Deep Waters, the Entire Collection

“‘Ot work,” he ses, taking off his ‘elmet and wiping his bald ‘ead with a large red handkerchief. “I’ve lost all my puff.”

“Been running?” I ses, very perlite.

“Arter a pickpocket,” he ses. “He snatched a lady’s purse just as she was stepping aboard the French boat with her ‘usband. ‘Twelve pounds in it in gold, two peppermint lozenges, and a postage stamp.’”

He shook his ‘ead, and put his ‘elmet on agin.

“Holding it in her little ‘and as usual,” he ses. “Asking for trouble, I call it. I believe if a woman ‘ad one hand off and only a finger and thumb left on the other, she’d carry ‘er purse in it.”

He knew a’most as much about wimmen as I do. When ‘is fust wife died, she said ‘er only wish was that she could take ‘im with her, and she made ‘im promise her faithful that ‘e’d never marry agin. His second wife, arter a long illness, passed away while he was playing hymns on the concertina to her, and ‘er mother, arter looking at ‘er very hard, went to the doctor and said she wanted an inquest.

He went on talking for a long time, but I was busy doing a bit of ‘ead- work and didn’t pay much attention to ‘im. I was thinking o’ twelve pounds, two lozenges, and a postage stamp laying in the mud at the bottom of my dock, and arter a time ‘e said ‘e see as ‘ow I was waiting to get back to my night’s rest, and went off—stamping.

I locked the wicket when he ‘ad gorn away, and then I went to the edge of the dock and stood looking down at the spot where the purse ‘ad been chucked in. The tide was on the ebb, but there was still a foot or two of water atop of the mud. I walked up and down, thinking.

I thought for a long time, and then I made up my mind. If I got the purse and took it to the police-station, the police would share the money out between ‘em, and tell me they ‘ad given it back to the lady. If I found it and put a notice in the newspaper—which would cost money—very likely a dozen or two ladies would come and see me and say it was theirs. Then if I gave it to the best-looking one and the one it belonged to turned up, there’d be trouble. My idea was to keep it—for a time—and then if the lady who lost it came to me and asked me for it I would give it to ‘er.

Once I had made up my mind to do wot was right I felt quite ‘appy, and arter a look up and down, I stepped round to the Bear’s Head and ‘ad a couple o’ goes o’ rum to keep the cold out. There was nobody in there but the landlord, and ‘e started at once talking about the thief, and ‘ow he ‘ad run arter him in ‘is shirt-sleeves.

“My opinion is,” he ses, “that ‘e bolted on one of the wharves and ‘id ‘imself. He disappeared like magic. Was that little gate o’ yours open?”

“I was on the wharf,” I ses, very cold.

“You might ha’ been on the wharf and yet not ‘ave seen anybody come on,” he ses, nodding.

“Wot d’ye mean?” I ses, very sharp. “Nothing,” he ses. “Nothing.”

“Are you trying to take my character away?” I ses, fixing ‘im with my eye.

“Lo’ bless me, no!” he ses, staring at me. “It’s no good to me.”

He sat down in ‘is chair behind the bar and went straight off to sleep with his eyes screwed up as tight as they would go. Then ‘e opened his mouth and snored till the glasses shook. I suppose I’ve been one of the best customers he ever ‘ad, and that’s the way he treated me. For two pins I’d ha’ knocked ‘is ugly ‘ead off, but arter waking him up very sudden by dropping my glass on the floor I went off back to the wharf.

I locked up agin, and ‘ad another look at the dock. The water ‘ad nearly gone and the mud was showing in patches. My mind went back to a sailorman wot had dropped ‘is watch over-board two years before, and found it by walking about in the dock in ‘is bare feet. He found it more easy because the glass broke when he trod on it.

The evening was a trifle chilly for June, but I’ve been used to roughing it all my life, especially when I was afloat, and I went into the office and began to take my clothes off. I took off everything but my pants, and I made sure o’ them by making braces for ‘em out of a bit of string. Then I turned the gas low, and, arter slipping on my boots, went outside.

It was so cold that at fust I thought I’d give up the idea. The longer I stood on the edge looking at the mud the colder it looked, but at last I turned round and went slowly down the ladder. I waited a moment at the bottom, and was just going to step off when I remembered that I ‘ad got my boots on, and I ‘ad to go up agin and take ‘em off.

I went down very slow the next time, and anybody who ‘as been down an iron ladder with thin, cold rungs, in their bare feet, will know why, and I had just dipped my left foot in, when the wharf-bell rang.

I ‘oped at fust that it was a runaway-ring, but it kept on, and the longer it kept on, the worse it got. I went up that ladder agin and called out that I was coming, and then I went into the office and just slipped on my coat and trousers and went to the gate.

“Wot d’you want?” I ses, opening the wicket three or four inches and looking out at a man wot was standing there.

“Are you old Bill?” he ses.

“I’m the watchman,” I ses, sharp-like. “Wot d’you want?”

“Don’t bite me!” he ses, purtending to draw back. “I ain’t done no ‘arm. I’ve come round about that glass you smashed at the Bear’s Head.”

“Glass!” I ses, ‘ardly able to speak.

“Yes, glass,” he ses—“thing wot yer drink out of. The landlord says it’ll cost you a tanner, and ‘e wants it now in case you pass away in your sleep. He couldn’t come ‘imself cos he’s got nobody to mind the bar, so ‘e sent me. Why! Halloa! Where’s your boots? Ain’t you afraid o’ ketching cold?”

“You clear off,” I ses, shouting at him. “D’ye ‘ear me? Clear off while you’re safe, and you tell the landlord that next time ‘e insults me I’ll smash every glass in ‘is place and then sit ‘im on top of ‘cm! Tell ‘im if ‘e wants a tanner out o’ me, to come round ‘imself, and see wot he gets.”

It was a silly thing to say, and I saw it arterwards, but I was in such a temper I ‘ardly knew wot I was saying. I slammed the wicket in ‘is face and turned the key and then I took off my clothes and went down that ladder agin.

It seemed colder than ever, and the mud when I got fairly into it was worse than I thought it could ha’ been. It stuck to me like glue, and every step I took seemed colder than the one before. ‘Owever, when I make up my mind to do a thing, I do it. I fixed my eyes on the place where I thought the purse was, and every time I felt anything under my foot I reached down and picked it up—and then chucked it away as far as I could so as not to pick it up agin. Dirty job it was, too, and in five minutes I was mud up to the neck, a’most. And I ‘ad just got to wot I thought was the right place, and feeling about very careful, when the bell rang agin.

I thought I should ha’ gorn out o’ my mind. It was just a little tinkle at first, then another tinkle, but, as I stood there all in the dark and cold trying to make up my mind to take no notice of it, it began to ring like mad. I ‘ad to go—I’ve known men climb over the gate afore now—and I didn’t want to be caught in that dock.

The mud seemed stickier than ever, but I got out at last, and, arter scraping some of it off with a bit o’ stick, I put on my coat and trousers and boots just as I was and went to the gate, with the bell going its ‘ardest all the time.

When I opened the gate and see the landlord of the Bear’s Head standing there I turned quite dizzy, and there was a noise in my ears like the roaring of the sea. I should think I stood there for a couple o’ minutes without being able to say a word. I could think of ‘em.

“Don’t be frightened, Bill,” ses the landlord. “I’m not going to eat you.”

“He looks as if he’s walking in ‘is sleep,” ses the fat policeman, wot was standing near by. “Don’t startle ‘im.”

“He always looks like that,” ses the landlord.

I stood looking at ‘im. I could speak then, but I couldn’t think of any words good enough; not with a policeman standing by with a notebook in ‘is pocket.

“Wot was you ringing my bell for?” I ses, at last.

“Why didn’t you answer it before?” ses the landlord. “D’you think I’ve got nothing better to do than to stand ringing your bell for three- quarters of an hour? Some people would report you.”

“I know my dooty,” I ses; “there’s no craft up to-night, and no reason for anybody to come to my bell. If I was to open the gate every time a parcel of overgrown boys rang my bell I should ‘ave enough to do.”

“Well, I’ll overlook it this time, seeing as you’re an old man and couldn’t get another sleeping-in job,” he ses, looking at the policeman for him to see ‘ow clever ‘e was. “Wot about that tanner? That’s wot I’ve come for.”

“You be off,” I ses, starting to shut the wicket. “You won’t get no tanner out of me.”

“All right,” he ses, “I shall stand here and go on ringing the bell till you pay up, that’s all.”

He gave it another tug, and the policeman instead of locking ‘im up for it stood there laughing.

I gave ‘im the tanner. It was no use standing there arguing over a tanner, with a purse of twelve quid waiting for me in the dock, but I told ‘im wot people thought of ‘im.

“Arf a second, watchman,” ses the policeman, as I started to shut the wicket agin. “You didn’t see anything of that pickpocket, did you?”

“I did not,” I ses.

“‘Cos this gentleman thought he might ‘ave come in here,” ses the policeman.

“‘Ow could he ‘ave come in here without me knowing it?” I ses, firing up.