Every Woman For Herself: This hilarious romantic comedy from the Sunday Times Bestseller is the perfect spring read

While this was a bit of a damp squib as far as Father and myself were concerned, Jessica laid down her fork and stared.

‘What, Serafina Shane out of Women Live! magazine? Womanly Wicca Words of Spiritual Comfort? I’ve ordered the book!’

‘Advance orders have been very brisk,’ Em said complacently, and bestowed a slightly warmer gaze on Jessica than I had ever seen before. She might just live, after all.

‘Well done, Em,’ I said. ‘If I’d known I’d have read them, but I never buy women’s mags – they’re all New Woman, and Never Admit You’re Forty Woman, and Rich Bored Bitchy Woman, when all I ever wanted was something like Skint Old Northern Woman.’

‘You’re right,’ Em said. ‘Weren’t you going to start one?’

‘Yes, in fact my hobby during the last few weeks has been writing articles for the sort of magazine I’d really like to find. I’ve got quite a lot.’

‘Do I understand, Emily,’ Father broke in, ‘that you’ve been writing your ghastly doggerel for a women’s magazine, and it’s now coming out as a book?’

‘Yes – inspirational verse and prose. I’m very popular.’

‘Serafina what?’ I asked.

‘Shane.’

‘At least it isn’t Rhymer!’ Father said.

‘Well done, Em!’ I enthused.

‘So what were you plotting with your abnormal friends when I came in this morning?’ enquired Father.

‘We were trying various means to discover where Anne is. There’s something the matter with her, and I can’t get any reply from her flat. Xanthe tried the crystal pendulum.’

‘And Xanthe knows everything?’ He frowned. ‘And why does she look so familiar?’

Em ignored this. ‘The crystal showed us where she was – somewhere near her flat. Then Freya did a reading, and discovered that Anne’s had an operation, but she’ll be here soon to recuperate.’

‘I suppose you know this because Anne’s phoned,’ he said sceptically.

‘No. You know Anne, she’ll phone when she’s nearly here. Gloria Mundi’s turning out her room, now she’s finished Bran’s.’

‘What makes you think the Three Witches got it right?’

‘They always get it right. That’s why I’m joining their coven. I’ve been pussyfooting round the mealy-mouthed edges for long enough, and now I’m going to wholeheartedly embrace the Ancient Arts.’

‘Prostitution?’ suggested Ran. ‘I hear it’s very well paid.’

Em gave him a look. ‘The Ancient Black Arts,’ she said.

Jessica gasped, her eyes widening in alarm. ‘You mean – black magic? Oh, my God! The children!’

But the little girls, bored with the conversation, had crept away unnoticed. One of the dishes of meringues from the sideboard had gone too.

‘Oh, Emily – promise you won’t say anything about it in front of the girls! Don’t they sacrifice little children, and sell their souls to the Devil?’