Augusta Triumphans. Or, the Way to Make London the Most Flourishing City in the Universe

Besides, I see no reason why every ten housekeepers cannot find a lamp among themselves, and let their watchman dress it, rather than fatten a crew of directors; but we are so fond of companies, it is a wonder we have not our shoes blacked by one, and a set of directors made rich at the expense of our very black-guards. Convenient turnpikes and stoppages may be made to prevent escapes, and it will be proper for a watchman to be placed at one of these, fixed at the end of a lane, court, alley, or other thoroughfare, which may happen in any part of his beat, and so as not to obstruct his view to both ends thereof, or being able to give notice, as aforesaid; for the watch ought to be in view, as well as in the hearing of each other, or they may be overpowered, and much danger may happen.

The streets thus guarded and illuminated, what remains but that the money allotted by the government be instantly paid on conviction of every offender; for delays in this case are of dangerous consequence, and nobody will venture their lives in hopes of a reward, if it be not duly and timely paid. If there is reason of complaint on this head, it ought to be looked into by those at the helm; for nothing can be more vile than for underlings to abuse the benevolence of the public, or their superiors, by sinking, abridging, or delaying public or private benefits. And it is by no means below the dignity or care, even of the greatest, to see the disposal of their own bounty and charity; for it loses but too often by the carriage: and where a nobleman or other generous person has ordered five guineas to be given, it is well if the proper object has had even one.

Something allowed by the Chamber of London to every person apprehending a robber, would have a good effect, especially if it be not told over a gridiron, but paid without delay or abatement. And what if the fewer custards are eat, so it augment the public safety.

Some of our common soldiery are, and I hope unjustly, suspected. This may be easily confuted, if strict orders are enforced, that none but commission or warrant officers shall be out of their quarters after ten at night. But if we consider, that neither Blewit, Bunworth, or their gangs, were soldiers, and that of those who have been executed for ten years past, not one in ten were soldiers, but, on the contrary, seamen discharged and thrown on the public without present subsistence, which makes them desperate; but I hope the act now depending for the encouragement of seamen, &c., will sufficiently remove that obstacle also. This, I hope, will stop the mouths of censorious persons, who unjustly arraign our soldiery for the vices of others. However, to make all easy, I believe the generality of them will gladly submit to the restraint proposed, merely to show their innocence.

Mean time, would his most sacred majesty let them partake of his bounty, as the officers, &c., have done, and raise their pay, were it but one penny per diem, it would be a most royal bounty, would considerably contribute to their support, and put them above any sordid views: and there was never more occasion than now, when provisions of all kinds are so excessive dear.

Having offered my little mite to the public, I beg they will excuse the deficiency of my style, and multitude of my errors, for my intention's sake. I write without prospect of gain; if I am censured, it is what I can but expect; but if among all my schemes one proves of service, my desires and labours are amply answered.

Omissions

In my scheme for an university in London I proposed only a hall or public room; on recollection I find it should be a large house or inn, in the nature of a college, with store of convenient rooms for gentlemen, not only to study separately, but wherein to lodge their books, for it would be most inconvenient to lug them backwards and forwards. They may indeed breakfast, sup, and sleep at home, but it will be highly necessary they should dine in commons, or at least near the college; not that I would have cooks, butlers, caterers, manciples, and the whole train of college cannibals retained; but for fear they should stay too long at home, or be hindered from returning to study in due time, some proper place or person might be pitched upon to keep an ordinary, at a prefixed price and hour, and for the students only.

My reasons are these: —

First, A young gentleman may live too far from college.

Second, The college hours for dinner may not agree with those of the family.

Third, Company may drop in and detain him.

These being, I think, the only material objections could be offered, I hope I have amply provided against them, and rendered my project more perfect and unexceptionable.

One omission I made in the discourse on madhouses, &c., is, that maiden ladies as well as widows and wives are liable to the inquisition there complained of, and I am informed a good estate is lately come to a worthless family by the death, or rather murder, of an innocent young creature, who being left very rich, chose to live with her friends; but well had it been for her had she taken up her abode among strangers, for they staved off all proposals for marriage a considerable time, and when at last they found the lady would not be hindered from altering her condition, she was hurried away to a madhouse, where she miserably ended her days, while they rioted in the pillage of her fortune. Thus neither maid, wife, or widow, are safe while these accursed madhouses are suffered; nay, I see no reason, if the age improves in wickedness, as in all probability it may, but the men, per contra, may take their turns. Younger brothers, &c., may clap up their elders, and jump into their estates, for there are no questions asked at these madhouses, but who is the paymaster, and how much; give them but their price, mad or not mad, it is no matter whom they confine; so that if any person lives longer than his relations think convenient, they know their remedy; it is but sending them to a madhouse and the estate is their own.

Having answered all that I think liable to objection, and recollected what I had omitted, I desire to stand or fall by the judgment of the serious part of mankind; wherein they shall correct me I will kiss the rod and suffer with patience; but if a pack of hackney scribblers shall attack me only by way of a get-penny, I shall not be provoked to answer them, be they never so scurrilous, lest I be accounted as one of them.

TO LIEUTENANT-COLONEL SAMUEL ROBINSON

Sir,

I shall congratulate you on your election into the chamberlainship of the city of London, or otherwise, as you shall acquit yourself in answering candidly and impartially to the following queries.

I. whether there is not money sufficient in the chamber of London to pay off the orphan's fund? Or if not a sufficient sum, what sum it is, and what is the deficiency? How long it has lain there, and what interest has been made upon it?

II. If there are not considerable arrears due from many wards, and what those arrears are?

III. Who are these poor orphans we pay so much money to? and whether they are not some of the richest men in the city of London, who have got the stock into their own hands, and find it so snug a fund they do not care to get out of it.

IV. If it would not be much better to gather in the arrears, join them to the money in the office, and collect the overplus at once, rather than suffer the tax to become eternal, and to pay so much interest.

This is but a reasonable request; and if colonel Robinson is the honest gentleman fame reports him to be, he will make no scruple to give a ready answer. And indeed it will be but a handsome return made to his fellow citizens for their choice of him, to begin his office with such an act of justice, honesty, and public satisfaction, for many people do not know what is meant by the orphan's tax; they pay it with remorse, and think themselves aggrieved. Even those who know the reason of the fund think it has been continued long enough, wish it were once paid off, suspect some secret in the affair, and give their tongues the liberty all losers claim; Our fathers, say they, have eaten sour grapes, and our teeth are set on edge, we are visited for their transgressions, and may be to the world's end, unless we shall find an honest chamberlain who will unveil this cloudy affair, and gives us a prospect of relief.

Thus, sir, it lies at your door to gain the applause of the whole city, a few misers excepted, by a generous and gentlemanlike discovery of this affair. And you are thus publicly called upon, that your discovery may be as public and beneficial to all. If you comply, I shall think you an honest man, above a fellow feeling, or being biassed, and most worthy your office; if not, give me leave to think, the citizens of London have made but an indifferent choice.

I am,

Sir,

Yours, as you prove yourself,

Andrew Moreton.

Sept. 23,

1728.