The Story of the Gadsbys

CAPT. G. Then let’s go on talking nonsense. I rather like it. Pussy, I’ll tell you a secret. Promise not to repeat?

MRS. G. Ye-es. Only to you.

CAPT. G. I love you.

MRS. G. Re-ally! For how long?

CAPT. G. Forever and ever.

MRS. G. That’s a long time.

CAPT. G. ‘Think so? It’s the shortest I can do with.

MRS. G. You’re getting quite clever.

CAPT. G. I’m talking to you.

MRS. G. Prettily turned. Hold up your stupid old head and I’ll pay you for it.

CAPT. G. (Affecting supreme contempt.) Take it yourself if you want it.

MRS. G. I’ve a great mind to – and I will! (Takes it and is repaid with interest.)

CAPT. G, Little Featherweight, it’s my opinion that we are a couple of idiots.

MRS. G. We’re the only two sensible people in the world. Ask the eagle. He’s coming by.

CAPT. G. Ah! I dare say he’s seen a good many sensible people at Mahasu. They say that those birds live for ever so long.

MRS. G. How long?

CAPT. G. A hundred and twenty years.

MRS. G. A hundred and twenty years! O-oh! And in a hundred and twenty years where will these two sensible people be?

CAPT. G. What does it matter so long as we are together now?

MRS. G. (Looking round the horizon.) Yes. Only you and I – I and you – in the whole wide, wide world until the end. (Sees the line of the Snows.) How big and quiet the hills look! D’you think they care for us?

CAPT. G. ‘Can’t say I’ve consulted em particularly. I care, and that’s enough for me.

MRS. G. (Drawing nearer to him.) Yes, now – but afterward. What’s that little black blur on the Snows?

CAPT. G. A snowstorm, forty miles away. You’ll see it move, as the wind carries it across the face of that spur and then it will be all gone.

MRS. G. And then it will be all gone. (Shivers.)

CAPT. G. (Anxiously.) Not chilled, pet, are you? Better let me get your cloak.

MRS. G. No. Don’t leave me, Phil. Stay here. I believe I am afraid. Oh, why are the hills so horrid! Phil, promise me that you’ll always love me.

CAPT. G. What’s the trouble, darling? I can’t promise any more than I have; but I’ll promise that again and again if you like.

MRs. G. (Her head on his shoulder.) Say it, then – say it! N-no – don’t! The – the – eagles would laugh. (Recovering.) My husband, you’ve married a little goose.

CAPT. G. (Very tenderly.) Have I? I am content whatever she is, so long as she is mine.

MRS. G. (Quickly.) Because she is yours or because she is me mineself?

CAPT. G. Because she is both. (Piteously.) I’m not clever, dear, and I don’t think I can make myself understood properly.

MRS. G. I understand. Pip, will you tell me something?

CAPT. G. Anything you like. (Aside.) I wonder what’s coming now.

MRS. G. (Haltingly, her eyes ‘owered.) You told me once in the old days – centuries and centuries ago – that you had been engaged before. I didn’t say anything – then.

CAPT. G. (Innocently.) Why not?

MRS. G. (Raising her eyes to his.) Because – because I was afraid of losing you, my heart. But now – tell about it – please.

CAPT. G. There’s nothing to tell. I was awf’ly old then – nearly two and twenty – and she was quite that.

MRS. G. That means she was older than you. I shouldn’t like her to have been younger. Well?

CAPT. G. Well, I fancied myself in love and raved about a bit, and – oh, yes, by Jove! I made up poetry. Ha! Ha!

MRS. G. You never wrote any for me! What happened?

CAPT. G. I came out here, and the whole thing went phut. She wrote to say that there had been a mistake, and then she married.

MRS. G. Did she care for you much?

CAPT. G. No. At least she didn’t show it as far as I remember.

MRS. G. As far as you remember! Do you remember her name? (Hears it and bows her head.) Thank you, my husband.

CAPT. G. Who but you had the right? Now, Little Featherweight, have you ever been mixed up in any dark and dismal tragedy?

MRS. G. If you call me Mrs. Gadsby, p’raps I’ll tell.

CAPT. G. (Throwing Parade rasp into his voice.) Mrs. Gadsby, confess!

MRS. G. Good Heavens, Phil! I never knew that you could speak in that terrible voice.

CAPT. G. You don’t know half my accomplishments yet. Wait till we are settled in the Plains, and I’ll show you how I bark at my troop. You were going to say, darling?

MRS. G. I – I don’t like to, after that voice. (Tremulously.) Phil, never you dare to speak to me in that tone, whatever I may do!