Дживс, вы – гений! / Thank you, Jeeves!

* * *

I spent an agreeable two hours strolling about, and it was late afternoon when the imperative need for a cup of tea sent me back. I wanted to find Jeeves.

A maid directed me to his room.

“In fact, Jeeves,” I said, “I suppose old Chuffy is feeling great.”

“Not exactly, sir.”

“Eh?”

“No, sir. I regret to say that there has been something wrong.”

“What! Have they quarrelled already?”

“No, sir. His lordship’s relations with Miss Stoker continue cordial. It is with Mr Stoker that he is on distant terms.”

“Oh, my God!”

“Yes, sir.”

“What happened?”

“The origin of the trouble was a physical contest[57 - physical contest – состязание в силе] between Master Dwight Stoker and Master Seabury, sir. Master Seabury tried to get exact from Master Dwight the sum of one shilling and sixpence for what he termed protection.”

“Oh, Lord!”

“Yes, sir. Master Dwight, I gathered, declined. One word led to another, with the result that at about three-thirty sounds were heard proceeding from the room, and the senior members of the party discovered the young gentlemen on the floor, they were struggling. At the moment of their arrival, Master Dwight was seated on Master Seabury’s chest, bumping his head on the carpet.”

“And then?”

“The initiative was taken by Lady Chuffnell.”

I moaned.

“On witnessing it, her ladyship uttered a sharp cry and struck Master Dwight with considerable force on the right ear.”

“Upon which, of course—?”

“Precisely, sir. Mr Stoker kicked Master Seabury.”

“He got him, Jeeves!”

“Yes, sir. Master Seabury was rising at the moment, and was well adapted for the receipt of such an attack. Her ladyship called to Sir Roderick for support, and high words[58 - high words – слова в повышенном тоне] ensued. Then Mr Stoker informed Sir Roderick that if he supposed that he, Mr Stoker, intended to purchase Chuffnell Hall after what had occurred, he, Sir Roderick, was in grave error.”

I buried the head in the hands.

“His lordship urged Mr Stoker to disclaim these words. It was his lordship’s view that Mr Stoker, having given his promise to purchase Chuffnell Hall, could not, as an honourable man, recede from this obligation. Mr Stoker replied that he did not care what he had promised or what he had not promised. After that, his lordship, I regret to say, became unguarded in his speech.”

I moaned again.

“Then Mr Stoker returned to the yacht with Miss Stoker and Master Dwight. Sir Roderick has gone to the local inn. Lady Chuffnell is with Master Seabury in his bedroom. His lordship, I believe, is taking the dog for a run in the west park.”

“When all this happened, had Chuffy told Stoker he wanted to marry Miss Stoker?”

“No, sir.”

“Well, I don’t see how he can very well do it now.”

“I think the announcement would not be cordially received, sir. And I chanced to be an auditor of a conversation between Mr and Miss Stoker. It was the gentleman’s intention to keep Miss Stoker on board, not permitting her to go ashore.”

“But you said he didn’t know anything about the engagement.”

“Mr Stoker’s motive is not to prevent her encountering his lordship, but to obviate any chance of her meeting you, sir. The fact that you embraced the young lady has convinced him that her affection for you has persisted since your parting in New York.”

“You’re sure you really heard all this?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You were talking with Chuffy, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And he heard all that, too?”

“Yes, sir.”

“About me kissing Miss Stoker?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did he say?”

“He mentioned something about giving you a good lesson, sir.”

“Jeeves,” I said, “advise me, Jeeves.”

“Well, sir, I think it might be judicious if you were to attempt to persuade his lordship that the spirit in which you embraced Miss Stoker was a purely brotherly one.”

I rose.

“It may work, Jeeves. It is, at least, worth trying. I shall now leave you, to prepare myself for the ordeal before me with silent meditation.”

“Your tea will be here in a moment, sir.”

“No, Jeeves. This is no time for tea. I must concentrate. I dare say I shall see him shortly.”

“It would not surprise me if you find his lordship awaiting you at your cottage, sir.”