The Power of Time - читать онлайн бесплатно, автор Павел Миллер, ЛитПортал
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– Roman, you are absolutely correct. I wanted to tell you that myself.

– What is human being then? What is the purpose of our life? This is something I can’t understand.

– This is what I think… There is a world, where there are favorable conditions for everyone. All people who live there are good and positive, but it is impossible to determine what they really like. So the God created a material world, so he created you, me and everyone else. Every creature of the other world is going here to live a short period of time – this is what we call life. However, this life, just like everything in the world, does not disappear- it takes another form. That means that life is endless, it is just that we are here on Earth for a limited amount of time. Then, after we pass the musters and finish our term here, we would be answering for it!

– So what should I do?

– I don’t know Roman; each person should find his own answer. Many people can’t find it and walk down the wrong path. However, later, after hundreds of years they will be born again.: in a different county, in a different body, with a different assignment… And they will start searching for the answer again… Many people can’t find it again, and suffer from it. Do you understand?

– Do you think I feel better? I have been looking for answer forever. I am looking for my assignment, Max! I can’t decide what it is! I feel uncertainty and intimidation, which stand on my way and don’t let me move forward.

– Roman, I understand you very well, I experienced your confusion. I can only imagine that you need to be concentrated all the time and make decisions what to do. That is very important. Do you understand me? You need to do what you have to do, not what you want to.

– How is that?

– It does not matter, weather it will be good or bad for you, weather you need it or not. This is the last thing to think about. It is essential to realize the importance and the rightness of your action. You need to accomplish what you have to without waiting for assistance from others. You need to do it today, not tomorrow, or at any other time. If you waste your time, then there will be no need for your actions.

– It is almost impossible: to analyze everything, make a decision what to do and how to do it, plus to do it the right way.

– Yes, but tell me what our life is for then?! To eat and go to the bathroom?

– There is no need for overacting, Max.

– I am not overacting! Everyone lives like that!

– I should be going. So how can I change everything? How can I accomplish it? It is hard for me to see and understand it all right away.

– At first you need to concentrate on yourself and become a better person! You have told me yourself that we need to strive for perfection! When you reach the perfection, you will be able to see and understand things. If you look for the answers now, you will waste time. Work on yourself, Roman! And you will win!

– Do you mean to grow spiritually and take control over the flesh?

– Right. Take a control over all human sins and desires. Get rid of all the dirt!

– Thank you, Max, I understand now. Do you mind if I go home? Will you take an offence?

– Please go, that is so silly…

– Sorry. Bye.

XIX

Svetlana left school exhausted and drained out. She was not ready for changes yet. At first it seemed that all her love and warmth towards work and students broke to shivers because of misunderstanding and fear. Svetlana even got scared, thinking that may be it was better to give up. However, she decided not to pull back and try to get herself together. Before she reached the bus stop, she spotted Andrew.

– Andrew, have you seen Max yet?

– I saw him a minute ago.

– How is he doing? Is he all right?

– He is doing well. He asked me about you, so I forwarded your task to him.

– Good job!

– Svetlana Victorovna, Maxim wanted to let you know that he had finished reading Gorky’s novel “Mother” and needs to clarify the theme of the paper…

Svetlana couldn’t hear again because she felt Max’s love again. He asked about her! She gave him a task to read a book recently, and he already finished such a complex and voluminous book. Very hard to believe! Andrew was still talking when Svetlana, getting away from her thoughts, interrupted him:

– Thank you so much, Andrew, I will give him a call myself. Good bye.

She turned away and left. He could not believe his eyes. She loves him so much! It is strange that she said exactly the same thing as Max did. Could Max be in love with her that much to be able to predict her words? It is amazing, he has never heard of anything like that! It was getting dark, and Andrew went home, still feel surprised. Sinking into reverie, Svetlana crossed the road, passed the bus stop and decided to walk home. Her thoughts were mixed together: "I need to make dinner and call Max. Also, I need to get ready for a class tomorrow and be a good mother and a wife!" At first these thoughts irritated Svetlana, because they kept her away from something very important. However, she started noticing, that she was able to think of a couple of things at the same time and take right decisions. This new opportunity was scary and confusing. It did not make sense to Svetlana why she was so indifferent towards the subject. She was not nervous or concerned, and her emotions were stable. Svetlana was very proud of herself and thought: «Of course, it is Max’s love that helps me! That means, that everything I believed in is actually real»! Entering the apartment, still in her thoughts, she said out loud:

– Finally!

– What do you mean?! – asked the husband.

Svetlana did not know what to say at first, but then she found the right words:

– I am finally home!

– Is everything ok, Svetlana?

– Yes, everything is great, Vadim!

Under the influence of feelings, she hugged him and kissed on the lips. Vadim lost his bearings, responding to his wife desire. He felt like he was covered by the grand wave, which is absolutely impossible to resist. Not being able to control himself, he became dissolved in the loving alliance with Svetlana. Every time when they were together, they realized that they were having totally new feelings for each other. It felt inexperienced; everything from kisses to sensations, as though they were in the different dimension. They were very close to each other, but at the same time somewhere very far away. Enormous distances and time frames did not let them to dissolve in each other completely and perceive the strength of the feelings which invaded them. Being under the power of unforgettable senses, they thought that it would last forever: endless pleasure and unending happiness. However, those moments did not bring a lot of good emotions because of their endurance.

– I love you, – intoned Vadim in the unusual way.

– Me too, – whispered back Svetlana, thinking: "Am I being truthful at these moments? Or not saying what I need to say?" She decided not to finish the phrase because she felt not ready.

– What do you want for dinner, Vadim?

– Oh, I already made stew-fry. I came from work early…

– You are so precious!

– Do you feel like going out tonight?

– I would like to take a walk outside. Don’t feel like going anywhere.

– I agree totally. Let’s have dinner before we leave, ok?

They lay next to each other and did not want to eat or go anywhere…

When Svetlana opened her eyes, she realized that she had slept for the past two hours. Vadim was still sleeping. She stood up quietly not to wake him up and went to the living room. Some force was pushing her to the phone to call Maxim. "Why do I worry so much? I do have a reason to call him…" – thought Svetlana and dialed the number.

– Hello, can I talk to Maxim?

– Yes, this is me, Svetlana Victorovna!

She did not expect that. Not noticing that he did not greet her, Svetlana could not understand how he managed to recognize her on the phone; it was only the second time she called him. Max was waiting patiently for her answer. Suddenly Svetlana wanted to give him at least a little hint about her feelings! Something stopped her from it, and she forced herself say with the teacher’s voice:

– How are you? Feeling better?

– I am not wearing gypsum any more, and started walking with crutches.

– Does the leg give you pain?

– Not really.

Svetlana hesitated to give him homework. She did not want to explain real reasons of her denial to give him classes at home, and did not want to be dishonest.

– Maxim, are you upset with me for not giving you classes at home?

– Oh, no! You gave me a task to do independently.

– I would be interesting in reading your paper about the Gorky’s novel “Mother”.

– I have read the novel; I just don’t know what topic to choose for the paper.

– Write an overview paper, concentrating on the relations between the mother and the son.

– Do you mean psychological analysis of the relationship of the close people, right?

Svetlana was shocked; she did not expect such an exact and scientific answer.

– Yes, it is a right perception of the topic. It is necessary to fully cover the psychological aspects of their relations and present it to other students transparently. All aspects should be covered properly.

– How long should this paper be?

– Ten pages should be enough.

– For this volume, it will have lots of quotes and not much of my thoughts.

– Maxim, write like you think is necessary. Make sure you cover the topic we discussed, allright?

– I will try, Svetlana Victorovna!

– Do you know, at least approximately, when you come back to school?

– I will stay home all February long, and will be back for sure after the eighth of March.

– Sounds good! Do you miss school?

– To be honest, I don’t miss school, I miss you.

Svetlana did not know how to reply to this, so she kept quite for a moment and said:

– This is ok; we will see each other soon. Get well sooner, and promise me not to come to school till you are fully recovered. Promise me?

– Yes, Svetlana Victorovna, you have my word.

Svetlana was sitting on the couch near the phone, overwhelmed by emotions. She did not believe she found courage to make a call. She understood very well how important that call was for Maxim. If she did not call him, he would call her himself.

– Svetlana, what happen? – asked Vadim.

– Nothing, let’s try your stir-fry. I bet it tastes great.

– We sure did take a long nap! It is half past nine!

– Does it mean we won’t get out today?

– Why not! We will!

– Give me a moment to re-heat food.

Svetlana, making noise with pans, set the table and boiled the water for tea.

– Svetlana, do you want ketchup or mayonnaise?

– I want mayonnaise and garlic, if possible.

– How can it not be possible?

– Who knows…

– What do you want to say? – Vadim did not understand, and since he received no reply, he decided not to torture her with questions any more. They ate peacefully, looking at each other and smiling from time to time. Then Svetlana cleaned the table and washed the dishes. Vadim was waiting for her outside, while she was getting ready without rush, as if she was getting ready for something important.

XX

Sleepy Maxim left his room around three pm leaning on the crutch. In the leaving room he saw a celebration table, set up with wine, champagne and even brandy. “That is strange, – thought Max, – what holiday is it which I am not aware of?!" He felt tasty smell of the fried chicken and various salads. Listening attentively, he heard his mom getting something out of the oven.

After some time, he smelled an aroma of his favorite cake. His stomach started to make noise, so he decided not to wait any longer and proceeded to the kitchen. The mother spotted him in the corridor and approached him with the smile.

– Mom, what is the occasion?

– Hello! Your majesty is turning sixteen today!

– Oh! I totally forgot…

– Happy Birthday, dear! I want to wish you happiness and a good health, as for the money I am sure you will earn them yourself! Go to the living room, you will find your present between the TV set and the couch – it is from the whole family! I’ll get you something to eat in the meanwhile.

«What kind of present can it be? – thought the birthday boy, limping to the living room. – And why is it between the TV and the couch»? He didn’t want to circumvent the table, so he got on the couch, turned head towards the TV and saw his present. It was a huge tape-recorder with removable speakers and radio.

– Thank you for the present mom, I love it! Its it expensive?

– Go get something to eat, you haven’t eaten for the whole day. That’s bad!

– Mom, when are the guests coming over?

– After six or seven, whenever people will be able to get here from work.

– What cake did you cook?

– With honey, as you like…

– I probably need to dress nicely. What should I wear?

– Put on trousers, a shirt or a T-shirt. Whatever you feel like.

– I will figure it out, don’t worry!

Max left for his room, turned on the music quietly and heard a door bell. «Probably, my guest», – he thought. The mother’s voice could be heard: «Come in». It definitely was his guest. Maxim went out of his room and saw Lyana. He didn’t know weather to be surprised or happy.

– Happy Birthday! – She said, then kissed him on the check and presented with a new shirt and a postcard, adding: – Enjoy it!

– Thank you so much, Lyana, I was wondering what to wear today. I have the solution – I’ll wear your shirt.

– Try in on first; I hope it fits you well.

– It is exactly my size.

– I am so glad. I was worried!

– That is a great present, thank you!

It was Maxim’s turn to give her a kiss on the cheek.

– Lyana, you are a great friend!

– I know, – she sighted. – You think it makes me feel better?

– I don’t feel great either, but what can I do?

– If you don’t know the answer, how can I know it?

– Lyana, remembers I asked you once if you wanted to be my girl-friend. Do you recall what you answered?

– I said: «Why do you need me? I am unattractive, and terrible at housekeeping. Even if I get married, my husband would have to cook and clean himself. May be we would take turns».

– Do you remember what I answered?

– Sure! You said that it is up for the guy to determine how attractive a girl is, and house holding things are not that important.

– You didn’t agree with me then, Lyana.

– It was back then, not now.

– You said it yourself that you want to be friends only, right?

– Yes, Max, I remember.

– This idea works very well for me, – Maim smiled enigmatically. – What happen to you, Lyana?

– I don’t know Max. What could happen to me?

– Could you fall in love?

– Don’t humiliate me! Shame on you!

– I am not humiliating you, I am just stating a fact. I don’t want to loose you as a friend.

– Especially your best ones.

– Do you love me, Lyana? My personal opinion is that you don’t. It just seems to you.

– Hey, Lyana! – Andrew, who entered the room, greeted her. – Happy Birthday, Max! I wish you to have an attractive girl-friend, just like this one! I bet that Lyana is the prettiest one.

– Thanks, Andrew. I think Lyana is very attractive, but she does not think so I have told her million times, that all girls are pretty, it is guys who have different tastes. One girl can’t be beautiful for everyone, however, it happens sometimes.

– Is it easier to walk?

– Not really: my leg is getting tired very fast, I need to take a rest after walking.

– Do you expect many guests?

– I do. I think we need to sit here, and let parents celebrate in the living room. What do you say?

– That is a good idea, – said Lyana.

– Lyana, can you please tell your mom that we want to sit separately?

– Max, I think you need to get rest. I will set our table with Lyana.

Maxim lay down to get rest, feeling sorry that the most important and desired guest, Svetlana Victorovna, will not attend his celebration. «She does not even know when my birthday is, – sighted a birthday boy. – Even if she knew, she still would not come over. What for»? He tried not to think about it anymore. He didn’t move, and just lay still to get rest before the occasion he didn’t really need…

Through the sleep he felt someone kissing his cheek.

– Maxim, Happy Birthday dear!

Ludmila, who came in, put a box near him and a T-shirt on top of it.

– Thank you. Could you please put it on the table?

– Keep it on the bed, the table is all covered with other presents. All right, I will go to see your parents. Have a great day!

Max’s room was full of guests, and the ones who were invited by his sister he didn’t even know. He looked at them for a while, and then left to the living room.

– Here is the birthday boy! – Guests screamed out loud. He was in the corridor, when he heard: – Maxim! This toast is for you!

To make it to his room he needed to pass the living room again. He heard people trying to talk to him, but it was not clear what they were saying because the music was playing loudly. Entering his room, Max was immediately hugged by his sister.

– Happy Birthday, brother! – She celebrated him and added quietly: – I love you very much.

– I love you very much too, thanks!

– Let’s go to the table, everyone is waiting for you!

Max sat at the table and everyone raised glasses with champagne immediately. Maxim preferred tomato juice. – We want to congratulate you with your holiday! We wish you the best experiences, and most importantly, good health…

– Thank you very much for your congratulations! – Birthday boy stood up to give another toast. – I really enjoyed your attention! I am glad that you found time to come over. I’ll finish the meal and will go to see the presents. I am sure I will like them all.

Max ate slowly, watching people around him. He really liked the shirt presented by Lyana. It will be his favorite one now. Maxim took a decision not to think anymore, but to rest spiritually with his friends. They really tired to make this holiday memorable. His friends were talking and looking around. Room doors kept being opened: his mom entered the room to ask if they needed more food, his friend’s parents were taking photos and asked Maxim unnecessary questions. Despite the noise and lack of the opportunity to rest, Maxim felt very good. After the meal he took a place on the couch, stretching his leg and relaxing it.

Later his friends moved the table to the wall and started to dance. Maxim always loved dancing, but he could not join the entertainment at that time. He went to the table and saw various presents: watches, shirts, T-shirts, perfumes, key rings, money… He also found shaving gel, shaving foam, gum and many postcards. More then anything else Maxim liked the statuette of the God of prosperity, which was located away from the rest of the presents.

– Maxim, how do you feel about playing cards? – Asked Kate.

– Sure, why not?

– Who wants to play cards?

Everyone got together in one circle and took a decision, that whoever lost the game should leave it; then they ate a cake.

Slowly the guests started to leave. Andrew promised to walk home Lyana and Natalie, who lived close to him. Saying good-bye to his guests, Max and his sister helped to clean the room. When everything was done, he went to bed to enjoy a good night sleep.

XXI

– Svetlana, you know it very well that neither I nor school wants to loose such a valuable specialist like you! Can you realize it or not?!

– Robert Urievich, I have informed you long time ago that I am planning to leave school forever. When we had this conversation last time, you refused to sign my application. You advised me to work for as much time as I would be able to handle it.

– My dear, I understand it very well. Everything has its limits: will power, patience – absolutely everything, – said school principle calmer. – You are mature, intellectual, smart and beautiful woman! They should tolerate your asperity. It’s for their own good.

– Robert Urievich, it is very difficult for me to leave my work, but it is very difficult to stay too. It seems that I don’t have that much time left to finish educational year, but something in my soul is against that. Every single day I go to work with a great mood and with the desire to work. I have these feelings inside me… However, when I start work all my enthusiasm dies. Even staying in this atmosphere, which is so familiar, is depressing.

Robert Urievich was looking at Svetlana Victorovna absolutely peacefully, but inside he was furious. He knew that every teacher, just like any other professional, had a moment like that. The person becomes so overwhelmed that he asks: “Do I need this job?” He regrets and feels sore about loosing a job, but he does not have strengths to come back. The principle of the school did not want Svetlana to have that experience. He saw a lot of opportunities for development in her, professionalism, a great desire to work. That job was a purpose of living for her. She will not be able to survive without teaching, especially if she leaves her work out of the sudden and would have only memories left. To avoid this situation, she needs time to prepare herself for finishing a career and find another activity that would keep her happy in life. He did not want her to loose composure. When Svetlana finished her explanations, Robert Urievich took a pause in order to give her time to prepare for listening. Then he stated his speech, understanding, that the outcome of the talk depends on it:

– Svetlana, after listening to you I realized that it is not a good time for you to leave school now. You are not ready for this decision yet. As I understand it, you need to find peace within yourself first. Look forward! In three months’ summer will be here. Is it such a long time? During the summer vacation you will get rest, think about the situation one more time, and prepare yourself for the next school year. I admit it won’t be easy to do. But you need to be there for your class graduation, you have been teaching this class for years! Am I right? This year will pass by very fast, you know if better then I do. You can use this time to prepare yourself to leave school. Do you understand how important it is? From that time on, you will be visiting school like the mother of your son only. During this last year you will find yourself another activity, so after you leave you won’t suffer from life changes. Svetlana, my dear, please think one more time. When this time is over, you will thank me, but this is not what I need. I need to know, that your life would be complete and peaceful. You don’t need any stress!

He stopped his speech and his feelings finally broke through: his wonderful aristocratic face with light tan turned red. His charming gray-blue eyes (opened wide, so they appeared big and gave unusual charm to his appearance) seemed empty and his sight revealed coldness and didn’t let any objections. Worrying feeling made the heart of Robert beat faster, and he was constantly touching his thick fair hair. Svetlana was also quite, trying to stall for time and looked at the principle with attention. He became hot. In order to avoid sweating, Robert Urievich eased his tie and took the jacket off, hanging it on the chair. Svetlana noticed that and understood that he was very concerned for her. He was not supposed to worry; his heart could break down. In spite of that, she replied:

– You know how much I appreciate your sincere care! I always felt your support when I entered school. You can see, how much I need it right now, may be more then air to breath. It the depth of my heart it is very enjoyable for me to hear your warm words, which make my problems and worries disappear. I get a relief from something unbearably heavy in my soul, from some insurmountable barrier. I would never be able to overcome it without your support. When I am talking to you right now and feeling your patronage and care, I understand that I act under the influence of emotions! I was about to make a horrible mistake that could turn my whole life around…

Svetlana became quite, suppressing sudden feelings and tears. She tried to calm down while Robert Urievich was looking at her. He was better from the thought that there were people who could understand the essence and problem of the situation right away. A smart person never blames the circumstances or other people! He sees the problem in oneself! That makes feel glad! The problem can only be solved, when it’s reasons are understood. Robert Urievich inhaled air, lay back at the chair, relaxed and waited patiently for the answer.

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