All That Glitters

I love riddles.

They’re like facts, except backwards and you can solve them and that’s even better. Plus, competition really helps to sharpen my mind and bring out the best in me. Miss Hammond couldn’t have picked a better way for me to make new friends if I’d sent in a handwritten request form.

Which I didn’t, just to clarify.

“To make things a bit more jolly,” she continues, beginning to wind the end of a loo roll round her ankle, “I’m going to turn myself into an Egyptian mummy and chase you, to help motivate you to keep moving forward! If I tap you on the shoulder, you become a mummy too and you’re out of the race. And so on and so forth.”

Oh my God.

This is getting better and better. I love ancient history too (although mummies technically originated in South America but maybe that’s not super relevant to the game right now).

Miss Hammond keeps winding the tissue until it’s binding her legs together like a penguin after knee surgery.

“The team that reaches The Sock of Survival first – without all turning into mummies – wins!”

A flurry of hands immediately go up.

“What do we win, miss?”

“The satisfaction of knowing you did it together!” There’s a pause while all the hands come down again, and Miss Hammond adds slightly reluctantly: “And a ten-pound voucher for the school tuck shop.”

A murmur of approval goes round the class.

I’m now buzzing so hard it’s as if I’m filled with bees or electric toothbrushes, and not just because the prize is sugar.

This is it. This is going to change everything.

From this point onwards, I will no longer be Harriet Manners, pee-er on books, skirt-dropper and irrational lover-of-bananas. I’ll be the Riddle Master. Sweet Winner. Saviour of Socks. Avoider of Mummies and Destroyer of Toilet Rolls.

This is going to be amazing.

Miss Hammond starts grouping people together, and then hops over to me. “Harriet Manners? I’ve put you with India Perez and Olivia Webb.”

I smile shyly as the girl with neon purple hair and Liv walk towards me. India smiles back and my insides do another excited little frog hop: and so my new close and irreplaceable lifelong friendships start.

Honestly, I’m kind of fascinated by her already.

Apparently Queen Elizabeth the First used to pretend that there was a piece of glass between her and the rest of the world to make her feel more royal, and it kind of seems like India has one too. Beneath My Little Pony hair and scowling eyebrows, she has dark eyes and an air of dignity and nobility. She reminds me of a powerful Egyptian princess.

We are definitely going to win now.

“Anya!” Liv calls as we stand behind a line made out of skipping rope. “Ans! A! Ani! Over here! We’ll totally share answers, right?”

India frowns as Ananya pretends to have temporarily lost her hearing facilities.

“You will totally not,” she says steadily. Then she turns to me. “Does this sort of exercise happen a lot at this school? Because it would have been extremely useful to have that in the brochure.”

“Umm, I think it says We are a school dedicated to the creative exploration of the individuality of our students,” I admit. “Page eight. Halfway down, under the photo of people making forts out of boxes.”

India lifts a black eyebrow so it looks like a tick at the end of an essay. “Did you memorise the sixth form brochure?”

“N-no,” I lie. “I just … umm …” Sound more hip, Harriet. “I used that page as kindling to build a really cool fire … for no reason, because I … err, burn stuff I don’t care about, etcetera.”

India puts her eyebrow back down.

“OK,” she says, and I relax again.

I think I just passed my first social test.

“All right, my little intrepid puzzlers!” Miss Hammond calls, now covered head to toe in white, like an overexcited golden Labrador puppy. “Are you ready to journey back 5,000 years to a time of mystery and intrigue?”

There’s a chorus of “yeah,” “suppose so,” “whatever,” “I guess,” are we going to be recycling all this tissue because this is kind of environmentally unfriendly?”

(That last one was me.)

“And …” She shakes a tiny tambourine that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. “Go!”

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t starts off perfectly.

“How far,” Miss Hammond says, looking up and down the line, “can a person run into the woods?”

There’s a short silence while people whisper.

“We don’t know how big the woods are,” India murmurs as our group crowds its heads together. “There must be information missing. That can’t be the whole question.”

I grin at the other two while my brain clicks away happily. This is so much fun already. It’s so intimate. So bonding. I really feel like part of a team.

“I’ve got this one,” I whisper back conspiratorially, and then stick my hand up. “Halfway, miss. Because if you run any further, you’re running back out of them again.”

“Excellent, Harriet Manners! Take three steps forward!”

I high-five Liv and India like BFFs and we move towards our goal. Miss Hammond closes her eyes, shuffles forward with a small embalmed-dead-person groaning sound and taps Robert on the shoulder.

“Ah, man,” he says as he starts wrapping himself up in toilet tissue. “This is utter b—”

“Language, Robert.” Miss Hammond claps her hands. “I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation, and I surround every place. What am I?”

“God!” Christopher’s group yells.

“Santa Claus!”

“Taylor Swift!”

“Nope!” Miss Hammond says to all three groups. “Sorry! Take a step backwards, guys.”

I wink at my group jubilantly as two more people are reluctantly ingratiated into ancient Egypt.