Her Secret, His Child

“Mommy!”

Jamie’s heart skipped a happy beat as it always did when she heard her daughter’s voice.

She bent down just in time to catch the little whirlwind who hurled herself into Jamie’s arms. Anyone might think they’d been apart for days rather than the two and a half hours it had actually been. But sometimes these preschool mornings, away from Ashley, felt so much longer to Jamie.

“Hi, punkin, how was school?” she asked.

“Good. I got to answer Mommy’s Day!”

“Good girl!” Jamie gave Ashley one more hug before releasing the child. Even after four years, it was sometimes difficult to believe that this little girl was actually hers.

“Where’s Kayla?” She looked around the huge room filled with miniature furniture and a confusing array of mothers collecting children.

“She had to go potty,” Ashley said, trotting off to get her coat.

“Miss Jamie!”

Jamie turned as she recognized the other little voice in her life, and grabbed Kayla up for a hug. “Did you remember to wipe?” she asked. Kayla was often in too much of a hurry to finish what she started—much to Karen’s chagrin.

“Uh-huh.” Kayla nodded, her blue eyes wide. “Ashley knew Mommy’s Day,” she informed her importantly.

“I heard!” Jamie set the little girl down and helped them both zip up their parkas.

And as she escorted the two young children out into the parking lot, one tiny hand each in each of hers, she listened eagerly to their continuous chatter. There was no job more important, nothing on earth she’d rather be doing.

For the first time since she was Ashley’s age, Jamie had everything she could possibly want.

KAREN RAN our of crackers. A near catastrophe, seeing that Ashley just couldn’t eat chili without crackers. And besides, Kayla had already had five crackers and Ashley had had only three. Not bothering with her coat, Jamie hurried across the yard separating their homes, sure she had a box of saltines in the cupboard.

And saw the light blinking on her answering machine as she ran in the door. Hoping the light meant another client—an answer to the plea she’d sent out via Dr. Patterson, dean of Gunnison University—Jamie pushed the play-back button.

Ashley wanted to take dance lessons. Jamie needed to come up with the extra money to pay for them.

“Hi, Jamie. Kyle Radcliff calling. As of today, I’m the new English professor at Gunnison University. Could you give me a call, please?”

With a shaking hand, Jamie wrote down the number he rattled off. But as she dropped the pencil, the marks she was staring at through glazed eyes were barely legible.

She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see. Limbs suddenly weak, she clung to the counter, trying to keep down the portion of lunch she’d managed to eat.

Just like that.

He wanted her to call him.

Just like that. Her life was over.

She’d been found.

DRAWING ON the strength that came with motherhood, Jamie stood upright, forcing herself to breathe deeply, struggling to hold herself together. Ashley needed crackers. Was waiting for her mother to bring them. Jamie reached into the cupboard.

Yes. Just as she’d thought. There was an unopened box. Enough to keep both girls happy for the rest of the meal. Crackers were good. She was glad she had them.

Hugging the box, Jamie walked slowly back across the yard. The icy air didn’t penetrate. She didn’t notice the blue sky or the blinding glare reflecting off snow-covered yards. Ashley was waiting for crackers. Jamie had crackers. That was good.

“Mommy got crackers! Hooray!”

Jamie smiled automatically, holding up the box of crackers for the prize it was, as her daughter’s greeting met her at Karen’s kitchen door.

“Thank goodness.” Karen rolled her eyes dramatically, grinning. She took the box even before Jamie slid into her chair.

“Thank Mommy,” Ashley insisted, her brows creased with the seriousness of her correction.

Jamie’s heart started to shatter.

Divvying up the goods, Karen reminded the girls that as soon as they finished their chili, they could watch The Little Mermaid again. Jamie heard her. Heard the girls’ chorus of hoorays. She looked at her half-eaten bowl of chili. The spoon she knew she should be picking up.

“Something wrong?” Karen’s voice was soft, barely audible beneath the girls’ animated conversation.

“No!” Jamie glanced across at her friend. The only true friend she’d ever had. The woman who didn’t really know her at all. “Why?”

“You don’t look so good.”

“I, uh, just remembered I didn’t return a phone call this morning and I can’t afford to lose any clients.”

“Then go do it. I’ll watch the girls.”

“You sure?”

“Of course! They’ll be wrapped up in Ariel for the next hour anyway. Get out of here!”

She had to go. But she couldn’t leave Ashley. Could barely wait for Ashley to finish eating so she could lift her out of her booster seat and hold the little girl’s chili-smeared face against her. She’d be all right just as soon as she felt Ashley’s arms around her neck.

“Okay, I’ll hurry,” Jamie heard herself say. And stared again into her bowl of chili. It had been good chili.

She was going to have to leave Ashley with Karen. She absolutely could not allow whatever was to come to touch Ashley’s life. Couldn’t bear for Ashley to know...

“Take your time,” Karen said, clearing their bowls from the table.

Jamie stood.

“Where you going, Mommy?”

Ashley was staring at her mother, big gray eyes wide-open. Always observing. Always aware.

“Just to make a phone call,” Jamie told herself as well as the child. “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t you want to see Ariel?” Ashley’s sweet voice was filled with concern. Her thumb stole to her mouth.

“Of course I do, baby!” Jamie said. She rounded the table and knelt beside her daughter. “I’ll hurry.”