A Secret To Tell You

“You must’ve been terrified,” Quinn said, just a bit grudgingly.

“Frightened, but not stupid. In those days no one trusted casually. I never breathed a word about our falling in love. I certainly didn’t mention his letters to a soul. I prayed fervently that the men wouldn’t search my suitcase. I made it seem as if Heinz and I had forged a loose friendship, which was the only reason he’d contacted me about his defection. I also pointed out that I knew the risk to everyone.”

“What happened to Colonel von Weisenbach?” Quinn asked intently.

Tears rimmed Norma’s reddened eyelids. Her lips trembled and her words were shaky. “My driver finally stopped. Where, I didn’t dare ask. To this day, I have no idea. At a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Tony was there, although I still didn’t know him by name. The other men left. Kestrel said he’d arrange, or maybe he said he had arranged for Heinz to come over to our side. He said it was a delicate operation and he needed me to play a part. I never questioned his decision, although I sensed his urgency, and his uneasiness. Kestrel told me I should get word to Heinz to meet us in three weeks on Saturday two hours before dawn. He wrote down some coordinates for me to pass on to Heinz.”

She tried several times to say something else. Her lips moved, but no words emerged.

“Here, you need more brandy.” Quinn carried her almost empty glass to the bar and added one generous splash, then a second. Returning, he stood over her, urging her to swallow. Quinn knelt and covered the cold fingers that still clutched the old letters. “It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure out something bad happened, Gram. I have no desire to hear details that are so painful for you. Let’s leave the story here.”

“No,” she insisted, thrusting her brandy snifter back at Quinn. “Let me muddle on…. I have to get this all out.”

“As you wish.” Nodding, he got to his feet and placed her glass on the square coffee table within easy reach, then went to sit across from her again.

“That Friday before the transfer was a bleak, rainy day. At two the next morning, Kestrel collected me and we drove off. He didn’t turn on the car’s lights. I suppose I should’ve been more concerned, especially as the weather got worse. But my spirits were soaring. This was the day Heinz and I had waited for. I admit to being a bit surprised when we drove a mile, stopped and picked up two taciturn Frenchmen whose silence unnerved me. They didn’t wear uniforms and they didn’t speak, even between themselves. I didn’t understand why we needed anyone else along. But I’d learned not to question my superiors.”

She reached for the brandy and before she returned the glass to the table, Quinn had slid to the edge of his seat again. His gaze clung to his grandmother’s face.

“We arrived at the site of the transfer. The fog was dense, and it’d begun to rain, as well, but as far as I could tell, we were at some sort of abandoned railyard. I remember stumbling over slick railroad ties, and my nervousness increased when lightning struck a rusty rail. It danced along the steel for about fifty yards and lit up the area. I saw a man emerge from a black caboose and my heart nearly stopped until I recognized Heinz. He was dressed in a black watch-cap, bulky black sweater and black slacks. Seeing him, I was distracted for a moment as we closed the distance between us.”

She grew agitated, almost dropping the letters. As Quinn lunged for them, she waved him off. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve relived what happened next. Two rattletrap cars bore down on us from opposite directions. I was blinded by one set of lights. I saw Heinz throw up an arm to cover his eyes. A man jumped from each car. There were shouts. I heard running. Then…shots. I tried to run toward Heinz but someone held me back. I struggled. Heinz’s knees buckled slowly, and as he fell I saw blood spurt from his chest. When he brought his hand up, I saw it gush through his fingers. A bullet zinged past my ear. I screamed, but I was blinded by another bright light.” She shuddered, and paused to take a drink of brandy.

“Kestrel said later it was a camera flash. I was so numbed by panic and shock, I lost all track of what was going on around me. Kestrel said he grabbed the camera, smashed it, tore out the film. He forced me to run, saying the men who’d ridden with us would bury Heinz and take care of the men in the two cars. For what seemed like a lifetime, Kestrel hauled me in and out among empty rail cars. Every so often, he cautioned me to quit crying or we’d be caught and killed. I have no idea how far we ran—until we reached a cave. Or maybe an old mine shaft. We hid there all day. I was cold, wet and muddy. And when I tried asking what’d gone wrong, I was ordered to sleep. The most he ever told me was that someone had gotten wind of our plans. I assumed it was the Germans.”

Falling silent, Norma sorted through the letters. She took out a green passport folder, opened it and two snapshots fell into her lap. As she stared at first one, then the second, her eyes glossed with tears and she touched the dried rose to her lips.

“Gram, now I’m even more curious. There must be more story. How did you get away? You obviously made it home to the States and—hey, are you crying? I don’t understand why you or Grandpa felt compelled to hide the fact that you both served as intelligence agents. It’s not a criminal occupation.”

“Because the story doesn’t end there.”

Quinn glanced at his watch. “Hayley’s due home from gymnastics in about twenty minutes and shortly after that I have to leave for a meeting with my steering committee.”

“I’ll try to hurry. On the other hand, some things are too important to be rushed,” she said, blotting her eyes. “I assumed we’d go back to Marseilles, and that life would go on as before. Kestrel said that wasn’t wise. It was the first time he indicated that I was in jeopardy—through my job. He said senior officers thought I’d leaked classified information to Heinz. I didn’t! I felt physically sick with fear. We took refuge with a French family, someone in the underground. They got the film developed. There was only one picture on the roll—the one at the transfer site. It showed me reaching out to Heinz. I didn’t see how it could be considered damaging, which is why I stole it from our hosts. I wanted that last memory of Heinz. But Kestrel said if it landed in a senior officer’s hands, the photo might make it look as if I’d become a traitor.” She gave a resigned sigh. “According to him, my feelings for Heinz were so clear, that photo practically sealed my fate.”

“Hardly seems fair,” Quinn muttered.

Norma shrugged. “That’s how espionage works. The system can turn on an agent in the blink of an eye.”

“I’m positive you aren’t going to say you two went AWOL, Gram. Otherwise, Grandpa never would’ve became a diplomat after the war. Dad used to tell me stories about him.”

“I eventually went through the proper channels to leave the OSS. A sadder, wiser woman. At the time, Kestrel left me with the French family while he traveled to Marseilles to nose around. What he learned almost undid me. The agency had it on good authority, they said, that Heinz intended to infiltrate the OSS through me. That he was a double agent, in other words. Now you might think my colleagues would feel sorry for me. But no, I was persona non grata to many people who’d been my friends. If that wasn’t horrible enough, my life was in danger. I’d become disposable. I was brokenhearted, and I felt totally betrayed.”

“Ah, I’m beginning to see. Grandpa, uh, Kestrel, believed in you.”

“So he claimed. He also claimed he loved me. Fell head over heels, he said, even before our training days. Apparently he’d attended a few of my parents’ parties, although I didn’t remember him. I wasn’t ready to hear any of it, certainly not his declaration of love. I’d given my heart fully to Heinz. But I wasn’t impractical. I knew I could stay in France. After Heinz’s death, I slipped into a depression. I couldn’t muster up the energy to act, which meant my fate was in Tony’s hands. We escaped the country on foot, as it wasn’t safe to show my passport. We hiked over the mountains to Spain. A miserable trek. It rained. It snowed. I’ve managed to block out my worst memories of those days. We rode part of the way in a stock truck, afraid to make a noise. In those days there were spies everywhere. American, German, French, Bulgarian—and even some Japanese. It was truly a miracle we got out alive.”

“Gram, don’t cry anymore. You did get out. Isn’t it time to talk about the good stuff? The part where you realized a good man loved you, and you ended up marrying him?”

“Oh, Quinn. I was ready to run home to my parents. Tony revealed his identity and told me to shape up. I’d taken an oath not to tell a soul about my time with the OSS. He ordered me to destroy any communication I’d had with Heinz, as well as my passport verifying travel to and from Colmar. He didn’t know I’d kept these photographs. They were all I had left of Heinz.”

She wiped away another tear. “Tony promised to fix my record when he returned to Washington to train a new group of agents. He said I could continue working in Washington at an agency desk job. By then, I’d had enough of the OSS. I wanted to quit and saw no reason to shred my passport or the letters. I hadn’t passed any vital information to Heinz. While I admired Kestrel’s skill and expertise, and appreciated his help, I didn’t love him and I told him so. We had a huge fight. He left my D.C. apartment in a huff, with me insisting I’d dissolve my association with the agency as soon as I could. Honorably. Which wasn’t easy, I learned. Rumors about me had already made their way to the Joint Chiefs. I was interrogated up one side and down the other by no-name operatives and assorted military officers. I was glad I’d saved my correspondence with Heinz, should it come to proving that I, at least, wasn’t a double agent. Not that I ever believed Heinz was…Thank goodness it didn’t go that far. Instead, I was put on paid leave. One day I received a letter signed by the agency chief, giving me a release date three days out, plus the amount of my last paycheck.”