September Love

“But if she really means it and is successful, won’t it be worth it?” Beth felt a surge of relief. She had a quick mental image of Kayla, not an alcoholic. Kayla not depending on Doug, but competent, successful. Kayla taking her little boy and going away.

“More than worth it. But she wants us to take care of Adam while she’s away. She can’t take a three-year-old with her into rehab.” He turned from the sink, the melon baller held loosely in one hand. “What do you think about that?”

“Of course we can take care of Adam,” she heard herself saying firmly. What am I thinking of? I have a business to run! And at the same time she had a recollection of Adam clutching the red sneakers to his chest. Mine. Well, Doug was worth it. If he wanted Adam to stay here for three months, so be it.

“I didn’t doubt it, love. I know you too well for that. And when I saw Kayla in Jill’s blue outfit, I figured it was practically a done deal. And, you know, I believe it will come out right this time. I feel sure it will. She’ll stick with it. She means it. I don’t know if you can understand this or not…how much this means to me. Your girls, Kate and Jill, don’t seem to have any problems at all. They seem so right with life. I want that for Kayla, too.” His voice was unsteady again.

“Kayla’s life is screwed up because of me. Don’t shake your head, Beth. I know what I know. You may have wondered why I’ve never talked about my first marriage, but it wasn’t…very good. My fault, too, I guess. I did have a good, solid live-at-home job, lecturing on economics at our local college. But I didn’t like academia. I didn’t like…my marriage. I wanted out. At the time I was thinking of no one but myself. I couldn’t walk out on the marriage commitment, but I got a job as a textbook representative because it demanded that I travel. It got me away. It set me free. When Kayla needed me—and she did—I was never there for her.”

He worked silently for a time. Beth didn’t know what to say. When he finished with the melons he put down the scoop and began gathering up the rinds for the disposal. The kitchen was filled with the drone of the grinding. Beth stared at the large platter of melon balls. The bright orange cantaloupe, the red watermelon, the pale green honeydew. It looked like a picture and would be tempting on the buffet in the morning. She watched as Doug carefully covered it with plastic and put it in the refrigerator. Then he took the two bun warmers out of the cupboard and put them near the electrical outlets so she could fill them with Kate’s tiny, home-baked muffins in the morning. At last the grinding noise stopped.

Doug had never talked to her before about his first marriage. Nor had she talked to him about her long marriage to Ralph Bennett. Nor her guilt because she had never loved Ralph as he had loved her. Perhaps everyone felt guilty about some things—things done wrong, or things not done when they should have been done. She got up and went to him, taking his big hands and raising them briefly to her lips. Her heart ached for him. She knew what it was like to feel guilty.

“Beth, are you sure about this? I’ll help out more than I have been doing, but running a busy B and B and looking after a three-year-old kid won’t be a piece of cake.”

Beth put her fingers over his lips. “Don’t worry. We can do it. We will do it.” But even as she said it, there was that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. How ridiculous. Really ridiculous. Of course they could do it. It was only for three months. So why wouldn’t the sickness go away?

Chapter Three

Mrs. Driscoll was happy with her muesli and nonfat milk breakfast because of the melon balls and the “little tastes” of this and that from Bert’s overloaded breakfast choices. He had scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages and a large collection of muffins, heavily buttered.

“My doctor told me to cut way back on fat, but those little sausages looked so good. Bert, let me have a little taste of yours.” Whereupon Bert would move three or four of his sausages from his plate to hers.

“Bert, those scrambled eggs look so fluffy…”

Breakfast at Beth’s B and B was a time of pleasant confusion, much talk and laughter, and comings and goings. Beth enjoyed this fully. It was a nice feeling to give people a good breakfast and send them off in happy anticipation of their day’s adventures in a new city—and one of the things she enjoyed most about her work.

Kayla, true to her word, was up early, having dressed Adam and brought him downstairs. Then she helped in the kitchen. Relaxed and at ease, she was a happy addition to the group, getting up quickly now and then to refill the coffee carafe or fetch more muffins from the kitchen. Beth could sense how pleased Doug was at Kayla’s efforts. Please, God, let this be right for Doug. And let it be right for Kayla, too. Soon.

Justin Bryant was the last to leave. Beth hurried to the kitchen to get the two sack lunches she had prepared. She sometimes did this for guests who wanted to eat on the run. He and an associate were going out of town on business for the day. He had told them all with great gusto of his hopeful plans. They would go out to the country to see an attic full of “old things.”

“Every antique dealer’s dream come true,” he said. “A granddaughter is getting rid of her late granny’s stuff—and estate matter. We’re hoping to see an attic full of priceless antiques that the granddaughter thinks are junk, that we can pick up for pennies. But it will probably be an attic full of junk granddaughter thinks are priceless antiques. Wish us luck.”

Beth laughed and handed him the two sack lunches, for which he always paid generously. “Roast beef,” she said. “The sack with the B on it is the one with barbecue sauce. I remember you said your friend can’t eat anything spicy.”

When the guests had gone for the day, she, Doug and Kayla settled down with comfortable sighs and Adam came back to the table. He had stolidly disposed of the large breakfast Kayla had placed before him. But he had a habit of sliding down from his place and wandering off for a while. Then he would come back, let Doug help him back up on the booster seat to resume his meal. Later, tactfully, Beth thought she’d better persuade him out of this habit. Since he ate much of his food with his fingers there was the matter of greasy fingermarks on walls and furniture. Now she watched his sober efforts. He was immaculately clean, neatly clothed, well-fed and safe. Doug must be happy about that.

As they were leisurely drinking second cups of coffee, the kitchen phone rang and Doug got up to answer it. She and Kayla could hear him talking and laughing, and when he came back he was still smiling.

“That was Jill,” he said, sitting down. “They’re both coming over for lunch. But they’re bringing it.” He turned to Kayla. “Jill and Kate are Beth’s daughters. You’ll like them. They’re a lot of fun.”

“I know I will,” Kayla said, smiling warmly, but Beth happened to be looking at Kayla’s expressive eyes. She sensed Kayla’s instant withdrawal. How difficult would it be for Kayla to meet women of her own age who had solved their problems as they arose and hadn’t made the mistakes she had? Was this going to be another difficulty? Both girls had accepted her marriage to Doug and liked him very much.

“Are they bringing their children?” Beth asked. “They have three each,” she added for Kayla’s benefit, “and Kate will have another in a few months.”

“Three each,” Kayla said. “I have trouble taking care of one.” She made a move to leave the table. “You wanted to change our room,” she reminded Beth.

“Right,” Beth said quickly, sensing that Kayla suddenly wanted to escape. “We’d better get on with it.”

“Mommy!” Adam said in panic as Kayla left. He slid down from his place. He followed closely behind them as they went upstairs to strip the bed and put on fresh linen for the guests tonight.

Beth could hear Doug whistling and the clatter of dishes as he cleared the table.

Kayla turned out to be an excellent helper, scouring the tub and shower, working quickly and efficiently. When Beth commented admiringly, Kayla answered, wringing out the cleaning cloth, “I had a job once as a maid in a motel. I learned a lot about cleaning fast.”

She frowned slightly, and Beth wondered about Kayla’s hectic and uncertain existence. What a way to live.

“Incidentally,” Kayla added. “I’ve never mentioned to Dad some of the jobs I’ve had, so this is just between us, okay?”

“Fine,” Beth agreed. “Past history is past history.”

Beth’s cleaning service came once a week for vacuuming, mopping, polishing—all the heavy work—but the daily bed making, bath cleaning and tidying up, Beth did, and today she found Kayla a real help. They finished in half the time and began to move Kayla’s and Adam’s things into the small downstairs bed-sitter.

Adam fell in love with the bed-sitter on sight, especially when she and Kayla opened the queen-size sofa bed to put on the sheets and blanket.

“Izziz our house now?” he asked, looking around the small room. There was the made-up sofa bed, a small chest of drawers, a pretty chair and the wide window seat that magically opened up to reveal the big empty space below the seat. He had already discovered the basin with running water behind the folding screen. He was standing in the center of the room, legs spread out, hands on hips, like a tiny lord of the manor. Beth had to admit he was kind of cute.

Kayla laughed at him. “This is our house for the time being. You know, I told you this morning that I had to go away for a while, but just a little while. Beth’s going to take care of you. Remember what I told you. Don’t play dumb now.”

Because suddenly the little lord of the manor was scowling fiercely.

“It’s just for a little while,” Kayla repeated placatingly. “I’ll be back. You know when I leave I always come back.”

Beth wondered how many times Kayla had left him “for a little while.” With whom had she left him? How well had he been cared for? It took an effort to remain silent. Kayla wouldn’t be gone for a little while. She’d be gone for three months in rehab. Three months would be forever to a small child. Well, somehow she would have to deal with it. Anything was possible…for Doug.

When they finished in the bed-sitter, Doug remembered the box of toys Beth kept for grandchildren’s visits. He brought it into the room. Adam was fascinated. Had he never had toys of his own? Beth wondered. Doug sat down on the floor to show him how to connect the bits of yellow plastic with which Ben, Jill’s little boy, built and dismantled wonderful structures when he was here.

They had almost finished in the bed-sitter when the doorbell chimed twice in quick succession. Eleven-thirty. That would be Jill, Beth thought. She always pushed the bell twice. Hard. Please, God, let this work out.

There was an interval of happy chaos as Beth and Doug introduced everyone. She watched carefully, hoping that Kayla would not be intimidated by her daughters. Jill, tall and beautiful, with her striking dark hair and eyes. And Kate, only five feet tall and to anyone but a mother probably rather plain, and very pregnant.

They came in carrying plastic and foil-wrapped containers, which Doug took charge of and carried to the kitchen for their lunch later.

“Everything in plastic goes in the fridge,” Kate called after him. “The big box has tomorrow’s muffins for the B and B folks.” Then they all settled in the large living room. Adam, suddenly surrounded by strangers, stayed close to Kayla’s legs, looking at everyone with a steady frown. A sudden thought popped into Beth’s mind. What had made this little boy suspicious of the whole world?

“I should have brought Meggie,” Jill said, smiling graciously at Kayla. “Then Adam would have someone to play with. She’s four. But I left her with my support group. We all help each other out with baby-sitting now and then. We’re all former career women who have put our work on hold until our kids are grown.”

Kayla looked at her blankly, and Doug intervened to explain that Jill had been a successful restaurant owner early in her marriage.

Beth mentally sighed. It wasn’t working. Lunch was going to be a disaster. Both her girls were trying too hard to be nice to Kayla, and Kayla was trying to respond, her little boy pressed against her legs looking like a small thunder-cloud. Neither Jill nor Kate could forget that Kayla hadn’t shown up for the wedding and—clearly—her arrival now had been a complete surprise to Doug. Kayla was tense and on guard, obviously feeling inferior to all these people and their successful lives, and resenting it deeply. I’d better talk to the girls about this, Beth thought. But what can I say to them? Each daughter, in her own way, was doing her best in an awkward situation.

What would Cyrus say? Suddenly she was thinking of her pastor. Dear God, help Cyrus get well soon. Cyrus had always been there for them, all of them. If only she could call Cyrus’s well-known number, knowing he would pick up the phone at the other end. Ah, Beth, how can I help you, my dear? Then she could pour out her worries to him, counting on his kindness, his loving knowledge of the predicaments human beings got themselves into, his willingness to advise, to guide, to help. By sheer willpower she shut out thoughts of Cyrus and made herself pay attention to the here and now.

They labored through lunch. She could sense Doug’s discomfort. Jill, whose talent for working with people of all sorts in her business, was still being too cordial. And Kate, who couldn’t hide her obvious growing irritation as Adam ate his own lunch in installments. He kept getting down, wandering away, then coming back to the table. Each time, Doug had to get up to lift him back onto the booster seat on his chair. Kate’s children were better rule-obeyers than Jill’s, or anyone else’s, for that matter, and she managed to do it in such a way that her children didn’t seem to resent the discipline.

Lunch ended on a rather contentious note. Doug had looked at his watch for perhaps the fifth time.

“We’ve got to cut out, love,” he said to Beth. “Kayla and I have an appointment. We’re going to have to leave the clearing up to you.”