“Oh, yes, you did,” he added in a wintry tone. “But I’ve learned through bitter experience that feelings have a life of their own and come to the surface whether we like it or not. Philippe’s too young and innocent to know about that yet. He just does what comes naturally from the sweetness in his nature. Let’s pray he never loses that gift.”
He wheeled around and strode swiftly down the hall toward the stairs. She hadn’t meant to upset him and ran after him. “Please don’t go yet. Please—” she begged.
Her cry caused him to pause at the top step. “We’re both exhausted, Crystal.” His drawn features verified his words. She thought he was about to say something else, then thought the better of it. “Get a good night’s sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow when you’re up to hearing the list of your son’s grievances.”
She gripped the top of the cutwork wooden balcony until her knuckles grew white. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Raoul had already reached the bottom step. He looked up. “That’s easy. He loves you too much to hurt you. If he were to do that, then his whole world would collapse. Don’t you think it’s time you stopped punishing him for something that’s not his fault?”
Crystal stood there long after he’d disappeared. Raoul’s question had reached down inside her core and had exposed her to herself, forcing her to face an important truth. She’d been feeling so guilty about not loving Eric anymore, she’d become too self-reliant. In the process, she hadn’t realized how it was affecting Philippe, but she knew it now.
With their dark blond hair and Broussard features, Philippe and Albert could almost pass for brothers and were close to the same height. They looked so cute sitting in Albert’s class at the same table with two classmates.
Being a year younger than the others, Philippe had his pride to consider. Crystal felt that would be the reason he made it through the day, if he could last that long.
She stood next to Raoul in the open doorway to the school room as if they were his parents. It should have been Eric standing there with her, but life wasn’t fair and it hadn’t turned out that way, depriving Philippe of a father.
Her eyes smarted as she watched the teacher welcome Albert’s cousin to class. When the introductions were over, Philippe looked back at them with a little smile and gave them a wave.
Another smile. She’d seen more of them since his uncle had turned up than she’d seen in a whole year.
“We’d better go before I burst into tears.” She started down the hall toward the exit. “I feel like this is his first day of school.”
“At a French school anyway,” Raoul murmured as he opened the front door for them. “We’ll go back to my house for something to eat while we talk.” He cupped her elbow to help walk her to the car so she wouldn’t slip on the snow. The gesture was automatic to him, but she was acutely aware of his touch no matter how hard she tried not to think about it.
He lived in Les Pecles near his parents’ home in a smaller, more modern chalet with exposed beams. She’d been welcomed into his house many times as his sister-in-law, but today she was plagued by fear to be alone with him.
Never in his life had he done anything to make her feel uncomfortable. It was an old primitive fear all on her part that had come on a month before Eric’s death. She could still remember the moment when Philippe had been waiting for his daddy to come home so they could play together. But her husband had forgotten his promise in a long string of unkept promises.
While her son was in tears out in front pulling his little red wagon around, Raoul happened to pull up to the condo and had caught both of them in a vulnerable moment. When he’d put an arm around them to give comfort, a feeling had crept through her that was so far from being sisterly, she’d come close to fainting.
The revelation filled her with such tremendous guilt and shame, it made her ill. She’d suffered a headache for days afterward.
From then on she was so horrified by her attraction to Raoul, she’d begged Eric to reconsider moving.
If not Breckenridge, then somewhere else in Europe where he could train for part of the year. She’d used all her powers of reasoning and persuasion, but he wouldn’t budge on the subject and told her to leave it alone.
After his death, she’d wanted to leave for Colorado immediately, but the whole family insisted she stay. They needed her and Philippe, and she needed them. It was true, except that she could see Philippe clinging to his uncle all the time. With the paparazzi around taking pictures of the Broussards at every opportunity, speculation always abounded. She had to end it because Raoul wasn’t his father.
And there was more to it than that. Raoul had been seeing other women. One day he’d fall in love again and get married. For Philippe to get any more attached and then have to fight for his uncle’s attention with a new aunt would spell more heartache for her son, who’d been through enough losing his father.
Determined to spare him that, she’d found the strength to leave Chamonix before Christmas. She was convinced Philippe would thrive around her family. It had been the right thing to do for all their sakes, or so she’d thought. Now here they were, back again, and she was terrified by her feelings that had only gained in strength after seeing him again.
Once Raoul helped her in the car she said, “Let’s eat at the Château des Enfants. It’s right here in Les Mouilles. In case we get a call from the school, we can come right back.” She’d thrown out the first idea to enter her head. Going on to his house would not be a good idea.
“If that’s what you’d prefer.” His response eased her anxiety. “But I’m prepared to wager Philippe will stick it out.”
“Maybe.” She stared straight ahead. “Do you have any news about Jules this morning?”
“I talked to the nurse a little while ago. She said he had the best night’s sleep he’s had since being admitted and his blood pressure was down.”
“That’s marvelous news. I’m so thankful.”
“We all are. My mother’s going to stay with him most of the day.” He drove them the few blocks it took to reach the quaint café full of skiers and tourists. Crystal had eaten here many times with the children. It was a great place for snacks and hot drinks close to Vivige’s house. Noisy. Safe.
Raoul found a table for them in the back and put in an order for bread and honey with a pot of hot chocolate. “After school we’ll take Philippe and Albert over to see him.”
“You have more faith that Philippe will last the whole day than I do.” She finally lifted her eyes to him. She found his scrutiny unnerving. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for us, but I’m worried about you. Don’t you need to be at work? After flying to the States and back, you probably have a dozen fires to put out.”
“The staff has handled every crisis, leaving me free to take care of my family. I’ll drop in there sometime today.” His calm demeanor managed to unsettle her nerves even more. Crystal didn’t know how much longer she could take being alone with him like this, not when she was enjoying it too much.
“Now that Philippe isn’t with us, I’m ready to hear that list of grievances you told me about.”
After their food was served he said, “Do I really have to spell it out for you when we both know one word would cover it?”
Heat swamped her cheeks.
Raoul leaned forward. “He’s been homesick. Whether you want to believe it or not, you raised a little French boy. Every time I talked to him on the phone, he cried that he wanted to go home. There were times when he begged me to come and get him, not because he didn’t love you, but because you refused to take him.”
She bit her lip so hard, she was surprised it didn’t draw blood. “But Eric isn’t here.”
A strange quiet surrounded Raoul. “No, he’s not.”
Feeling more tongue-tied than ever she said, “I’m hoping that by the time we go home after Christmas, your father will be better and it won’t be nearly so hard for Philippe because he’ll realize that what he’d really wanted to come here for was gone.”
Except that wasn’t true and they both knew it. Philippe loved his French family and worshipped his uncle Raoul. Far too much.
She poured honey on her bread and began eating. To her dismay her emotions were in such chaos, she couldn’t taste anything. On the other hand Raoul had finished off his bread and hot chocolate in no time at all.
“Don’t be surprised if Breckenridge never feels like home to him, Crystal.”
Ready for that she said, “But it’s my home.” Raoul had no idea she was fighting for her life. “When we leave Chamonix this time, I’ll make a promise to bring him back during his spring recess. That will help make another separation less painful.”
His dark blue eyes impaled her. “You think?” He suddenly pushed himself away from the table and stood up, sending out shock waves that assailed her body.
She noticed he’d dressed in a white Scandinavian sweater of primarily blues and gray in the yoke. Between that and his attractively disheveled black hair, he drew the eye of every female in the café. Even Crystal, who was struggling not to be aware of him, could see that no male in Chamonix, let alone France, came close in comparison.
“Come on. I’ll take you to the house on my way to work.”
No. No more togetherness right now.
“Thank you, Raoul, but I think I’ll stay here and have another cup of hot chocolate. After that, I’m going to do some serious Christmas shopping.”
She heard his sharp intake of breath. “You’re sure? Jet lag will probably catch up with you.”
Crystal had never been more sure of anything. “Yes. I gave the secretary at the school my cell phone number, too. If there’s a problem, I’ll be close by. If all goes well, then I’ll meet you at the school at three.”
After a noticeable silence he said, “Bon.”