Oklahoma Reunion
“Apparently I was better at being undetected back then.”
Kait bit her lip then murmured, “Perhaps you just need a new muffler.”
“Could be.” Undeterred, Ryan continued. “I used to park over there under the branches of that huge maple and just stare at your house for hours, trying to figure out which window was yours and hoping you’d come out.” He shook his head.
Apparently a response was not required. Ryan simply stared ahead as though thinking.
That was a good thing, as Kait didn’t know what to say. Bringing up memories was way too dangerous. She couldn’t go back. All her energy was focused on today.
She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the front yard. “The maple’s dead now.”
Ryan moved up a step, and leaned against a porch column. He glanced over at the tree. “You sure? I saw a few healthy branches.”
“Not enough to save the tree.”
“All that tree needs is a good pruning and a little TLC.”
“That’s probably more trouble than it’s worth.”
He shrugged. “Your call, I guess.”
Silence stretched. Their gazes met. His glance moved oh so leisurely from her eyes to her lips. Kait couldn’t look away.
She licked her lips and willed herself to breathe.
Ryan moved to stand mere inches from her. He’d showered since this afternoon, and she inhaled the scent of sandalwood soap and the man himself—a potent combination that left her heady. She grasped the railing for support.
“You still look like you’re sixteen. Hard to believe you’re someone’s mother.”
Kait stilled, unsure what to say.
His assessing glance moved to where her fingers remained splayed on the railing. “Divorced?”
“I was engaged.” She covered her naked ring finger. “It was a mistake.”
“Ah.” He nodded and paused for a moment. “I’m guessing you don’t still have that little promise ring I gave you.”
Kait found herself speechless. Why was she surprised at his words? That was Ryan. Bold as you please. He always said what he thought.
The silence stretched until Ryan cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “Could I just ask you a question?”
“Only one?”
“Oh, I’ve got a dozen or so more, but I’m guessing maybe it’s best for both of us to take it one at a time.”
“Ryan, I …”
He held up a palm. “No. A long time ago I convinced myself that you must have had a really good reason for leaving. Whatever I did, well, there’s not much I can do about it now. So I’m just praying that in your own good time you’ll tell me.”
Their eyes met, and she glimpsed the pain in his eyes once more. She raised a brow, ready to hear his one question.
“Did you ever think of me?”
Kait swallowed, wishing for a sip of sweet tea about now. She focused on the faded gray boards of the porch floor. “Yes.”
In truth, she’d never stopped thinking about him. A shiver ran across her shoulders. And every time she looked at their daughter, she thought of him yet again.
“Ryan, I do want to tell you why I left. I came back to Oklahoma with that in mind, settling the past once and for all.”
“Once and for all? Doesn’t sound good.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Momma, your phone is ringing.”
Kait turned at the sound of her daughter’s voice. Jenna stood at the screen.
She looked at Ryan. “Would you excuse me for a minute? I’m expecting a call from the Realtor.”
“Sure.” Ryan exhaled and gazed out at the yard, then glanced back at the house. Jenna stood quietly behind the screen studying him.
“Hey, Jenna.”
“Hi.” She watched him for a few minutes longer then quietly asked, “Is my kitten okay?”
“She is. When I left the clinic, she was curled in a little ball, sleeping.”
Jenna smiled. She released a yawn and rubbed her left eye with a knuckle.
“Tired?”
She nodded. “I was going to go to bed, but my closet doors are stuck.”
“Stuck?”
“They slide open, and Momma says they get off their track sometimes.”
“Do you want me to take a look at them for you?”
“Yes, please.”
He opened the screen and paused in the foyer. Kait was in the kitchen to his left, her back to him as she spoke to someone while eyeing a calendar on the refrigerator.
He followed Jenna upstairs, his hand on the smooth oak banister as he moved up the wide staircase of threadbare-carpeted steps to the second floor of the old house.
“That’s my grandpa’s room,” Jenna said as they passed a five-paneled door with a crystal knob. Her voice became a hush. “We aren’t allowed to go in there.”
They passed another room, the door slightly ajar. “Momma’s. But don’t look because it’s kind of messy. She’s going through lots of boxes.” Jenna released a frustrated sigh. “She says we can’t stay.”
“I see.”
“This is my room. It used to be my mother’s when she lived here a long, long time ago.”
Not so very long ago, he mused while eyeing the simple twin bed and matching bureau. A beautiful, worn pastel quilt covered the bed. Funny, he’d known Kait since they were sixteen, and he’d never set foot inside this big old house before.
Jenna went to the closet and pushed on the door with a grunt. “It won’t open.”
She was right. The panels were off their track. He raised the outer panel and shoved it back into place, then the door slid open with ease. Inside, the clothes were arranged neatly on hangers.
“All fixed.”
“Oh, thank you,” Jenna gushed as though he’d slain dragons. She pulled a neatly folded pair of pajamas from the closet.
Ryan glanced around the room, his gaze stopping on the artwork tacked to the wall.
One large crayon drawing was of a man and a woman with a little girl in the middle. All were holding hands. For moments, he simply stared at the picture, mesmerized.
“Did you like school when you were a kid like me?” Jenna asked.
“Hmm? School?” He tore his attention from the picture. “Yeah. I liked recess best.”
Jenna laughed.
Ryan looked around the room, and his glance caught a pile of books on a desk next to the bed. “Are all those schoolbooks yours?”
“Yes. I have lots of homework while we’re here.”
“What grade are you in?”
“Second.”
Second? Why did he think Jenna was younger? Ryan frowned. Then again, Kait always did look younger than her years.
“I’m going to be eight next month.”
“November?” He murmured the word.
“Uh-huh. November 25th. Momma says I’m her ‘Thank You, Lord, Thanksgiving baby.’”
November.
A tremor raced through him as his mind began a panicked gallop backward.
Kait left in March eight years ago. Ryan could barely breathe as he slowly did the math. He gripped the bureau for support as his knees threatened to buckle.
“Thanksgiving baby.” Ryan whispered the words aloud as he looked into Jenna’s sweet face. His gaze skimmed over the dark eyes, the freckles on the bridge of her nose—a nose just like his own.
The penny fell into the slot.
Jenna was his daughter.
Chapter Four
Ryan paced back and forth on Kait’s porch. He shivered as the cool evening breeze whipped past.
November. Thanksgiving baby.
What a fool he was—eight years the fool.
Conflicting emotions pummeled him. He was as thrilled as he was heartsick. Mostly he was plain ashamed.
Closing his eyes tightly, he recalled the details of the crayon drawing on Jenna’s wall. It was of a family holding hands and looking out at the future.
All that that little girl wants is a family.
As if it was yesterday, he remembered one of his and Kait’s last conversations so long ago. They’d discussed their plans after college—graduate program, then marriage and a family.
Ryan and Kait. Forever.
He’d kissed her tenderly beneath the soft light of this very porch before leaving her at her front door at the start of spring break.
What happened? How had it all become so convoluted?
He was a father. Jenna’s father.
The words raced round and round in his head like a wild mustang desperate for a way out. Panic gripped him, choking his throat and clutching at his gut.
What did he know about being a father? It couldn’t be nearly the same as owning a cat or a dog. If he made his beast dog Jabez neurotic, well, it scared him to think about his effect on a little girl.
He ran a hand over his pounding head and slammed his fist on the porch rail as his emotions swung wildly between despair and hysterics.
There were way too many questions and not nearly enough answers. His head ached as much as his heart.
And why had Kait kept it from him? Yeah, that was the big question. Unfamiliar rage welled up inside, threatening to erupt.
As if on cue, Kait opened the screen door and stepped onto the dimly lit porch.
“I’m sorry that took so long.” She rubbed her arms with her hands. “It’s gotten chilly. Do you want to come inside? I can make some tea or coffee. I have a fresh pumpkin loaf.”
Kait’s voice disarmed him for a moment. For all his self-righteous anger, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t even look at her. He turned away.
“Ryan? What’s wrong?”
He tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t obey him.
“Ryan?” she asked again. This time her voice sounded almost afraid.
Silence stretched until he couldn’t hold back the question any longer. He turned from the rail as the words burst from his lips, the pain ripping him apart.
“Jenna’s my daughter, isn’t she?”
Kait’s eyes rounded and her face paled. There was another long, painful silence. She swallowed.
“Yes.”
Ryan turned back to the rail. Eyes burning, he hung his head.
“Are you going to give me a chance to explain?”
“You’ve had eight years to explain, Kait. Eight years.” He gripped the wood tightly, blinking away emotion as he stared ahead into the settling twilight.
“Oh, Ryan,” Kait whispered. Dear Lord, this wasn’t how I planned for him to find out.
She sucked in her breath and automatically moved closer, reaching out to touch his hand. The contact started a frisson of electricity that surprised her.
Ryan jerked away. Once again, his back was to her. Several times he closed and opened his fists, finally shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Does Jenna know I’m her father?”
“Yes.”
“How can she know I’m her father when I didn’t even know?”
“It was only fair to talk to Jenna before we left Philly.”
“Fair,” he muttered the word.
Her stomach in knots, Kait watched him pace.
He came to a sudden halt and faced her. “Why did you come back to Granby now?”
“My father died, and I hoped that maybe this was the right time to talk to you.”
“Just like that.”
“Yes, just like that.”
Ryan was spoiling for a fight that she didn’t intend to give him. She could afford the luxury of being calm. After all, she’d had a long time to think about this. She understood his anger—yes, he had every right to be mad.
Finally, he raised his head and met her gaze. Kait flinched at the raw pain in his eyes. Ryan shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” The accusation lingered in the air.
“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you. The timing wasn’t in our favor.”
“Timing?” His eyes rounded in astonishment, and his tone became almost mocking. “You’re going to try to tell me this is all about timing?”
“You were out of town for spring break sophomore year, as I recall. Some legal internship your parents had arranged in D.C.”
Ryan’s jaw tightened, and the muscle in his right cheek twitched. “It was a week and a half. You couldn’t have waited for me? The father of your child?”
“My father kicked me out.” She took a deep breath. Suddenly she had no energy to defend herself. Once again, she was convicted before she began. “I was homeless. Nineteen and pregnant with nowhere to go. I was scared, and I didn’t have any options. I had to make decisions very fast.”
There was more to the story. Oh, yes, much more. But Ryan certainly wasn’t ready to hear everything tonight. She held back to protect him, and because deep down inside she doubted he’d believe her anyhow. What chance did her word have against Elizabeth Delaney Jones’s?
For several long moments, neither of them spoke.
“Did you think I wouldn’t be a good father?”
Surprised, Kait jerked back at his words. “Where did that come from? No. I hadn’t even thought that far down the road, Ryan. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I called Molly Springer, and she helped me. Molly has family in Philly. She found a place for me to stay and was there when Jenna was born.”
Again Ryan’s face became a twisted mask of anguish. His words were raw with pain. “I missed the birth of my daughter. Dear Lord, I’ve missed so much.”
Aching for him, Kait considered his words, not sure how to comfort him. Suddenly he was very quiet, his face stony. His eyes moved from her ringless hand to her face. “You were going to let someone else be Jenna’s father before giving me a chance.”
“It wasn’t … I didn’t …” Her eyes pricked with emotion. “That wasn’t how it was at all, Ryan.”
“How was it, Kait?” He blinked and looked away. “You had years to call me. Years. That’s what hurts most of all.”
How could she ever explain? Time and again she had tried to pick up the phone. With each passing day, the bridge to her past crumbled further. It was easier not to look back and to convince herself Ryan wouldn’t be waiting anyhow.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Kait.”
“Ryan, I—”
“No. I’m pretty sure this conversation is over.” Swallowing, he straightened and glanced at his watch. “For now. It’s late, and I’m functioning on an empty tank. I don’t want to say something we’ll both regret.”
Kait nodded.
Arms crossed, Ryan met her gaze head-on. His eyes flashed cold and dark.
She shivered. She’d never seen this side of Ryan before.
“I want to get to know Jenna. I want to get to know my daughter.”
He turned from her and walked slowly to his pickup, head bowed with the weight of his burden.
“That’s what I want, too,” Kait whispered as he drove away.
Pointing the pickup toward Tishomingo, Ryan drove. The three-and-a-half-hour trip took considerably less. It was after ten when he pulled up the long dirt-and-gravel drive and parked outside the rambling farmhouse. Twilight had long since disappeared, and a dark blanket of a country night covered everything.
The tension that held his shoulders tight and his jaw clenched finally eased. He released a deep breath and got out of the truck. Stones crunched beneath his boots as he approached the porch. The creaking of a rocking chair accompanied a chorus of cicadas.
“You know what time it is?” His grandfather’s voice reached him.
Ryan glanced at his watch. “Way past your bedtime.”
“Guess I must have been waiting up for you.” Gramps glanced over at the truck. “You still driving that old piece of tin?”
“Gets fair mileage and keeps the women away.”
Gramps laughed loud and hard.
The small porch light was enough to detail his grandfather’s rhythmic motions in the chair. As usual, Gramps wore a clean white T-shirt and pair of well-worn overalls. His remaining tufts of white hair stood straight up on a shiny scalp. Nearing eighty-four, Harlan Lukas Jones never changed. Ryan thanked God for that. The man was his rock, his sanity in a crazy world.
“Everyone okay?” Gramps asked.
“Yeah.”
The older man lifted a glass of lemonade to his lips. “There’s more in the house. Help yourself.”
“I’m good.”
Gramps looped his foot around another rocker, the twin to the one he sat in, and pulled it close. “Then have a seat.”
Weariness settled on Ryan as he eased into the chair and leaned against the smooth slats. “Nice weather for the first week of October.”
“Bit of a breeze but nice. Frost coming soon. That’ll quiet those cicadas.”
Ryan nodded.
“Good chili-cooking weather, too, but I’m guessing you didn’t come out here to discuss the weather or cooking. What’s on your mind, son? You look like you’ve gone a few rounds with the devil tonight.”
Ryan inhaled, steadying his emotions. “She’s back.”
They were silent for a while, chairs slowly moving in unison.
His grandfather gave a thoughtful shake of his head. “Time changed her?” he finally asked.
“Not really.” If anything, Kait was more of everything that tugged at his heart and soul. As a woman, the emotions she stirred in him were more powerful than ever.
“What are you feeling?”
“No different.” He paused, relieved at the admission. “The trouble is, I’m not sure if I’m still in love with her because that’s all I know or because that’s all I want to know.”
“Little of both, I imagine.” Gramps set his glass on the ground. “She married?”
“No.” Ryan glanced down.
“Your folks never cared for Kait. You know that.”
“I didn’t let that stand in the way, Gramps.”
“You’ve never gone nose to nose with your folks, either.”
“I’m not a lawyer, am I?”
“This isn’t like choosing veterinary medicine over law school, son. If it’s change you’re looking for, you’re going to have to quit straddling the fence.”
Ryan shook his head. He knew his grandfather was right. He rarely stood up to his parents. It was too much trouble. He’d rather find the road around an issue and quietly do things his own way.
“There’s more, Gramps.”
His grandfather stopped rocking.
“She brought her daughter with her.”
“How old is she?”
“Seven. Almost eight.”
“Are you trying to get up the nerve to tell me you’re that little girl’s daddy?”
Ryan blinked. “You know?”
“Not a far leap, even for an old steer like me. I always wondered when she left so suddenlike.”
“I want to do the right thing, but I have to tell you, I’m reelin’.” Ryan gripped the chair, his knuckles white. He released a breath, once again fighting the desire to hit something or break down in tears. Neither was an option.
Gramps reached out a gnarled hand and touched Ryan’s arm. His deep blue eyes searched his grandson’s. “It’ll all sort itself out, son. Anger’s not going to do anyone any good, so you may as well put it away and save it for something more deserving.”
Ryan slowly nodded and leaned back in the chair. They rocked silently for a long time, until his grandfather spoke again. “Ha.” Gramps stopped the chair and slapped his knee. “Bet this put your folks in a tizzy.”
“They don’t know yet.”
“Ooh, boy. Wish I was a fly on that wall. Why, last time something like this happened was when your daddy and momma moved up the wedding date. They ended up eloping, you know.”
Ryan’s jaw slacked with surprise.
“You know what they say about people who live in glass houses,” Gramps said. He chuckled under his breath.
Ryan shook his head. “But they act so …”
“Judgmental? Well, your daddy wasn’t always like that, and I have to believe that deep down inside he’s the same man he was when he left this farm. Your grandmother and I raised him up right with a foundation based on the good Lord.”
“And Mother?”
“Aw, don’t go believing those highfalutin ways of your mother’s. I knew her when she was just a regular girl from Granby. She comes from a long line of simple folks.” His grandfather gestured with his hands. “Why, her granny and mine were friends when their husbands were roughnecks on oil rigs.”
Ryan grinned before his thoughts sobered again. “What should I do, Gramps?”
“Darned if I know. I’m old, but that doesn’t mean I know everything.”
“I always thought you did.”
“Not me. I cheat. I turn to the good Lord when I don’t know what to do. That’s your answer, as well.”
Ryan frowned.
“Pray, son. Pray like your life depends on it. Kait coming back into your life is nothing short of a marvel. A daughter, you say? Well, that’s doubly marvelous. Don’t let your folks stand in the way this time.” Gramps pointed skyward with his thumb. “He has a plan. Up to you to figure out what it is.”
Ryan took a deep breath. Gramps was right. It was time for some serious prayer. Time to ask for forgiveness for his mistakes and trust that the Good Lord would give him the wisdom and strength he needed for tomorrow.
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