Hoping For A Father

Once he’d asked Ben why.

“A little puff of wind, the horse’s misstep, leaning a degree the wrong way. Human failure.” Ben had gazed across the ranch’s acres to the white-capped mountains for a long time before smiling at him. “Everything He created for us meshes together so perfectly. I don’t know, Drew. Maybe God just likes a little unpredictability sometimes.”

Ben and God. Couldn’t have one without the other.

How it had hurt to see the older man lying virtually helpless in that hospital bed, bound in bandages, wincing with every move, yet absolutely confident that God would get both him and Bonnie through the long period of healing that lay ahead of them.

Drew had never cultivated that same trust in God despite the fact that he’d grown up here with Ben’s constant example of steadfast trust. Neither of his brothers seemed to have the same issues that he did; neither seemed to doubt that God was in charge of their lives. In fact, Zac was a medical missionary in a dangerous area of Africa and Sam traveled to the world’s most hazardous hot spots to report, which told Drew that they neither felt out of step in their world, not like he had—still did.

Fed up with fighting the same questions about God that had plagued him since the car accident that had scarred him when he was nine, Drew climbed the stairs. His room looked exactly as it had before he’d left for college, when life had seemed simple and his future brimmed with plans—and with Mandy.

Back then, he thought he’d covered every detail, calculated and considered every obstacle he would encounter on the way to his future. He and Mandy would finish college. Then he’d find a job somewhere and she’d work as a vet technician. They’d get married and in their free time, they’d travel.

He’d never calculated that three months into the dream, Mandy would end their relationship.

Determined to stop thinking about the past, Drew set his bag on the desk chair and unpacked. It took three minutes to hang his clothes in the tiny closet and fifteen minutes to set up his computer and printer.

Ben and Bonnie had internet access, of course, but it was slower than a turtle. Drew mentally repeated Bonnie’s oft-cited words about patience being a virtue while he waited for the Asian markets to load. He spent a few hours checking reports. His projections had been off by a tiny fraction of a percentage. A smug feeling bubbled inside. Not bad.

Drew then changed into work clothes. He made a pot of coffee that tasted horrible and heated a small casserole from the freezer that tasted delicious. Mac and cheese, his favorite and Bonnie’s specialty.

He’d just finished washing his dishes when a movement outside caught his attention. Mandy, her dark blond hair bundled on top of her head, knelt in the garden, pulling weeds in Bonnie’s fertile plot, maintaining the perfect rows his Ma always insisted on. For a moment Drew felt sad. If Bonnie couldn’t come home by fall, who would harvest that garden, feed the abundant lettuce leaves to the animals in the petting zoo and clean the carrots grown specially for the horses?

Mandy.

Yes, of course. And she would ensure everything was done perfectly, because whatever Mandy took on, she did with excellence. That’s who she was.

Which reminded Drew of Ella. How would Mandy achieve perfection for a daughter with special needs?

None of his business. Drew didn’t do kids. Ever.

Pushing aside his questions, he hurried outside.

“Want me to help you weed?” he offered, mentally shuddering at the prospect.

“No, thanks.” Mandy straightened and tossed him a grin. “Bonnie would have my neck in a sling if I let you and you know it.”

“That was eons ago.”

“She never allowed you in her garden after that first time, Drew. She said you didn’t have enough patience to select only the weeds and ended up pulling half her carrots.” Mandy chuckled at his disgust. “You know how Bonnie is about her carrots.”

“Freakishly obsessed?” Drew suggested with a scowl. “I doubt it matters to the animals if they get organic carrots or not, or whether said carrots are small or large. That they get them at all should be enough.”

“You don’t think those gorgeous animals are worth extra effort?” Mandy demanded, pointing to six well-groomed horses placidly munching the grass while they enjoyed the warm sunshine. She dropped the bantering tone and fixed him with a serious stare. “Everything matters, Drew.”

“Because?” He’d heard the argument a hundred times before. But he wanted to hear it again, from her, not only because he’d always liked the sound of her firm yet melodic voice as she relayed her deeply held beliefs, but mostly because he wanted to know if those beliefs had changed after all this time.

“If you want to get the best, you give the best,” she said, shading her eyes so she could peer at him against the bright sunlight. “Treat others as—”

“You would like to be treated,” he finished and chuckled. “Does the golden rule apply even to horses?”

“To everyone. Yes.” She inspected him from his head to his feet. “You need a hat. You’re not used to this strong sun. Your skin will burn if you’re not careful.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Drew pulled an old cap out of his pocket and put it on. “I’ll look around for my Stetson later,” he promised. “Where’s yours?”

Mandy touched her head and blinked in confusion. “I thought—”

“You still lose your hat,” he said, oddly relieved to know some things about her hadn’t changed, daughter or no daughter. “Good thing you have thick hair.”

Tendrils of it had escaped her topknot and now curled against her prominent cheekbones. It had never mattered how disheveled Mandy was, she’d always looked beautiful to Drew. He choked off that thought and kicked at the dirt.

Being back on the ranch wasn’t going to be easy.

“Come on,” she said. “I’ll show you the damage. Then maybe you’d better go for a ride, see what you’ve forgotten.”

“Nothing,” Drew shot back, double meaning intended.

Mandy ignored that and left the garden. He matched her energetic pace to the site of the tack barn. Was she hurrying because she wanted to get this over with? He intended to ask but was too shocked by the smattering of ashes and bits of blackened timber that lay on the ground.

“It’s gone,” he whispered, gaping at the remains. “All the old family saddles, all Ben’s grandfather’s antique tack, everything—gone.”

“Tack and buildings can be replaced, Drew,” Mandy said quietly. “People can’t.”

“I know but—” He shook his head, not quite able to process it yet. “I had no idea—there’s nothing left?” He glanced at her, frowned at her negative response. “It must have been intense.”

“Hot and very fast,” Mandy agreed. “There wasn’t even time to get a hose going. The wood was really old, remember. I guess it burned like tinder.”

Shocked by the thought that his loved ones could so easily have died in this inferno, Drew was suddenly reminded of the accident that had left him and his brothers orphaned and injured.

“Why would God allow this?” he demanded angrily, only realizing after he’d said it that he’d spoken aloud. “Ben and Bonnie are good people.”

“I don’t know why.” Mandy exhaled. “All I know is that He has our best at heart. Somehow He will work this out for good.”

“Still the same old blind faith,” he grumbled, not even bothering to hide his irritation.

“Still doubting God knows what He’s doing.” Mandy shot back. “For my whole life I’ve believed God is good, all the time. I’m not going to stop trusting in His wisdom because something bad happened to people I care about.” Her green eyes held his. Her tone held reproach. “You must remember at least that much about me.”

“I wonder if I ever really knew you at all.” Drew couldn’t have stopped himself from saying the words if he’d wanted to. And he didn’t. It was time, way past time, to air his grievances from their past.

“Why do you say that?” Far from challenging his comment, Mandy looked hurt by it. “We shared childhood, riding and holidays on this ranch. You once proposed to me. How could you not know me, Drew?”

“The girl I knew back then was, I thought, open and honest.” Why didn’t he shut up? Instead, the words seemed to explode out of him. “That girl wouldn’t have just ended everything without giving me some kind of explanation.”

“I, uh—”

“I haven’t seen or spoken to you in almost seven years, Mandy. You work for my parents, you live on their ranch, yet every time I come back, you’re conveniently away. You’ve been avoiding me. Why?”

His temper rose when she kept her blank mask in place, and though he waited for a response, Mandy said nothing. Drew doggedly continued anyway.

“My parents obviously know about your daughter, but it took them having an accident for me to find out. I’m sure it was your idea to keep Ella a secret from me, yet I have no clue why.” He saw her gaze narrow. “Come to think of it, that’s probably why you never wanted to explain why you ended it. You didn’t want to tell me you had a child with some other guy.”

Aghast that he’d actually voiced that betraying thought, Drew finally clamped his mouth closed.

“Actually, I didn’t.”

He wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly, but Mandy wasn’t sticking around to explain.

“I have to go to Ella’s concert,” she said, her tone icy. “Believe what you want about me. I don’t care. All I care about is my daughter and keeping this ranch running profitably until Ben and Bonnie can take over.” Her emerald eyes hardened as they met his. “Then I will leave. For good.” Her voice oozed scorn. “I wouldn’t want you to feel like I was pushing in on your inheritance.”

“I don’t want…” He was talking to air.

Mandy had jumped onto a quad Drew hadn’t even realized was there and was now speeding away, leaving him standing here. Alone.

With her departure, his anger and irritation dissipated to nothing. He began walking toward the house. He’d work some more. He could always lose himself in his work.

But then he paused, remembering Ben had planned an outing for some kids tomorrow. Drew needed to do a trial ride, see if he remembered the old paths.

“Never saw Mandy so riled before,” a disapproving voice said from behind him. “That woman gets along with everyone, even the orneriest old bull. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Drew sputtered indignantly. He exhaled, ordered calm into his brain before turning to study a man, a slightly older ranch hand, standing in front of him. “I’m Ben’s eldest son. I’m taking over for him. I haven’t ridden since Christmas so I’d like to get reacquainted—”

“Mandy told me this morning. That’s why I’m here. She said I’m to go with you. Name’s Oliver Kent, but everyone calls me Ollie. You’re Drew.” He thrust out a work-roughened hand and they shook.

“Nice to meet you, Ollie. But I don’t need a babysitter. Just a horse and a saddle. I’ve ridden that route a hundred—what?” he demanded irritably when Ollie shook his head.

“Ben recently changed up all the routes,” Ollie explained. “Everything works in a set pattern now. The best vista stops, most advantageous picnic spots, sites where open campfires don’t pose a danger to the environment.” He tilted his head just the slightest to eye Drew from under the brim of his well-worn Stetson. “Mandy told me to show you.”

It was clear to Drew that what Mandy ordered happened. No point in involving Ollie in their differences.

“Okay. Let’s go saddle up,” he said with a shrug.

“You got any boots?” Ollie’s wrinkled nose expressed exactly what he thought of Drew’s fancy footwear.

“I’ll check in the house. Maybe I can find my old ones.” He stepped forward, then halted. “Which horse am I riding?”

“Raven.” Ollie raised one eyebrow when Drew issued a snort of disgust.

“Raven’s a hundred years old,” he protested.

“Mandy said.”

“Right.” Drew strode toward the house, fuming at the indignity. If he had a vehicle handy, he’d have left.

Which would solve nothing because clearly Mandy’s word was law, despite the fact that he had just as much experience on this ranch as she did.

Not true and not recently, Drew, his reasonable brain reminded. And you’re not here for Mandy. You’re here for Bonnie and Ben.

But that didn’t mean he and Mandy weren’t going to have another heart-to-heart. Soon.

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