Afraid To Lose Her

“You can do whatever you set out to do.” Luke rolled his eyes.

“So you have been listening to me.”

“Whatever. Are we getting that ice cream or what?”

They left the basketball court and walked to the corner store. The owner eyed Luke but nodded at Dez, who went to the freezer and pulled out two sundae cones. He turned and found Luke staring at the gallons of milk in the cooler next to the freezer. He knew that look. Luke needed something, but pride kept him from speaking up. Dez took out a gallon of milk from the cooler. “I was going to pick up some groceries, too. You need anything?”

Luke turned away. “Nah, man. We’re good.”

Dez shifted the gallon of milk in his arms as he grabbed a couple boxes of cereal and a loaf of bread. He took his purchases up to the counter and pulled out his wallet. He turned back to Luke. “You sure you don’t need anything?” Luke kept his gaze on the counter but gave a short nod. “Okay, then.”

The cashier told him his total, and Dez took out a twenty. Luke glanced away. “Diapers. The baby’s out of diapers, and Mom doesn’t get paid till next week.”

Dez left the counter and grabbed a pack of diapers and a large canister of baby formula. He added the items to the rest of his purchases and looked at Luke again. “Anything else you need?” Luke shook his head, so Dez paid the cashier.

They left the corner store and ate their ice cream cones as they strolled back to Luke’s apartment, each carrying a plastic bag. They didn’t say anything until they’d reached the stairwell. Luke took a deep breath. “Thanks.”

Dez put his hand on Luke’s shoulder. “We talked about asking for help when you need it.”

The teen still wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “It’s not that easy. You know what I’m talking about.”

Yep, Dez sure did. He’d grown up in a series of foster homes where he learned to fight in order to get what he needed or to avoid what he didn’t. That is until Ray had taken him in and taught him what it meant to be a man of honor. Not that he’d listened at first. He’d been too angry to. But the lessons had been repeated and drilled into him until he’d finally understood. “You’re right. But asking for help doesn’t make you weak, okay?” He handed Luke his plastic bag. “These are all for you.”

Luke nodded, his eyes still down. “K.”

“I’m not giving you groceries because I feel sorry for you.”

Luke lifted his head, and anger and something else flashed in his gaze. Pride, maybe. “Yeah, right. You feeling guilty because you got out of a place like this? And now you got to slum it with me.”

“That’s not why I did it.”

Luke shrugged. “Whatever, man. I gotta go.”

“Next Wednesday, same time. And you’d better have aced that math test.”

Luke didn’t say a word, but took the bags of groceries upstairs to his apartment. At least he hadn’t thrust them back on Dez. The kid must have been hungry. He wished he could remove him from this environment, because he was smart and could make something of himself if he didn’t let the gangs get to him first. Or the poverty. Or the despair and hopelessness.

Dez muffled a curse and pulled out his cell phone to check again to see if Sherri had called. Nothing. He tapped out a quick message to her.

U OK?

Her response came just as quick.

Heading to the gun range. You game?

Of course he was. He texted her back in the affirmative and started his car. When he pulled into the parking lot, he noticed her car already there, plus a few others. He jogged to the front door and opened it. Smitty, the owner of the gun shop and range, gave him a nod. “Your girl is unloading a few clips in the back.”

Dez raised one eyebrow at this. “That can’t be good.”

Smitty gave a shrug. “She seemed a little agitated, and I didn’t bother to ask why.”

So the doctor’s appointment hadn’t gone well, then. The old man looked at Dez as if he’d provide the answers, but he remained silent, not knowing what they were. Finally, Dez gave him a salute. “Semper Fi, Smitty.”

He nodded. “Semper Fi.”

He paid Smitty for an hour’s time on the range as well as a box of bullets. In the back, he found Sherri with earmuffs and goggles on and reloading her gun with another clip. Dez walked up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped and removed the earmuffs. “Hey,” he said.

“I thought tonight was your night with Luke?”

“He already cleaned my clock on the basketball court.” He studied her closely, trying to see if those were red-rimmed eyes from crying, but the goggles gave her pupils a distorted look and he couldn’t gauge her mood. Instead, he turned to the target she’d been shooting at and pressed the button to bring it closer. He whistled at the holes across the target’s chest. “So are you going to tell me, or can I guess from this?” He waved the target at her.

She snatched the paper from him and loaded a new one on the clip then sent it back out, this time at a distance farther away than the previous setting. She turned to him. “Doc’s sending me for an MRI, so I’ll be in late tomorrow.”

“But what does that mean? They couldn’t tell, so you need more tests?” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Come on, Ace. Tell me what’s going on. Don’t keep me out of this.” She wouldn’t look at him and he swore, knowing what she wasn’t saying. “It is cancer.”

She nodded and threaded her fingers through his. “The appointment is a blur, and I’m sure there’s things he told me that I should share with you, but I can’t remember them right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

He pulled her into his arms as she started to cry, her tears wetting his T-shirt. But he didn’t care. He rubbed her back and placed a kiss on the top of her head, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. We’re going to fight this with everything we’ve got.”

“We?”

“You don’t think I’d leave my partner to do this on her own, do you? We’re doing this together. I’ll drive you to appointments, and you can cry on my shoulder anytime you want.” He swallowed at the emotions clogging his throat. “You’re going to fight this because that’s what you are. You’re not a victim. You’re my warrior. And that’s what warriors do. They fight.”

She let go of him and took a step back. “Even to the death?”

“We’re not going to talk about that.”

“But it could happen.”

“And you could also survive this and live until you’re ninety.” He grasped her by her arms so she had to look him in the eyes. “You’ve got this. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and something like this won’t bring you down.”

“I wish I had your faith,” she said, clearly holding back more tears.

“So borrow mine until you find some of your own.” He swore again and rubbed her shoulders. “Is there anything I can do right now?”

“Yes. Leave my cubicle so I can empty my clip onto that target.” She motioned toward the hanging paper waiting for her to destroy it.

He gave a short nod. “I’ll be in the booth right next door if you need me.” He held up his gun and box of ammo. “I’ve got my own demons to shoot at.”

She smiled and put the ear protection back on. He left the cubicle and entered his own. Earmuffs in place. Gun loaded. He attached a paper target to the clip and sent it out a short distance. He aimed the gun at the center of the target and pulled the trigger, letting the kickback up his arm remind him that he was still alive. And for now, so was Sherri.

CHAPTER THREE (#ua5685325-381b-585e-8b10-b00b57138d52)

THE NEXT WEEK passed quickly as Sherri recuperated from the lumpectomy. She popped antacids while she waited for Dr. VanGilder to gather all the necessary information to determine what happened next. If the cancer didn’t get her, Sherri figured the ulcer that must be forming in her stomach might.

She hoped that the specimen removed from her breast had clear margins indicating that all the cancer had been taken. Perhaps she’d be done with surgery and could go back to her normal life. For now, she was staying at her parents’ home for the weekend. She couldn’t face an empty apartment after her surgery.

Mama knocked on the open guest bedroom door and popped her head inside. “Dez is here.”