The Life She Wants

“Me. Mom. Riley. This is a coincidence, running into you here, like this.”

A tall, skinny kid came over to the table. “Taking a break, Ms. Shay?” he asked.

“Just answering a couple of questions for a customer, Justin.”

“Can I help?” Justin asked, turning to Adam.

“I don’t believe so,” Adam said authoritatively. “I’ll just take a moment of Emma’s time. If you’ll excuse us.”

Justin looked taken aback, but then he turned and left them.

“He’s a despot,” she quietly informed Adam. “But jobs are in short supply, it seems.”

“Could you use a letter of recommendation?” he asked.

She stood. “I could use a do-over,” she said. “But thanks for asking. Do you teach around here?”

He shook his head. “Napa. High school science. I’m playing a little hooky with Maddie today. We were at the DMV so she could take her test for her learner’s permit. Riley wanted to do it but the truth is, Riley and Maddie don’t do well in the car together so Maddie prefers driving with me or with Jock, and he’s working this afternoon. Of course Maddie couldn’t wait. When do you get off work?”

“Not until nine, why?”

“We should have a cup of coffee or glass of wine, talk about how you’d like me to word that letter of recommendation.”

Maddie was back, sliding into their booth.

“Oh...ah... Listen, you don’t know what you’re suggesting...”

“I don’t? Why not? We’re still friends, right?”

“It’s not that... Well, it’s partly that since, you know...” She took a breath. She wasn’t going to say in front of this sweet fifteen-year-old, That’s my boyfriend’s baby and probably the major reason I went off the rails in the first place. She leaned closer to Adam. “Take a whiff of this place. This is what I smell like after work.”

He threw back his head with a hearty laugh. “See you later,” he said.

She meandered back behind the counter, kind of dazed. Half of her wanted to run and hide—being around Adam would only serve to remind her of the past and all she’d lost. But the other half was elated. Could she and Adam be friends? They’d talked a few times after Maddie was born, but their conversations had been so superficial, both of them afraid to let the standoff she had with Riley taint the relationship she had with Adam, who she had always so admired. Truth was, she’d always wondered if Adam had kept in touch out of guilt over what his sister had done.

She’d done all right in the friends department during college and her first years as a single woman in New York, but she’d always kept people at a safe distance, afraid to trust again.

That was perhaps the deepest wound of all.

* * *

Emma’s earliest memory of Adam was him standing by the fence outside the school playground to make sure Riley got home all right. Even before she realized she liked Riley, she wished she had a big brother like Adam. When she left Burger or Bust that night, he was across the parking lot, leaning against the hood of his SUV, arms crossed over his chest. Waiting. He looked like an older version of that twelve-year-old boy. Except he looked a lot happier now, like maybe the chip on his shoulder was gone.

Yeah, that’s what it had been—that serious, stubborn, perhaps fearful boy in his scuffed shoes and torn jacket, left to take care of the family after his father had died. Emma had worried about this faux date all afternoon until she saw him and then realized she was always thinking about herself, her troubles. She was always afraid of being found out, exposed, blamed. But Adam had been only a kid when he lost a parent, but a kid old enough to understand and remember his loss. And he’d been so brave, always looking out for his mother and sister. He was right there at St. Pascal’s until high school, but even when he was older and went to a different school, he was so often on hand to watch over Riley. And Emma, as well.

“I can’t believe you’re really here,” she said. “You have a date with someone who smells like burgers and fries.”

“I think we’ll get through it. How do you feel about a glass of wine or a drink?”

“I’d love a glass of wine.”

“Great. Where do you hang your hat these days?”

“A little spot in Sebastopol. Not too far from Lyle’s.”

“Perfect. I know just the place, right on the way to your place. Follow me?”

“I’m parked right over there. The Prius.”

“Let’s do it,” he said.

She followed him along some of the back roads toward her little town, but he turned down an alley and she got a little confused. Concerned. But then he parked behind what she thought, by the twinkle lights strung between the boughs of trees, must be the patio of a restaurant. The Cellar, the sign on the back gate said. He got out of his car, she got out of hers and he opened the gate to a patio. There were a half dozen tables; a couple of women sat at one, wine and fruit before them, but it was otherwise deserted. “They’re going to close soon, but we’re friends. I’ll get us some wine, something to snack on and they’ll say good-night before they leave.”

“Huh?”

Adam chuckled. “Would you like to see a wine list?”

“No,” she said. “I usually just have a sauvignon blanc.”

A woman wearing an apron came out of the back door. “Just in time, as usual,” she said. “How are you, Adam?”

Adam leaned toward her to kiss her cheek. “Excellent. Kate, meet my friend, Emma.”

“Nice to meet you. What can I get you?”

“Get us a bottle of Napa Cellars sauvignon blanc, a half wheel of Brie with some crackers and fruit, two waters. And thanks.”

“Just give me two minutes,” she said.

He held out a chair for Emma. “What kind of place is this?” she asked.

“Just a small wine bar. I’ve known the owners for a long time. For friends and relatives, they say good-night when they lock up, we take the bottle if there’s anything left, leave the glasses on the table and slide the dishes and leftover food right through that little serving slot so the birds don’t invade. They’ll close in about...” He looked at his watch. “I’m sure they’re cleaning up now and will be out of here in fifteen minutes.”

Sure enough, Kate was back instantly with the wine, glasses, a tray of food. Right behind her a young man followed with a bucket of ice on a stand, placing it beside the table. Kate opened the wine and Adam indicated that Emma should taste. And she presented a bill. Adam signed off on everything and thanked her. Before Kate escaped into the bar the women bid her good-night and went out the back gate.

“Why couldn’t I have found a job in a place like this instead of Burger Buster?” Emma said.

“This particular place is run by a family and I think you have to marry in, but it’s perfect, isn’t it?”

“I think I have to broaden my search, now that I have restaurant experience, if you use the term loosely.”

“Listen, I want to hear all about it—your return, your job-hunting, anything you feel like talking about, but we have to get one thing out of the way first. Maddie. She doesn’t know that you were Jock’s girlfriend or that you and Riley were best friends and...that whole complicated mess. She’s innocent of that.”

Emma considered this for a second. “Jock and Riley never told her the details?”

“Emmie, I don’t think I even know all the details, when you put it that way. I didn’t have any trouble guessing. Riley and Jock never married. They weren’t even together when Maddie was born.”

Her mouth fell open. All these years she had this mental image of Riley and Jock, young and in love. Of course she knew they hadn’t stayed together, that he’d gone on to marry and divorce another woman, but she thought that for at least a while they were a couple. “You’re kidding!”