Beth and the Bachelor

As per her instructions, it was locked. That made her relax a little. While her lone foray into dating had ended in disaster, at least her kids seemed to be growing up into wonderful, responsible teenagers. Given the choice, she would pick her kids’ success and happiness over her own, any day.

She inserted her key and turned it, then opened the door and made her way to the family room. ‘‘Just me,’’ she called.

Her daughter, Jodi, and her friend Sara both looked up at her in surprise as she stepped into the room.

‘‘I know I’m a little early,’’ she said, careful to keep her voice bright and breezy. ‘‘Everything is fine. I told Todd I would prefer it if we ended our date quickly.’’

Jodi frowned at the VCR clock, then returned her attention to her mother. ‘‘A little early? Did you two even have time to eat?’’

While Beth was willing to stretch the truth slightly, she wasn’t going to out-and-out lie. ‘‘We had drinks.’’

‘‘I thought he was supposed to be buying you dinner.’’ Beth crossed the hardwood floor and kissed her daughter’s forehead. ‘‘He offered and I declined. I’d rather be home.’’ She grabbed a cookie from the plate between the studying girls. ‘‘I’m going upstairs to get changed. Don’t worry about me.’’

With that she was gone. One down and one to go, she thought, pleased Jodi had accepted her explanation so easily. Of course if she knew her daughter, they were going to be talking about this in more detail in the morning. Between now and then, Beth would think of a way to make things sound better than they were.

At the top of the stairs, she slipped out of her pumps and carried them. As she pushed open the half-closed door to her bedroom, she remembered that she’d given Matt permission to watch movies on her television so as not to disturb Jodi and Sara while they studied.

The sounds of an action movie assaulted her as she stepped into the dark bedroom. Matt lay on the bed, his head propped on top of all her pillows and a bowl of popcorn on his stomach.

‘‘Hey, kiddo,’’ she said as she walked toward her closet.

‘‘Mom?’’ Matt set the bowl on the nightstand and sprang to his feet. ‘‘You’re home early. Are you okay?’’

She put her purse on her dresser and turned to look at him. ‘‘I’m fine. Yes, it was a short date, but Todd and I settled for drinks instead of dinner.’’

The twinge of guilt at her semi-lie surprised her. Why should she feel guilty about what had happened? Maybe because she’d left a perfectly nice man in a potentially embarrassing situation, a little voice in her head whispered.

Matt stood in front of her. He was a gangly teen with serious eyes behind his wire-rimmed glasses. Right now, worry pressed his mouth into a straight line.

His too-big hands curled into fists. ‘‘Did something happen? Did he—”His voice cracked and he flushed. ‘‘Did he try something?’’

It took Beth a moment to figure out that her youngest, the boy she still thought of as her baby, was concerned about her safety and planning to protect her. Pain and pride battled for a place in her heart. Pain that he was already so grown-up and it wouldn’t be long before he was gone, and pride for the man he would be when he left home for good.

She cupped Matt’s face in her hands. He wasn’t shaving regularly yet and he still had the blotchy skin of an adolescent, but since the death of his father, he’d done his best to be the man of the house.

‘‘Thank you,’’ she said quietly, and kissed his cheek. ‘‘Thank you for worrying about me. Yes, I’m home before I planned, but that’s because I didn’t stay to have dinner with Todd. Nothing happened.’’

At least nothing in the way Matt thought, Beth reminded herself. If anyone was guilty of behaving badly, she was the one in trouble, not Todd.

‘‘You sure?’’ Matt asked.

‘‘I swear.’’ Beth dropped her hands and made an X over her heart. ‘‘Now let me get changed and I’ll watch the rest of the movie with you.’’

Matt grinned. ‘‘You’ll hate it.’’

‘‘Probably,’’ Beth said as she moved into the bathroom and the closet beyond. ‘‘But I’ll get to make fun of it and annoy you with my sarcastic comments, so that will be entertaining.’’

Fifteen minutes later, she curled up on the opposite side of the bed. The large bowl of popcorn sat between them. While Matt lost himself in the movie, she tried to do the same. Unfortunately not even the sight of bare-chested navy SEALs was enough to keep her from thinking of Todd. Had he stayed in the restaurant for dinner? she wondered as she crunched popcorn. Or had he left? Did her abrupt departure make him feel embarrassed? She hoped not. She doubted that he would have felt anything but relief, but she wasn’t sure, and that bothered her.

Beth knew she had her faults like everyone else, but she wasn’t a deliberately cruel person. Guilt nibbled away at her until she thought it might have been easier to just endure the entire evening.

But that was part of the problem, she admitted to herself. Being with Todd hadn’t been that difficult, and spending a few more hours in his company wouldn’t have been all that tough to get through. Her uneasiness and discomfort had been about the strangeness of the situation, not to mention the snobby restaurant, not the man himself.

Later, when both her children were in bed and asleep, Beth paced the downstairs. It didn’t matter that she’d told herself to put the evening behind her, nor did telling herself that what she’d done hadn’t been so bad make her feel any better. When she finally crawled between her cool sheets, her mind still whirled. Questions of what she should have done versus what she actually had done followed her into her dreams.

* * *

Beth awoke to the smell of cinnamon and baking bread. Jodi must have put the ingredients for cinnamon rolls into the bread maker before going to bed the previous night. ‘‘You always were my favorite daughter,’’ she said aloud as she headed for the shower.

Twenty minutes later she stood in her kitchen brewing coffee. The day looked clear. Except for a storm a few days ago, there had been nearly three weeks without rain, which meant she was going to have to continue watering by hand. The neighborhood prided itself on green lawns and lush plants. While Matt had taken charge of the mowing, trimming and raking, he wasn’t much for watering.

‘‘Morning.’’

Beth turned around and saw her daughter leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

‘‘Morning, yourself. It’s early for you.’’ She glanced at the clock on the wall and raised her eyebrows. ‘‘Barely nine and on a Saturday, too. Whatever is the world coming to?’’

‘‘Yeah, yeah.’’ Jodi had pulled on shorts and a T-shirt, but hadn’t showered yet. Her long red hair lay tangled on her shoulders. ‘‘I wanted to talk to you.’’

‘‘About what?’’ Beth asked with studied casualness, although she suspected the topic. She poured a cup of coffee for herself and juice for her daughter, then sat at the round kitchen table and set the juice in front of the chair across from hers.

‘‘Last night,’’ Jodi said as she stumbled into the seat.

‘‘What about last night?’’

Beth was stalling and she knew it, but she did not want to have this conversation with her sixteen-year-old daughter…or with anyone else.

Jodi tucked her hair behind her ears and took a drink of juice. ‘‘You said you and Todd just had drinks last night. That he offered you dinner and you declined.’’

‘‘Yes, that’s what I said.’’ It was a lie, Beth thought guiltily, but a small one. On the lie scale, it should barely register.

‘‘But you came home in a cab.’’

Beth silently cursed the beveled glass front door that allowed someone in the family room to see down the length of the house to the street. In the dark Jodi wouldn’t have been able to identify a specific car but she had obviously seen enough to know the yellow cab Beth had taken home was nothing like the dark limo she’d driven in earlier.

She drew in a deep breath. ‘‘Nothing bad happened,’’ she began slowly. ‘‘The date wasn’t working, so I left early. It’s not a big deal.’’

‘‘Did he try something?’’

‘‘No. Matt asked me the same thing. What is it with you two?’’

‘‘We’re worried about you, Mom. You haven’t been out with a man before. Well, you dated Daddy, but that’s different.’’ Jodi shifted in her seat. ‘‘You know what I mean. You’re not prepared for what really goes on when men and women date.’’

‘‘Something you’re expert at?’’

‘‘Of course not. It’s just I have friends with divorced parents. The kids tell me what it’s like for their moms. Men expect certain things. You’re not that kind of woman. I just want to be sure that you’re okay.’’

Beth didn’t know whether to laugh hysterically, hug Jodi close and never let her go, or burst into tears. She settled on a sip of coffee.