Father For Keeps

The image of her sensible, down-to-earth mother, the woman who had wanted to raise her daughters in the simplicity and beauty of the mountains, helped Kate grow calmer.

Sean seemed to sense that he had lost the battle. He dropped his arm from behind her. “I promised that you’d do the asking next time, Katie,” he said with a sad smile.

She nodded. “Thank you.”

He put his hands at her waist and boosted her off the step, then left them there for a long moment. “Having a baby didn’t thicken that waspish waist of yours any, sweetheart,” he said, his voice a little shaky.

She slipped out of his grasp. “There are plenty of pleasingly plump girls in town if you’re on the lookout, Sean,” she snapped.

“Katie! That wasn’t a complaint. You’re.perfect. Just the way you are.” He stepped back and took a quick glance at her graceful, slender form. “You’re perfect,” he said again softly, almost to himself.

Kate suddenly felt tired. She’d been up feeding Caroline before dawn. “Will you take me home now, Sean?” she asked.

He stood looking at her one more long moment, then seemed to come to some kind of resolution. His face became animated once again. “Yes, I’ll take you home. But tomorrow night we’re going for that sunset drive.” When she started to demur, he added, “We’ll take Caroline along with us. That way we won’t have to trouble Jennie again. C’mon, sweetheart. I want to have a picnic with my daughter.”

Once again, Kate knew the more she let this go on, the more at risk she was, but a sunset picnic with Sean and their daughter sounded wonderful. She smiled her agreement. “I’ll pack us a supper.”

Barnaby was the only member of the household to put it to her directly. They spoke in the kitchen as he helped her make the meat pies Kate had planned for supper. She would pack several to be eaten cold on the picnic. In his matter-of-fact voice that was just beginning to show signs of slipping into manhood, he said, “I thought Mr. Flaherty was a bad man, Kate, ‘cause he left you, and you had to have Caroline all by yourself and almost died. So I don’t understand why you’re going on a picnic with him.”

Kate smiled slightly at the unanswerable logic. “Sometimes adults do things that don’t make much sense, don’t we?”

Barnaby nodded. He needed a haircut and his body had sprouted out of his clothes, as it seemed to do regularly these days. He resembled a miniature scarecrow. “So how come you’re going?” he persisted.

Kate gave a little shriek as her finger slipped off the towel and touched one of the hot pie tins. She set the pie on the counter and dipped the tip of the burned finger into the pan of dishwater. “Well, for one thing, Sean is Caroline’s father. I think it’s only fair for me to let him get to know her and give her the chance to have a father, if things could work out that way.”

“You mean, like you marrying him after all?”

Even Kate hadn’t wanted to confront the question after roundly rejecting Sean’s initial proposal, but now that the issue was raised, she realized that marrying Sean was exactly what had been on her mind these past three days. It was hard to believe after all she’d been through, but suddenly it seemed the only course that would make her life perfect. She had her health back, she had Caroline. Now all she needed was Sean.

She pulled her finger out of the water and frowned at it. “Well, I told him no once, and he may not ask me again.” Barnaby was methodically pulling off the pieces of crust that had overlapped the edges of one of the tins and popping the bits of dough in his mouth. “Don’t burn yourself,” she cautioned.

“Oh, he’ll ask you again all right.”

Kate blushed. “How do you know that?”

“The way he looks at you…you know, all dopey eyed. And I heard Carter and Jennie talking about it. I guess it’s all right. It would be good for Caroline to have a pa.”

A slight shadow crossed his face. Like Caroline, Barnaby had been born illegitimately. Shortly after the baby’s birth he’d been so concerned about protecting her from the stigma he’d carried throughout his own short life that he’d tried to run away with her into the mountains. It had taken Carter, who also had been born to an unwed mother, to convince the boy that the love of a close-knit family like the Shendans could make up for the lack of a name.

Kate sensed the direction of the boy’s thoughts and leaned over to ruffle a hand through his reddish hair. “Caroline would do just fine without a pa, Barnaby. But I guess it would be nice for her to have one just the same.”

“Yeah. Caroline’d like that, I think. But you’d still be living here, wouldn’t you?”

Kate’s thinking hadn’t taken her that far. “I don’t know,” she said slowly.

Barnaby looked worried. “You can’t take Caroline away. We all love her.”

“I know, Barnaby. She loves you, too. But anyway, no one’s even talked about my getting married yet, so we won’t worry about it, all right? Now how about you take some of these pies into the dining room? Be sure to set them on a plate so they don’t scorch the table.”

He nodded and began to do as she asked, but his face was glum.

Barnaby’s dismal expression stayed with Kate as she and Sean drove up the gently sloping road that led west out of town to Pritchard’s Hill. She was less enthusiastic than she’d been earlier in the day anticipating the excursion. There was no doubt that the feeling she had had for Sean was returning. She recognized the symptoms—sweaty palms, a giddy sensation in her head, fullness in her chest. But things were more complicated than they had been eighteen months ago when she’d been a carefree girl discovering the beauty of young love.

“You’re quiet tonight, Katie,” Sean said, turning his head from the horses to study her.

“I’m sorry. Caroline awoke three times last night. I’m probably tired.”

Sean reached into her lap and seized one of her hands. “That wasn’t a reproach, sweetheart. No need to apologize.” He looked into the back of the buggy where Caroline was lying awake and wide-eyed, but peaceful. “I thought you told me she usually sleeps all through the night now. She’s not sick, is she?”

Kate shook her head. “No, but I think those new teeth coming in are bothering her a little. I rubbed some of Carter’s whiskey on them before we left tonight.”

“Whiskey!” Sean looked horrified.

Kate laughed. “Not to drink. Just rubbed on the gums. It won’t hurt her any.”

Sean was viewing his daughter with a critical eye as if trying to identify signs of drunkenness. “I don’t know anything about babies, Kate,” he said finally with a sigh.

“Most people don’t until they get one. Then you learn fast.”

They’d reached the grove of old cedars where they had been accustomed to stopping during their visits here that first spring. “Shall we make it here, for old times’ sake?” Sean asked.

Kate’s heart sped up a little, but she nodded. “It’ll be too dark if we try to go farther.”

Sean sprang out of the carriage and was around to Kate’s side before she could climb out on her own. His arms came up around her waist and swung her down. When her feet touched the ground, she tried to take a step away, but he held her firmly against him, looking down at her. His eyes were slightly hooded, the nostrils flared. When he spoke, his voice was husky. “I won’t break my promise about waiting until you ask, but a kiss for old times’ sake would be nice, too.”

Their faces were only inches apart, and Kate could feel an actual tingling in her suddenly dry lips. She licked them. “I think we’d better eat,” she said. “Caroline will be fussing for her own supper before long.”

He released her instantly, his face impassive. “I’ll hand her down to you,” he said, boosting himself up on the side rails to reach for Caroline’s basket.

Kate felt the tension drain out of her as she busied herself preparing for the meal. They set out two blankets and let Caroline sit up in the middle of one, entertaining herself with the wooden blocks Dennis Kelly had whittled for her. On the other, they set out the food Kate had packed. Sean had brought along a bottle of wine and two glasses. “This is for you, now, not the baby,” he joked as he handed her a glass.

Kate smiled. “In a manner of speaking, Caroline drinks whatever I do.”

Sean looked a little embarrassed by the reference. His eyes went to Kate’s full breasts, then slid away. “I don’t know much about that, either,” he mumbled, and began digging into one of the meat pies.

Dinner went quickly and with much laughter over Caroline’s antics as she crawled around trying to explore each item on the menu. Finally when they’d finished the last of the maple cakes for dessert, Kate took Caroline in her arms and said a little shyly. “I’m afraid I’ll have to feed her before we head back. She’ll be hollering up a fit before long if she doesn’t get her supper.”

Sean jumped to his feet and picked up the extra blanket. Folding it over three times he fashioned a little seat and propped it against the nearest cedar tree. “Will you be comfortable here or would you rather be in the buggy?”

Kate stood, still carrying the baby, who was beginning to squirm. “That will be fine.” She hesitated a moment, avoiding his eyes.

Sean walked over to her and took Caroline. “You make yourself comfortable there and do whatever you need to get yourself ready, and then I’ll hand her to you.”

Kate sank down onto the padded seat and arranged her skirts around her. “I should have her blanket from the basket,” she said.

Sean nodded but still held the baby, waiting. When she made no move to unbutton her dress, he said, “I’ll go take a walk or something if you want me to, Kate, but I’d prefer to stay and watch my daughter with her mother.”

Losing a little of her self-consciousness, Kate undid the top of her dress, then reached up for Caroline. Sean retrieved the blanket and tucked it tenderly around the baby, who was already finding her dinner.