Way to stars – 3. Sentence

All this crime was committed because of a phone worth one thousand rubles. Lena saved up this money for three months, from the sale of knitted things. Neighbor Arina, stole this phone from her. A day later, Lena found her with other drinkers, and she began to drink with them when she found out that Arina had sold the phone for alcohol. In the course of drinking alcohol, others began to persuade her that Arina should be punished for theft, and Lena, with a knife stab in her heart, killed her.

DEATH HUSBAND

My dear, from the words of my daughter I know that on the night after the announcement of my verdict, you had a heart attack and that you are in the hospital. This attack threw you completely, at first you lost your speech, then your kidneys refused. It hurt me because I became the cause of your attack, that I can’t be near you.

Today is August 25, 2012, the fourth night I can’t reach my daughter, I feel that something happened. Finally, my daughter calls and tells me:

– Mom breathe more air…

Hearing these words, I already realized that you were dead. I silently hear my daughter, and tears flow down my face, I feel with my lips that the tears are as if salty, bitter.

– Mom, Uncle Sanya is dead, buried today, you hold on…

Oh Lord, how painful it is, everything is torn inside, for which it’s all to me that happens to my life. A few seconds before the chapters leaked, our whole life together. I was not so happy with anyone. It really was mutual, strong love. You told me that rarely on earth when people meet their half, it’s like among a lot of cut apples, half an apple found its half. Remember how we met, of course, remember. You told me this repeatedly. I was visiting friends, and now you come in, a tall, beautiful face, light brown hair below your shoulders, pulled in a ponytail with an elastic band. I thought, an elegant and handsome man, a White Guard officer uniform would suit him. For a moment, our eyes met. We were introduced to each other. In the course of the subsequent conversation, I asked you to take me to the country the next day. So our friendship began. You were always there, helping me when my mother was paralyzed, when my brother died. There were no signs of intimacy on your part, and you knew my boyfriends. I consulted with you which of them I should accept as husbands. Two years have passed since we met you. I remember your words:

“You are in my mind, like the little bee May, Jeanne Dark and Nymph.” You are a very multifaceted person, not like Ira, my wife. She married me, ate fat for herself and on this stopped her development, she became not an interesting person. I am no longer drawn to her, we survived each other. I hope she understands this. Why torture each other’s life if there is no longer any relationship. She is still young, she can find someone for herself. And you, a husband for yourself, are not looking there. Than I am worse than others.

So, you are married

“Ah, you don’t see that I’m practically with you and your family, day and night?”

Yes, indeed you practically lived with us, I could call you at any hour of the day, and you came to the rescue.

– Do you have a passport with you?

– Yes

And we went to the traffic police, where you, without asking for my consent, re-registered the car for me.

– This is my gift to you. Will you marry me when I divorce?

– Yes

This evening, we had the first sex, so began our life together.

“I’m insanely happy.” God blessed me with such beauty. All the cells of my body, heart and brain are occupied by you. It seems to me that I will stop breathing without you.

The fact that you left this world with experience for me does not leave me. Your mother, with a feeling of accusation, told me: “Tell her that all the time, until the last breath, he called her”

My body and heart died, only consciousness lives on.

BEGINNING MY WAY TO STARS

Until the morning I cried. Wondered why all this happens to me? Why does God, if any, do this to me?

Only now, I clearly remember when you told me that the bony came when the living birch broke. So, there are some unknown forces. Maybe there is God, or rather, the power that rules our life. Where to look for the answer?! In the Bible or in Buddhist Judas?

Once I was interested in religions, even read the New Testaments – I found nothing interesting. Probably, you need to talk with a priest or a llama in order to find the answer. On Monday, I wrote two applications for a meeting with them. A few days later, Father Alexy came from the Orthodox Church, and the Buddhist Lama did not come at all. After several meetings and controversial conversations, I caught something, a weak and yet incomprehensible sensation. She later received Orthodox baptism, in the hope that my prayers from the Acts of the Holy Apostles of Chapter 12 will yield positive results.

I caught an interesting thing that repeating prayer inspires, gives faith and hope. But to my inquiring mind, this was not enough.

Earlier, while reading Jack Canfield’s book, Think and Grow Rich. Rules of success”, I did not solve the test. For some reason, right now I remembered this test. So, my dear Sanya, the answers of this test led me to the fact that my mission in this life is to help people. Surprisingly, as I remembered, the words of the Buryat Lama when I visited the Buddhist datsan in Ulan – Uda. He told me that I was born, in the yellow year obliged (one of the main colors of Buddhism); the disposition of my soul, between heaven and earth; my mission in this life is to help people; my mind is closer to the universe.

Yes, it becomes interesting the further the thinking. the more interesting it becomes. But I, especially while in prison, helped women enough, what else is needed?!

God has plans for each person, which I apparently had to fulfill.

Alas, the Supreme Court of Russia did not justify it, it only reduced the term by six months. So, the total term of imprisonment is 8 years, of which I spent two years and six months in prison. Consideration of the appeal in Moscow, took place through a conference call. Lawyers told us that the case file in 42 volumes was brought to Moscow by the chairman of the court, Shirimei. She had a friend in the Supreme Court of Russia, a judge.

Yes, customers spent a lot of time to put us in this system, each is on each other’s hook. This is what interdependence and mutual responsibility lead to. The most free man in this country, probably in the whole planet, is hermits and fools, since the higher the position, the more difficult it is to breathe freely.

I decided to get to the European Court, in parallel, I need to collect materials on the condition of detention in the prison and in the detention center. But first, you need to go through a supervisory appeal, because, to appeal to the European Court, it is necessary to go through all the courts in Russia. In prison there is no information about the appeal to the European court. The necessary information was given to me by Alex. All hope for the European Court, or maybe a supervisory appeal, will change the verdict?, hope, hope and hope again. Although I understand that there is judicial solidarity, the judicial decision of one judge rarely changes when another judge. Russia needs judicial reform. In 2010, in the Moscow Region, a high percentage of illegal sentences was revealed, let alone the national judicial authorities. I clearly decided that after my release I will live abroad, it’s not safe to live in Russia.

MARIJUANA

The camera gradually filled up. In November, a woman was detained in Novosibirsk. She and her husband have been wanted for seven years. Her name was Orlan, I became friends with her, as she was fluent in Russian and was more relaxed than other women in the cell. I learned to smoke marijuana with her when I had never smoked before, even a cigarette. I want to say that I liked it, marijuana acted like a relaxing dream book on me. From the first use, I overslept for almost 20 hours, apparently the body and brain for three years of tension, was exhausted. I had a deep sleep, without sleep. After waking up, I was hungry as never before, eating everything I could. It feels like my strength has recovered. Under marijuana, I prepared my supervisory appeal.

Well, the last week was left before being sent to the colony, so I smoked it every day.

Tomorrow they’ll take me to the colony. I leave teenagers’ children, a paralyzed mother and a half-blind father at home. How much more I have to survive, God alone knows. All the pain and heaviness of my soul cannot be expressed in words.

Later I realized that each person carries a certain mission, and until this mission is completed, the death of a person will not overtake. The experienced grief helps a person to discover the meaning of life. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds. Yes, and I, until I was fully aware of this. I realized one thing, that my mission is to help people. To find the path to the stars, I had a lot to experience and learn. In the meantime, I hoped that I would not stay in the colony for a long time. Eight months later, I began the period of changing the detention regime to the colony settlement. I intended to return, at best, to be released on the basis of a supervisory appeal, at worst, to return to the settlement colony.

If my mother could walk, she would try through her relatives to help me with something.

I know that today dad and children will come on a date. I prepared my things and four boxes of materials on the criminal case, or rather four boxes of this trumped-up shit, I needed to hand over to my relatives so that they would be kept until I left. The guard, who came to take me out on a date, had to call three men from the business team. My beloved dad tells me:

– Daughter, how do you arrive at your destination, write me right away. I’ll come, get a job nearby in the village, I will always be with you.

– Dad, well, where will you come, mom needs you, children need to study, I can handle it and will be back soon.

– Daughter, please, in spite of everything, first of all, save yourself as a man and as a woman.

What, means like a woman, I thought. Only in the colony, or rather in the prison of Barnaul, I learn the meaning of his last words, but so far I did not want to think about anything. Dad is crying, not ashamed of his tears, along with him my daughters are crying.

“Well, are you, as if, escorting me to death, I promise you that I will be back this year or in the first half of next year.”

I reassure them. Seeing my father’s tears, I mentally cry out all my ancestors and curse the judges who sentenced us and all their descendants to the seventh generation. I did not know that I was seeing my beloved, dear to me father for the last time. I know about the laws of attraction in nature, about the boomerang, but seeing the tears of the people dearest to me, I can not resist and curse with all the fibers of my consciousness all who participated in this custom-made business. Now, reading this book, you guess where all the misfortunes came to your family.