Manners & Cvstoms of ye Englyshe

Up mighty betimes, and to Brushwood for a Day's Shooting, by Invitation from Mr. Tibbitts, whose Father, the rich Furrier, did die the other Day, and leave him a Fortune, and now he hath rented Brushwood Manor to shoot over for the Season. But Lack, what a set of young Rogues I found there of Tibbitts his Acquaintance, a-smoking of Cigars and short Pipes, and a-drinking of Ale and bottled Stout at 10 o'clock of the Morning! Mighty ashamed of, though diverted with, my Company, to hear their loose and idle Conversation, and how none of them could pronounce the letter H, and to think what an unlettered vulgar Fellow Tibbitts is, and that I should demean myself to associate with such a Companion only because of his Riches, and Wine, and Dinners. One of the Party, Wiggyns, did tell me we should have a prime Lark, which, this being the first Day of Pheasant-Shooting, I did think droll; but divers Larks, indeed, were shot before the Day was over. So we into the Fields, and a Keeper following us with the Dogs, and, whenever I did look over my Shoulder, did catch him grinning and making Faces behind our Backs. But strange, to see how much better the Rogues did shoot than I expected, though firing at Tom-Tits, or anything almost, and do understand they got this Skill at the Red House, Battersea, through popping at Pigeons and Sparrows let loose from a Trap; which do seem but a cruel and a barbarous kind of Sport. But little Birds were not all they shot, for one Higges aiming at a Hare did miss, and instead of the Hare hit one of the Dogges, and sent him yelping and limping Home. But good Lack, to see how careless the Fellows were with their Fire-Arms, carrying their Guns, full-cocked, pointing right in one another's Faces, and one, dragging his Piece through a Hedge after him, it went off, but finding it had only carried off the Skirt of his Shooting-Coat, we had a good Laugh of it. Another, with a double-barrelled Gun, having shot off one Barrel at a Blackbird, I did see reloading; the other Barrel being still loaded and at full Cock. He, forcing down the Ramrod with all his Might, I did catch him by the Elbow, and point to the Cock of the Gun, and methinks I did never see a Man on a Sudden tremble so terribly, or grow so pale. Getting beyond Brushwood, into a Field hard by, Mr. Wiggyns did let fly at some Ducks, for one of those Larks he had been talking of, which did bring down upon us the Farmer, with his Bull-Dog, and cause us to make off with all the Speed we could. I in mighty Dread of being seized as an Accomplice in shooting the Duck, fearing the Farmer, who is horridly enraged with the Game-Preserving at Brushwood, for that the Game do eat up his Crops; and, truly, the Game Laws are a great Nuisance. Home from our Shooting, with our Bag, carried by Tibbitts his Tiger-Boy, very full, with a Brace or two of Pheasants and Partridges, but many more Brace of Chaffinches, and Yellow-Hammers, and Robin Redbreasts, and so to Dinner, where all very merry, and so to Bed.

YE WYNE VAULTS AT YE DOCKS. SHOWYNGE A PARTYE TASTYNGE

    Thursday, October 11, 1849.

To the Docks, to meet Mr. Soker, and go over the Wine Vaults with a Tasting-Order, and taste the Wine there before it hath undergone any Roguery for the Market. Found there Soker, and Mr. Wagstaffe, and Swilby, and Swype, and Sharpe, and with them Mr. Goodfellowe, who had gotten Soker the Order. First to the Quay, heaped with Barrels of Wine, and one huge Barrel, they did tell me, holding 625 Gallons, hoisted ashore, Mr. Wagstaffe did say, by an Adjutant, or Gigantic Crane. Then, through all Manner of Casks and Tubs, and Bales of Merchandise, to St. Katherine's Dock, and down to the Vault, where a Cooper forthwith did wait on us with a Couple of Glasses, and gave each Man a flat Stick with a Lamp at the farther End, to see our Way. The Vault almost quite dark, only lighted by Sconces from the Roof, and the farthest Sconce looking half-a-mile off, and all this Space full of Barrels of Wine! The Roof supported by Rows of Columns; and the Vault altogether like the Crypt of a vast Cathedral, but sweeter; the Air smelling of Wine very strong, which alone did make me feel giddy. Strange to see the Mildew hanging in all Sorts of Forms from the Roof, which many do mistake for Cobwebs, but some call Fungus, and Dr. Limbeck, the Chymist, do tell me is mostly Nitrate of Lime. The Cooper did lead us to the Wine we were to taste, and pretty to see him tap the Barrel by boring a Hole in it with a Gimlet. We did drink, all round, a good Ale-glass each of excellent Sherry, all except Mr. Sharpe; and I did wonder to see him taste the Wine, and call it rare good Stuff, and yet spit it out, but found by and by that he was wise. Next, to the London Dock; and Mr. Goodfellowe did give us Biscuit, and recommend us to eat, and I did take his advice, and glad I did. Here, more Curiosities in Mildew, hanging from the Roof; and one a Festoon as big as the great Sausage in the Pork-Shop at the Corner of Bow Street. A good Story from the Cooper, of a Visitor that took a Specimen of the Mildew away in his Hat, and with the Moisture of his Head, it melted and blackened his Face, and served him right, that – like more than enough Sight-Seers – could not keep his Hands from Picking. To several Vaults, and tasted Wine in each; all very vast, but the East Vault the biggest, and do contain more thousand Pipes, and cover more Acres than I doubt, by Reason of the Wine I drunk, I can remember. By this Time, our Party very jolly and noisy, and did begin to dance and sing, and flourish their Lamps like Playhouse Devils; and methought I did see the Meaning of the Notice outside, that Ladies could not be admitted after 1 o'Clock. Coming into the open Air, could scarcely stand; and Mr. Goodfellowe did see them into Cabs, and I home on Foot – straight as I could go – and my Wife wondering at the Redness of my Nose. Good Lack! to see the Quantity of Goods and Wine in the Docks; and to think what a great and mighty Nation we are, and what Oceans of Liquor we do swill and guzzle!

A WEDDYNGE BREAKFASTE

    Monday, October 22, 1849.

Up, and to Church together with my Wife, to see Pall Harley married this Morning to Dick Baker; on both Sides mighty genteel People, and their Guests, all except ourselves, such as they do call Carriage-Company. Pall, in a Dress of White Satin, and Orange Flowers in her Hair, very pretty and demure, and Dick, wearing a Sky-Blue Coat, Crimson Velvet Waistcoat, Yellow Moleskin Trousers, and Japanned Boots; with Lavender Kid Gloves, and a Carbuncle in his Shirt-Front, a great Buck. Dick and every Man of us with great White Favours at our Breasts, mighty conspicuous and, methought, absurd, the Things serving neither for Use nor Ornament. But to see how grand were old fat Mr. Harley and Mr. Baker, and how more grand were their fat Wives, and how fine and serious they looked and how high they carried their Noses! And when the Ring was put on Pall's Finger (Dick first having fumbled for it in the wrong Pocket), her Mother did weep, and falling for stay on Mr. Harley, nigh overthrew him. But the pretty modest Bridesmaids did most of all take me; which my Wife observing, I saw, did trouble her. The Ceremony over, and the Fees paid, and the Bride kissed by some of the old Gentlemen, we to old Harley's to Breakfast, where what Wiggyns do call a Grand Spread, very fine both for Show and Meats, every Dish ornamented with Flowers and Gimcracks, the cold Chickens trimmed with Ribbons, and the Bride-Cake, having upon it Wax Cupids and Turtle-Doves, was pretty. So down we sat, Dick stiff and sheepish, and Pall also, shamefaced, and trying to hide her Blushes with a Nosegay. Pall's Mother in Tears, and her Father solemn, and the Bridesmaids mostly bashful, but a little black one that sate by me very merry, and I did by-and-by pull Crackers with her, till my Wife suddenly thrust a Pin into my Arm, to the Quick. The Company first silent, till a Friend of the young Pair, who did say he had known them both from Babies, did propose their Health in a pretty pathetic but confused Speech, and breaking down in the Midst of a Sentence, conclude by wishing them long Life and Happiness, with great Applause. Then the Bride-Groom to return Thanks, but, perplexed with his Pronouns, obliged to stop short too, but, he said, overcome by his Feelings. The Champagne flowing, we soon merrier, especially an old Uncle of Dick's who began to make Jokes, which did trouble the Bride and Bride-Groom. But they presently with much Crying and Kissing, and Shaking of Hands, away in a Coach-and-Four, amid the Cheering of the Crowd in the Street and the Boys shouting to behold the fine Equipage; and Servants and old Women looking on from the opposite Windows. We eating and drinking with great Delight till late in the Afternoon, but at last broke up, the Multitude saluting us each as we stepped into the Street, and the Policeman and Beadle that were guarding the Door in great State, touching their Hats. A grand Marriage Breakfast do give a brave Treat to the Mob, in Show, and to the Company in Eating and Drinking, and is great Fun to all but those most concerned. But to think what a Fuss is made about most Marriages, and how little Reason for it is shown by most People's married Life.

A THEATRE, SHOWYNGE YE HOUSE AMUSED BY YE COMYCKE ACTOR

    Friday, October 26, 1849.

To the old House in the Market, where I would fain have seen Macbeth, for the Acting as well as the Divertisement; but this not the Night, so went Half-Price, and did see the Unpolished Gem, instead. Touchstone did play Brother Dick, a Country Clown, and his Figure, in a Coat short in the Waist, a huge striped Waistcoat, Trousers too big for him tucked up at the Ankles, Hob-Nail Boots, and a great ill-shaped Hat, mighty droll, and did move the People to clap their Hands and laugh the Moment he come on the Stage. Then did he take off his Hat, and show a red-cropped Head, and smooth down his Hair, and make a Face upon the Audience, whereat they did laugh again, and then turning round show them a Back View of himself, which made them laugh the more. Still greater Laughter the Moment he opened his Mouth, and I did laugh too, as much as any, though I heard not what he said; but only for the Oddness of his Voice, which is such that methinks I could not keep my Countenance to hear him, even if he were speaking Hamlet. Mighty droll to see him in a fine House make himself at Home after the Fashion of a Bumpkin, and hear him in his rustical Drawl and Twang relate all the News and Tattle of his Village. What with his clodhopping Gait, and Awkwardness, and Independence, and Impudence, he did make, methinks, the veriest Lout I did ever see, even in Hampshire. His politeness even droller than his Rudeness, and his Ploughboy Courtesy of kissing his Hand as comical as could be. But I know not well whether I do more prefer his Cocknies or his Clowns; for methinks I have seen him do a Snob as well as a Clodpole, and he is very good in both, whether a rustical Booby or a Whippersnapper Spark; and do use V for W, and misuse or drop his H, and talk the Flash and Cant of the Town mighty natural. But to think how we English People do take Delight in everything that is ridiculous; and how I have seen a Theatre ringing with Merriment at the Sight of Touchstone in a Paper Cap and Apron, with a Baker's Tray, and a Bell, crying "Muffins!" or eating with his Mouth full; or even putting his Arms a-Kimbo, or pulling his Hat over his Eyes, and some of the Audience, and myself too, in Fits almost with Laughter. Methinks that Foreigners are wrong to suppose that we are a melancholy People, and would give up this Notion if they could see us at a broad Farce, and how easily we are pleased, and what Straws will tickle us almost to Death. Home, my Sides aching by Reason of Touchstone's Drolleries, and truly he do make a mighty excellent roguish Buffoon. So to Bed mimicking Touchstone his Voice to my Wife, which did divert her mightily.

A PROSPECTE OF YE ZOOLOGICAL SOCIETYE ITS GARDENS. FEEDYNGE YE BEASTS

    Monday, October 29, 1849.

To the Zoological Gardens, in the Regent's Park, at 3 p.m., in Time to see the Otter fed with live Fishes, which he do chase round his Basin in the Water, and dive after mighty clever. Then to the Wild Beasts, hungry, in a terrible Rage, as I have seen others than Wild Beasts waiting for Dinner. Some of the Dens with Trees in them for the Beasts to climb in; Lions, old and young, Lionesses, He and She Tigers, a Jaguar, an Ounce, a Cheetah, a Spotted and Black Leopard: and on the other side Hyænas, and Pumas, and more Leopards, and Bears. Their Yelling and Howling for Hunger a most horrid Musique, while the Tigers rear on their hind Legs, and dash at their Bars, and grin and glare at the Children outside. The Ramping and Roaring doubled when the Keeper come with the Meat, and Lack! how they did fly at it with Teeth and Claws, and howl and snort over it, and munch and crunch the Bones! But one Hyæna droll, the Keeper passing him by, and he, thinking he was to go without his Meal, throwing himself on his Back, and moaning, and crying in Despair. Pretty, to see the Bears in their Pit climb up their Post for Buns; which the Visitors did hold to them on the End of a long Stick, and them below fighting for the Morsels that fell; and their Clumsiness, and awkward Standing on their hind Legs. The White Bear, also, swimming in his Tank, pleasant, I being on the outside of his Cage. A fine old Wolf and Cubs, but snarling and snapping over their Victuals, seemed not a Happy Family. Saw the Eagles and Vultures Prey, treading on their Meat, and tearing it up with their Beaks; the Eagles brave, but the Vultures look ignoble. Yet fine the Great Condor Vulture, when the Wind blew, stretching forth his Wings upon it; and glad, no doubt, would have been to sail away. The Parrots gay; but so shriek and squall, that their Abode do seem the Madhouse of the Place. Much taken with the Seal swim in the Water, and waddle out on his Stomach with his Tail and Flappers, like a Fellow with his Legs tied for a Wager. Diverted by the Gambols and Antics of the Monkeys and Apes: yet ashamed to see such vile Likenesses of ourselves: and the Apes especially; and the Crowd of Women and Ladies gazing at them! With Pleasure, yet Horror, did view the Snakes and Lizards in the Reptile House, and glad they could not get at me; but hoped to see the Boa Constrictor swallow a live Rabbit: but did not. Bought Gingerbread Nuts to feed the Elephant, cost me 2d. and he did please me, but I wished he had been bigger; but the Rhinoceros did give me great Delight, and with Mirth heard a Countryman standing by, call him the Hog in Armour. The Bison, with his huge shaggy Head and Mane, Horns, and fiery Eyes, do look the most like a Demon I ever did see. To the Camel-Leopards, graceful Creatures; after the Bison and Rhinoceros. Then about the Gardens to watch the People and the Children stare at, and feed and poke the Animals. Did mark some pretty Damsels, and, having done gazing at the Beasts, gaze at them. So Home, and described to my Wife what I had seen, except the Damsels, and did discourse with her of Natural History; which the Zoological Gardens do breed a pretty Taste for among the People.

WESTMINSTER HALL, SHOWYNGE YE CEREMONYE OF OPENYNGE TERME

    Friday, November 2, 1849.

Up, and by Appointment to Mr. Wagstaffe's, and so with him to Westminster Hall, to see my Lord Chancellor and the Judges, after Breakfast with my Lord, this being the first Day of Michaelmas Term, open the Law Courts in State, in their Robes and Wigs. We there at 12, the Hour set for the Ceremony, but, we found, only for the Beginning of it by Breakfast, which had we thought of, we had taken our Time, as knowing that my Lords would be sure to take theirs. So clear that we must have Patience, Mr. Wagstaffe did say, like many besides us in Westminster Hall. So out to look at the New Houses of Parliament, and how the Masons speed with the Building, which will be mighty fine when it is done, and Mr. Transom do commend the Style, and I too, both for the Proportions and also for the Heraldry and Lions. Then back again to the Hall, where now a few more People; and presently comes marching in a Party of Policemen, large enough to have taken up all present, and yet hardly have had one Prisoner a-piece; But the Numbers did by Degrees increase, and were, I did note, mostly of the better Sort; thank the Police. Among them divers Barristers-at-Law, some with their Sisters, some with their Wives, or such as did seem like to be their Wives, many of whom mighty comely Damsels, and were a Sight I never expected, not thinking they could care for Law Matters, or to see the Judges, 2d.; but strange how Women do flock to every Concourse, whether it be to see or only to be seen. There for the first Time I did behold Mr. Tomkyns, the young Barrister, in his Wig, wherein he do look mighty sedate, and I telling him I hoped he would come to open Term himself, made answer as it might be some while first, he wished I might live to see it. The people now crowding about the Doors of the Courts, the Police did make a Lane between them for my Lord Chancellor and the Judges to walk down, and Mr. Wagstaffe did call it Chancery Lane. My Lords still not coming, he did observe that now we had a Sample of the Law's Delay, and did pleasantly lay the Lateness of the Breakfast to the Account of the Master of the Rolls. But they at last come, and we opposite the Court of Common Pleas got a good View of them to my Heart's Content. First comes the Mace, and a gentleman in his Court Suit, wearing a Sword and Bag, and with them the Great Seal; then my Lord Chancellor, and did walk down to his Court at the end of the Hall, looking the better of his Sickness, which I was glad of. After him the other Judges, of whom most did enter the Door whereby we were, and mighty reverend they looked, but merry and in good Humour, and beamy and ruddy after their Breakfast. But to see Mr. Justice Talfourd come last of all, shaking Hands with his Friends on both Sides, he newly made a Judge, being a Poet, did most content me; and Mr. Wagstaffe did say he looked in good Case and by no means puisne. The Judges all entered, the Rabblement let into the Hall, and we away, fearing for our Pockets; which are like to be very soon emptied in Westminster Hall.

A PROSPECTE OF YE 5TH OF NOVEMBER

    Monday, Nov. 5, 1849. – Guy Fawkes' Day.

At Breakfast this Morning off a new-laid Egg, cost me 2d., but cheap for the Time of Year, did hear a shrill Hallooing in the Street, which my Wife told me was made by the Boys, going by with their Guy Fawkes. So on this, Guy Fawkes his Day, did in Haste swallow my Breakfast, put on my Boots and Over-Coat, and so out and about the Streets and Squares to see the Sport, the Bells ringing for Church, and a Scarecrow of a Guy, borne by Urchins on a Handbarrow, with Rough Musique at almost every Turn and Corner. Guy Fawkes his Effigies, with his Fingers sticking out like Spikes, and his Feet all awry, his Body and Limbs stuffed with Straw, a Mask for his Face, with a Pipe in the Mouth, and a Lantern and Tinder-Box dangling from his Wrist, and on his Head a Paper Cap, like an old Grenadier's, but a Cross on it, and meant for the Pope his Crown. I thought to see Guy with his Company, borne by the Police in State to the Station House, but they this Year mostly let alone, and more Guys, and ragged Regiments of Boys shouting after them, than ever. The Varlets, as they went, repeating Doggrel Verses, bidding to remember the Day, and asking whomsoever they met for Money for a Bonfire to burn their Guy, and did beg of me; but I would not fling my Money into the Fire. But Lack to think of the Delight I do take in Guy Fawkes, because of his ridiculous Figure, and recollecting how I loved to play with Fireworks on this Day when a Boy; though I know what a Libel is the Holyday on the Roman Catholiques, and the good Reason, though the Doggrel say to the contrary, why Gunpowder Treason should be forgot. But some, who should have known better, did give the Rogues Halfpence and encourage them in a show of Bigotry; albeit the young Ragamuffins know not what it do mean, and care only for the Frolick and Halfpence. From Westminster, by the Back Ways and Streets to Fleet Street, Squibs and Crackers in the Courts and Alleys fizzing and bouncing all the Way, and did in Fleet Street dine at a Chop-house, cost me, with Beer and Punch, 2s.; and so to Tower Hill, where the Banging and Blazing of the Fireworks the greatest of all; and the Roman Candles and Pin-wheels mighty pretty; but some letting off Guns and Pistols put me in Fear. Here presently I did hear a Popping and Cracking behind me; which was a Cracker pinned by some Scapegrace to my Coat-Tail, and did make me jump, and the Standers-by to laugh: which did vex me to the Heart; and Mr. Gregory do say, served me right for countenancing such Doings. But to see the Mob flinging Serpents at each other, and burning and singeing one another like Devils, did much divert me, till a Squib whizzing past me did scorch me in the Face. Truly Guy Fawkes his Day this Time was mighty well kept, and Mr. Howlett do say its better Observance is a revival of Protestant Spirit; but I do agree with Mr. Wagstaffe that Protestancy is not a Doctrine of Fireworks, and must own it were better to bury Guy Fawkes, and not burn him any more.

A BANQUET SHOWYNGE YE FARMERS' FRIEND IMPRESSYNGE ON YE AGRICULTURAL INTEREST THAT IT IS RUINED

    Monday, November 19, 1849.

By Rail to Clod's Norton, to my old Country Friend Mr. Giles the Farmer, and with him to the Meeting and yearly Dinner of the North Gruntham Agricultural Society at Grumbleton, at the Plantagenet Arms. A mighty fine and great Dinner; and the Appetite of the Company droll to observe, and hear Mr. Giles declare that all the Farmers were starving. I did mightily admire the Breadth and Bigness of the Countrymen, and their round Faces like the Sign of the Rising Sun, but not so bright, for though ruddy, looking glum. My Lord Mountbushel in the Chair, very grand and high and mighty, yet gently demeaning himself, and did pledge them about him in Wine with an Obeisance the most stately I think that I did ever see a Man, and wish I could do like him, and with Practice hope to be able. The Dinner over, and the Queen drunk, and the Royal Family, and also the Church and Army and Navy all drunk, the Chairman did propose the Toast of the Evening, which was, Prosperity to the North Gruntham Agricultural Society, and made a Speech, and did tell his Hearers that they and the whole Farming Body were going to the Dogs as fast as they could go; whereat, strange to hear them applaud mightily. He ended his Speech by saying he hoped Gentlemen would that Evening, according to Custom, keep clear of Politics, which Rule Squire Hawebucke next rising to speak, did promise he would observe, and forthwith made a violent Harangue against Sir Robert Peel and Mr. Cobden. After him got up Mr. Flummerie, and with great Action, and thumping the Table, spoke for Half-an-Hour, with most brave Flourishes both of his Fists and of Language. He did tell his Audience that they must be up and stirring, and quit them like good Men and true, and did exhort them to rally round the Altar and Throne, and nail their Colours to the Mast, and range themselves under the Banner of Protection; which he did say was a Flag that had braved 1,000 Years the Battle and the Breeze, and if so, should, methinks, be by this time in Tatters. He did say that the British Lion had been long asleep, but was now at last aroused, which do seem a simple Saying, the British Lion being only a fabulous Beast, like the Unicorn, also in the Royal Arms. But to hear how the Company did cheer at this Mouthing, albeit it was the veriest Cant and Stuff; for, good Lack! to think of the Monarchy and Church, and all Morals, Religion, and Government, depending on the price of Wheat! After more Speeches in the same Strain, the British Labourer his Health drunk, and then the Prizes given out; and an old Man of 80, for bringing up a Family without costing the Parish 1d. in 50 Years, did receive £1, and others for honest Service nigh as long, a Jacket, a Smock Frock, or a Pair of Hob-Nail Boots, in Reward of Merit. The Toasts and Speech-making lasted till late, and then we broke up, the Farmers mighty merry, though grumbling, but not more than their Wont, at the Laws and the Weather, but their best Friends say, will have little to complain of either, if they will but mind their Business, and turn seriously to improving their Husbandry.

APPEARANCE OF YE CRYMYNYAL COURTE DURING AN "INTERESTYNG" TRYAL FOR MURDER

    Friday, November 30, 1849.

Up, and did take my Wife, with a Party of Friends, to the Old Bailey, my Wife having a great Longing to see a Prisoner tried, especially for Murder, and little Pleasure as she do take, poor Wretch, I could not find in my Heart to deny her this. Got our Places in the Gallery, cost me 10s., which did begrudge, and do think it a Scandal to the City to have Money taken at the Old Bailey Doors, as at a Play, yet it do serve to keep the Company choice. And, good Lack! to see the Assemblage of great Folks about us, we sitting close by Sir Jessamie Spinkes, and my Lord Pouncett, and two or three other Lords on the Bench by my Lords the Judges, and the Aldermen, did make the Place look as fine almost as the Opera. But in Truth it was as good as a Play, if not better, to hear the Barristers speak to the Jury, especially the Counsel for the Prisoners, making believe to be mightily concerned for their Clients, though most observable Rogues, and arguing in their Behalf through Thick and Thin, and striving as hard as they could to prove the Black, that did come out in Evidence against them, White; and pleading their Cause as though they were injured Innocents, with smiting of the Breast, and turning up of the Eyes, more natural than I remember I did ever see any Actor. But methinks they did go a little too far when, cross-examining the Witnesses, they strove to entangle them in their Talk, and confound them, trying to make them blunder, so as to mislead the Jury, which do seem to me only telling a Lie by the Witness his Mouth. And then to hear them labour to destroy the Witnesses' Credit, and make their Oath suspected; and them, however honest, seem Perjurers; and to think that they do practise all this Wickedness only for the Lucre of their Fees! Among the Prisoners some of the most horrid Ruffians that methinks I ever did see, and some, when found guilty and sentenced even to Transportation, skipping out of the Dock, and snapping their Fingers, which did remind me of the Saying, "Merry as Thieves." But others looking mighty dismal, and when the Evidence did tell against them, turning pale and shivering, and we had Eye-Glasses we took with us on Purpose, and through our Eye-Glasses did watch the Quivering of their Features, which, Heaven forgive us! we did take Delight in. Using Eye-Glasses did the more make it seem as if I were at a Play, and what did jump with the Notion was the Bunches of Rue on the Dock in Front of the Prisoners, seeming almost like Nosegays, which glad I am that my Wife and our other Ladies had not with them, for so taken were they with the ranting Barristers and hang-Gallows Ruffians, that I do verily believe they would have flung their Posies to them if they had. Strange that we do make such Account of Criminals, and will sit for Hours to see how it goes with a Villain, when we would not spare five Minutes to the Cause of many an honest Man. But for one good Reason I did take Pleasure in the Old Bailey, which was the Fairness of the Trials, and the Patience of the Judge, and Justness of his summing up, which do cause me mightily to reverence our Law, and to hear and see was pretty.

A PROMENADE CONCERTE

    Thursday, December 6, 1849.

Did set me Wife, poor Wretch! this Evening to mending my Socks, and myself to Drury Lane, to Monsieur Jullien his Concert. The first Part of the Concert all Dr. Mendelssohn his Musique, which I did long mightily to hear, and, so to do in Comfort, buy a Ticket for the Dress Circle, cost me 2s. 6d., but found the Seats all full, and obliged to stand the whole While, which made me mad, but a pretty full-eyed young Lady being forced to stand too, and close by me, though with her Brother, did comfort me a little, not that she could not sit, but that she was by me. Heard a Symphony that did well please me, seeming to lift me into the Clouds, and was mighty mystical and pretty; and the Musique in the Midsummer Night's Dream did give me much Delight, the Twittering throughout the Overture putting me in Mind of Singing-Birds and Fairies and I know not what, and the sleepy Passages very sweet and lulling. Mightily taken with the Prelude to the Mock-Tragedy, Bottom his March, as droll Musique as I ever heard; but what did most of all delight me was the Wedding March, a noble Piece, and I did rejoice therein, and do think to hire a Band to play it under our Window on my Wedding Day. Monsieur Jullien in his white Waistcoat and with his Moustachios mighty spruce and as grand as ever, and did conduct the Musique, but so quietly in the first Part that I could scarce have believed it, and methought showed Reverence for the Composer; which was handsome. But good Lack! to see him presently, when he come to direct "God Save the Queen," flourish his Batoon, and act the mad Musician! All the Company rising and taking off their Hats to hear that majestical Anthem, presently some most ridiculous and impertinent Variations set all the House a laughing and some hissing, and I do suspect Monsieur Jullien had a special Audience this night, that would not away with such Tricks. Between the Parts of the Concert, I into the Pit to walk about among the Sparks, where a great Press, the House crammed to the Ceiling. In the Refreshment and Reading Rooms, young Blades and Lasses drinking of Coffee and eating of Ices, and Reading of the News, with Shrubs and Statues round about, and the House all White and Gold, and brightly lighted, mighty gay; and the Sparks jaunty, but not, I think, wearing such flaming Neckcloths and Breast Pins as they were wont. Heard in Part second some Musique of the Prophète, full of Snorting of Brass Instruments and Tinkling of Triangles, and a long Waltz that did give me the Fidgets, and nothing please me at all, save Jetty Treffz her singing of "Trab, trab," which was pretty. Lastly, the Row-Polka played, and well-named and very droll and absurd, with Chiming-in of Voices and other monstrous Accompaniments, a good ridiculous rough Musique. But many of the Hearers did hiss, methought with Unreason, the Polka being no emptier than any other Polka, and having some Joke in it. Home, the Wedding March running in my Head, and glad to find good Musique drawing so great a House, which I do hope will be a Hint to Monsieur Jullien.

YE SERPENTYNE DURING A HARD FROST. YE PUBLIQUE UPON IT

    Tuesday, January 29, 1850.

Up, and after Breakfast, to which a new laid Egg at this Time of Year cost me 2d., to Hyde Park to see the Skating on the Serpentine, very admirable and mighty good Mirth. The Members of the Skating Club, with their Booth by the Ice mighty select, yet do as it were perform for the Amusement of the British Publique. Pretty to see them cut out Figures of 8, and in a Sort dance Quadrilles upon the Ice, which I very much wish I could do myself, but cannot skate at all, and never could, but whenever I tried to always tumbled down, generally a Squat, which hurt me. Upon the Ice all sorts of People high and low, great and little, old and young, Women and Children, indeed a Multitude of the British Publique altogether. With their Hollaing and Shouting a continual Roar like the Cawing and Clacking of innumerable Rooks and Jackdaws. Pretty to see the Chairs and Forms on the Brink of the Ice, where dirty Boys and Men do ply with Skates for Hire, and kneeling and screwing and straping them on to Skater's Feet turn a good Penny. Many fine Girls also, both fair and black, skating in their warm Furs and Muffs mighty snug and elegant, please me most of all; and a Troop of Schoolgirls walk two and two along the Shore very pretty. Fun to see how the Skaters do throw themselves into all manner of Postures, and how many of them tumble down, and sprawl about, and roll over one another topsy-turvy, and kick their Heels in the Air. Also the Unskilful beginning to learn to skate helped on to the Ice, and an old Woman pulled on by a lively Urchin, make me laugh heartily. But the most ridiculous Sight the Lower Sort, not skating but sliding, Butcher Lads, and Costermongers, and Street Boys with Sticks and Bludgeons in their Hands, and some in their Mouths short Pipes, smoking while they slide, which I wonder how they can. Good Lack, to see them come the Cobbler's Knock as they say, and keep the Pot a-boiling! Likewise how of a Fellow upon the Ice with a Potato Can upon a Fire-Basket, they buy and eat roast Potatoes which the Sellers cry Taturs all hot! The Street Boys, too, where the Ice at the Sides thin, flock together nigh the Edge, and throw Stones breaking the Ice, and I did hear one of the Varlets as his Pebble crash through cry, "There goes a Window," and could not but laugh, though I would fain have boxed his Ears. On Top of a Pole in one Part of the Ice a Board marked "Dangerous," nevertheless many so foolhardy as to skate close to it, until at last the Ice broke and a Fool went in and was like to have drowned, but the Humane Society's Men did come with Drags, and one of them fish him out by the Scuff of his Trowsers, mighty laughable. They carry him off to the Receiving House, where they chafe and wrap him in warm Blankets to bring him to, and give him hot Brandy and Water to recruit him and send him Home Comfortable, and so reward him for his Folly, and encourage other Fools to imitate his silly Example. Methinks such an idle Companion were well served if, instead of getting hot Grog, he were sent Home with a good Hiding.

A FASHIONABLE CLUB. FOUR O'CLOCK P.M

    Thursday, February 14, 1850.

This Afternoon at four o'clock with Gubbyns to the Leviathan Club whereof he is a member, and do mean to propose me to be a Member too which I very much wish, only fear I may be black-balled but hope not. To-day he take me over the Club to see it, which delight me much, and good Lack to see how splendid the Building and the Carvings and Gildings of the Walls and Windows, for all the World like a Palace, wherein a private Man every Day of his Life may live like a King, as I should like to. All the Rooms as full as could be of all Manner of Comforts and Conveniences, especially the great Room where the Members do sit in easy Chairs with well-stuffed soft Backs and Cushions lined with lovely smooth shining Morocco Leather, or loll along on Sofas and Ottomans the same, and read the Reviews and Papers and are served by Footmen in Livery with Glasses of Sherry and Tumblers of Brandy and Soda Water, all at their Ease, and enjoy such Accommodation as I think I never could have imagined unless I had seen. Curious to observe the different Readers and the Paper each reading; a Parliament or City Man the Times, a Member, I take it, of the Protestant Association at Exeter-Hall the Morning Herald, another the Standard, newspapers the wits call Mrs. Gamp and Mrs. Harris, which is great Roguery. Some in Groups stand a gossiping, some looking out of Windows down on the People in the Street as they go by, mighty agreeable to such as are well off, and would give me very much Pleasure. Others with their Backs to the Fire, and one methought a Country Squire striding in front of the Grate, with his Hands behind him under his Coat Tails warming himself and looking abroad over his Neckcloth, as though upon his Parish, and as if he were Monarch of all he surveyed; mighty dignified and droll. Likewise a Youth of some Condition, but somewhat too like a Shopboy, in a pretty ridiculous Posture, eyeing himself in a Pier Glass, did, with his walking Cane sticking athwart his Arm, divert me. The Magazines, Guide Books, Post Directories, and so on lying about on the Tables mighty handy, and I did note also a Pack of Cards and hear some of the Club Men do play. After going all over the Club-house, and the Lavatories and all, Gubbyns take me to dine with him in the Strangers' Room, and a mighty good Dinner with excellent Claret, cost him how much I did not like to ask, but no doubt much more cheap and better than it would have come to in the cheapest tolerable Inn. Thence, after dinner, to the Smoking Room to smoke a Cigar, and drink Seltzer Water and Brandy, and, after Talk of the News, and all the Rumour about Town, and a good deal of Scandal, and some Roguish Conversation, Home, and so to Bed.

THE CIRCUS AT ASTLEY'S

    Friday, March 8, 1850.

To the Circus at Astley's late, so missed the Grand Equestrian Drama, which vex me not much, for the Acting only Horseplay. But in time to see the Horsemanship in the Circle, which was what I wanted, and got a good Place in the Boxes, but would have preferred the Pit, except for the Company, which is of the Lower Sort, and there they do sit with their Hats on, and eat Oranges and drink Soda Water and Ginger Beer, which make me ashamed. Pretty riding on a Cream-coloured Horse by a pretty black girl, and on horseback dancing carried a basket of Flowers, and dance mighty pretty, but being above I could but look down upon little but her Head, which did somewhat vex me that I was not below in the Pit. Also a Fellow in the Dress of an Italian Robber they call a Brigand ride on three Horses at once, and please me I think as much as anything I ever saw in my Life. One of the Horses he rode piebald, the others spotted, pretty to see. Curious to observe the Riding Master continually smacking his Whip to keep the Horses galloping close to the Circle, but above all the Head Riding Master they call Widdicombe in a Uniform with Epaulettes, as it were a Generalissimo, mighty pompous and droll, divert me beyond measure, and good Lack to hear, between the Horsemanship, the dialogues between Widdicombe and the Clown. As the Clown walking before Widdicombe out of the Ring, Widdicombe say "Stop, Sir, go behind; I never follow the Fool." "Don't you," say the Clown, "then I do," and walk after him; which tickle me and make me laugh, so that I was like to burst my Sides. And Lack to see the Dignity of Widdicombe, how grand he bear himself and look down upon the Clown as an inferior Being, calling him generally Fool, or else sometimes more gracious, Mr. Merriman. I do hear Widdicombe is now an old Man, but his Cherry Cheeks, and black Hair and Eyebrows, make him look young, and his Waistcoat padded well out on the Chest takes from his Paunch, and though no Doubt he be made up, he make himself up mighty clever. All this while the Orchestra, mostly of Brass, trumpeting and banging away the most suitable Music to the Performance I think that ever could be played except the Tongs and Bones. About me in the Boxes great Numbers of Small Children, both Boys and Girls, some Babies almost, enjoy the Spectacle as much as any, and I do like to see them, and think they with their Mirth do make their Elders enjoy it all the more, and did think I should have liked to have had some of my own to take with me, but then thinking of the Expense of a Family make me better content with None. The Horsemanship mighty good Fun for the Children, but serious Entertainment to the grown-up, and strange to see how earnest they sit and gaze and stare with their Eyes wide open, and their Minds also fixed upon the Horses, and to perceive that they who think so much of Horses do commonly think very little upon much else, and how many there be of that Sort among the English People. After Astley's in a Cab to the Albion Tavern, where a Dish of Kidneys, a Welsh Rarebit, a Pint of Stout, and a Go of Whisky cost me 3s., and so Home in another Cab and so to Bed.

YE FATHERS OF YE CHURCHE GYVING JUDGMENTE UPON YE KNOTTYE POYNT

    Saturday, March 9, 1850.

To the Judicial Committee of Privy Council to hear Judgment delivered in the great Gorham Case, the Reverend Mr. Gorham against the Bishop of Exeter for refusing to institute him to the Living of Bramford Speke, which the Bishop refuse because Mr. Gorham deny Baptismal Regeneration. The Court of Arches gave sentence for the Bishop, and Gorham then appeal to the Privy Council. A great Commotion among the Clergy, and not a little among the People also. The High Church hold, with the Bishop of Exeter, the same Opinion of Baptism as the Catholiques, and the Low do side with Gorham and the Baptists and most other Dissenters. To the Council Chamber betimes, and did get a good Place and hear very well. The Chamber all the public Part of it crammed with as many People as could well get in. Lack, to see what Numbers of the Clergy here, both High Church and Low, and distinguish them by their Looks, and their Dress, and particularly by their Ties and Waistcoats. Also present many Dissenters and Roman Catholiques, and among the Catholiques I did note Bishop Wiseman the Catholique Bishop of Melipotamus, and Vicar Apostolique of the London District in the front Row next my Lord the President's Chair, pricking up his Ears. By and by in come the Lords of the Council and take their places, mighty Grave, yet as they sit do seem to take it easy. They sit at a Table in the midst of the Chamber, where, among them, Lords Brougham and Campbell look mighty ill-favoured and droll. Behind, towards the Bookshelves, the Lay Lords, but with them a Bishop in his Knee Breeches and Apron, and a Shovel Hat in his Hand. Among the Lay Lords the Earl of Carlisle, a Great Nobleman, and do look noble, and very much like Liston the Player. Hush, and Silence, even the Ladies, of whom some present in the Crowd, when my Lord Langdale rise to deliver Judgment, which he did mighty clever, and lay down the Law, but no theological Argument, which I expected to hear, but did not. For he said the Committee have no Authority to determine Points of Doctrine, and whether Baptismal Regeneration were true or false, but only whether the Clergy were bound to hold it, or free to deny it, by the Thirty-nine Articles. And by that Rule he gave Judgment for Gorham against the Bishop, and I see not how he could have done otherwise, nor why the High Church should be so aghast and angry, nor Wiseman smile and look so merry and scornful as he did, and seem so mightily diverted. So the Bishop will have to submit, and institute Gorham, or else resign his Bishoprick, which I dare swear he will not. Nor do I much fear that many of the High Church Clergy will leave the Church, as some prophesy, and turn Catholiques, and relinquish the Loaves and Fishes. Methinks it is a mighty good Thing that both High Church Clergy and Low are bound only by the Articles as interpreted by the Law Lords in the Judicial Committee, and not by themselves on either one Side or the other, for of all Men methinks the Clergy of every Sect have less than any of a Judicial Mind.

A JUVENILE PARTYE

    Wednesday, April 24, 1850.

With my Wife this Evening to Mr. Hartley's to a Children's Party, but some grown up, and among them me and my Wife, though we have no Children, which vex me, but not much, for Children mighty expensive and cost money, and, if I had them, would only force me to deny myself a great many Pleasures I now enjoy, and could not then afford. A large Drawing Room very fine, and well lighted up, and so many Children of all Ages down to Babies almost as I think I did never before, altogether in one room, see. Pretty to see how the little Boys and Girls dance when Mynheer Schlamm thump and bang the Piano, and some of the very smallest taught to dance nearly as soon as they could walk, and how they stand in Position and point their Toes with heels close together, and arms hanging down, as they do when the Dancing-Master teach them their dancing Lessons. And to see how pleased all the Girls to dance, but not all the Boys, but a good many of them look unhappy, yet pretty to observe how a few little Boys make love to the little Girls, and one little Boy offer a little Girl a Nosegay, like a young Gallant, and she take it with the Air of a Coquette mighty pretty. But most of the Boys make a great deal more Love to the good Things on the Tables; the Sweets and Pastry, Jelly, Blanc-Mange, Tarts, Pies, Tipsy-Cake, Trifle, and Ice-creams, and good Lack how they push, and scramble, and hold out their plates, to get slices of Cake, while Hartley cut up a great rich Cake like a Twelfth-cake and share it between them, and they eat and stuff all they can, and I fear me some of them ill to-morrow if not before. Droll to see a little Boy stand astride stuffing into his Mouth a Pie whole like a Pantomime Clown. Another small Boy sitting down upon a Pile of Plates set by on the Floor, they having been eaten from, in the Remains of Trifle, cause great Laughter. So did a fat Dame with her little Boy and Girl, and an Arm round each, like a great plump Fowl, a Gizzard under one Wing and Liver beneath the other. Droll to see Hartley's little girl sit in her Grandmother's Chair beside her Crutch, where her Grandmother hobbling in did find her, and to think that she too will be such another old Woman, one of these Days, if she live. Some of the bigger Boys public School Boys, mighty grand, and a few wearing Spectacles like young Owls. Mrs. Hartley's Brother, Mr. St. Leger, dress himself like a Conjuror, in a conjuring Cap with magick Characters on it, and conjure with Cards, and Oranges, and little Images, and Dolls, mighty clever, and I do mean to get him if I can to teach me. One Thing made me laugh heartily was to see the Page they call Buttons stand behind him while he conjure, Buttons with his Eyes staring wide open, and he grinning with his Mouth from Ear to Ear. The young Folk after Supper to dance again, and romp, and play at Blindman's Buff, and meanwhile the elder sup too, and I and my Wife on cold Fowl and Ham, and Lobster Salad, and Champagne, mighty merry, and so Home betimes mighty comfortable, and methinks I do like a Children's more than any other Evening Party, to see the Children and their Elders also, play the Fool, and to break up, and get Home early, and so with Content and Comfort to Bed.

GRANDE REVIEW

    Wednesday, May 15, 1850.

Up, and to St. James's Park, to see on the Parade Ground, the Inspection, as usual upon the Queen's Birthday, appointed to be celebrated beforehand this Day, of a Battalion of the Coldstream and Grenadier Guards, and a Troop of the Royal Horse Guards they call the Blues. Through a Friend at Court, got, with a choice Few, a good Place, nigh the Sentry with the Colours, where he stood to keep the Ground, and the Publique at a Distance, where I also wish always to keep yet pleased to see them. The Troops reviewed by the Commander in Chief, Field Marshal the Duke of Wellington, and with him the other Field Marshals, Prince Albert and the Duke of Cambridge, made Field Marshals I suppose for the martial Deeds they would no doubt have done, if they had ever had the chance in the Field. Field Marshal the Prince, the Colonel of the Scots Fusiliers, and Field Marshal the Royal Duke of the Coldstream, and the great Field Marshal the Duke of Wellington, Colonel of the Grenadier Guards. Besides the Field Marshals, at their Heels a great Staff of Officers, of Lancers and Hussars, and the Earl of Cardigan among them, looking mighty fierce. The Duke of Wellington at their Head riding gently along inspecting his Regiment standing in their big Caps of Bearskin, which do seem much too big for them though they mostly six feet high, a mighty brave sight, yet a comical, as the men stood shouldering Arms with their Heels together, and their Toes turned out like the little Girls and Boys I did see dance at a Children's Party. Glad to get so good a View as I had of the Duke, and wonderful to see how well and firm he sits his horse, and he now fourscore-and-two Years old, and to think what a great General he is and do look, and with his Eagle Nose, very much resemble Mr. Punch. The Officers of the Staff bestriding their Horses very gallant, and the Horses most noble Animals and their prancing very pretty. Good Sport to see a Dragoon ride keeping Order, flourish and point drawn Sword at a fat old Woman who with a cotton Umbrella and Arms spread all abroad in Terror, run out of his Way, and Policemen with their Staves closing in as it were to catch the old Woman. Other Policemen rushing to and fro, help the Soldiers keep the Ground, and the British Publique back, and beat back them that would fain press too forward with their staves. Pleasant in a Place where plenty of Elbow-Room, to behold the British Publique, around one in the Midst the Likeness of John Bull, perched on a Barrel, jostled one against the other, push and scramble and tread upon one another's Toes, and tumble topsy-turvy some of them and Head over Heels; when I had got comfortable Standing in the meanwhile with a Dozen or so of the Better Sort, and two or three Poodle and Terrier Dogs, in the Middle of the Parade where the Troops were inspected, got in I suppose by Favour, like me. But, good Lack, to think what playing at Soldiers now a holiday Review like this do seem, and think at the same time what serious Work the Duke of Wellington hath seen and done in his Day, which how many seem to forget, and almost think him a Humbug, and if ever and how soon we shall have the like to do again, and find another such a Man, to do it.

A PIC-NIC

    Thursday, May 23, 1850.

With my Wife to a Pic-nic Party. I to content her more than to please myself, and to think how I always study her Pleasure more than my own, and sacrifice my own Inclinations to hers always. For I prefer to eat good Things off a Plate or a Table, and not upon my Knees. Besides, the Fly hired to carry us from Home and back, cost me three Guineas. The Pic-Nic in my Lord Bilberry's Park, where the Ruins of an old Abbey, open by my Lord's Allowance, People come to see from all Parts, gipsying, and making merry and dancing basely among the Ruins. These with mouldering Arches and Stones overgrown with Moss, and Lichen, and Ivy, mighty venerable, and set off by a Youth with long Hair and turned-down Collar, leaning on a broken Pillar, striking an attitude and staring at the Sky, as though musing on Infinity but in Truth fancying himself an Object of Admiration. But, he wrapt up in that Mistake, and forgetting his Meals, the rest intent altogether on the good Things from Fortnum and Mason's and the Pastry Cook's; and good Lack to see how they, to the Number of nigh forty Men, Women, and Girls, pitch into the Ham and Chicken, and the Cold Meat and Lobster Salad, and Pigeon and Veal and Ham Pie, and therewith drink bottled Ale and Stout, whereof a fat Serving Man in Livery, hardly drawing a Quart Bottle, mighty comical, and also a Page, who, carrying Plates, kick against a Wasps' Nest and raise the Wasps about his Ears and there he stand fighting them with a Knife, his Face in the Centre of the swarm the Image of Horror. The Younger Men mostly mighty Polite, they, and especially one with a fine slim Figure and hooked Nose, with constrained Postures, making Obeisance as they serve the Girls with Beer and Wine, whereof they as well as the Men mostly drink their Whack, and pretty to see how one most elegant Damsel seem falling into a happy Dream and how with her Hair flowing all adown she droop her Eyelids, muzzy. But some did get full of Fun, and a little Rogue I see pour the Heel-tap of a Champagne Glass into the Face of a Youngster, who, lying on his Back, had fallen on Sleep. The Managers of the Collection also mighty attentive, doing the Honours, and rare to see one of them, a fine portly Man, carve Slices off Great Round of Beef, in high Glee. But another rising from his Camp Stool to hand a Plate to a fine fat Dame, she and her pretty Daughter suddenly frighted by a Toad and Frog, which crawl and hop towards them out of some Flags by the Water, start back in Horror, and startle him and make him upset several Wine Glasses and the Water Can, and stamp on and smash a Plate. Among the Elders worth noting a lean old Professor, and his Neighbour a smug Lawyer how they gave their whole minds to most serious Eating, and also one or two of the younger Men did nought but stuff themselves; but most made Love; and pretty to see a loving Couple clink Glasses together, while other Pairs having had enough, saunter and strut about among and outside the Ruins. Good Lack to think what a Deal we ate and drank between us, and how famished on one Hand looked a lean old Labourer in a Smock Frock with a chubby but hungry little Clown, eyeing the picked Bones, while a Cur on the other did, in his Mouth, run away with the Wing of a Fowl.

VAUXHALL