His Independent Bride: Wife Against Her Will / The Wedlocked Wife / Bertoluzzi's Heiress Bride

For a long moment he stood looking down at her, and she lay transfixed—her whole body burning with the knowledge that he was the first man ever to see her naked—and terrified by the open hunger in his gaze.

When he spoke, his voice was very quiet. ‘You’re so beautiful, Darcy. Lovelier than any of my dreams, if that’s possible.’

He untied the sash of his robe and shrugged it off, revealing that it was indeed his only covering.

With a cry of outrage Darcy flung herself on her side, turning her back to him, but knowing at the same time that it was already too late. That there was another image now—unwanted but unforgettable—burning itself into her brain. And that there was nothing she could do about it.

She was aware of the slight dip in the mattress as he joined her in the big bed. She could feel the warmth of his nearness, and her stomach muscles clenched in panic.

As his hand touched her shoulder, she flinched violently. ‘Don’t!’

He sighed. ‘I’ve already established my intentions,’ he said. ‘So save the token protests, sweetheart.’

‘Don’t you dare say that to me,’ she whispered. ‘Because I also told you something once—that I loathed sex, and never wanted it again.’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I remember.’

‘Then why can’t you understand that? Accept it as my decision?’

‘Darcy.’ His voice was not unkind. ‘Darling, I’m aware that a lot of girls must find their first sexual experience disappointing, but they don’t take an immediate vow of chastity. Isn’t that something of an overreaction?’

‘I thought you were going to leave me alone.’ She choked on a sudden sob. ‘My God, I married you on that one condition. You know I did. But men can never believe that you don’t want to be mistreated—brutalised. Because “no” really means “yes”, doesn’t it, Joel? Because it’s what we bitches all want.’

She sat up in bed, turning on him, uncaring that her breasts were uncovered, tears running down her white face. ‘That’s what Harry kept saying to me all the time he was doing it, all the time I was trying to push him off, crying out for him to stop because he was hurting me so much—so badly. But he wouldn’t—he didn’t…’

‘Darcy.’ There was a note in his voice she’d never heard before—sharp, almost agonised. ‘Dear God, Darcy, what the hell are you talking about? Are you telling me that Harry Metcalfe—raped you?’

‘Rape?’ she repeated, then shook her head. ‘Oh, no, because there’s no such thing as rape. Just stupid little girls who change their minds when it’s too late. Didn’t you know that? Harry knew it. He said so.’

Joel’s face looked as if it had been carved out of stone. He said something soft and obscene under his breath, then reached over to the box of tissues on the night table and passed her a handful. Then he leaned down and retrieved his robe from the floor, wrapping it gently round her bare shoulders. Darcy clutched at it, dragging the red silk across her breasts with one hand, while she tried to mop her face with the other.

‘Let me.’ He took the tissues, drying her eyes and wiping her nose as if she were a child. His arm went round her, drawing her against his shoulder. ‘Now tell me what happened.’

She swallowed convulsively. ‘I’d been to a party at the house of a girl called Isobel, whose parents had gone away on holiday. I’d just left school, and I didn’t know her very well, but I realised as soon as I got there that it was a big mistake. Harry was there, and he offered to drive me home.’

Her fingers played restlessly with the crisp edge of the sheet. ‘He told you the truth when he said I’d been crazy about him for years. It started when I was thirteen, and I probably did make a hellish nuisance of myself over him. When I learned he’d got engaged, I felt as if my life had ended.

‘And now here he was, being kind, offering me a lift. It was like a glimpse of paradise. But we didn’t go straight home. Harry drove to Whitnall Woods, and parked there. He said he needed someone to talk to. That his engagement was a terrible mistake, and he was trying to break it off. He said he felt awful about it, because she was a wonderful girl, but not for him.

‘Then he said how strange it was that sometimes the girl you really wanted was right there, under your nose, only you were too blind to see it.

‘And he said, “Darcy—forgive me for being blind.”’ She tried to smile and failed. ‘I felt as if all my dreams had come true at once.’

‘Go on,’ Joel directed tersely.

‘He started to kiss me, and that was when everything changed. It should have been heaven, but it wasn’t. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t know why. So I asked him to take me home, and said we could talk again the next day, if he wanted.’

She bent her head. ‘He said it was far too early for that, and kissed me again. He told me I had a lovely mouth, then—then he undid his zip and tried to push my head down, towards him. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t…’

‘No,’ Joel said quietly. ‘And why should you?’

She took a breath. ‘He laughed at me. Said it was the twenty-first century, and I should lighten up. That he thought blow jobs were on the curriculum of every girls’ school. He squeezed my breasts, and I told him to stop, but he said he knew what I really wanted. Then he pushed me down on the seat, and ripped my underwear. I tried to scream, but everything was dark and stifling, and I couldn’t make a sound. So, it—happened.’

‘And afterwards?’ Joel asked curtly.

Darcy shook her head. ‘He said I had a lot to learn about men. That I shouldn’t lead them on, then make a fuss.’

‘My God.’ Joel was silent for a moment. ‘Who else knows about this?’

She swallowed convulsively. ‘No one.’

‘Why didn’t you report it to the police?’

She said in a low voice, ‘Because it was my word against his, and I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me. He was a neighbour’s son, after all, and it was an open secret how I felt about him. A big joke in the neighbourhood. I—I knew that.

‘And there were plenty of people at the party who’d seen me leave with him. Anyway, he’d already established his defence. He’d have claimed I encouraged him, and afterwards reported him for revenge because he wasn’t prepared to ditch Emma for me.’

She sighed. ‘Besides, it also meant my father knowing, and Aunt Freddie, and I couldn’t bear that. I couldn’t hurt them like that, or let them find out that I’d lied about where I was going that night, because I knew they wouldn’t approve. I suppose I just wanted to put it behind me. Forget what a fool I’d been—the whole thing.’

‘Then why did you turn up at the club that evening? Surely not to tell him what a complete and utter bastard he was?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘Not that. I went there because I’d just found out I was having his baby.’

There was a terrible silence, then Joel said wearily, ‘Oh, my God.’ His arm tightened round her, drawing her closer so that she could feel the deep beat of his heart under her cheek. ‘Why, Darcy? Did you really imagine he’d help you?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘At least—I don’t know. I suppose I was totally in shock—not thinking straight. He was the father and I didn’t know where else to turn. It seemed logical at the time.’

‘And instead of seeing you were in deep trouble, I treated you like a tart, and pushed you into the street.’ His voice was quietly bitter. ‘No wonder you were so hostile when we met again. You had every possible reason.’

‘Perhaps I should have been grateful.’ She bit her lip. ‘Later that night I had a miscarriage. I realised—afterwards—that had to be a blessing in disguise.

‘I also knew, when I had a chance to think straight, that going to Harry was the very worst thing I could have done. That I’d have hated him knowing. Hated it. So there was something else to be thankful for.’

She turned and looked at Joel. Saw the hardness of his mouth, and the brooding expression in his eyes that spoke of anger, and something less easily recognised. Almost, she thought, a kind of anguish.

She said urgently, ‘And he must never know, either. Joel, swear to me that you’ll say nothing. It’s over. Over and gone. And, anyway, there’s Emma to consider.’

He said grimly, ‘I don’t think Emma’s under any real illusion about the man she married. Not any more.’ He paused. ‘But it’s hardly over, Darcy. Not with the residue of pain and fear you still have. And which I’ve only added to,’ he added with renewed bitterness. ‘Reopened a two-year-old nightmare for you.’

She said stiltedly, ‘Now, perhaps, you can understand why I’d only marry you on certain terms.’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It explains a great deal.’

She went on, in a rush, ‘I don’t know why I told you all this. I didn’t intend to. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’ Joel released his arm carefully, positioning her against the plumped-up pillows. ‘After all, I pushed you into it.’

He gave her a brief smile, stroked an errant strand of hair away from her face, then threw back the sheet and left the bed.