Odd Craft, Complete

There was a man in this place then—Joe Barlcomb by name—who was a firm believer in it, and ‘e used to do all sorts of things to save hisself from it. He was a new-comer in Claybury, and there was such a lot of it about in the parts he came from that the people thought o’ nothing else hardly.

He was a man as got ‘imself very much liked at fust, especially by the old ladies, owing to his being so perlite to them, that they used to ‘old ‘im up for an example to the other men, and say wot nice, pretty ways he ‘ad. Joe Barlcomb was everything at fust, but when they got to ‘ear that his perliteness was because ‘e thought ‘arf of ‘em was witches, and didn’t know which ‘arf, they altered their minds.

In a month or two he was the laughing-stock of the place; but wot was worse to ‘im than that was that he’d made enemies of all the old ladies. Some of ‘em was free-spoken women, and ‘e couldn’t sleep for thinking of the ‘arm they might do ‘im.

He was terrible uneasy about it at fust, but, as nothing ‘appened and he seemed to go on very prosperous-like, ‘e began to forget ‘is fears, when all of a sudden ‘e went ‘ome one day and found ‘is wife in bed with a broken leg.

She was standing on a broken chair to reach something down from the dresser when it ‘appened, and it was pointed out to Joe Barlcomb that it was a thing anybody might ha’ done without being bewitched; but he said ‘e knew better, and that they’d kept that broken chair for standing on for years and years to save the others, and nothing ‘ad ever ‘appened afore.

In less than a week arter that three of his young ‘uns was down with the measles, and, ‘is wife being laid up, he sent for ‘er mother to come and nurse ‘em. It’s as true as I sit ‘ere, but that pore old lady ‘adn’t been in the house two hours afore she went to bed with the yellow jaundice.

Joe Barlcomb went out of ‘is mind a’most. He’d never liked ‘is wife’s mother, and he wouldn’t ‘ave had ‘er in the house on’y ‘e wanted her to nurse ‘is wife and children, and when she came and laid up and wanted waiting on ‘e couldn’t dislike her enough.

He was quite certain all along that somebody was putting a spell on ‘im, and when ‘e went out a morning or two arterward and found ‘is best pig lying dead in a corner of the sty he gave up and, going into the ‘ouse, told ‘em all that they’d ‘ave to die ‘cause he couldn’t do anything more for ‘em. His wife’s mother and ‘is wife and the children all started crying together, and Joe Barlcomb, when ‘e thought of ‘is pig, he sat down and cried too.

He sat up late that night thinking it over, and, arter looking at it all ways, he made up ‘is mind to go and see Mrs. Prince, an old lady that lived all alone by ‘erself in a cottage near Smith’s farm. He’d set ‘er down for wot he called a white witch, which is the best kind and on’y do useful things, such as charming warts away or telling gals about their future ‘usbands; and the next arternoon, arter telling ‘is wife’s mother that fresh air and travelling was the best cure for the yellow jaundice, he set off to see ‘er.

Mrs. Prince was sitting at ‘er front door nursing ‘er three cats when ‘e got there. She was an ugly, little old woman with piercing black eyes and a hook nose, and she ‘ad a quiet, artful sort of a way with ‘er that made ‘er very much disliked. One thing was she was always making fun of people, and for another she seemed to be able to tell their thoughts, and that don’t get anybody liked much, especially when they don’t keep it to theirselves. She’d been a lady’s maid all ‘er young days, and it was very ‘ard to be taken for a witch just because she was old.

“Fine day, ma’am,” ses Joe Barlcomb.

“Very fine,” ses Mrs. Prince.

“Being as I was passing, I just thought I’d look in,” ses Joe Barlcomb, eyeing the cats.

“Take a chair,” ses Mrs. Prince, getting up and dusting one down with ‘er apron.

Joe sat down. “I’m in a bit o’ trouble, ma’am,” he ses, “and I thought p’r’aps as you could help me out of it. My pore pig’s been bewitched, and it’s dead.”

“Bewitched?” ses Mrs. Prince, who’d ‘eard of ‘is ideas. “Rubbish. Don’t talk to me.”

“It ain’t rubbish, ma’am,” ses Joe Barlcomb; “three o’ my children is down with the measles, my wife’s broke ‘er leg, ‘er mother is laid up in my little place with the yellow jaundice, and the pig’s dead.”

“Wot, another one?” ses Mrs. Prince.

“No; the same one,” ses Joe.

“Well, ‘ow am I to help you?” ses Mrs. Prince. “Do you want me to come and nurse ‘em?”

“No, no,” ses Joe, starting and turning pale; “unless you’d like to come and nurse my wife’s mother,” he ses, arter thinking a bit. “I was hoping that you’d know who’d been overlooking me and that you’d make ‘em take the spell off.”

Mrs. Prince got up from ‘er chair and looked round for the broom she’d been sweeping with, but, not finding it, she set down agin and stared in a curious sort o’ way at Joe Barlcomb.

“Oh, I see,” she ses, nodding. “Fancy you guessing I was a witch.”

“You can’t deceive me,” ses Joe; “I’ve ‘ad too much experience; I knew it the fust time I saw you by the mole on your nose.”

Mrs. Prince got up and went into her back-place, trying her ‘ardest to remember wot she’d done with that broom. She couldn’t find it anywhere, and at last she came back and sat staring at Joe for so long that ‘e was ‘arf frightened out of his life. And by-and-by she gave a ‘orrible smile and sat rubbing the side of ‘er nose with ‘er finger.

“If I help you,” she ses at last, “will you promise to keep it a dead secret and do exactly as I tell you? If you don’t, dead pigs’ll be nothing to the misfortunes that you will ‘ave.”

“I will,” ses Joe Barlcomb, very pale.

“The spell,” ses Mrs. Prince, holding up her ‘ands and shutting ‘er eyes, “was put upon you by a man. It is one out of six men as is jealous of you because you’re so clever, but which one it is I can’t tell without your assistance. Have you got any money?”

“A little,” ses Joe, anxious-like— “a very little. Wot with the yellow jaundice and other things, I–”

“Fust thing to do,” ses Mrs. Prince, still with her eyes shut, “you go up to the Cauliflower to-night; the six men’ll all be there, and you must buy six ha’pennies off of them; one each.”

“Buy six ha’pennies?” ses Joe, staring at her.

“Don’t repeat wot I say,” ses Mrs. Prince; “it’s unlucky. You buy six ha’pennies for a shilling each, without saying wot it’s for. You’ll be able to buy ‘em all right if you’re civil.”

“It seems to me it don’t need much civility for that,” ses Joe, pulling a long face.

“When you’ve got the ha’pennies,” ses Mrs. Prince, “bring ‘em to me and I’ll tell you wot to do with ‘em. Don’t lose no time, because I can see that something worse is going to ‘appen if it ain’t prevented.”

“Is it anything to do with my wife’s mother getting worse?” ses Joe Barlcomb, who was a careful man and didn’t want to waste six shillings.

“No, something to you,” ses Mrs. Prince.

Joe Barlcomb went cold all over, and then he put down a couple of eggs he’d brought round for ‘er and went off ‘ome agin, and Mrs. Prince stood in the doorway with a cat on each shoulder and watched ‘im till ‘e was out of sight.

That night Joe Barlcomb came up to this ‘ere Cauliflower public-house, same as he’d been told, and by-and-by, arter he ‘ad ‘ad a pint, he looked round, and taking a shilling out of ‘is pocket put it on the table, and he ses, “Who’ll give me a ha’penny for that?” he ses.

None of ‘em seemed to be in a hurry. Bill Jones took it up and bit it, and rang it on the table and squinted at it, and then he bit it agin, and turned round and asked Joe Barlcomb wot was wrong with it.

“Wrong?” ses Joe; “nothing.”

Bill Jones put it down agin. “You’re wide awake, Joe,” he ses, “but so am I.”

“Won’t nobody give me a ha’penny for it?” ses Joe, looking round.

Then Peter Lamb came up, and he looked at it and rang it, and at last he gave Joe a ha’penny for it and took it round, and everybody ‘ad a look at it.

“It stands to reason it’s a bad ‘un,” ses Bill Jones, “but it’s so well done I wish as I’d bought it.”

“H-s-h!” ses Peter Lamb; “don’t let the landlord ‘ear you.”

The landlord ‘ad just that moment come in, and Peter walked up and ordered a pint, and took his ten-pence change as bold as brass. Arter that Joe Barbcomb bought five more ha’pennies afore you could wink a’most, and every man wot sold one went up to the bar and ‘ad a pint and got tenpence change, and drank Joe Barlcomb’s health.

“There seems to be a lot o’ money knocking about to-night,” ses the landlord, as Sam Martin, the last of ‘em, was drinking ‘is pint.

Sam Martin choked and put ‘is pot down on the counter with a bang, and him and the other five was out o’ that door and sailing up the road with their tenpences afore the landlord could get his breath. He stood to the bar scratching his ‘ead and staring, but he couldn’t understand it a bit till a man wot was too late to sell his ha’penny up and told ‘im all about it. The fuss ‘e made was terrible. The shillings was in a little heap on a shelf at the back o’ the bar, and he did all sorts o’ things to ‘em to prove that they was bad, and threatened Joe Barlcomb with the police. At last, however, ‘e saw wot a fool he was making of himself, and arter nearly breaking his teeth ‘e dropped them into a drawer and stirred ‘em up with the others.

Joe Barlcomb went round the next night to see Mrs. Prince, and she asked ‘im a lot o’ questions about the men as ‘ad sold ‘im the ha’pennies.

“The fust part ‘as been done very well,” she ses, nodding her ‘ead at ‘im; “if you do the second part as well, you’ll soon know who your enemy is.”