray that the rainy season will be over (and to chase away the darkness from my soul). After that I wish you to come."]

Went to the temple and came back after two or three days to find a letter [from him]:

My heart yearns for thee, and I wish to see thee, yet I am discouraged by the treatment of the other night. I am sad and ashamed. Do not suppose that I remain at home because my feeling is shallow.

She is cold-hearted, yet I cannot forget her.
Time wipes out bitterness, but deepens longings
Which to-day have overcome me.

Not slight is my feeling, although —

Her reply:

Are you coming? Scarcely believable are your words,
For not even a shadow
Passes before my unfrequented dwelling.

The Prince came as usual unannounced. The lady did not believe that he would come at all, and being tired out with the religious observances of several days, fell asleep. No one noticed the gentle knocking at the gate. He, on the other hand, had heard some rumours, and suspecting the presence of another lover, quietly retired. A letter came on the morning of the next day:

I stood before your closed door
Never to be opened.
Seeing, it became the symbol of your pitiless heart!

I tasted the bitterness of love, and pitied myself.

Then she knew that he had come the night before – carelessly fallen asleep! – and wrote back:

How can you write the thought?
The door of precious wood was closely shut,
No way to read that heart.

All is thy suspicion – O that I could lay bare my heart [to you]!

The next night he wanted to come again, yet he was advised against it. He feared the criticism of the Chamberlain and Crown Prince, so his visits became more and more infrequent. In the continuous rains the lady gazed at the clouds and thought how the court would be talking about them. She had had many friends; now there was only the Prince. Though people invented various tales about her, she thought the truth could never be known to any. The Prince wrote a letter about the tedious rain:

You are thinking only of the long rains
Forever falling everywhere.
Into my heart also the rain falls —
Long melancholy days.

It was smile-giving to see that he seized upon every occasion to write her a poem, and she also felt as he did that this was a time for sentiment.

The reply:

Unaware of the sadness in your heart,
Knowing only of the rain in mine.

And on another paper she wrote another poem:

It passes, the very sorrowful life of the world —
By to-day's long { rains
{ meditation it can be known
The { high-water mark
{ flood will be exceeded.

Is it still long? [before you come].

The Prince read this letter and the messenger came back with his answer:

Helpless man,
I am weary even of life.
Not to you alone beneath the sky
Is rain and dulness.

For us both it is a stupid world.

It was the sixth day of the Fifth month – rain not yet stopped. The Prince had been much more touched by her answer of the day before, which was deeper in feeling, and on that morning of heavy rain he sent with much kindness to inquire after her.

Very terrible was the sound of rain …
Of what was I thinking
All the long night through
Listening to the rain against the window?

I was sheltered, but the storm was in my heart.

The lady wrote thus to the Prince, and he thought, "Not hopeless."

His poem:

All the night through, it was of you I thought —
How is it in a house where is no other
To make rain forgotten?

At noon people were talking about the flooding of the Kamo River, and many went to see it, the Prince among them. He wrote:

How are you at present? I have just come back from flood-seeing.

The feeling of my heart, like the overflowing waters of the flood,
But deeper my heart's feeling.

Do you know this?

She wrote:

Toward me the waters do not overflow.
No depth lies there
Though the meadow is flooded.

Words are not enough.