The Power of Time
Every day and every hour made it more clearly for Max that he needed to have a child from the woman he loved. It is necessary to concentrate all strength of their love in one moment, all strength of Svetlana’s previous pain for creating a strong psychological pressure on her. Everything that bothered her for ten years and lead to the car acceded, everything that became an obstacle for achievement of her dream. Maxim was tortured by the thought that Svetlana became reconciled with inevitability and was making the goal even more difficult to achieve. He was looking for a connection between him and Svetlana, and the only thing that he could find was love. Max understood that his feelings consolidated in him long time ago, and it is getting stronger and more spiritual. That means that with assistance of that power it is possible to reach even the most impossible! He has been wondering many times about the reasons why Svetlana loves him. When he started to study psychology he realized, that she saw purity and chastity in him, just like he saw it at the New Year night. That means that she already loves him greatly. The main questing is how to control the situation and create conditions much stronger then a car accident?
Maxim moved abruptly and got burned with hot tea again, but did not even feel the pain. His heart contracted. He stopped breathing and held to the wall to get himself together. He thought that his heart would jump out of the chest after he had realized what he needed to do. All of the sudden his tired brain produced the answer to the most difficult question! These thoughts were a result of the long and laborious mental work. They were supposed to calm him down; however, they almost made him loose consciousness. After catching up breath, Max covered his face with hands and could not believe in what he would have to do. He should be able to realize it right away! He needs to become a better person. Svetlana needs to see his best qualities to believe in their feelings and become completely dissolved in it! This should be her life credo. She won’t be able to live without it. Svetlana needs to reach apogee of her feelings with his help, while Maxim needs to destroy the strength of all efforts, feelings and everything else in one moment. Specifically, in one moment! On top of that, this moment must affect Svetlana psychologically more, then the car accident did. In this case, she will be able to have a child from her husband, and her love won’t be gone like her dream to have a baby and happiness once did. It is necessary to guide love in the necessary direction, so that Svetlana would love her husband, her son and a future baby! It’s not important, weather it will be a boy or a girl. It is necessary for everything to go according to the plan. After this important moment, which holds the essence of the plan, Max must disappear from her life, but where and how he does not know yet. Love will fade with time. If he does not disappear right away, then all his efforts would turn into the waste of time: there won’t be a baby and happiness! Maxim was analyzing his new role. He was not surprised that thoughts were flying in his head very fast. This is why he understood that he had very little time for his plan. To disappear does not mean to leave. It means to set yourself free from love to Svetlana; not now, and not later, but at the time of the important moment.
How to let his love go? A tear ran down Max’s cheek, but he wiped it off and said seriously: “You are responsible for a very valuable task. I must do what I have to, and not what I want to! Think, think one more time and don’t nag!” He realized that he would have to make sacrifices. He needs to let his love go; no matter how hard it is to do; it must be done. Getting all the remaining energies, Maxim made the last decision: “I will give you everything that I have, Svetlana. Let the God help you to accept my love and do the right things with it. Don’t carry this burden, give it to your husband-you love him too. He will love you even more after that. Then you will have the complete and real harmony of love in all of its forms and will forget me in one moment. That will be a reward for my efforts and the motivation for new accomplishments…”
Max started to have thoughts that it is necessary to complicate his task Why? He always had the same answer to this question: “Then it will be easier to understand the responsibility and unreality of the assignment”. Many people thought that his answer was a joke; the others simply did not understand him. However, it did not affect Max, his decisions, and obviously not his actions. He could always achieve the necessary result, adding something else to the main goal. When he realized his goal completely, he felt sad. Max did not want to disappear and turn into the myth… He decided to spend one year for his mission. Then he would transfer to a different, unfamiliar school to let Svetlana and every one know his intentions. He wanted everyone to understand his courage and what it his decision costed him. He wanted the whole world to realize something new: a border between realistic and impossible, unmanageable and tangible. That a fifteen-year-old boy could create unachievable: ideal family, a baby and unlimited happiness. The cost is giving his life as a sacrifice and rejecting love and everything what is connected with it. He will grant love and family happiness, exterminate all problems and severities. He will open people’s eyes to see the real world, so that they could enjoy happy moments without thinking negatively. Max made a decision that he will do everything possible in order for the plan to work ideally. He will do something that people dream to accomplish, but make mistakes and choose wrong paths. They befoul themselves and can’t reach virginal purity, get confused by their own words, thoughts and actions. People forget verity, hide from it, don’t trust each other, suspect, envy, get jealous – do things that don’t worth the time. When the grandiose bestowal of love and family happiness stay and knock on the door, they hide away in horror. More then likely, people are afraid to experience this unexceptionable feeling because it will make them feel so feeble and worthless, that this feeling will destroy their world.
It was extremely difficult for Maxim to realize that for the happiness of other people he needs to make sacrifices. Even the thought to decline the plan passed his mind. However, Max was not used to be weak. Moreover, how can the happiness of his beloved woman and her family compare to the pathetic pity for himself? There is nothing to think about! On top of that he understood that he will only feel fortunate when Svetlana finds her family happiness with his help. Her baby will be born from his psychological efforts and not from the physical love. Of course, Maxim did not deny this love and thought that other people can misunderstand and besmirch his mission with malign thoughts. However, later, when the result will be obvious people will understand that they were wrong. They will writhe with shame and would not know what to do before Maxim forgives them. Then everyone will say: “Forgive me God!” and everyone will repent. Everyone.
“So, – Maxim said to himself, – mission is possible! Good luck! God, bless my way of truth and light! Act through me, since I am your bondman on earth. I’ll come to you through your Son, pure and chaste. I’ll be faithful to your words. So let it happen!”
XV
– Hello, mom!
Nikita ran to Svetlana and gave her a hug. She even dropped her bags when she saw him.
– Hey there, sweetie! You can’t imagine how happy I am to see you home!
– I decided to surprise you and showed up all of the sudden! I missed you, mom.
Svetlana was kissing and hugging her son, holding him tight. They were crying.
– Svetlana, what are you doing at the door? Come in, get changed…
Her husband got quite when he saw bags full of groceries. He was concerned for her because she was not supposed to carry anything heavy…
– Nikita, let mom change, she is hot already. You can help me to take care of the groceries in the mean while.
– Of course.
Taking bags, Vadim and Nikita went to the kitchen, while Svetlana, taking off clothing in the corridor, experienced a strange feeling of strength. Her husband did not say a word when he saw the bags, – it was already good. That means he is also working on himself and not just feels sorry for her. She liked that, but decided not to think of it too much. It is the way it should be – period.
– Svetlana! Where are you?!
– I am on my way! Are you done?
– I think it is a perfect time for dinner? What is your opinion?
– I am all for it! Do you have a surprise for me?
Entering the kitchen, Svetlana saw a decorated set-out table. Son presented her with a bouquet of flowers while her husband hugged her tenderly like never before, saying,
– Of course, dear, it is all for you.
– Congratulations, mom! We love you!
– I love you too, my dear! Thank you so much! Happy New Year one more time! Merry Christmas! – Svetlana stood up, raising a glass with champagne, and continued:
– I want to wish you, my dear, and all the best. I want us to be together all the time, give love to each other. I want our family to become friendlier and stronger time. I want it to grow…
From the side it looked as if she did not finish her speech. She drank her champagne down and put the glass on the table. Shutting her eyes, she had a bite of lemon, standing up still for a moment, trying to fight the effect of alcohol, and then sat down on the chair.
– Mom! I have another present for you! It is under the New Year tree. Do you want me to bring it?
– Please don’t. I would rather get it myself as on the New Year. You won’t be offended, dear?
– No. It is your gift! I will only be glad if you get it in the evening. Then it would be as if we celebrate New Year together! Am I right, dad?
– Do you mean that your present would be next to moms?!
– It is still there! I haven’t looked at it yet. And put moms next to it!
– Really, son? – Svetlana was surprised. Usually children pay attention at presents first, and then notice everything else…
– Dad, I forgot to tell you, I have a present for you as well. So there are three presents under the tree! Happy New Year! I love you very much! It is great, that we are together.
– Svetlana, we got a wonderful son!
– Yes, Vadim, I know. When he grows up, he will be smart and strong. All the girls will like him, right Nikita?
– They like me already; – son became shy.
– Do you like them?
– I don’t know yet. I haven’t thought about it. I love you, mom. And you, dad. And grandma. This is it, probably.
Svetlana was looking at her boy, so healthy, attractive, smart and mature. The expression of his dark blue eyes was very serious, as thought he was a grown up person already and not a little boy. The only thing that he lacked was confidence, support from the outside, may be attention. She was admired by his attractive face and dark hair. She liked that Nikita does not have childish haircut, just like he does not have childish actions. “He is a lot like Vadim, – Svetlana thought. – From me he has unlimited energy, desire to move forward and some femininity. That unites us!” She looked at her husband, son and herself and saw how in one person two other can live. Nikita inherited all their qualities, so Svetlana was concerned if he also inherited their fears and doubts.
– Mom, I always wanted to ask you, what is your biggest fear?? “Here is your answer!” – Svetlana thought and answered:
– To loose you, baby!
Vadim looked at his wife attentively and realized at that moment how much he loved her. It was hard to understand what was happening inside of her: weather she was suffering or gave up on her dream. «No! – he said himself. – My wife is a strong person; she will be fine. I’ll try to help her! I should not be thinking about all that so much»!
– How to understand your answer?
Nikita was ready to hear something new and was looking at his mom with attention.
– It means to know and to feel, that the person is near you, but he does not love you any more. Do you understand me?
– Not really. I don’t think I ever experienced that.
– It is better not to have this experience at all, son. To understand this, you need a lot of will and strength. No matter what will happen to you, you’ll know that this can happen.
– So how is that applicable in life?! Explain more specifically, please.
– What do you need all this for, son!? – said the father, turning off the TV volume.
– I don’t want this to happen to me. Mom says that it is bad.
– It is not just bad; it is something unavoidable – it happens to everyone. There are moments in life when you realize that what you crave the most is impossible to get. It is so important to you, that it seems that life has no meaning without it. However, it is necessary to accept the situation. At first it will be very hard, but a human being can get used to everything.
– It is clearer now! What is your opinion, mom?
– I think exactly the same, son. We all agree because this is exactly how life is.
They had this conversation with easily, as thought they were all adults. It was clear to parents, that his son notice and understands everything even more, then it is necessary for his age. Weather it is good or not is unknown. No matter what they think, it does not change the situation. Svetlana and Vadim made their son as happy as they could, this is why they felt carefree and easy, trying not to think, that he will grow up soon and leave their lives. Vadim, giving explanations to his son, was clarifying things more to himself then to the son. He was preparing himself to unavoidable and when he meant “people”, he meant himself and Svetlana. Looking at his wife, he could see that she understood his words. Nikita will understand everything with time.
– Let’s play some games, – Svetlana suggested.
– What do you want to play, mom?
– We are going to play your favorite game, Nikita.
– My favorite game is soccer, daddy knows that. We used to play all weekends long, do you remember?
– Why do you like soccer so much? Is it such an interesting game?
– Of course it is interesting, mom! You play it in a team, just like you play basketball or volleyball.
– What do you feel, when you play in the team?
– Friendship, understanding of the fact that you are not alone. It gives you confidence and strength. Sometimes you have difficult situations and then your friends help you out. It is easy to determine, who is weaker then you, and you need to help this person…
– Is it hard or easy to play soccer? What do you think?
Svetlana liked to have serious discussions with her son. It seemed to her, that she can predict when her son would be right and when not. She tried to explain him, that it reality things are more complex then they seem to him.
– It is easy to play with your friends and when you can feel support; – Nikita answered so assuredly, that it made Svetlana worry.
– Have you ever tried to play in the team with unfamiliar people, without your friends, or against them as a member of other team?
– No, we don’t play this way. Why would I play with unknown people against my friends? – Nikita was surprised by his mom’s question.
– What if the boys you don’t know will like the way you play and will invite you for a game, what will you do? Refuse to play a favorite game?
– Hmmm mom… I haven’t thought about it yet! Boys in other neighbourhoods can’t get themselves to play, they won’t even think of inviting some one else…
– So what are we going to play? May be daddy has some suggestions?
– Let’s have a cake with tea, – suggested Vadim.
– Which cake? – surprised Svetlana.
– Oh, Nikita brought a present from grandma – your favorite cake.
– You are my sweetheart, – Svetlana kissed her son. – Of course, let’s go, you should have told me earlier!
– We wanted to surprise you, mom! You are supposed to make a wish on the New Year’s Day. You know it!
– Of course I know it, dear.
– Grandma told me what to do for your wish to come true yesterday. You need to make a guess what your present will be, and if your guess and your real present match, then your wish will come true as well…
– How am I supposed to know what you have guessed?
– Come on, mom, miracles do happen on New Year, right?!
– They say so. I don’t know.
– Tea is ready! Svetlana! Nikita! – Vadim was calling from the kitchen.
When the cake was served, everyone thought of their own deeds. The clock was showing midnight. Quite music was playing, three candles were burning, and their glares reflected on the tree, standing in the dark corner. Decorations on it were moving, and blinked with colorful lights. It all looked mysterious, even magical… There was a need, like in the childhood, to make a wish. “Does it mean that I should repeat my wish for the third time in life? It is unrealistic, – thought Svetlana. She took a look at the New Year tree. Interesting, what is Nikita’s present? The box with her present was wrapped in the golden paper and was decorated with a pink bow. What can be inside of the box? Her wish can’t match to the content of this box…
– Mom, did you make a wish?
– Yes, son.
– Will you tell me?
– Hey, I am not supposed to reveal it, or it won’t come true!
– Yes, this is what grandma told me too, but I forgot.
– When do you want to take a look at the presents, son?
– At midnight, like on the New Year night!
– Then it is the perfect time, it is thirty minutes past midnight.
– That’s right! Mom you should go first! And then daddy…
– What time are you planning to go to sleep? Mom needs to get some rest soon!
– I will get my present and take a look at it in my room so that you can have some privacy. Can I do it, dad? Right after that I will go to bed.
– Yes, you can. Take a present first then.
– All right, good night then.
Nikita left with his present, leaving him unopened, and fell asleep holding it tight. Svetlana and Vadim were sitting on the couch, keeping presents in hands. From the side it looked as thought they were scared to open them and to find out that the content did not match with the guesses. Vadim wanted New Year to bring the feeling of love and understanding. He is giving everything to his wife. She sees and understands all feelings, thoughts and wishes. However, it was clear to him that it was not enough for Svetlana. That is the reason she is concerned and lets him know that she needs something he does not have. Vadim wanted his love to become purer, more complete. Then his wife could admire its harmony and be absolutely happy all life long. He was tortured by the feeling of dissatisfaction. His main concern was that he would not be able to reach mutual understanding with his beloved woman, and that they would be deprived of family happiness.
– Dear, if you want I can open my present first.
– Only if you promise to tell me weather your present is the same as your wish, ok?
– Sure.
– But please remember that you are not supposed to tell me what your wish is!
– I remember, love – said Vadim, unwrapping the present.
He opened the present and saw the statuette of the average size, representing the deity of Amur love. The smiling statuette had the bow and arrows behind his back. It held something like a pie in hands, which had an inscription: “I’ll give you anything that you wish, since the strength of your credence is high, your hope is boundless. Let the love grow in you, my son!”
– Yes, dear, my present matched with my wish. I did not know that it could be possible… I won’t distract you and will go to bed.
He proceeded to bedroom, leaving his wife along with her present. She decided not to procrastinate this important moment any more. “What am I going to do if it is not going to be what I hope for…?” – She thought one more time. He rejected those thoughts and opened the lid of the box.
It just can’t be true! Svetlana could not believe her eyes when she saw a Barbie doll in the box. «I am dreaming to have a daughter! What if my wish comes true?! – She thought. – How did my son got this idea to present me with the doll? It is very strange! He used to give me serious presents before». She still did not believe in the coincidence. Moreover, it could not be accidental. That means, that something from above helps her. Having these thoughts, Svetlana closed her eyes, trying to relax and to fall asleep.
XVI
Coldness of metallic scissors which were used for cutting the gypsum on the leg did not feel good. Max tried to overcome disgust and was watching the procedure, as if he wanted to see something unusual. After cutting a little piece from the gypsum, doctor told:
– Stand up on the foot.
Max put his foot on the floor and stepped on it for the first time in a long period of time.
– Do you feel pain?
– No, not at all. I feel like I am standing on the gypsum and not on the leg.
– Transfer your weight to the leg.
Maxim did what he was asked.
– Do you feel pain?
– No, everything is good!
– Sit down then, let’s take the gypsum off.
Doctor was mashing Maxim’s leg, which was blue. Feeling was very strange.
– Move your figures, and then move your foot. What do you feel?
– It does not feel like I am moving my leg.
– That is normal since you have not been using your leg for a while. Don’t worry! It will disappear soon. Try to stand on the healthy leg first. Like that, careful.
Maxim was standing on the healthy leg, lacking courage to stand on the broken one.
– It feels light that is so unusual.
– Step on it slowly.
Closing his eyes and feeling coldness, Max put the foot on the floor.
– Stand on both legs, what are you afraid of?
– Well, I am standing, – objected Maxim.
– Come on, don’t be scared – added his dad who was standing behind him. Next moment he felt acute pain, piercing him from head to toes. Not feeling anything, he fell on the floor and dropped the chair. His father tried to catch him, but Max, totally relaxed, bent and fell on the floor in the sitting position. Then the doctor and the father lifted him and waited for him to gain consciousness. It was getting back slowly. Maxim felt a pain which was more spiritual then physical. He understood its necessity and benefit. Suddenly he started to shake and suffocate. Opening eyes, Max saw a doctor, holding a piece of cotton with ammonia near his nose.
– Put it away please! I feel better!
– Where did you feel pain?
– Everywhere from head to toes, as if I was pinned down with a needle.
– You need to stay in bed now. You will have to learn again how to walk. Start with walking at home with the crutch. When you feel tired, go to bed right away, ok?
– Ok, I got it, I should start walking and have rest.
– Good job! Please remember not to give your leg extra work, because the fraction is covered only with a think layer of cartilage. If you break it, you’ll not be able to walk properly. Actually it will be good to be able to flex your leg after that. So take it seriously, you are an adult…
– Please don’t worry, I understood. I will use the crutches to get to the car and will start walking at home carefully and slowly.
– Don’t go outside yet, it is very slippery and dangerous there, so don’t even think about it. Take your time, nothing is going to happen with you. At the spring time, after the snow melts, you will be able to get outside.
– If the weather is good, can I at least go outside to sit on the bench near my house?
– Yes, you can. After a month it will be necessary for you to see me again. We’ll make an X-ray to see how your bone is healing. Don’t forget to do it, – said the doctor to the father more to the son, who already was at the door.
– Yes, I’ll take him to your office.
Maxim was jumping along the hospital hallways and everyone looked at him with surprise.
– Dad, don’t hold me, I can make it.
He became uncomfortable in the car: leg was used to the gypsum, and it was difficult for him to adjust to the change. Max decided that if he didn’t think about it, he would feel better…
– How are you feeling?
It was obvious, that his dad is concerned for him.