No Wife Required!

One thing about her client. He never did anything by half measures. He had leased her the best Winnebago on the lot. It had everything. Sleeping for six, a shower, galley, TV, VCR, radio, and a dinner table with blue and white curtains at the windows.

Though strapped in the car seat, George was in heaven. She was pretty happy herself and flicked on the radio, excited at the prospect of listening to Max Jarvis display his ignorance in matters of love once more.

A guest was speaking. “...So it makes sense that living together is the only way to find out certain things which would never be learned in a dating relationship.”

“You mean like discovering that your girlfriend had a snoring problem,” Max Jarvis interjected.

“Snoring, talking in your sleep, walking in your sleep. The list is endless, and so are the surprises which often cause newlyweds to end up in divorce.”

“You make a good practical point, Dr. Ryder. You constantly hear married people say that the honeymoon was ruined by something unexpected, which in turn set a negative tone for the marriage. It looks like the board is lit up with callers wanting to talk to you.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Max Jarvis and we have Dr. Victor Ryder in studio for the next half hour, anxious to discuss his new book entitled, Living Together. A solution for the technological age. Hello, Phil.”

Lacey brought the motor home to a shrieking halt. George hooted.

“Sorry, but that man makes me so angry I missed the turnoff for Malad. We’ll have to backtrack to Garland.”

For ‘The Voice’ to agree with some one-book-wonder marriage therapist on the subject of living together made Lacey’s blood boil. Especially someone like Victor Ryder. The name was all too familiar to Lacey and if he was a legitimate therapist she was Madonna! How could Max Jarvis be such a fool? Why didn’t he go back to California where he belonged?

She had half a mind to call him and tell him just that. When she spied a free telephone booth outside a convenience store in Garland, she maneuvered the motor home into the parking lot and turned off the ignition.

“I’ve got to make a phone call, George. You can watch me. I won’t be long. We’ll reach Idaho Falls by seven and then some. Since the reservations are all made, we won’t have to worry where to park when we get there.”

As she left the motor home, a couple of kids were coming out of the store. When they saw George perched near the front dashboard they asked Lacey if she minded if they watched him while she made her call.

She knew how they felt. Apes had always been her favorite animal at the zoo. Maybe that was why she had been so willing to help out Lorraine. Lacey told the boys to enjoy themselves and returned to the business of getting a free long-distance line. After ten tries, she connected.

“This is Radio Talk. Do you have a question for Dr. Ryder?”

“Actually, I’d like to speak to Mr. Jarvis.”

“What’s your name?”

“Gloria.”

“Hold on, Gloria. You’ll be up next.”

“I’m holding.”

Lacey waited another minute, then Max Jarvis’s voice was speaking. “Hello, Gloria. I hear you want to speak to me.”

“That’s right.”

“Where are you calling from?”

“Garland.”

“As in?”

“Utah! And if you knew anything about this state, you wouldn’t have had to ask that question.”

He chuckled. “I may not know a great deal about Utah, but I do know voices, and you’re not Gloria. You’re Lorraine! I’ve been hoping you’d call back, but it’s been a while and I’d almost lost hope. Go ahead and take all the time you need to vent your feelings about your unsatisfactory personal life.”

Lacey blinked in stunned surprise. He was a lot more intelligent than she’d given him credit for.

“My personal life is my own concern. But I do want to vent my feelings about the kinds of outrageous opinions you express, which not only show that you’re from out of state, but that you know nothing about men and women.”

“So what you’re saying is that if a man isn’t from Utah, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about?” he asked in a mild tone, raising her blood pressure.

“Let’s just say we were all just fine until you came along with your unique brand of ‘practicality’! What really alarms me is your willingness to let anyone who has written a book be a guest on your show. You allow them to pass off their work as the latest authority for the masses to heedlessly imbibe, then side with them when you know there are two sides to every issue! What about romance? What about love?”

His chuckle got under her skin. “Me thinks the lady protesteth too much. Something tells me you’ve never lived with a man. Is that right?”

“That’s right, because I believe in romantic solutions not practical ones!”

“Be more specific.”

“If a woman’s lucky, she’s only going to give herself to one man forever. If a man’s lucky, he’s only going to give himself to one woman forever. That’s the highest form of love, consecrated in marriage.

“Yet your pseudo-doctor guest is advocating that we should be ruled by our heads not our hearts and you are condoning it. You’re both out of your minds.”

“How would you like to put that remark to the test, Lorraine?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Have you written a book lately on the relationship between men and women?”

“I wouldn’t presume to take on a subject that should be left alone.”

“Good. Then you’re the perfect person to appear as a guest on my show next week and prove to my face that I’m out of my mind, as you said.”

“That won’t be hard. I’ll look forward to it,” she averred before it dawned on her what she’d just said.

“All you callers out there heard her. It ought to be an interesting show. Rob—take the information on Lorraine while we go to our next caller.”

Lacey knew Max Jarvis’s tactics. He hadn’t expected her to take up his challenge. She kind of surprised herself by agreeing to appear as a guest on the show. What an irony that after phoning into Radio Talk all these years, she would be facing the one host who had the capacity to rile her.

If she were being honest with herself, she would admit that she really wanted to find out if the man measured up to his voice.

By now, a crowd had gathered around the motor home to watch George. She had to work her way through to climb on board. He hooted a welcome.

“Good news, George. I’m going to be on Radio Talk next week. I’ve a few thousand things to say to that infuriating man. It’s time for his education to begin.”

CHAPTER TWO

“HI! You made it. I’m Rob Clark. Max Jarvis will be with you in a minute. I take it you’re Lorraine.”

Lacey nodded and shook his hand. For the time being, she was stuck with Lorraine’s name. “Pleased to meet you, Rob.”