The Cowboy's Secret Son

Those two words—our son—had a ring of intimacy, but it wasn’t one they shared anymore. Never really had.

Nathan was silent for several moments, ones in which Grace could hear the kids laughing and talking on the other side of the barn. She experienced a moment of panic when she wondered if Nathan had told any of the members of his family about Evan. Would they say something to Evan? She glanced through the barn, but he wasn’t visible.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Nathan asked, drawing her attention back to them and their conversation. His anger at being shut out was still evident in his tone, might always be there. Especially when he heard everything she had to say.

“I was young and afraid to let anyone in, afraid someone else would try to take Evan away from me.”

“By someone, you mean me.”

“And your family.”

“You must not think much of us.”

“It wasn’t that. I always liked your family, was really envious of you. But you have to understand. I’d just been through the equivalent of psychological torture, at least from my point of view. The way I was looking at things then, I thought that if you knew about Evan, you’d be able to take him from me because you had money, family support, all the things I didn’t have. I’m not saying it was right, but it’s how my brain was working then.”

“We wouldn’t have stolen him from you. We’re not like that. Family is the most important thing to us.”

“Yes, but I’m not family.”

The sound of the kids’ voices grew louder, coming closer. Nathan shifted, made to leave. She touched his arm, praying he wouldn’t think her cold and heartless for what she was about to ask of him but prepared to deal with it if he did.

“Nathan, I need you to not tell Evan you’re his father.”

His expression tightened. “What?”

“I didn’t come here to make any big changes. We have a good life in Little Rock, one we’re going back to soon.”

Nathan shook his head. “I don’t believe you. You come here, tell me I have a son, but that I can’t let him know that.”

Grace let her hand fall away after she realized she was still touching Nathan. “He’s too young to understand, and I don’t want him getting attached and then hurt when we leave.”

Nathan threw up his hands in frustration. “Then why tell me at all?”

“I told you why.”

“Oh, yeah, so you’ll have someone on the line to take care of him in case an asteroid falls on your head. Great to know you think so highly of me. I’m okay only if you’re dead and there’s no other choice.”

Grace flinched. She understood his anger, really she did, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Evan attaching himself to Nathan and having his little heart broken when she took him away from his father.

“It’s not like that.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No, Nathan. I just…please, I want him to have a good time here. He’s been looking forward to this so much.”

“And you think if you tell him I’m his daddy that it’ll ruin his camping experience?” Such bitterness laced his every word.

“No. I don’t know. Can we please just give it a few days, let him get settled?” And maybe by then Nathan would have calmed down enough to see her side of things, that stability was the best thing for Evan as he grew up.

Wouldn’t having a father be the best thing?

She told the voice in her head to shut up, that she knew what she was doing.

Nathan stared at the kids emerging from the barn, Evan among them.

“Nathan?” Grace held her breath as Evan got closer, as he broke away from the others and ran toward her and Nathan.

“Mom, guess what!”

Grace hesitated in responding. She couldn’t tear her gaze away from Nathan, silently pleading with him to keep their secret, at least for now.

“I’ll see you two at dinner,” Nathan said, then stalked away.

Grace let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t know how long he’d keep quiet, but for now she could breathe again. At least as much as she was able to watching the best-looking man she’d ever seen walk away from her. If she’d known the grown-up Nathan could make her heart somersault the way the teenage Nathan had, she wasn’t sure if she would have had the willpower to come back to Blue Falls.

She felt the first chink in the armor around her heart fall away.

NATHAN TRIED NOT TO stare. Not at Grace, with whom he was equal parts angry and, damn it, fascinated. She was so different from the girl he’d known.

And not at Evan, his son. Every time he thought about it, his knees grew weak.

He kept glancing over to where they sat at one of the picnic tables, talking to another of the mothers and the little girl in the pink cowgirl getup. When he noticed Grace laughing at something, he couldn’t look away. How could she laugh after what she’d kept from him? After all she’d been through?

That same rush of hot anger he’d felt when she’d told him about how her mother had given away Evan surged through him again. He might be furious at Grace for stealing the first years of his son’s life from him, but at least she hadn’t tossed Evan away like garbage. His hands clenched into fists. He’d known her parents were strict, odd even, but he’d never imagined they were capable of such cruelty.

Part of him understood why Grace had made the decisions she had, but part of him couldn’t get past that she hadn’t even tried to tell him about Evan. She’d lost eight months with Evan, but he’d been cheated out of six years with his son. He didn’t know if he could forgive her for that.

He noticed his mother making her way through the crowd, stopping to chat with their guests for the week as well as Trudy, the ranch’s longtime cook. Grudgingly willing to keep Grace’s secret for the time being, until he could figure out how to change her mind and make sure she didn’t flee with Evan, he shifted his attention away from her and began filling a plate for himself. Not that he was going to be able to even taste the barbecue, baked beans or potato salad. He doubted even the apple pie would make an impression today.

He knew he should mingle, go and sit with the guests, but he just couldn’t handle that right now. Truth be told, he wished he could send them all home and concentrate on more important matters, like convincing Grace that Evan deserved to know his father. That she couldn’t parade his son in front of his nose and expect him not to say anything. He just had to convince her that he wasn’t going to take Evan away from her.

His mom, now with a full plate of her own, sat beside him. He forced himself to concentrate on his food.

“Pretty nice group of folks,” his mom said as she scooped up a forkful of potato salad.

“Yeah, seem to be.”

“Was a surprise to see Grace.”

Man, don’t go down this road. “Yeah. Said her boy likes cowboys a lot.” He forced himself not to look their direction.

They were silent for a few moments while they both ate, but he gradually became aware of something in the air, an awareness akin to the stillness before a storm.

“I have a grandson, don’t I?”

Nathan let his fork drop the short distance to his plate, and he pushed it all away. He couldn’t meet his mother’s eyes, wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she thought of him and this situation.

“Yes, but don’t say anything. Grace wants to…keep it quiet for now.”