The First Time Mums’ Club

‘What’s happened?’ She tried not to take his bad mood personally, but she couldn’t help it. His sharpness stabbed at her emotions like a knife and she felt the tears prickle behind her eyes as frustration showed its face.

He exhaled impatiently and stood up. ‘Just a bad day.’

‘Well, talk to me. I’m your wife, that’s what I’m here for.’ Same argument, different day.

He turned to look at her in frustration, hands brushing through his short, cropped brown hair. ‘Why? You’re hardly going to be able to help me. I come home to chill out, not bring my work home and spend hours talking about it. See, this is what you don’t understand. You skip off every day to your silly little job baking cakes and talking to women when I’m at work slogging my guts out to bring home a decent wage. This house, the bills… those clothes you’re wearing. It’s all because of my job. My hard work. So when I’ve had a bad day, the least you can do is let me chill out and not annoy the hell out of me!’

‘Jason…’ she started to talk but the tears had now filled her eyes and she hiccupped as one rolled down her cheek.

He looked at her and for a fleeting moment she saw irritation in his expression, before he exhaled. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just been a really shitty day at the office and I’d rather not talk about it.’ He put his arm around her and hugged her close, stroking along her back as she snuggled into his chest. ‘Come on, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. You know I don’t mean all that.’

She sniffed back the tears. ‘I just hate seeing you like this. Every day for the last few weeks, you’ve been coming home miserable.’ She felt disappointment settle as she knew her whole revelation of being pregnant was not going to go as planned now. ‘And you know I try my hardest to earn more. I’m trying my best and I promise I will try harder to make more money so that I can help out more. I’m getting there.’ She hated this argument. They bickered regularly and every single time the argument came back to money and how she didn’t contribute as much as he did. And she felt really shit about it.

‘I know, I’m sorry. It’s just things are pretty hectic and today Betty walked out, leaving me with no receptionist and a shed load of meetings planned for next week…’

‘Oh no!’ she gasped. ‘Why did she walk out?’ Pippa liked Betty.

‘Who knows? She said she’d had enough of being treated the way she was and that she was done. She just stood up and left. Just like that. No word of warning, no letter of resignation, just… gone.’

‘Honey, I’m sorry.’ She rubbed his arm, but again, he didn’t react. ‘But maybe I can cheer you up?’

A smile immediately crept across his face as he sat back down on the sofa and leaned into her, sliding his hand along her thigh and nuzzling into her neck. ‘No, wait, I didn’t mean that,’ Pippa smiled as she gently pushed him off. ‘Wait here, I’ve got something that might make you smile.’ She jumped up and ran into the kitchen, opening her handbag and rummaging for the card.

‘Shall I just meet you upstairs?’ he called out, innuendo screaming from his comment.

‘No, wait there. I’m coming.’ She grabbed the card and in one swift movement, slid it behind her back to hide. She walked into the living room with the biggest smile plastered across her cheeks. She couldn’t wait to see his face. ‘Are you ready?’

‘As I’ll ever be,’ came the response and he held out his hands.

She placed the card into them and squeaked like a mouse as she sat down next to him again. ‘Go on, open it.’

‘It’s not my birthday, Pip.’ He eyed the card suspiciously.

‘It’s not a birthday card.’

He looked at her in confusion. ‘Well, what is it, then?’

‘Just open it and find out!’

He thumbed the envelope open and stared at the Surprise! text. Another glance to her with knitted eyebrows indicated just how baffled he was.

‘Go on…’ she prompted. The excitement was just too much. Swarms of butterflies circled inside her tummy as the anticipation grew. Seven years she had waited for this moment. Seven years she had spent reading textbooks and looking online and planning every second of her dream pregnancy and now was the time.

He opened the card and read the words. Silence. He didn’t move for what felt like minutes, though it was probably only a few seconds. Slowly he looked up at her. ‘Are you serious?’

She nodded, hardly able to contain her excitement. ‘Yes.’

He looked back down to the card and then placed his head in his hands. Pippa instantly switched from elation to disappointment. ‘What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?’

He hesitated before saying, ‘Of course I am.’

‘Well, it doesn’t look like you are.’ The tears were welling again.

He shook his head. ‘I am. It’s just not great timing, with everything going on at work. But it’s fine, we’ll get through it. It’s fine.’

Pippa couldn’t hide her disappointment. She took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from falling. This wasn’t how this scenario was meant to play out. In her head he had been up and screaming with elation. Jumping around, holding her tight and saying how he couldn’t believe, after this many years, that he was finally about to become a daddy.

But no. He didn’t do any of that. He hadn’t even given her a hug. She slid along the sofa towards him and held out her arms.

‘Sorry baby, come here.’ He pulled her in for the cuddle she longed for but it didn’t feel sincere. It felt forced, like he didn’t mean it. ‘We’ll get through this, it’ll be fine. I just need to work out what I’m going to do at work. But it’ll be fine.’

But she didn’t feel fine. She felt cheated. This was supposed to be their life-changing moment.

And it had fallen flat on its face.

Chapter 3 (#u09336df7-06ff-5bea-bb77-a82aeef2d32d)

Ellie looked around the café and took it all in. She hadn’t been up here for absolutely ages and was really quite impressed with how far Zoe had come. She let her eyes run over every inch as she sipped at the third cup of tea Zoe had placed in front of her now that she was sitting at a table in the corner. When Zoe had taken the café on, it was the most miserable- looking building you could imagine. Paint peeling from the walls, a dingy kitchen that needed some serious TLC and a broken window. But now, looking at it, Ellie couldn’t believe how amazing it looked.

She absolutely loved the way Zoe had kept things so simple but it gave such a punch. The walls were kept an off-cream colour, but she had explosions of vibrant pinks and greens to accentuate. Light fittings, the serving hatch and bookshelves, all splashed with colour, kept the room feeling bright and exciting. There was a new addition since the last time she was here too, in the form of a little section in one corner, which housed a few shelving units and a table filled with things to purchase. Ellie stood and took a stroll over to it to browse. The shelves were full of little bits and pieces, bespoke, unique, one-of-a-kind-type objects. She chose a little figurine of two girls playing with some building blocks and was immediately transported back to being four years old and playing with Zoe. She missed those days. When had life become so complicated?

It was the teatime rush and there were swarms of people buzzing around and lining up waiting to be served. Ellie had offered to help her sister but was told, categorically, to sit down, have some more tea and relax. Thankful for the excuse to not talk about what was going on in her life, she took the chance and did as she was asked.

Weaving her way back to the table she was sitting at, Ellie took her phone out and saw that she had fourteen missed calls, two voicemails and three text messages. She was glad she had put it onto silent when she got here. She knew Jenni wouldn’t let up about the job. She quickly flicked through the texts first. Nothing of interest: just two from work and one from her neighbour asking about the milkman. She led such an interesting life. Next, she scrolled the missed-call list. Pretty much what she expected. Jenni… Jenni… Jenni… oh…

She looked at his name. Why had he tried to call her? Did he know? He couldn’t know, she hadn’t told anyone. She felt a wave of nausea creep up and swallowed it down, trying to stop the impending fear creeping up. She hesitated before clicking onto the voicemail and tentatively listening.

‘Ellie, its Jenni,’ Relief flooded her body quicker than a hot shower. ‘I don’t know what is going on with you today but you need to sort yourself out and call me back. I need to know whether I need a new make-up artist for the shoots I have you booked for next week. Call me as soon as you get this, please.’

She wasn’t happy. But then again, neither would Ellie be if someone she had booked for work just up and left without an explanation. She listened as her phone told her she had another new message.

‘Els, it’s me.’ She held her breath as she listened to Chris’s silky voice. ‘Why aren’t you answering my calls? You said you wouldn’t be weird. Come on, pick up.’

She placed her phone on the table and dropped her head into her hands, her straightened hair falling over her shoulders and brushing the tabletop. What had she got herself into?

‘Well, that doesn’t look like someone who is fine.’

Ellie snapped her head up to look at her sister. She laughed nervously, to buy herself some precious seconds of thinking time. ‘I’m just tired after the long drive, that’s all.’

Zoe placed a plate in front of Ellie that had a cheese-and-tomato panini with salad and crisps on the side. ‘Maybe this will help perk you up.’ She followed with a can of Coke and a straw.

‘Thanks, sis.’

‘No problem. Eat up and when I’ve shut up shop I’ll take you upstairs to sort your stuff. I figure you have stuff with you… in the car?’

Oh right, stuff. That would’ve come in handy ‘Um… actually….’ The thought hadn’t crossed her mind until now. She didn’t bring anything because she just got in the car and drove. Whereas in the past her impulsiveness had brought her many exciting adventures, sometimes it simply backfired.

‘It’s fine. I’ve got everything you’ll need.’ She placed a hand on Ellie’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. ‘You eat up and we’ll have a chat when we go upstairs. I’ve only got a few more bits to do, so I won’t be long.’