The Testing of a Wizard

HERMIT – Maybe you should eat first, and regain your strength? And then you can hurry to your worthless matters.

GELO – Why do you say that? You don’t even know why and where I am going.

HERMIT – And I don’t particularly want to know. And I don’t want to know you either.

GELO – Then why did you save me?

HERMIT – To leave someone in the mountains to die is a sin.

GELO – It seems that you are not very hospitable.

HERMIT – Yes, I don’t like guests. No matter how much you feed them they always end up drunk. And try to get under your skin or throw all their problems at you. That’s why I left people and came to live here.

GELO – Don’t you get lonely by yourself? If you don’t have no one to talk with, won’t you become dull?

HERMIT – Nothing of the sort. Whenever I want to hear something intelligent, I just talk to myself. It saves me from other people’s stupidity and idiocy.

GELO – And do you consider stupidity contagious?

HERMIT – No, but the boundaries of stupidity of one man overlaps those who are around him.

GELO – Do you really think the world only consist of stupid people?!

HERMIT – There are many who are just half-stupid, they are even worse. You never know when to deal with them or when to avoid them. And anyway, when a person is stupid, he will remain stupid forever.

GELO – Why?

HERMIT – Because stupidity is not like a woman, it won’t leave you for another man.

GELO – You have a very dark view of humanity. They don’t always act distortedly on purpose, a lot of the time they just make mistakes.

HERMIT – I agree, its human nature to make mistakes, and they use this quality to their advantage.

GELO – Why do you hate people so much?

HERMIT – But I don’t, I’m just indifferent to them. That’s just the essential condition of my loneliness.

GELO – But have you always felt that?

HERMIT – Some time ago when I lived in a valley among people. I had a friend; our friendship was the most wonderful thing in the world. I was ready to give him my whole world, myself unconditionally, because a real friendship has no egotism and no boundaries. But my world wasn’t interesting enough for him. And I was only needed like an object, which you use and then put on the shelf for the next time. And so, he used me and my friendship, only when he needed it. And then he betrayed me. Threw me away and forgot about me like I was a used handkerchief. I couldn’t stand this betrayal. I was young, and apart from his friendship I didn’t have anything at all…I decided to die. All my emotions, thoughts, and desires had to disappear. And dissolve in loneliness. And so, I went into the mountains. Since then, I have settled down here. At the end of the day my loneliness is my punishment and burden for me being young and gullible. But my loneliness is also my way to peace in mind and happiness.

GELO – Has your soul really become that stale and gloomy? Just because of your friend’s betrayal, you have turned your back on the rest of the world?!

HERMIT – What do you know about my soul, a soul of a lonely man!!! It is covered in wounds like a body of a smallpox sufferer. The soul of a lonely man is unable to create something magnificent, to fly and be joyful! It can only moan and sorrowfully watch the world go by. It doesn’t contain love or hatred. The wound of a lonely soul hurts and itches. This itch changes into emptiness and indifference. You want to peel the scab off, but you’re afraid, what if it becomes even worse. Any human contact is like a gulp of liquid in a desert, but you never know whether it is water or poison. And because of this you want to drown into an immeasurable sadness…and you’re surrounded by anguish and emptiness … But I don’t want to change anything! And I will not!

GELO – And with this heartache you hide yourself here from life and people?

HERMIT – Sometimes I come across people. I go down into the valley to the fair. I wonder among the loud and variegated crowd, peer at their faces and their eyes. Trying to understand what they are thinking and feeling about and why they are hustling and bustling…

GELO – To get lost in a crowd doesn’t mean you are a part of them!

HERMIT – I think you’re right, that’s why I seldom do it.

GELO – And how do you feel when you are doing it?

HERMIT – Lonely, but in a crowd. It is a strange feeling; all around you is commotion, conversations, other people’s lives. I’m at center of it all, but it feels I’m on the outside looking in, at people and myself. I walk around and I don’t know who I am, where I am and why I am here. I’m alive but don’t have a life…

GELO – It seems you’re bogged down in your memories. They drag you like a quagmire. Shake it off! One cannot pity himself all life and condemn others.

HERMIT – What’s it to you?!

GELO – I’m trying to understand you because you saved my life.

HERMIT – It’s not my fault; I didn’t do it on purpose…

GELO – Listen! To live in the past isn’t a life but an illusion. Real life is in the present and in dreams about the future.

HERMIT – You’re wrong. A person’s memories are his treasure, his fortune, and his assets. One can’t throw away life experiences out the window, even if they are sad and sorrowful.