Trading Places

The job was fun, the surroundings elegant, but the biggest plus was a generous salary that helped defray the staggering hospital bills for Grandma’s final illness. With a light finally visible at the end of her personal tunnel, Alice settled in for a long run.

She’d never imaged being so close to so much glamour. For a little girl from Nebraska, it was dazzling. Through Sharlayne, Alice had met many beautiful people, among them a gardener with whom she’d had a brief but passionate affair. Strangely enough, perhaps, she’d never met any of Sharlayne’s rich and famous ex-husbands, although she’d heard many stories about them.

Yes, she definitely owed her boss. The method of repayment, however, eluded her.

When Sharlayne summoned Alice later that night, she went with some trepidation. Again, she entered the library to find the same three waiting for her. She sat down without invitation, her knees suddenly rubbery.

Sharlayne’s smile would set a garden statue at ease. “I’m sure you’d like an explanation,” she said gently.

Alice nodded.

“You know I’ve been trying to finish my book,” Sharlayne said. “It’s going quite well, actually, when I can find the time to work on it. That’s where you come in.”

Alice waited.

“I want you to pretend to be me so I can slip away to some hiding place and finish the manuscript,” Sharlayne said, as if proposing nothing out of the ordinary. “That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Alice and Tabitha said in unison.

Tabitha threw in a scathing glance. “You can’t possibly be serious.”

“I’m deadly serious,” Sharlayne said calmly.

“Nobody,” Tabitha said flatly, “will ever believe this Plain Jane is you.”

Alice sputtered, searching for words to defend herself that didn’t come. She’d be the first to admit she was no Sharlayne Kenyon but neither was she a Plain Jane.

“When I get through with her,” Sharlayne said with total confidence, “her own mother will believe she’s me. It’s not that big a deal, Tabby.”

Tabitha huffed and puffed, muttering “Hopeless” and “Ridiculous” and “Insane.”

Sharlayne laughed. “No, seriously.” She turned back to Alice, who sat speechless with astonishment. “This will work,” she said. “How tall are you?”

“F-five-eight.”

“Me, too. Our bodies are also basically the same. They should be—we do the same workout every day. I’m a bit more buxom—”

“An understatement,” Alice observed, looking pointedly at Sharlayne’s generous cleavage.

“That’s why God invented push-up bras, dear.”

“But—but—you’re blond.”

“Ever hear of bleach?”

This suggested she probably wouldn’t be swayed by the fact that Alice’s hair was twelve inches longer. That’s why God invented scissors. “Our eyes aren’t exactly the same color,” she stated as though she’d finally settled upon a valid difference.

“That’s true. Yours have less gray in them. But nobody will notice that unless they see the two of us together, which they won’t. Blue is close enough.”

“Okay, then—” Alice began again, grasping for straws. “My nose is shorter.”

“Again, unless we stand side by side, who’s to know? Besides, makeup will go a long way toward negating that.”

“Sharlayne.” Tabitha’s tone was agonized. “This is insane. She’d never get away with it.”

“She will if I put out the word I have laryngitis,” Sharlayne said triumphantly. “If I set her up in the New York apartment, there could be a problem. But we won’t do that. She can move into the new house in Beverly Hills, where nobody’s met me. You’ll be with her, of course. Everyone knows that where I am, you are, too, Tabby.”

“No!” Tabitha turned on Alice in a fury, as if the situation were her fault. “I should be with you, Sharlayne, wherever you’re going.”

Sharlayne shook her head. “Impossible. If you’re not with her, nobody will accept that she’s me.” Leaning forward, she squeezed Tabitha’s hand. “You’ll do this for me, dear. I can’t imagine you’d ever let me down.”

The uncharacteristically mute Linden said into the sudden silence, “I’m beginning to see how this could actually work.”

Alice turned to him, wide-eyed. “You can?”

He nodded. “There are certain basic similarities. If no one gets close enough—”

“Aha!” Alice gazed at everyone triumphantly. “There are always people around you, Sharlayne. How could I keep them away?”

“You won’t have to. I’m going to hire a bodyguard to run interference for you.”

“A bodyguard! I couldn’t put up with a bodyguard. Besides, how do you know you can trust him to keep the secret? Something like this could be worth a lot of money to a scandal sheet like the U.S. Eye.”

“He can’t sell information he doesn’t have. He’ll think he is guarding me, of course. Everybody will. You’ll put on that act you do so well for the help, then lay low until I finish the manuscript and come back. You’ll have the run of the whole house, the pool, the tennis courts—everything. You’ll live in the master suite and be queen of all you survey. It will be the experience of a lifetime.”

“She’ll never pull it off,” Tabitha reiterated.

“Damn it!” Alice was getting sick and tired of hearing that. She glared at Tabitha. “If Sharlayne thinks I can—”

“I know you can,” Sharlayne said quickly. “Do this, Alice. When it’s over, I’ll be very grateful.”

“You will?”

“So grateful that I’ll pay off the rest of your grandmother’s medical bills.”

Alice was stunned. She had no idea Sharlayne was even aware of those bills. “Be careful,” she said a bit uneasily. “You’re talking big bucks.”

“I’m aware of that. I know your debts to the penny.” She leaned forward, hand outstretched. “Let’s cut to the chase. Is it a deal?”

Alice looked down at the sleek hand, with its faultless manicured nails, then at her own competent hand, which resembled a paw next to all that perfection. Ever since she’d met this woman, she’d wondered what it would to like to be so beautiful, so famous, so sought after. Now, out of the blue, she had a chance to find out. Even so…

Tabitha gave a grunt of disbelief. “I’m warning all of you, this is a ridiculous idea. It will never work. Alice won’t be able to carry it off and disaster will—”

“It’s a deal,” Alice said abruptly, tossing in a hostile glance for her nemesis. “If you think it can work, Sharlayne, I’m willing to give it the old college try.”

“I knew I could count on you.”

Sharlayne’s relief was palpable, and a shock to Alice. Somehow she got the feeling that something else was going on here, but what could it possibly be?