“Forgot I left a load of towels in the washing machine this morning. I just came down to throw them in the dryer.”
“I can do that for you. Go on to bed.”
“I already did it. I was just on my way back upstairs.”
She stood half in, half out of the room, her fingers drumming softly on the door frame. He sensed an odd restlessness in her tonight. Like a mare sniffing out greener pastures somewhere in the big wide world.
In another woman he might have called it melancholy, but Cassie had always been the calm one. The levelheaded one. The soft April rain to Jesse’s wild, raging thunderstorm.
Tonight she practically radiated nervous energy, and it made him uneasy—made him want to stay out of her way until she worked out whatever was bothering her.
He couldn’t do that, though. He loved her too much, owed her too much. If something was bugging her, he had an obligation to ferret it out then try to fix it.
“Why don’t you come in and keep me company?” he invited.
“I don’t want to bother you.”
“No bother. Seems like we’re always so busy I hardly ever get a chance to talk to you anymore.”
She studied him for a moment, then moved into the room and took a seat on the couch, curling her long legs under her. “What were you thinking about when I came in that put that cranky look on your face?”
It wasn’t tough for him to remember, since that stolen kiss in the barn with Ellie Webster had taken center stage in his brain for the last six hours. For one crazy moment, he debated telling Cassie about it. But he couldn’t quite picture himself chatting about his love life—or lack thereof—with his little sister.
“Nothing important,” he lied, and forced his features into a smile. Knowing how bullheaded she could be about some things—a lot like a certain redhead he didn’t want to think about—he decided he’d better distract her. “What did Wade Lowry want when he called earlier?”
Cassie picked at the nubby fabric of the couch. “He wanted me to go cross-country skiing with him tomorrow into Yellowstone.”
Could that be what had her so edgy? “Sounds like fun. What time are you leaving?”
He didn’t miss the way her mouth pressed into a tight line or the way she avoided his gaze. “I’m not. I told him we had family plans tomorrow.”
He frowned. “What plans? I don’t know of any plans.”
In the flickering light of the fire, he watched heat crawl up her cheekbones. “I thought I’d help you work with Gypsy Rose tomorrow,” she mumbled. “Didn’t you say you were going to start training her in the morning? You’ll need another pair of hands.”
And he could have used any one of the ranch hands, like he usually did. No, there was more to this than a desire to help him out with the horses.
“What’s wrong with Lowry? He’s not a bad guy. Goes to church, serves on the library board, is good with kids. The other ladies seem to like him well enough. And he seems to make a pretty good living with that guest ranch of his. He charges an arm and leg to the tourists who come to stay there, anyway. You could do a whole lot worse.”
She made a face, like she used to do when Jess yanked on her hair. “Nothing’s wrong with him. I just didn’t feel like going with him tomorrow. Since when was it a crime to want to help your family?”
“It’s not. But it’s also not a crime to get out and do something fun for a change.”
“I do plenty of fun things.”
“Like what?”
“Cooking dinner today. That was fun. And going out on roundup with you. I love that. And taking care of Lucy. What greater joy could I find? My whole life is fun.”
Every one of the things she mentioned had been for someone else. His hands curved around his glass as tension and guilt curled through him, just like they always did when it came to his baby sister and the sacrifices he had let her make. She needed more than cooking and cleaning for him and for Lucy.
“You can’t give everything to us, Cass,” he said quietly. “Save some part for yourself.”
She sniffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She did, and they both knew it. They’d had this very conversation many times before. Just like always, he was left frustrated, knowing nothing he said would make her budge.
He opted for silence instead, and they sat quietly, listening to the fire and the night and the echo of words unsaid.
She was the first to break the silence. “Do you ever wonder if they’re still together?” she said after several moments.
He peered at her over the rim of his glass. “If who are together?”
She made a frustrated sound. “Who do you think? Melanie and Slater.”
His wife and her fiancé, who had run off together the week before Cassie’s wedding. A whole host of emotions knifed through him. Betrayal. Guilt. Most of all sharp heartache for the sweet, deliriously happy girl his little sister had been before Melanie and that bastard Slater had shattered her life.
They rarely talked about that summer. About how they had both been shell-shocked for months, just going about the constant, grinding struggle to take care of the ranch and a tiny, helpless Lucy.
About how that love-struck young woman on the edge of a whole world full of possibilities had withdrawn from life, burying herself on the ranch to take care of her family.
“I don’t waste energy thinking about it,” he lied. “You shouldn’t, either.”
He didn’t mean to make it sound like an order, but it must have. Cassie flashed him an angry glare. “You can’t control everything, big brother, as much as you might like to. I’ll think about them if I want to think about them, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
“Aw, Cass. Why torture yourself? It’ll be ten years this summer.”
She stared stonily ahead. “Get over it. Is that what you mean?”
Was it? Had he gotten over Melanie? Whatever love he might have once thought he felt for her had shriveled into something bitter and ugly long before she left him. But he wasn’t sure he could honestly say her desertion hadn’t affected him, hadn’t destroyed something vital and profound inside of him.
Maybe that was why he was so appalled to find himself kissing a city girl like Ellie Webster and for craving the taste of her mouth again so powerfully he couldn’t think around it.
He looked at his sister, at her pretty blue eyes and the brown hair she kept ruthlessly short now and the hands that were always busy cooking and cleaning in her brother’s house. He wanted so much more for her.
“You’ve got to let go, Cassie. You can’t spend the rest of your life poking and prodding at the part of you that son of a bitch hurt. If you keep messing at it, it will never be able to heal. Not completely.”
“I don’t poke and prod,” she snapped. “I hardly even think about Slater anymore. But I’m not like you, Matt. I’m sorry, but I can’t just shove away my feelings and act like they never existed.”
He drew in a breath at the sharp jab, and Cassie immediately lifted a hand to her mouth, her eyes horrified. “Oh, Matt. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I should never have brought them up. Let’s just drop it, okay?”
“Which brings us back to Wade Lowry. You need to go out more, Cass, meet more people. Give some other lucky guy a chance to steal you away from us.”
She snorted. “Oh, you’re a fine one to talk. When was the last time you went out on a date?”
She had him there. What would his sister say if she knew he’d stolen a kiss from the vet earlier in the barn? And that his body still churned and ached with need for her hours later? He took a sip of his drink, willing Ellie out of his mind once more.
Cassie suddenly sent him a sly look. “You know who would be really great for you? Ellie Webster.”