Right. You want her for yourself and you just can’tadmit it.
There’s nothing to admit, he defended himself staunchly to the inner voice that shouted for his attention. She’s like my family. I have to look out forher.
Since when does looking out for her include droolingover her legs and her lips?
He didn’t have an answer for that one.
The last few weeks of June were hectic.
Kristin informed him on the Monday after Summerfest that the day care right down the street from his practice had an opening in Mollie’s age group, and that she could start as soon as he visited and filled out the paperwork.
Hell, she even filled it out and brought it to him, then stood over him while he signed his name and date in the appropriate places. She couldn’t have made it clearer that she was eager to ditch Mollie and him.
It wasn’t that he objected to day care. In fact, he’d been reluctant to leave Mollie alone with a stranger in the house all day anyway. At day care, she’d be with experienced professionals and she’d have other kids to play with.
But still…he hadn’t said any of that to Kristin before she shoved those papers down his throat.
She started working at the animal sanctuary on Wednesday, the same day he dropped Mollie off at day care for the first time. Mollie seemed happy enough, and he went to work feeling less guilty than he’d expected.
The feeling lasted until he picked her up in the evening, and found her in one of the helper’s arms, sobbing her little heart out.
‘‘Daddy.’’ She scrambled for him the moment he entered the room and he bent to lift her into his arms, feeling his own heart crack as he surveyed her tear-stained cheeks and the thumb in her mouth, something she rarely did anymore unless she was really tired or stressed.
‘‘Hi, chickadee.’’ He tried to inject a positive note into his voice. ‘‘Did you have a good time today?’’
She shook her head slowly from side to side.
‘‘Aw, Mollie, we had a lot of fun this morning!’’ The aide, a relentlessly cheerful older woman, beamed as she came over to address them. ‘‘You’ll have to tell Daddy about finger painting and our Richie Raccoon story time. And don’t forget tomorrow is Share It Day. Bring something blue from home to tell your friends about during Share It.’’
Blue?
The woman smiled at him. ‘‘We’re working on the color blue this week, so everyone is bringing in a blue Share It.’’
He nodded. ‘‘What happened…?’’ He indicated his daughter, who had wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder, and just that fast, was sound asleep.
The woman’s smile wilted a little. ‘‘She didn’t nap today. She kept saying she needed her hair. Is there a special doll or blanket she sleeps with?’’
Derek shook his head, puzzled. ‘‘No, not really.’’
‘‘Well, don’t worry too much,’’ the aide advised. ‘‘The first few days are always an adjustment for the little ones. I’m sure she’ll be fine in no time.’’
Mollie didn’t wake up even when he put her in her car seat, and he had to work to get her awake enough to eat dinner. She livened up around bath time and began to chatter about her day, and when bedtime rolled around, she was still wide-awake and totally wired.
When Kristin called, he was at his wit’s end.
‘‘Hi,’’ she said, and he could hear a cool note in her voice. ‘‘I just called to see how Mollie’s first day went. I promised to stop in at lunch a few days a week but I figured I’d better wait a day or two until she gets into a routine and doesn’t think I’ve come to pick her up.’’
He sighed. ‘‘It didn’t go so well.’’
‘‘Oh, no. What happened?’’ As Mollie squealed happily in the background, Kristin said, ‘‘What is she doing still up? She needs to be in bed by eight or she’ll be awful tomorrow.’’
‘‘I know,’’ he said defensively, ‘‘but she wouldn’t nap for them today and she fell asleep on the way home and now she’s got her second wind.’’
Kristin was silent and he could feel the censure right through the receiver. But when she spoke, she didn’t sound like she was condemning him. ‘‘Did they say why she wouldn’t sleep?’’
‘‘Something about needing her hair,’’ he reported. ‘‘I don’t get it. She doesn’t sleep with a blanket or a doll—’’
‘‘It’s my hair,’’ Kristin said flatly. ‘‘Shoot. I’m sorry. I never thought to tell you. I used to sit with her in my lap after lunch. I’d read a story and then put her down for her nap. She takes a handful of my hair and brushes it back and forth over her cheek and it puts her right to sleep.’’
Oh, man. Now that she’d said it, he knew exactly what she meant. He’d seen Mollie doing it on more than one occasion but since he’d never had trouble getting her to sleep for him, he’d never connected the dots. ‘‘Well, hell,’’ he said in disgust. ‘‘What am I going to tell the day care? I don’t guess you’d be able to—’’
‘‘I can’t go over there every day and put her down for her nap,’’ Kristin said briskly. ‘‘Even if they’d allow it, I’m not going to have time. The sanctuary is in an uproar right now and I’m going to have work coming out my ears.’’
‘‘Sorry,’’ he said immediately, meaning it. ‘‘I didn’t really expect you to. Any suggestions?’’
There was a short silence. ‘‘I’ll tell you what,’’ she said. ‘‘How about if I meet you there in the morning. I’ll let Mollie cut a lock of my hair and we’ll tie it up and keep it in a bag so that at nap time she can get it out and keep it with her.’’
‘‘You can’t cut your hair!’’ He was truly shocked.
She laughed. ‘‘Just a little piece from underneath. Derek, you know how much hair I have. I’ll never even know it’s gone.’’
Oh, he knew exactly. Hadn’t he been having dreams of that moon-silvered mass of curls sliding over his body? Belatedly, he realized she was awaiting a response. ‘‘Uh, that would be terrific,’’ he said. ‘‘If you’re sure you don’t mind.’’
‘‘Not at all.’’ Her voice was brisk again. ‘‘See you in the morning.’’
She was as good as her word the following day, although he was disappointed that she didn’t linger a little longer. She was wearing jeans today with a T-shirt, but they weren’t the baggy pants she’d once worn. These hugged her curves and emphasized the length of her legs. The shirt, too, was different. He was used to seeing her in large, floppy shirts—this one fit her snugly.
‘‘Don’t you have to dress up a little for work?’’ he asked her.
‘‘Not today.’’ She jingled her car keys, clearly anxious to go. ‘‘I don’t have any appointments today and one of the kennel staff broke an arm yesterday, so until we find a temporary replacement, I may have to help out in the kennels.’’ She grinned. ‘‘One thing’s for sure—I’ll never get bored doing the same old thing at this job.’’
Her words bothered him. ‘‘I’m sorry if baby-sitting was—’’
‘‘No, no,’’ she said in exasperation. ‘‘I wasn’t comparing the two. I only meant this is nothing like having a dry old accounting practice all day every day.’’
He felt better instantly, and as she walked back to her car, he couldn’t stop himself from checking out her back view. Damn. He shook his head, his good mood evaporating. She was going to have men all over her.
Aside from thoughts of the way Kristin’s hair swayed just above her heart-shaped behind in the tight jeans, he had a good day at the clinic. When he went to pick up Mollie, the aide reported that she’d had a wonderful nap.
They fell into a passable routine. Kristin called every few days to see how Mollie was and he knew from Mollie’s chatter that she was stopping by the day care, but he hadn’t seen her in almost two weeks, since she’d stopped to drop off a lock of her hair.
God, he missed her. He missed the indulgent glances they used to share at Mollie’s antics. He missed coming home to a lighted house and a hot meal, but even more, he missed coming home to her warm smile and the lazy discussions they’d had over dinner. He missed drying dishes and ducking when she flicked a towel at him, he missed seeing the tender way she kissed Mollie’s temple, the way she always took the time to kneel and rub Sarge’s furry belly.
It was ridiculous. He’d allowed himself to slide along after Deb’s death, had allowed Kristin to do far too much to hold his family together, had gotten far too accustomed to having her in his life. Now he hated being alone without adult companionship. Without female companionship, and one particular female at that.
When the phone rang on the last Friday in June, he leaped for it, his spirits lifting as he glanced at the clock. Nine in the evening. Kristin usually called about this time to see how they were doing.
‘‘Hello?’’