A Defender's Heart

She tried to follow the conversation as she rinsed dishes and loaded the dishwasher, cleaned the pans she knew Charles always did by hand and wiped down all the counters. It was a struggle, though. Her mind kept wandering, just as it had all night long, even when the conversation going on around her had been engaging.

Before she went home that night—and she definitely planned to go home, which would be another issue, since Charles was expecting her to stay—she had to tell the man she loved that she couldn’t be engaged to him. Yet. He was going to think she was some kind of kook. Or worse, that she still had a thing for Cedar.

Which she didn’t. She scrubbed hard at a spot on the frying pan—until she noticed that she was leaving slight scars on the bottom of the pan. The only true feelings Cedar raised in her were negative ones. Left over from the trauma he’d put her through.

The trauma she’d allowed herself to fall into.

But even if Charles didn’t worry about Cedar, even if he took her conversation for what it was, it was going to be difficult for him. Including on the most surface level—they’d just announced their engagement in a big, celebratory way to everyone he considered a friend.

He wouldn’t be wrong to feel upset with her for not realizing, a couple of days sooner, that she wasn’t ready to marry anyone.

Yet.

That yet kept surfacing. Maybe if she led with that part, her news wouldn’t be so horrible.

“Are you sure I can’t help you with anything?” Becky was back from the restroom, where Heather had directed her minutes before. It was the third time Becky had offered assistance.

“Nope, all done here,” Heather smiled, hung the cloth she’d just used to wipe out the sink and turned back toward the dining room.

The last thing she needed was girl talk. Unless it was with one of her girls, and she wasn’t even up for that at the moment.

* * *

DEAN DISALVO, his father’s friend, had a lot of money. He offered a sizable chunk to Cedar, who wasn’t taking it. He’d promised himself he was done working as a lawyer, at least for a while. Maybe forever. He was done selling his soul. Done taking money for a job that had controlled him to the point that he’d sacrificed his conscience to succeed. He was helping his father. Period.

About five minutes into their conversation Monday night, DiSalvo finally got that Cedar meant what he said—that he wasn’t in it for the money.

His father never came up. Whether Cedar-Jones had mentioned anything to DiSalvo, other than the name of a lawyer, Cedar didn’t know. If DiSalvo wondered about the name likeness he didn’t say. DiSalvo could think what he liked about why a seemingly high-powered attorney would work for free. Cedar really wasn’t interested in what the man thought.

The case interested him, though. Cedar-Jones was right. An intricate trail of money-making deals had veered off course, and DiSalvo was being framed. Or he said he was. They always said they were. Usually they weren’t as innocent as they claimed, but there were ways to make them look as though they were. Cedar knew that firsthand. And knew, too, about the people whose palms could be greased, by a lawyer or the accused, to make things disappear. And people who’d roll over to keep themselves out of hotter water. It was exactly the kind of case that used to make Cedar salivate. After a quick shower and a ham-and-mustard sandwich, he sat out on his deck, with the ocean in the distance, a glass of milk in hand, his laptop on the table in front of him and his body alive in a way it hadn’t been in too many months.

DiSalvo had sent a shitload of files. Cedar wasn’t going to bed until he’d perused every single one of them.

And maybe not even then.

His father had called on him.

He had work to do.

And a job site to be at in the morning.

Good thing he was used to getting by on minimal sleep.

* * *

HEATHER STOOD AT Charles’s side, a slight step behind him, as they waved goodbye to his friends. Could anyone tell her palms were wet?

Cedar would have known from the arm across her midsection that she was holding back. Holding in. That something was bothering her.

She dropped her arm. Kept waving. Concentrated on the smile on her face. And was caught unawares as Charles turned around and kissed her deeply, his tongue in her mouth.

“Thank you,” he said, as soon as he lifted his head. “I know this wasn’t the evening we planned, but it was perfect in a different kind of way.”

Perfect wasn’t even close to a word she’d have used, but then she’d known what was coming and was sure that had clouded what might otherwise have been a wonderful time.

All except for the conversation about bands, maybe.

“They’re nice people,” she said, stepping away from Charles—wanting another glass of wine, which would require opening a third bottle. Which they had.

Was it too late for him to go along with their original plan of wine on the deck?

“Becky’s a sweetheart,” Charles was saying, following her into the kitchen. “You really liked her?”

Hovering near the wine cooler, Heather smiled at him. “I did. Truly.”

“So you’d be up for going to Chicago to see them?”

She imagined Charles and her together, but not engaged, and smiled again. “Of course.”

It was awkward, just standing there in the kitchen. He might be ready to go to bed. She wasn’t joining him.

She needed some time to figure out the total impact of the feelings assailing her because of her contact with Cedar. She should’ve realized there’d be an initial backlash. She hadn’t seen it coming. And she had to deal with that first.

“Shall we have another glass of wine?” she asked, feeling like a kid asking for permission to stay out past curfew. Which was ridiculous. Charles was the late-night one. “We could sit out on the deck.”

“Sure!” He shrugged, looked happy as he pulled out a bottle of her favorite unoaked chardonnay, while she slid a couple of fresh glasses off the rack mounted above the cooler.

She loved him in this mood, so easy, so supportive. Would it hurt to put off the conversation until later?

Following Charles through the house toward the deck, she considered her options. Her appointment with Carin Landry wasn’t until Wednesday, and she wouldn’t be seeing or speaking with Cedar again until she’d had more than one appointment with the woman. She needed preliminary conversation with her before she could form a list of questions. She could have Charles over to her house for dinner on Tuesday night. After his golf game. Unless he had dinner with the others in his foursome, all doctors.

She’d been thinking about stopping by Lianna’s after work the next day. Her friend hadn’t said no to the weekend in wine country, but she hadn’t said yes, either. She’d sounded decidedly unlike herself. Maybe it was time for Heather to be a friend, rather than just have one...

Charles pulled open the sliding glass door that led to the upper deck at the back of the house. She followed him out. She took a deep breath of air, convinced she could taste a hint of the ocean’s salt in the breeze. Growing up in Santa Raquel had given her what seemed like a biological need for that very special air.

She handed a glass to Charles, exchanged the other empty for the one he’d filled, and stood by the rail waiting for their traditional toast.

“To us,” he said, clinking his now-full glass to hers.

She nodded, mouthed the words and hoped he didn’t notice that they didn’t actually pass her lips. Hoped they’d still be an “us.”

CHAPTER SIX (#udc7d5650-032c-5356-81ff-d9f7219f9482)

CHARLES SAT ON his usual side of the padded wicker love seat they normally shared. He lifted one leg and rested his ankle on the opposite knee. He seemed ready to sit for hours.

She wasn’t sitting.

“Out with it...” His words were soft. Infused with the caring that had touched her from the moment he’d said hello the summer before.