The Gift of a Child

An open face with a beautiful smile, long black hair falling down her back, big brown eyes filled with friendliness. ‘Hello?’

Jodi’s fingers combed her own straggly tufts that looked as though she’d taken the wool clippers to them. No time or money to spend on caring for inessentials such as hair. A twist of envy wound through her as she studied this woman. She’d been fooling herself. Mitch wouldn’t be alone. Good-looking, highly sexed, streetwise men like him never were. ‘Hello, I’m Dr Jodi Hawke. Is Mitchell at home?’

The woman smiled easily, apparently not at all concerned with a strange female’s sudden appearance on the doorstep. ‘Sorry, but he’s at work, even though it is Saturday. I’d say come back later but who knows what time he’ll get home. He puts in long hours, always doing extra shifts.’

I know. That was the problem. One of the problems, she corrected herself. ‘He works at Auckland General Hospital, right?’ Just checking she had that fact correct.

‘Isn’t he wonderful? Helping all those sick kids? He’s got such a lovely way with them. When our Lilly broke her arm Mitch fixed her up as easy as, and even made her laugh while he was doing it.’

Our Lilly. Mitchell had a daughter? The guy who’d sworn off having his own kids for ever? Jodi’s head spun and she groped for the wall to gain some stability as darkness crashed down over her eyes. This was turning out an even bigger nightmare than she’d believed possible.

‘Hey, careful. You’re going to fall in a heap.’ A hand gripped her elbow firmly, propelling her over the doorstep and into a small entranceway. ‘What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Or as our Lilly would say, seen a vampire. Here …’ The woman pushed her onto a chair. She was surprisingly strong for such a small woman. ‘Sit and put your head between your knees while I get you a glass of cold water.’

‘I—I’m s-sorry,’ Jodi whispered to the departing woman. ‘I never faint. Must be something in the air.’ Yeah, something called cowardice. ‘Toughen up. You’re a mother and mothers do anything for their children. Anything.’

A shadow crossed the floor in front of Jodi. Carefully lifting her head, her eyes met a sympathetic gaze.

‘Here, drink this. My name’s Claire, by the way.’ The woman knelt beside the chair and held the glass to Jodi’s lips. ‘What happened? Gee, one minute you’re asking about Mitch, the next you’re dropping like a sack of spuds.’

‘I’m not sure. Must be the heat.’ Heat? In autumn? ‘Or something I ate earlier.’ Her voice dwindled off as she sucked in her lie. The half piece of toast at six that morning would hardly do this. Taking the glass from Claire, she sipped the refreshing water, and met the perplexed gaze of this kind woman. ‘I’m sorry, truly. I’ll get out of your way.’ Suddenly in a hurry to leave, she stood up, and swayed on her feet. Once more Claire grabbed at her, pushed her down on the chair.

‘Not so fast. You can’t walk outside like this. You’ll fall and hurt yourself.’

Embarrassed at her unusual situation, Jodi drained the water and forced her brain to clear away the furry edges brought on by her near faint. In an attempt to divert her mind she looked around the entryway, then, through an open door into the lounge. Something wasn’t right. Too neat and tidy, impersonal. No toys or children’s books. Nothing to show a child resided here. ‘Your daughter doesn’t live with you?’

‘Of course she does.’ Then understanding dawned in Claire’s eyes. ‘I don’t live here.’ She chuckled. ‘I’m Mitch’s cleaning lady. Not his girlfriend.’ She went off into peals of laughter, crossing her arms over her stomach. ‘As if. I’m married to Dave, a long-haul truckie. We’re saving to buy our own house.’

Relief poured through Jodi. ‘I’ve got it all wrong, haven’t I?’ Thank goodness, because she really didn’t want to upset this woman who’d been so kind to her. ‘I’d better get going. No point in waiting for Mitch.’ Back to the motel and Jamie. Mum would be busy working on her latest financial report, hoping Jamie stayed asleep while Jodi was out. But at least she’d come up with them to help out over the first few days until Jodi knew what would happen. Totally unlike her hardworking mother to be away from her corner grocery store for even a day, let alone a whole week.

Concern clouded Claire’s eyes. ‘Hey, I wouldn’t let you stay here without Mitch’s say-so. He doesn’t know you’re visiting, does he?’

How had she figured that out? ‘No. I, we, flew up from Dunedin today. It’s a surprise.’ Surprise? If what she had to tell Mitch was a surprise then she’d hate to think what a stealth bomber was.

Claire headed for the front door and waved her through. ‘That’s all right, then. I like the guy. He’s kind and always pays me more money than I ask for, and never leaves a huge mess to clean up. I wouldn’t want to muck up what I’ve got going here.’

Once a charmer, always a charmer. Jodi squeezed past her. ‘Thank you for the water.’ The path wavered before her and she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as she headed for the car.

‘Excuse me. Jodi, wasn’t it?’ Claire called after her.

She paused, glanced over her shoulder. ‘Yes.’

‘In case you want to know, as far as I can see, Mitch hasn’t got a woman in his life at the moment. When he’s here he only uses the bathroom, one half of his bed and the kitchen.’

Relief made Jodi feel wobbly again but she kept focused on that footpath and finally made it back to the stuffy car. Inside she rolled down the window to let some cooler air float across her face. Phew. The fact she’d all but fainted showed how much of a pickle she’d got herself into. The prospect of facing up to Mitch had given her endless sleepless nights. And now, after getting mentally prepared, her moment of reckoning had been delayed. It was killing her.

Nothing compared to what’s happening to Jamie.

She reached for the ignition. Glanced at the house. Saw Claire wave before she closed the front door. Claire, the cleaning lady. Not the wife or girlfriend. Mitch really was single.

Something akin to excitement bubbled through her, warmed her from the inside out. Mitch was single. So what? He was toast, had been since the night he’d done his usual no-show. Except that time she’d been sitting in the swanky restaurant, at the table he’d booked for her birthday, drinking the champagne he’d pre-ordered, tossing up between roast salmon on fennel or venison steak when she’d seen his brother come in with his current glamorous toss. The brother she’d previously gone out with, and who’d never let her down. But who’d also never made her skin ache with need or her hormones dance the tango at the thought of him touching her. Only Mitch had ever done that.

Max had seen her, seated his date, then crossed to say in a satisfied tone, ‘So Mitchell’s let you down yet again, has he?’

And that had been the moment she’d known she was done with the Maitland twins. For ever. She’d taken her bottle of champagne and what was left in it, bought another, and headed home, stopping only to get a burger and chips on the way. She’d got thoroughly drunk all by herself. And in the morning she’d called in sick—not hard to do with the hangover she’d had—and had spent the hours packing. When Mitch had raced in about midday full of apologies she’d pointed to his bags and asked for her key back. ‘I won’t be treated as an afterthought. Last night was the final time you do that to me. I’m worthy of more than what you’re prepared to give me.’ Pride had kept back the words ‘I love you’, instead replaced with, ‘We’re over. I’m sorry.’

And she had been very sorry, and broken-hearted, but she’d known if she hadn’t stood up for herself she’d eventually have been worn down to become a needy woman waiting and begging for a few minutes of Mitch’s attention. Like her mother had with Dad. She’d done her share of begging her father for some attention too. Dad had spent every day and night charming people into handing over their hard-earned savings for him to invest. He’d missed her birthdays, too.

So Jodi Hawke didn’t do needy. Not now, not ever. She stood up for herself. Had learned the hard way at ten years old when she’d been humiliated and harassed at school for her father’s crimes that when you needed friends onside they let you down. When he’d ended up in jail there’d been an endless stream of kids to taunt her. Turning to her mother for solace had been a mistake. Dealing with her own problems and working every hour she could to climb out of the debt-laden hole Dad had left them in, Mum had had very little time for her too.

Withdrawing from everyone, Jodi had learned to fight back. If anyone wanted to be her friend they’d had to prove their worth. Two girls had stood by her, and were still there for her, as she was for them. But not one of the trio was needy, just sometimes requiring friendship and a shoulder to soak with tears. Entirely different.

Driving away from the house, Jodi wondered what Mitch would be like now. One thing was for sure, he’d still be a hunk with a sculpted body that he worked on in the gym. And those hands. Her tongue lapped her lips. The hands that knew unbelievable things about a woman’s body, had incredibly exciting ways of ramping up the desire that was always waiting just under her skin whenever he was near. Then there were those mesmerising blue eyes that had reminded her of summer, even on the bleakest of days. Until the end of their relationship, that was. That had been a grey day.

‘It will be winter glittering out at me today, though. Mitch is so going to hate me.’

Being dunked in an ice bucket couldn’t have chilled her as much. Her skin lifted, her spine shuddered, and her fingers clenched.

‘Remember how quickly he replaced you. Two weeks? Or was it three?’

That did not alleviate the chill gripping her body. At the end of the day there was no denying she’d done a bad thing. The fact they’d broken up wasn’t an excuse. But everything else that had happened might have been. Would Mitch understand her actions back then? Forgive her?

She already knew the answer, and yet still pleaded, ‘Please, please, Mitchell, remember one of the good moments we shared and go easy on me. I know I did wrong, but I need you onside now.’

Five hours later the digital clock in the rental car clicked over to eight-thirty.

Jodi grunted. ‘He’s not coming home any time soon.’ She’d returned to his house to find it in darkness, the curtains not drawn. As far as she could make out, Mitchell hadn’t been back in the time since her previous visit.

Still obsessed with putting in the hours at hospital. That man was driven. He never wanted to come second in anything. To anybody. Especially not to his twin brother. Their one-upmanship battles had been legendary at Otago Med School. Probably still were here at Auckland General.

She shivered. The temperature had dropped when the sun had gone down. And her memories of long, lonely nights waiting until Mitch had deigned to come home and see her sprang out of the dark place she’d forced them into a long time ago. Not so surprising when she sat outside his house, in his city, the closest she’d been to him in three years.

‘Back to the motel, and Jamie.’ Her darling boy would be tucked up in bed, hopefully sleeping easily. Earlier she’d kissed him goodnight after a meal of chicken bites and chips, a treat that remarkably Mum had forked out for. Breathing in his little-boy smell, stroking his head, tickling his tummy, a huge lump had blocked her throat. Rapid blinking had kept the tears at bay. Just. Even now they hovered, ready to spill down her cheeks in a moment’s weakness. Toughen up. There’s no room for weakness.

What if Mitchell didn’t agree to her request? There was no ‘what if’. He had to agree. He might be a self-focused man but he also knew the right thing to do. So Jamie should be safe.

She couldn’t, wouldn’t, imagine life without Jamie in it. He was so sweet, wickedly cute, and totally uncomplaining even when the pain struck. He didn’t know what it was like to be full of energy, to be able to run around the lawn shouting at the world, or to ride a bike, or to go a whole day without having to take at least two naps. And yet he still had an impish grin that twisted her heart and made her hug him tight, trying to ward off the inevitable.

A tired smile lifted one corner of her mouth. Even now her mother would be hooked into the internet, reading the stocks and shares figures from the other side of the world, impervious to anything else. Another workaholic who hadn’t learned to stop or even just slow down and, as the saying had it, smell the roses.

She took a right turn to head back to the grotty, dank motel room. Back to another night tossing and turning as she argued and pleaded with Mitch inside her head, as she argued with herself. Back to check up on her darling little boy, her horrendously ill little boy, who’d been dealt a black card in the stakes of life.

A car zoomed past in the opposite direction, headlights on full, and temporarily blinded her. Her foot lifted off the accelerator as she twisted the steering wheel sideways. ‘Idiot,’ she yelled at the unseen driver whizzing past, narrowly missing her rental vehicle.

‘Delinquent. Look where you’re going.’ She vented some of her pent-up anger and fear. ‘You could’ve killed me.’

Then who would talk to Mitchell about Jamie? Maybe leaving this until tomorrow wasn’t such a great idea. Who knew what might happen in the intervening hours? She hadn’t tried to find him anywhere else but at home. Which was fairly silly. The Mitch she’d known would always be at the hospital. Which meant he’d be very busy. Saturday night in ED was never a picnic. She had to wait until the morning.

‘No.’ Her fist crunched down on her thigh. ‘No. I’m done with waiting. Done with planning the arguments for and against my case. Done, done, done.’ Her palm slapped the steering wheel. She had to see Mitch. Now. The time had come. No more avoidance. No more lying to herself, saying she’d done the right thing. Because being right or wrong wasn’t going to change a thing. It wasn’t going to alter the fact she should’ve told Mitch about Jamie a long time ago.