Gentle First Year: The Essential Guide to Mother and Baby Wellbeing in the First Twelve Months

Was Caesarean really the only option?

Did the epidural slow down my contractions?

They will know whether your pelvis is shallow or deep, if the baby was too big for your frame or if your vaginal muscles were too tight to avoid an episiotomy. You can’t change the past but you can forgive it. By being armed with full knowledge, you can make the changes you need to shape your future – and get your happy ending.

Following is a birth acceptance visualization, which I hope will enable you to experience the kind of positive uplift you can receive as a new mother – whatever your birth story. If you followed the gentle birth method, you will already know how to invoke deep muscle relaxation. To start, sit in a warm, dim place, ideally stretched out in a position you can comfortably maintain for 20 minutes.

Note: If you have a close friend or partner who can read this to you, close your eyes and get into a comfortable position of rest and relaxation, making sure you are warm. Ask them to read very, very slowly and in a soft voice:

Birth Acceptance Visualization

Take three deep breaths into the lowest part of your tummy and let your breath go all the way down into your pelvis. As you breathe out, visualize that your pelvic muscles are utilizing the new oxygen you have just breathed in, and are revitalizing and toning up your amazing birthing spaces. After those three initial breaths, breathe more normally. As you do so, remember that when you close your eyes, you automatically generate the alpha-wave patterns within your brain that induce meditation and a receptive frame of mind!

Take another deep breath to indicate your readiness to let your subconscious send positive messages to your mind and body for total healing, so that you can glorify the fact that you have given birth. Your soul accepted becoming a mother quite spontaneously and unconsciously, and when you learnt you were pregnant you generously welcomed your tiny little baby into your womb. Your baby grew within your womb for ten whole lunar months, and all the while you talked to your baby and watched your baby grow. You have been so generous with your love!

Of course your baby too gave you untold joy while within your womb, especially when you noticed your friends and even people walking by on the street looking at you with warmth, pride and even curiosity! You pretended to ignore their curiosity but you felt proud within as you smiled to yourself and walked away.

As your baby’s birthing day was approaching, you enjoyed curling up on a sofa and tuning in to your thoughts. You visualized holding your baby in your arms and rocking your baby to sleep. The most intimate moments of your baby’s life were while you were still carrying your baby within your womb. You intimately shared every thought, every emotion, every rush of love! The closest relationship between two individuals is the relationship of you, the mother, with your baby within your womb. You look back and remember the joy you experienced when your baby moved reassuringly and prodded, nudged and kicked you from within your womb!

Half open your eyes and look around, then close your eyes again as you take three more deep breaths. And as you do so, all your happy moments that you can recall during your pregnancy will flash before your eyes as vivid colourful images – all bright, all beautiful! Almost as if you are seeing yourself in a television screen. Every time you take three deep breaths from now on you will instantly tune in to those wonderful memories that awaken in you feelings of great joy!

You begin to tune in to the fact that the whole purpose of getting pregnant was to hold your tiny baby in your arms and nurture your precious bundle! Your strong maternal instinct is ever-present, even when you are tired, and your baby knows that instinctively. After all, your baby was within your womb all those months and has become finely tuned to the way that you express yourself. You even notice that people on the street smile at you as you walk around your neighbourhood with your baby. They seem to be unconsciously drawn to your subtle radiance.

All that we visualize becomes a reality, so let us visualize that from this moment onwards every time you wish your baby would go to sleep, he/she will … Close your eyes and visualize two special guardian angels spreading their wings of protection around you and your baby, making both of you equally sleepy. Their presence radiates warm waves of sedation that surround you and your baby like a magnetic blanket, sending you both into a wonderful sleep! As you fall into a deep and dreamless sleep, the kind that automatically nurtures and nourishes you and makes you feel immersed in our great universe, you receive an insight that everything you visualize becomes a reality. And you visualize physical help and emotional support for you and your baby for each and every moment of your life.

I invite you to know that each and every birth is unique. You allow your inner mind to forgive your busy lifestyle that might have compromised your birth fitness, and you resolve that next time you will give yourself the total rest that you, as a pregnant mother, truly deserve.

Even though your birth was different from what you expected, we are going to now use your special gift to visualize what your birth should have been like. So let us imagine you and your baby’s guardian angel. She is sweeping her arms across the sky as your first contractions come on, sprinkling you in snowflakes which tumble over your hair and down your shoulders, easing all the tension out of your muscles, until your body melts into the consistency of softly set jelly. As you relax, she whispers into the ear of your partner. He envisages his beautiful baby inside your body, preparing to be born, dropping down all the way into your pelvis with the baby’s chin on his/her chest so that his/her head is well flexed and fits easily into your inner pelvic space, ready to smoothly slide down your birthing spaces … stretching and moulding all the way down to your vaginal opening. You visualize your baby actively participating in the birth process by secreting even more elastin and relaxin that automatically widen and soften your pelvic spaces, magically expanding them into a wide-open channel for your birth process.

From where we are now, your angel eases the tenderness and the tissue memory from all of your muscles that are healing so well. Your angel understands and transmits to your inner mind what you needed to know at the time of your birth so that you forgive the past easily and proceed to heal smoothly.

Your inner mind suddenly becomes aware that both you and your baby have together created a wide-open channel within your pelvis that a tiny baby can easily slide out of. Check this out with your inner mind, and if your inner mind agrees then take a deep breath in and out and let your whole body relax even further as you allow all the tissues in your body to behave as if they have just experienced your dream birth!

Take another deep breath in and out as you ask all the tissues in your body, especially in your pelvis and birthing areas, to release all old tissue memories and imprint the new visualized memory of the birth that you and your baby have now created within your minds.

Take another deep breath into the lowest part of your tummy and ask your amazing inner mind to let your eyes open … only … when your inner mind has totally integrated this special healing into all the parts of your mind and into your tissue memory.

questions to ask after an assisted delivery

Following an instrumented delivery, such as a ventouse birth, you may want to ask your doctor or midwife the following questions to get a better idea of what was needed and why, its effect on the baby, and whether it’ll be necessary next time.

1 Was the baby’s head fairly well down or was it quite high in the pelvis?

2 Was the suction pressure increased too quickly?

3 Was the traction applied forceful or gentle?

4 Was the baby’s head delivered slowly and gently?

5 Was it wise to attempt a vaginal delivery i.e. if the baby was too big to fit through the mother’s pelvis?

6 What was the condition of the maternal tissues – swollen or rigid?

A careful and skilful obstetrician can indeed minimize the risks to mother and baby. As always, prevention is better than cure. I advocate that all mothers try and follow the guidelines set out in my first book, The Gentle Birth Method, so that even in the eventuality of an instrumental delivery there can be easier application of the instruments with a gentler delivery for the baby.

A good homeopathic remedy to help ease the disappointment of instrumentation or a Caesarean section is staphysagria 200c immediately after the birth and, if possible, three times a day for three days afterwards.

Baby

Post-Partum Care

Here is a summary of useful treatments and care techniques for the baby in the first week after birth.

Light reflexology. At this point, it’s more of a gentle foot massage for the baby. Very gently lift your baby’s foot and softly massage the toes, one by one. Then, with either the heel of your hand or the knuckle of your crooked index finger, lightly stroke the soles of the feet in an upward direction. This area helps digestion and encourages the baby to relax, and it’s something you can do easily whilst feeding.

Cupping and cooling. Otherwise known as ‘stroking the aura’, this non-touch remedy can really soothe irritable babies. Put a drop of Rescue Remedy onto some cotton wool and wipe it over the fontanelles. Then mould your hand into a cup shape and, at a distance of one inch from the baby’s head, gently make long sweeping strokes in one direction only, from the baby’s forehead to the occiput at the back of her head. Repeat for at least five minutes, and up to twenty minutes, as often as you like daily.

Cranio-sacral therapy. Take the baby to a reputed practitioner in the first few days after the birth, especially if your labour was long or instrumentation was used. Go, too, if you had a Caesarean. A good cranial practitioner can make a big difference if your baby is fractious, irritable, difficult to settle, or suffered moulding to the head during the birth.

Cleaning the umbilical stump. Do this twice a day with a solution of 20ml of boiled and cooled water, mixed with a drop of tea tree oil.

Eye contact. Make lots of eye contact with your baby, especially when talking to her. You may well find your voice is naturally higher and softer than normal. This is known as ‘motherese’ and is an instinctive response – babies find it easier to listen to a higher-pitched voice.

Holding your baby. Your newborn baby feels most secure and is easiest to hold when snugly wrapped in the swaddling blanket and held up with her head nuzzling into your neck. There’s a natural nook for her there, and she can rest her head and smell your hair. Baby bliss.

Sleep. Place your baby to sleep in a small space, such as a Moses basket, thottil, hammock or crib. Avoid letting her sleep in the car seat as lying in this crouched position for too long can cause her blood circulation to pool. Allow your baby to sleep as long as she wants to between feeds.

Swaddling. During naps, fully swaddle the baby to make her feel secure and held (see box), and to minimize the Moro reflex.

Nappy changes. Keep them brief – dress the baby in sleep suits with leg and crotch poppers to minimize tugging and wrestling with arms and legs. This will cut down on crying time in the first days.

Songs and Lullabies. Choose a short song or lullaby that you would like to sing to your baby every day. Sing it whenever you do a nappy change, or softly hum it during feeds. Let her associate the tune with closeness and care from you.

Winding. This should be gentle and relaxed. Many mothers frantically jiggle their babies on their knees, or pat their back hard, or rock them backwards and forwards to encourage the burps to come up. I have always felt that the gentler the touch, the more relaxed the baby will be – and if she’s relaxed, there’ll be less resistance or internal tension keeping the wind down. Only wind when the baby has naturally broken off during the feed, and again at the end of the feed. Gently sit the baby up and, holding her under the arms, lift her just off your knees so that she is stretched out and her body is stretched long under her full weight. Hold for a moment, then return her to a sitting position on your lap. Place her chin in the cradle of your hand (between thumb and index finger) and put your other hand on her back. Gently stroke the back rhythmically, preferably only in a downward direction. Pause frequently to ‘allow’ the baby to bring up the wind. Another winding method is to rest her on your shoulder with her arms hanging over your shoulder and down your back (the positioning is crucial for this method). This places light pressure on her abdomen, and the stretched-out position makes it easier for the air bubbles to come up. Place a cloth over your shoulder to protect your clothes!

Mother

Birth Recovery

Arnica. Take immediately after the birth and then every thirty minutes for the first five days. Arnica is very important in reducing post-partum bruising and swelling, even after the gentlest birth.

Hypericum. If you had a Caesarean or suffered a tear/episiotomy, take 200c immediately after the birth and every six hours for five days.

Painkillers. Take as necessary if prescribed by the hospital if you have had a Caesarean or an episiotomy.

Ice packs. If your perineum feels bruised and sore after a vaginal birth you could apply an ice pack for ten minutes, three times a day, whilst sitting or lying down. You can bathe your perineum with cotton swabs soaked in a solution of 50ml of water containing ten to twenty drops of the mother tincture of calendula.

Supplements. Start taking vitamin B